Having a Second Child - Kalamazoo,MI

hi L., yes it looks like we ARE going threw the same kind of things. this whole pregnancy has actually got me spending more time with my son. he LOVES it.

I too worried about this with 3 1/2 years between my two children. But, I can honestly say that it just happens! You have so much love in your heart that both children have a special place. Your oldest will always have a special bond, but the new baby will just "fit into the family". Get the oldest one excited about the baby and have her help you as much as possible. Still take time for just her when the baby is sleeping and doing fun things with her so she doesn't feel put out in any way. It will happen...I was so nervous too, but my heart is full of love for both of them now!!
Good luck!
J.

Your love just grows. You have more love to give. Set a schedule when baby #2 is born that when baby is playing independantly or sleeping have special time with you eldest. And at other times have daddy take one and you take the other.

I THINK IT IS VERY COMMON. I FELT THE SAME WAY BEFORE I HAD MY SECOND. MY SON WAS ALMOST 3 BEFORE I HAD OUR BABY, AND HE WAS -SPOILED- BY MY PARENTS (HE WAS THERE ONLY GRANDCHILD) THAT WAS A MAJOR CONCERN. BUT, I JUST STARTED EXPLAINING TO MY SON HE WAS GETTING A BROTHER AND HOW COOL IT WAS GOING TO BE. YOU COULD ALWAYS GET A DOLL AND HAVE YOUR DAUGHTER PRETEND IT WAS HER SIS/BRO, AND KIND OF ROLE PLAY. START GIVING HER TIME TO PLAY BY HERSELF SO SHE GETS USED TO BEING A LITTLE MORE INDEPENDANT. HOPE EVERYTHING WORKS OUT WELL, I KNOW IT WILL!

lisa
i know exactly how you feel!
Listen, its amazing how women have so much love to give! I just had my second child, she is 7 wks old. & my son turns 2 next week. I will be honest- the first 6 weeks were hard. Once we developed a routine (of sorts!) and I got my son involved in everything ( got him a "baby", too.)
we now seem to be able to give him the attention that he needs, and he seems happy. It won't ever be enough...it never was, before the second came!!! Don't get discouraged at the start. Your newborn is going to need you. Have your partner take on the "Princess".
It will be fantastic, its so wonderful to see your children love each other - it really makes me proud.

L.,

I'm very happy for you. My husband is not too keen on having another child, but I want one desperately. So, you've given me hope to persuade my husband in having another one. Thank you.

I know you have heard this probably 1,000 times, but with each new child comes a special love. They all have their unique personalities, and are all loved in a different way. You'll have to get your daughter involved with her sibling make her feel important by being a helper. Hope this helps.

I had my 2nd child when my 1st son was 17 months. I worried about the same things. I learned that as long as you have some special time with them too and let them help you do little things they adjust very well. There was some jelousy issues when i would it down to nurse but then i bought him his own special baby and we would "feed our babies" together. I made sure that he had a bottle and a burp cloth and got him involved in anything age appropriate. The kids are now very close and sometime inseperable. Good luck!!

Hi L.!

I had the same exact worries when i was pregnant with my second. Mine are 5 and 9 months now, both girls. Believe me you will have enough love for both of them!! Start involving your little one now as much as possible by letting her rub or talk to your belly, showing her the ultrasound pictures, etc. She may not completly understand it all, but it may help. When my youngest is sleeping or preoccupied, i'll spend some special time with my oldest. Spending time playing with both of them and having family time is also great. Saying things like, "We're a family and we love eachother because were all special. We are so glad to have a new person to join our family". anything to make her feel involved and that she's still special to you. Let her help with bottle feeding ( if you'll be doing that) or holding the baby. Or when you can, you and dad should alternate taking a couple hours out of the week to go and do something fun with you and your oldest. Hope this helps!!! Good luck with everything!! ;)

First let me say congratulations. I do know how you feel, when I found out I was pregnant with my second I felt the same way. I was so afraid that he was going to get left out and how was I suppose to give both children the love and attention they deserved. Then I found out I was pregnant with twins, that didn't help the situation it just made it worse.

My son is 3 and my twins are now 6 months old, and it just works out. I will be honest I did feel like I was neglecting the twins at first because I wanted to give all of my attention to my son, but as time went on I realized that I could give the love and attention to all of them and feel good about it.

