Would You Tell Your Husband....?

I would tell him, but try not to make a big deal about it. more like "oh, guess what so and so said while he was drunk? Weird, huh?"

I would tell my husband. I would not be able to sleep otherwise. Anyhow from what you said I would feel uncomfortable being anywhere he is. I think he has a lot of nerve saying anything.

I would definitely tell him and I do not think I would be around this guy. It is probably best to not associate with him.

OMG!! Of course not!! Of what possible benefit would it be to tell him? To make him feel bad and ruin his friendship with this guy who was DRUNK at the time he said it?

Lots of people have longstanding crushes on former loves. Don't you feel that way about anyone?

Take it as a compliment, remain mute, and let it go.

I would not tell my husband. You handled it well. If it happens again, tell him to come clean OR you WILL tell your husband.

I wouldn't say anything, unless you think you can't handle him yourself. I would just chalk it up to a one time drunk incident. If it happens again, I would say something then.

I wouldn't. It sounds rather innocent and "intoxicated" is key in this situation. Had he said this fully sober just in passing, that's different. If you tell him, he could involve your sister and her family, then friendships starts getting ruined. If you're 100% happy with your husband, then tell him next time you see him that his comments were unwanted.

You may be 100 percent honest on everything, but sounds like a drunk talking to me, and is this going to help or hurt your marriage? So my advise is let it go. However if the guy shows up with a deed to a new home, a diamond ring and an open checkbook you might have to do some talking. Let me put it this way, DO YOU WANT TO HURT YOUR HUSBAND? What possible good will this do? Does it help you marriage or all your family relationships to say something? You be the judge, but I think he is probably crying over his beer if you ask me and just tell him if he says something again to shut up and you'll talk to him when he is sober.

Because my husband and I keep nothing to ourselves I would tell him in an unassuming you're not going to believe this one. Then of course follow up with I am so glad I married the right guy.

I would not tell mine, why should he have to hear something like that? All that guy did was compliment you pretty much in a drunken fashion. If you tell your husband it will put a strain on their relationship.
When ever my hubbys friends or some guy I dont know in a store, say something sort of flirty to me, I dont tell my husband, no need to get him worked up over nothing. Just smile and let it go. The guy never woulda said it if he hadnt been drinking and caught you alone.

Why do you want to tell your husband -really? What purpose is it actually going to serve other than to cause problems? I completely agree in honesty in your marriage, but YOU aren't saying these things and YOU weren't a participant in anything -something was just said to you. It won't do anything but cause problems, and even if the guy actually feels this way -he was drunk, and he obviously wouldn't have said those things had he not been. Like your sister said -this hasn't happened in the last 10 years! I have been in similar situations, and I haven't said a word because I knew on my end it would never amount to anything, and it would just make my husband angry. IF this becomes a future problem where the guy starts saying stuff whenever you see each other or contacting you, THEN tell your husband -after you tell the guy to please leave you alone. I think this is simply a case of too drunk = loose lips and intensified emotions.

I would never keep anything from my husband. Stress the "drunk" part, and chaulk it up to that. I don't think anything good can come from you keeping a secret from your husband, and if the old boy friend even remembers what he said and did, you might be sending the wrong message by not telling your husband. I tell my husband everything, and it this is your habbit too, the last thing you want is to try and convince him that "this" is the only thing you have ever not told him. Wouldn't that bother you if the situation were reversed?

M.

I probably would tell him, because you need to be upfront and honest in marriage and better your husband hear about it from you than from someone else. Your marriage is more important than you and your sister's circle of friends.

Which is more important to you when making decisions? You marriage or your sister's friends' relationships?

Tell - But agree that it is not a big deal. The guy was tipsy. Laugh it off and maybe give your husband and wink and say, "You are so lucky to be the guy at the party with the hottest date." That way he can still be OK hanging out with this guy.

Update: Ask yourself this... What if an ex-girlfriend was drunkenly flirting and hanging on your DH? Would you want him to tell you? Especially if his brother and SIL already heard about it?

Tell him. It sounds like your sister is more concerned about keeping a friendship than she is about honesty. I wonder how she would feel, if an ex girlfriend of her husbands did this to him and he didn't tell her about it. I'd bet she would be livid! I personally don't think it is that big of a deal and wouldn't think your husband would be jealous. If anything, you'd think he'd like being married to a woman, who's exe's still wanted them! It should make him proud.

M.M.,

My very first question to you is, do you have any feelings left for your ex boyfriend? Are you in love with your husband? Would you want to leave your husband for your ex?

I don't think you should say anything to your husband unless it were to happen again. I am glad your sister is going to talk with him. Hopefully he will behave in all future get-togethers. If he doesn't behave in the future, then you should tell your husband and stop hanging out with your ex.

