Nights with My 3 Year Son Are Terrible - He Wont' Sleep in His Bed and Wakes 4Xs

I feel your pain! I have two children that at many times have had difficulty sleeping. My son has always either had trouble falling asleep or multiple night time wakings. He is 4 and we still sometimes struggle. I do find the less sleep he gets (or later he goes to sleep) the worse he is. You would think this was an easy thing to fix, but when they have trouble falling asleep then it makes it harder. He always falls asleep in his own bed, but we often have to be sitting in the room or across the hall to get him to fall asleep. This can add to the problem :) I really think sleep training is a GREAT thing! It worked wonders with my 2 year old who was also a poor sleeper until 18 months. A couple rough nights with sleep training and she was fine. My son is more difficult as he is in a bed and makes it harder to deal with. But I do know if we were to stick with sleep training 100% he would probably be fine. Good luck. Feel free to contact and complain or ask questions if you have any as I have and am going through this too! You are not alone!

The docs say that kids this age should be in bed (most of the time) by 7 or 8pm! It took us about 2 months to get us from getting ours in bed by 10pm to 8:30. then to 8pm. They say that the longer they are up past 8pm, it messes with their circadian rhythms and they keep getting over tired. He might not like it at first but you are the mom. If he is getting his nap too late, he won;t go to bed til 10pm... if he has not napped by 1:00, then you have to mhe doesnt get to make the rules.
the doc said to reduce her bed time by 15 minutes a night to get her where she should be. So- one night 10pm then 9:45 then 9:30 then 9:15 etc. down to where she is IN BED but reading stories by 7:30. lights off at 8pm. It is healthy for them, they need a LOT of sleep at this age - so much growing is happening in their body and brain. There might be a few nights a month where something is going on (playgroup, etc) that youget her to bed later, but 95% of the time they should be in bed at 7:30 for some quiet time (prayers, books) and lights out at 8. He might cry and throw a tantrum, but if you give in, he will always know what to do to make you give in. You just go in every 10-20 minutes and say thiings like " i know - you are so sad because you are so tired. When you fall asleep you will feel better" and give him a kiss. But do not let him get out of bed or trick you into staying with him til he falls asleep.
Now that we are on this schedule at home, she is a much happier kid with only maybe one tantrum a week. And again, if she did not take a nap at noon (the latest for us is 1pm) then no nap that day. otherwise she is napping from like 3-5 and will not be tired at 7:30. She now sleeps from like 8pm - 8 or 9 am which is about how many hours they need a night (12-14 hours at this age)

I have been there! We compromised...we allowed our son to fall asleep in our bed with me but let him know that I would be putting him in his own bed after he was asleep and having nice dreams....he would wake up a couple of hours later, come into my room and I would go through the same thing all over again...I also had a daughter on the way...he knew that when the baby came it was her turn to be the baby and sleep with mommy and he had to be the great big brother and allow her. Eventually, the wakeups became less and less and he sleeps in his own room at night.

I also have another on the way...again! ...and like you work from home, would be happy to chat with you anytime...send me an email and I'll share my phone number: ____@____.com

Hi, A..

I am so sorry that you going through all of this. We did the sleep training thing when my son was 6 months old... and I swear by it. I don't have any specific advice for a 3 year old... but I would recommend 2 sleep books. One by Weissbluth and one by Ferber. Both have strategies for dealing with sleep issues for older babies/toddlers/young children. Ferber even talks quite abit about teenager sleeping needs.

Please take care of yourself. Do whatever you need to do to get your rest... and more importantly to get your child the rest that he needs.

I know what your going through!! Our son went through something similar where he was waking every night several times and coming and getting in bed with us. This was also while I was pregnant with our 2nd and was exhausting. Our pediatrician told us it was time for "tough love" He explained that as long as I go in his room to comfort him that it was reinforcing the behavior. He instructed us to start the bedtime routine early and set a certain amount of stories. He also said to maybe get him something special that only his room had so we got him those glow in the dark stars for his ceiling and any dark corners he didn't like. He then said to give hugs and kisses and instruct our him that it was time to sleep. Than if he started crying let him cry it out without going back in there for comforting. This was hit or miss for about a week. As soon as we got very consistent with it it got better. It was difficult but we did see results within 2 weeks or so. Not to say that he doesn't get up every once in while now but it's usually for a different reason.

Good luck!

A.:

Hello! Congratulations on your newest addition!