I'm sure everything will work out for you and your family. Just remember that they know that you love them and its ok not to be with one of them every second. Your daughter will adjust to the different things you do together, which includes the new baby. I hope this helps you a little.

N.

My advice to you is just keep involving your 1st child in everything you do. I only have one daughter but I have a 9 month old niece that lives at my house so when the attention is on the 9 month old my two year old helps me. Or should I say try. Involving her in as much as possible will really help. Then she will consider herself as a big helper or big girl. Of course still giving her attention when the new baby is sleeping or something. I think you will do good!! And one last thing, God is in control He will help you through anything!!

Just try to keep your daugher involve in taking care of your baby like ask her to help you getting the diaper, play with baby together, etc. Also explain to her how wonderful it will be to have someone to play with, just talk to her about the baby.

And I thought I was the only one who felt this way! I was excited when we decided to have our second child (due in April). I thought it would be great and that I was ready. Once I confirmed I was pregnant I panicked. I felt like I was taking something away from our oldest son (2 1/2) since so much attention would have to be given to the baby. I started fearing I would begin to resent the baby for taking me away from my angel and I didn't want to feel that way toward the baby. My husband keeps reassuring me that everything will be fine and we will love the baby just as much. I know that I will love him, I'm just afraid of losing my connection with my oldest. I have faith though, as should you, that it will all work out for the best. I was the oldest of 2 and can't imagine not having my brother (and we are 7 1/2 years apart). I think what we are feeling is quite normal and we'll find a way to make it work. I have started telling myself already though, to be sure not to direct any frustrations (hormomes, lack of sleep, etc) toward my oldest. Best of luck to you and congratulations!

I felt the same way when I was pregnant with my daughter. I was so worried that my son would get neglected. I felt so bad, because I wasn't as happy about my baby as I should be. Then she was born. That is when I realized you can love the second just as much as the first. And I set aside time everyday for just me and my son, that way he doesn't feel like he's being ignored. When I'm nursing the baby, I read stories to my son, or watch cartoons with him. And I let him "help" with the baby. Don't feel bad for how you feel, it is perfectly normal. It should all change once the baby is there, and you see that you still love both of them. Good luck!!

Hello, my name is J.. I have a 2 1/2 year old little girl and a 2 1/2 month old little boy. I felt much like you do when I was pregnant with my son. When he was born though my daughter, who is my princess also, was my big helper. I found that even though we couldn't do some of the same things together anymore we can do new things together now. She helps me with diapers, picks out outfits, makes him laugh, and helps feed him bottles. It is hard at first but one thing that I can assure you of is that you will love the new baby just as much as your other daughter and you and your daughter will become closer as a result of the new baby. Maybe you could have her help you decorate the baby's room and pick toys the baby might like, then when the baby comes it will be easier for her. I hope that everything goes well for you, good luck!

L.... Relax honey! Your anxiety is normal! I have a 3 year old lil princess and just had a baby boy. He's now 10 weeks old. I had the same fears as you, as most moms do. Try for the rest of your pregnancy including your daughter in it all. When baby moves, have her feel it. Have her talk to your tummy, tell her how wonderful of a big sissy she will be. Take the time to reassure her that she will still be mommy's special girl when baby comes. Put her on a different level than the baby. Talk to her about what babies do, pooping*spitup*sleeping lots*crying, and let her know how HAPPY you are that SHE is your big girl! When the baby comes she will fall in love within a couple of days, it really is a miracle.
Now of course, she will be jealous, dispite how much she loves the new baby! Just make sure you set aside at least 20 minutes of time every day when you put baby aside, either with you hubby or when baby is sleeping for alone time with your daughter. Let her pick the activity, this is a HUGE positive thing for the first child. I did this and at first my daughter picked very active things to do, but after a week she was choosing to snuggle and read. It all has a funny way of working itself out L.!
One other thing, it may take more patience, but include her with the babies activities if you can. Let her wipe the baby, wash babies hair (even if it's just rubbing soap around). I let my daughter sit on my lap while I'm nursing, she rubs the baby's cheeck and sings to him, It's a sight that melts your heart.
Most of all L., just relax! It will all come naturally to you. You'll see that you have the same amount of love for the TWO of them while loving them each in their own special way! Best of luck to you. I hope this helped!

