Hi Everyone:
Do any other moms have this problem? Thanks for listening to me vent! Here is the situation. I have to work 2 nights per week. This is due to the fact that daycare is about 2/3 of my salary for 2 kids. So, I opted to work part time and put the kids in daycare part time, which is obviously cheaper. I also have more quality time with my kids, which I'm grateful for. Then, I work 2 nights a week when my husband is home.
This is the issue- I put my kids to bed early. By that, I mean between 7 and 8 pm. The oldest one has a tough time getting to sleep. This requires me to stay with him for about 30 mins to an hour before he falls to sleep. We have a routine. First, we put jammies on. Then, we brush teeth and read for about a half hour. Afterwards, I lay with him for a while until he falls asleep. That puts the actual sleeping time to about 8:30. My younger son falls asleep shortly after he cries it out around 7:30.
On two days in the fall, my kids (ages 3 1/2 and 8 months) will have to get up very early to attend day care on two days while I work. Then, on another two days, my oldest will be attending preschool. My husband DOES NOT put the kids to bed on time. He allows my 3 year old to stay up to 11 pm watching cartoons. We've had discussions several times about his bedtime and my husband will agree with me. When his night comes to watch the kids, they are almost never asleep when I return from work! It's very annoying because I know my 3 year old will need a lot of sleep come this fall when he has two long days of playing.
Have any of you had this issue in your home? How should I get my husband to see the light?
Do you automatically take the reigns so to speak when you get home from work? Are you the one that puts them to bed when you get home? If you stop doing that, he will probably put them to bed lol its just less work for him if you are the one doing it.
I know it's frustrating. It sounds like you are doing everything right. Some men are a little lazy on that department and it sounds like he maybe doesn't want to deal with the bedtime routine, so he lets your son stay up so you can deal with it when you get home.
Let him know how exhausted you are and you would like to come home to rest, but can't when your child his still up. And firmly explain the your days are much rougher the next day when your 3 year old is over tired and he will have a difficult time adjusting to the day care schedule when this happens.
Maybe call him around 7 or 8 and remind him that it's time to start getting the kids down, in case he is losing track of time and so he knows you are serious.
I totally agree that you should not put them to bed when you get home. Make it still his responsibility. I found that sometimes my husband will not do things because it seems like too much work, and so then I have to do it when I get home. But if he still has to do it, then he'll do it. Also making him see the consequences of not doing it is a good idea.
My DH tends to follow my lead (mostly :) when it comes to decisions like this.
What you might do is have him read about how sleep is so crucial to health. Print off some articles; NY Times did a really good, comprehensive article on sleep and how it's lack affects kids. When kids sleep, their body rests and heals. That is actually when the body releases growth hormone. Lack of sleep is linked to type-2 diabetes, heart attacks, obesity and other problems. Kids who don't get enough sleep are, literally dumber (in the short term) than their well rested counterparts. Dr. Ferber has a lot of good info in his book Solving Sleep Problems (I think that's the title, or it's pretty close).
Maybe sit down with him and share the medical science that shows the adverse effects (which can be lifelong--good sleep habits start now, and will last the child his or her whole life!). Explain to him (show him articles from reliable sources) that tell the average amount of sleep a child at your kids' ages needs every day. Talk to him about how to solve this issue. Enlist his help--Ask him what you can do to help him get the kids settled. For example, maybe calling or text him to remind him, (if that is of help; hopefully he wouldn't see it as nagging). Or setting a timer or an alarm clock for when it's time to go to bed. You could put the TV and lights on a timer.
Or, maybe you can enlist your pediatrician--talk to the pediatrician about the fact that you're concerned about sleep issues, and explain that you're not sure your DH understands why sleep is so crucial.to kids' well being, and then ask if the pediatrician can talk to both of you about it, so you're all the same page. Let him know that the pediatrician can answer questions about sleep & its link to health.
I wish you luck. I can only imagine how frustrating this is... he's not the one who's dealing with crabby, tired kids the next day...
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Yes. Right up until I made my H deal with the effects of not putting our son to bed on time when I was working.
Flat out, I said if kiddo wasn't to bed LONG before I came home from work, he would have to call in sick the next day and take care of an exhausted, tantrum throwing, miserable child. Not only that, but would also have to do the parent teacher conferences resulting from bad behavior in preschool/daycare that happened as a result.
We've raised 3 daughters and still have a 10 year old. It's really no big deal I promise. Just let him enjoy his children.
I am in a similar situation as far as the working a few nights a week. My husband usually feeds my son and puts him to bed later than I do. But never 11. 9:30 the latest. Because I am home with our son as much as I am, I can be very controlling as to my son's schedule. However, we were given some advice once that really stuck with me. If he (my husband) is home, then he makes the rules. If I am home, then I do. Which has made a world of difference. In your case though. Do it on a Friday. Let your husband put him to bed and let him stay up till 11. Then come Sat. morning, have your husband get him up and give him breakfast, get him dressed and try to get out of the house (he can take him to the park) at the time he will be going to school. See how easy (ya right) it is for him! Bet he'll change his attitude about bed time!
I would let him take on the reigns, let him deal with your little ones with no sleep......my husband just loses track of time and will put them to sleep areound 8:30 or nine. it drives me crazy but i pick my battles...
Well I put our kids to bed most nights. They are older and the oldest puts himself to bed. My kids are 10 1/2 yrs, 6 1/2 yrs and 4 yrs. I am home full time my husband works very long hours and our relatives are 75 miles away. So we see them but they not able to help since my parents work full time.
My husband when he does put the kids to bed its always by his own time table. My two oldest have to get a good nights sleep for school. I gave up arguing during the school year I rarely ask him to put the kids to sleep its just not worth it. As for my 4 yr old she loves when her daddy put her to bed. Its a good bonding time.
I think one of two things will happen because I worry about something like that in my situation. 1) your husband will listen to you and do it after you leave for work 2) your kids will get adjusted to his sleep routine and have no problem. You can only worry about it when fall comes around and you're actually in it to see if you need to change anything. On those nights when the kids start a routine at daycare and gets cranky, he will rush to put them to bed early..lol
