Marriage Advice - Fort Worth, TX

I am sorry to hear that you are going through this, but I want to shed a little different perspective. I think that when people are drunk their emotions are exaggerated. Does he really love this woman? Probably not. For that matter, stories get exaggerated when drinking. Did he really tell her he loved her? I wish you all the best through this difficult time. He's probably embarrased about what happened. These are just some thoughts to consider. Just try to put it in perspective as best you can. Good luck!

It's only natural that you don't trust him, and rightfully so! I've been through something similar, however in my case I did not actually hear it, but rather read it in emails, text messages, etc.....I have not confronted him with any of it yet, because he is unemployed and we have 3 small boys under age 3. So I have to proceed with caution because I am the primary provider right now and can't afford to do this forever, so he needs to get a job and then it's all going to come out!!!! I'm sure you believe that your husband is not cheating on you in a physical relationship. But every counselor, medical professional I have ever heard talk on this subject says the same thing: an emotional affair is just as bad, if not worse than a physical affair. So don't let this issue die...confront it, and don't settle for some lame excuse like, "oh I was drunk, I didn't know what I was saying". To tell someone you love them is a big deal, no matter what state of mind you are in. So if he felt comfortable saying that to her when he was drunk, then what kind of a relationship does he have with her sober???? Don't settle my dear! Good luck to you!

S.,

I would seek out professional counsel. Also, I personally benefit from Allanon. It has changed my life. I would be careful seeking advice outside of this.

Hang in there, prayer changes things,

D.

Not had the same situation but other issues. I believe it's possible and hopefully you're going to counselling.

Years of hard work on a marriage will some day pay off for you in bliss. Really.

For your trust issue... pray... ask the Lord to help you with it.

Good luck!

I agree with you. I do not believe your husband had any physical contact with this woman. I do believe that flirtation is involved and they probably are both interested in one another and are exploring their personalities through conversations, IN DEPTH.
I really think you need to have a sit down with your husband and discuss it with him. When you hear those things from your spouse, of course it can put a damper on your relationship and there SHOULD be reason for you to question it.
I know confronting him will be hard, but you need to know the truth. Let me know , how it goes !

Trust is something I have had trouble with within my marriage. To me it is a major component in the relationship and if broken, it is hard to regain. As time has passed though from our "rocky period", I have begun trusting again. I am not the type of person to turn a blind eye to what has happened in the past because, you can't change the past but you have to move on and forgive.

I have started looking at what is happening now and how the last few month have been which is much better than last year. I have also read some Dr. Phil books which have helped me regain my self esteem and helped me examine my relationships with myself, my kiddos and husband.

Perhaps for your own sanity is to talk to your husband in a non-confrontational way. Tell him how this experience has made you feel without raising your voice or expressing anger. I have done with with my husband and it freaks him out because I am calm and composed. I also have made sure my kids are not in the room. The TV is off and it is just the two of us, one on one....

Best Wishes,

N.

I echo the comments about getting into a marriage counceler and checking out alanon. It looks like you have two major issues to deal with and with a child in the mix you need to do what is good for you and your child. To stereotype a bit, I think men often have a problem confronting there own emotions, feelings and issues...sometimes it seems easier to escape reality than to face the real problem/issue. (escape could be alcohol, workoholic, a flirty relationship/affair...etc) Don't let him take the escape route. Get into counceling. In the meantime be smart, cautious and watchful of his behaviors. You have ample reason not to trust. Saying I love you to another woman with or without sex involved is still crossing the line...it is a betrayal whether drunk or sober. No excuse. Prepare youself for a difficult journey and think through what you are willing to do to put yourself in a better situation if he does not take action quickly. You need a confrontation. Above all have respect for yourself and know you are stronger than you think. Best wishes to you.

My only advice is for you to find an Alanon meeting, if possible find one that meets today. Here's the website:
http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/english.html

Your husband has a drinking problem, not a cheating problem. His addiction is creating all the drama, which is a deflection from the real problem: alcoholism. The alcoholic will often engage in all kinds of drama to draw attention away from the 800 pound gorilla in the room: alcohol.
Best wishes, and God bless. You need to help you right now.

I have a friend with a simular problem. Like you, she got fed up (you can only take so much) and you have your children to think about. She told him to leave and didn't say anything other than that (there was no use at the time). A week later, he started calling. When there was no response, he started emailing. At the end of the second week, she emailed him to meet at the house to talk. She had written down EVERYTHING she wanted to discuss with him. It was a very long night. (but, the most important was he could not continue living at home until HE set up marriage counciling)
and promise to go weekly for the rest of their marriage. It was a tall order, but that was the only way she was going to waste any more of her time than she already had. He set it up and continued living outside the home until the m/c said he
could use the guest room. It has almost been a year. The drunken displays, staying out all night has improved 98%. The m/c tells it like it is. They see the m/c together - and that is the only time they can discuss their problems so there is a mediator. A lot has been resolved and some things are still being worked out. YOU have to make a stand and YOU have to realize when liquor clouds ones judgement, YOU can't help. Put the ball in his court and see if he really wants to be a father and husband. It shocked my friend's husband into reality.

Hope this helps. Good luck.
Patricia