Mom - Is It Ok to Lie?

I'm pretty much of the same opinion as a number of others. Telling a lie is not ok, not even little white lies.
At one point I thought there was no harm little white ones but a friend & I were discussing it one day & she reminded me of Proverbs 27:6, "Wounds from a sincere friend are better than many kisses from an enemy."
There is a tactful & relationship honoring approach to telling the truth, even when it's unpleasant.
mucho blessings!

We are teaching no, it's not okay to lie and that there are ways to answer someone if you think the truth will hurt their feelings without lying.

"Does this dress make me look fat?"

"It's a great color on you, but I'm not sure its the most flattering shape."

The only times it's okay to "lie" is if it's a surprise party! So far it's worked for us!

I would prompt her to tell me more and then determine my answer.

I teach my children, as do I practice myself, that lying is not acceptable. Honesty is always key. That does not mean one needs to be mean about the truth or rude about their delivery. There's a difference in being blunt where truth is needed and being gentle and only when you're in the situation can you accurately determine the best course of action. Lying is never an option.

I cannot stand the fact that people are taught that it's best to lie if someone's feelings are going to be hurt because in the end the lie always hurts. There's no need to add insult to injury as far as I'm concerned.

Lying to say "your hair cut looks nice" when it doesn't? You either teach them to keep their mouths shut or tell the truth in such a manner as not to hurt the person...like "it's nice." or "it's different than what you had" or "it's shorter".

Lying because you don't want to talk to someone or go somewhere? No. NEVER right. If you don't want to go - SAY IT. If you don't feel like going somewhere or carting your kid(s) around somewhere - SAY IT.

you don't lie about:
* being married
* having kids

If you don't have the money to do something - it's OKAY to state "that's not in my budget right now." but to lie to say "we have other plans that day" when you don't - wrong.

What your husband did was wrong. Is that the example you want him to set? Do as I say - not as I do? It's okay to lie and blame your CHILD? Great. (not).

You can explain the difference between a fact and an opinion. The old saying 'If you do not have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all." is also a nice idea.

"I do not like your haircut" is an opinion.
"Your hair looks shorter." is more of a fact based statement.

Now I am guessing an 8 year old might be dealing with issues such as: Emma saying she does not like Katie and your daughter was asked by Katie if Emma likes her. I would not like to have my child be the middle man.

edit: I just thought of something. Does she know about Santa? Maybe she is wondering if it is okay to lie about that kind of stuff. I agree with the other post that more info is needed.

It is never okay to lie, and it's never okay to tell your child to lie. There is no such thing as a "little white lie" and God clearly tells us this.

When someone asks you, for example, "Do you like my new dress?" and you find it hideous, you can always look to find one thing nice to say, such as "It's a beautiful color." No further words are needed.

Tact and lying are really two different things, and while it does take a little practice to perfect tact, it can be done (and more people ought to do it.)

***ETA*** Now that I've read a few of your answers, Wild Woman hit the nail on the head and gave a perfect illustration of the point I was trying to make...way to go! ;)

(Also...to say that ones opinion isn't truth...oh yes, it most certainly is. How "x" feels about something may not be a universal truth...as in not EVERYONE feels that way...but for "x" to say, "I like it" when he doesn't is an absolute lie and it has nothing to do with opinion. When you have an opinion, speaking it as it is is the truth. To say something you don't believe is a lie.)

How sweet. :)

I would explain what a white lie is, and then tell my 8 year old that if the truth is going to hurt someone's feelings, then you don't need to say it.

Example: "Hell yes, you look fat in that dress!"

I think when you answer this question-especially for a child-there has to be a good understanding of the consequences involved.
There's NO harm in saying that you think someone's haircut looks nice. There may be harm in lying about things on which consequences if your answer directly affect other issues.

Yes. It is ok to lie . . . under certain circumstances. No, to the last two.

How does my hair look?

How does my dress look?

Do these pants make me look fat?

Tell them I'm not home.

No, I'm not married.

Good luck to you and yours.

"Of course it is! Great question. What are some examples you can think of where it might be okay to lie to someone to spare their feelings?"

:)

I teach that white lies are okay when the question is based off of my/their opinion, because my/their opinion isn't truth.

Now if Jenny-Sue's parents ask you if Jenny-Sue has been ditching school and you know she has, you answer truthfully. Do you have to volunteer the information? No, but when point blank asked you better answer.

There's a difference, lie to preserve yourself is a big no-no, 'man' up and do the right thing. Lying to preserve someones feeling, I'd never want my kids to hurt someone feelings based on opinion.

As they get older they learn to walk a more tactful line, but that just comes with age and experience.

It depends on the specifics of the situation.

no. it's not. of course it's not necessary to blurt out bald, unvarnished, hateful 'truth'. most children have enough natural empathy to learn tact.
it is NOT okay to teach kids to lie. not even if they're 'little white' ones.
khairete
S.

My six year is sadly put in this predicament with more than one of her schoolmates. At my daughter's school if a student goes out of the classroom, lets say to visit the restroom or office, they take a buddy along. Apparently, my daughter is buddies, with a couple of girls who do think it;s OK to lie. One time I showed up to pick her up and it turned out the she and her buddy had been out of the classroom for at least 20 minutes. The teacher and I found the girls in the restroom, but the buddy instantly gave a lie for an explanation, when my daughter was asked she told the truth, which resulted in both getting disciplined.
On my drive home with her, I praised her endlessly for being brave enough to tell the truth. On the flip side she already knows white lies and comes home to tell me she doesn't like to hurt her friends' feeling.
Now tell tell how you handled your situation :)

I'd probably first ask her why she is asking this question. Maybe if she can tell me the circumstances which prompted her to ask this kind of a question, I'd be able to give a better and a more appropriate answer.
Got to figure out if its a genuine question which is a part of growing-up, or if the kid's trying to trick me into saying something I wouldn't normally say... :D

Loaded question. Totally depends on the reason for the lie. If it would hurt a friend's feelings, I'd recommend keeping her opinion to herself. The "if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all" guideline would apply. In general, I'd reinforce that lying would be ok *only* if it will keep her or someone she knows safe from danger or harm. Also a good time to describe a "little white lie" scenario, like "aw, sorry I can't stay out that late, my mom said I couldn't" if she felt uncomfortable with a situation. Good luck! :)

depends on what you are being expected to lie about.. is this about the creepy neighbor that your daughter caught trying to steal underwear off the clothes line? or is this about their classmate that all the other kids make fun of?
K. h.

Wow! So many holier than thou mamas! What hypocrites we are. Don't y'all lie to your kids about Santa, the tooth fairy, Easter bunny and where babies come from? What is THAT teaching our kids?