I just wanted to let you know that you are not the only one out there with these feelings. I am also 4 1/2 months pregnant and although we had planned this pregnancy I am also feeling anxiety about the birth of the baby. Other then my mom and my best friend I too have not expressed this to anyone. I also just tell them how excited I am. My son who is 3 1/2 years old is my world and we are extremely close. I worry about the bond we have and how it will be affected once the baby is born. I love our family dynamic and worry how this will change it. My best friend reassured me that she felt this way also and that it gets better maybe not right away, but she says it does. As for my husband he has been excited since the getgo as there was a time I wasn't even sure about having another I was just so happy with the first so I know he wouldn't get it. He would probably think its hormones. Sorry to chat so much it was just nice to hear that I too wasn't the only one out there. I am hoping that these feeling will change once we find out what we are having and once i can start decorating the nursery. I will be sure to let you know how things progress. Keep your chin up we really will be ok. Feel free to write back
Sincerely, M. B.

Dear L., I wanted to respond to you regarding your concerns in haveing your second little angel. I currently have 2 children and they are 3 and 1. So I was in the same boat you are a year or so ago. I felt the same way you are feeling wasn't sure if my oldest would still get her love and attention. You sound like a wonderful mom and instincts with two will kick in just the same as when you had the first. Little things i did with the baby like changing diapers, bathing, feeding and so on....I let my oldest get involved. She was my big helper and played a HUGE roll in caring for her baby sister and it gave her and I time together and made her feel like she was a "big girl". I found that now they are very close as well and my older daughter protects her baby sister. Another thing too.....is and i know this can be difficult but when the baby is sleeping....spend one on one time with the older one. Give her the attention she used to have and everything will balance it's self. Trust me...I was very anxious about this and I have looked back and realized that i really had no reason to be nervous. Hope this helps and congrats on both children.

I felt the same way at one point during my second pregnancy~ let me put it as simply as possible~ you don't have a set amount of love available~ and you don't "split it" between your children. The loves grows as your baby grows in your belly and by the time you deliver him/her you are soooo overwhelmed with that little baby that you can't imagine spending a day without him again~ it's normal to be anxious, but it's okay~ randomly just today I felt kinda bad that I was giving my older daughter a little more attention than my son~ but you will notice that at certain points in each of their lives they'll need you more or less~ you'll just adapt~ congrats on the pregnancy I hope it goes well!!!

Believe me you have enough love in your heart for both children! I just recently had my second girl and they are both loved. You will do fine just take time out from your new baby to spend time with your oldest child. It will work out! L. O

Hi L.,

I got pregnant with my second daughter when my first was 18 months old. I gave my first daughter as much attention as I could before the baby was born and I always talked about her little sister coming. After the baby was born, we would play with the 2 year old all the time, especially since new borns sleep so much. We just made her conscious of her baby sister all the time, being quiet when she was sleeping, being careful with her, letting her feed the baby, etc.
Having a new baby is special but I find that my toddler brings so much joy to our lives, they are learning so much and can communicate with you so well, it's hard to not give them attention. I find that I always have time to spend with both of them, pretty equally. Hope this helps!
J.

Lisa,

When I was pregnant for my second I couldnt imagine that I could ever love him as much as I did my daughter. I have so much love for her I just couldnt believe I would feel that same way. The truth is I don't feel the same way, BUT I love him just as much but differently. (IF that make since) I am so happy to have the two of them to play together. I am the youngest of 10 and I could never imagine having no brothers or sisters. My son is so darn special. I could not imagine my life with out him. (or my daughter) They are close and my daughter went through very little jealousy. From the first time she found out I was pregnant I started telling her stories of when she was in my stomach and when she was a baby. I would laugh and tell he silly things the baby might do because she did them when she was a baby.

I hope this helps.
Congrats!
R.

There is no secret formula, just take it one day at the time, and respond to their needs if you can as they present it to you. Don't try to over do it, Trust me all the love they need is already in your heart, and it will show by itself. Give them time and they will adapt to each other don't force anything, just talk. The last thing they need is an over stress mom, so take it easy with yourself first and your family will be the one who will benefit from it. sorry english is not my first language i hope you will understand me.