Okay - I've read others respones and I agree with many. Especially the fact that your son is EXAUSTED. I see a lot of glaring issues.

1. Ask your son WHAT AND WHY he doesn't like his bed. Don't give them the answers - but is it too hard or too soft? Kids can tell the difference! :)

2. He's going to bed WAY to late. A 3 year old should be getting 10 hours of restfull sleep. He's not. I doubt he's getting his REM sleep and this is hard on EVERYONE!

3. A routine MUST be established. Ours is the same EVERY week NIGHT - dinner, bath, brush (teeth) books, bed. My boys (ages 8 and 6) are in bed by 8:30 PM.

4. Why doesn't he like his room? Is it too dark? Too light? Get his input on his room. It's not just the "terrible three's" - mine were the FABULOUS Three's!

Your husband MUST be on the same page. Kids are soooooo damn smart - if they see a crack, they WILL expose it and make it worse. If your husband is sleeping in the basement so he can get to sleep - put your son down there with him. Let HIM deal with it. You two are supposed to be a team. YOU ARE PREGNANT! YOU MUST HAVE AND NEED SLEEP! Tell him to get is butt in gear and on the same page. I would bet a lot of this is his fault because it sounds like he doesn't side beside you in discipline issues nor does he care about routines. Children are ALL ABOUT ROUTINES.

Spanking your son isn't going to help anything either. While I believe in spanking - you need to find out WHY he's waking. Is he scared - what and why? Then FIX IT. He's 3, he can talk, he's telling you he doesn't like his bed. WHY? When he gets up in the middle of the night - why is he up? Is it because he wants you or thinks he needs something?

I have a stuffed animal (a rabbit) that I have had since I was born. When my boys have bad dreams, they come get me. I then give them Mr. Rabbit and tuck them back in bed. I tell them that Mr. Rabbit will protect them and give them sweet dreams. Every night I tuck my kids in bed, I tell them I will see them in the 100 Acre Wood. This puts them in the right frame of mind for dreams and sleep - we decide who's playing with Eeyore and Pooh, etc.

To be honest, though - your husband needs a wake up call and in a HUGE WAY. I know it sounds rough, but if you two can't get together on this kids will wreck havoc on it and create A LOT of anamosity. Deal with it now. Take your husband to the pediatrician and have the pediatrician tell your husband how important a bedtime routine and sleep is.

I would also suggest marriage counseling so that you do not have to deal with three children on your own as that what it sounds like. You take care of the kids, he brings in the bacon. That so doesn't work in my house. Parents divided are a bad thing for kids. There has to be some type of compromise the two of you can make and get his butt on the same page as yours to help out with the kids.

I took work from home. One day my husband came home and wondered why nothing was done - I let him have it with both barrells and told him that I AM WORKING - it doesn't matter the location, the fact is I AM WORKING. I take care of the kids, fix breakfast, lunch and dinner and deal with the kids and oh by the way, manage to clean the house (not any more, I have a great cleaning service that comes in!) and do all of it.

I'm sorry if I am too harsh. I hate to see women being taken advantage of by their husbands and getting all the sleep, etc. you are pregnant, this is supposed to be an exciting time for you! Your son is having issues - he can't go to his dad because his dad isn't around. You are dealing with it all and it really irks me.

Please let me know if there's anything I can do.

Take care and God bless.

Cheryl

A.,
Your son is tired. He is really tired. If he wakes up that often he's exhausted. And him co-sleeping is a no-no (the reason why I say this is because I have a 11 1/2 year old neice that sleeps with her mother still to this day-they iive with us) so I'd get that underwraps quickly.
And he will figure out that his bed is his and Mommy and Daddy's bed is theirs. The other baby in the house has her crib, so show him that everyone goes to their own beds to sleep. And why he continues to wake up is most likely because he's up WAYY too late at night.
I have a one year old and she's in bed every night between 8-9pm (ETA: She sleeps until 6:30-7:00am, sometimes I have to WAKE her up to get her dressed and taken to daycare). I was keeping her up later so she would sleep later only to find a child that was beyond exhausted.
Is he taking daytime naps? Perhaps if he's taking an afternoon nap, cut that one out completely so he's ready to sleep at night - all night - in his bed.
It will take a while but I am sure you can do it. You have the determination from what I can gather so work on it step by step. Also, good idea to reward him weekly when he sleeps in his bed. We tried this with our neice but she wasn't interested and she's 11 years old!!!!!! But that's a whole different topic that makes me want to puke.
Keep up the good work Momma!
H~