What purpose does it serve to tell your husband? The guy was drunk and you said he has never done anything like this bfore. Let it go unless it happens again.

I would tell my husband if I were in that situation. Telling him now could avoid any toxic arguments that could arise later on if he finds out somehow else. Remind your husband that you're definitely not interested in this guy and he was drunk when he brought up the whole conversation. Does your husband know that you two had dated in the past? If not, it could make things more tense... but 100% honesty is best in every relationship. Good luck!

I would tell him - why should you have to feel guilty about keeping this secret - you didn't do anything wrong.

Yes, I would tell him. Even if nothing is said to this man, your husband should know.

I would tell my husband! Secrets are cause for great danger!!! If your husband finds out from someone else he will think you hid it from him because you possibly feel the same as your ex. I'm not saying that is the case, but hubby could take it that way. Definately tell your hubby, no reason to destroy 10 years of trust!

I know this is the easy answer, but I wouldn't say anything. The reason being is after 10 years of nothing out of line being said I think the guy was just drunk and being stupid. If it happened on more then one occasion I would tell him. Best of luck in a wicked uncomfortable position. Something similar happened with one of my ex's who we were all still friends with and he was drunk and saying that he screwed up and I'm the best thing, blah blah blah. I told him flat out that I loved his friendship but I was with "bob" now and if he continued to be inappropriate then we could no longer hang out. That was 8 years ago and nothing else has ever been said.

Tell him. Your sister can't blame YOU or your DH if things get weird. She can only blame your ex. You said yourself it doesn't feel right not to tell your DH, so I think you already know what to do. Then after talking with your DH, you should decide if you're still comfortable hanging around this guy. Obviously, he still has a thing for you. Even if this is the first time, and he was drunk, it will probably happen again at some point. You could also choose to talk with the guy about it, but I don't think you have an obligation to unless you and DH feel the need.

If something like this has never happened in 8 years, write it off as one drunken episode, do not tell your husband, it will just cause unnescessrary drama. Keep a bit of distance from here on out, esp. when alcohol is involved. If it ever happens again, feel free to come clean with your husband and be honest about why you opted to let what you figured was a one-time drunken faux pas go.

I would not tell him, no reason to cause every one pain over a drunk confession.

I would tell your husband. What if later on he found out that this was said it would cause problems with you and your husband. Just be careful how you word it and remember to remind him that he was drunk. I had the same problem with my husband's bestfriend on New Years Eve. He came on to me really hard and he was drunk. But I knew if I didn't tell my husband what he said and he found out later on he would be upset. I'm glad I told him, they're still friend which is what I wanted them to be, they've been friends since high school but the "trust" between wife and husband should never be broken because of a comment no matter who said it.

To me, this would be the 'elephant in the room' especially if he heard it or others heard it. They may assume you've discussed it & bring it up to your husband who would be most upset if you hadn't said something. It would give the appearance you were trying to hide it from him for reasons other than not stirring up problems in your group. I think you should tell him and reassure him that this man means nothing to you & that in 10 years has never said anything so you feel it may be a combination of booze & perhaps a recent break up or something.

Sometimes when someone celebrates a milestone birthday it can cause others who are approaching that same age to get very reflective, moody, melancholy about their life. This sounds like what he was doing, drinking too much and emoting some.

I would talk it over with your husband, not your friends/family. He is your soul mate, for better of worse.

I would tell him because what happens if someone else at the party overheard and jokingly says something to your husband like, "Isn't it crazy that so-and-so still has feelings for your wife?" He might think it strange and say something to you and then to find out you already knew would be awkward.

Yes-especially since you told your sister, who will tell her husband and then who knows who else will find out. This information cannot come from anyone but you so tell him tonight.

You have to ask yourself if you would want him to tell you. I bet the answer is yes. You should tell him. I understand your sister's request, but hubby has to be number one. My hubby would be so hurt if I didn't tell him, for very good reason in my opinion.

The fact that he was drunk might be even more of a reason TO tell hubby. The truth comes out when people have been drinking. Things we want to say but don't have the courage to say sober may be told while we are drunk. Also, what else will he do when he is "drunk" next time?

Good luck to you......

I know you got a ton of responses but I urge you to tell him, if you have not said anything prior and your husband is upset down play it because obviously you did think it was so long ago that it was no longer relevant, but by Not telling him it will look like you have been hiding something.

i had a similar experience recently, but the person who hit on me was easily removed from my life, unlike this guy. Proceed with caution, if your husband would get violent, i say dont tell him. But otherwise i do believe honesty is the best policy.

I told my husband and we laugh about it now.

I understand where your sister is coming from, but your relationship with your husband should be your #1 priority. Tell him the truth. Secrets can cause pain, espically something like that. If you don't tell him now, it could come back to haunt you later. I know from experience how hard it is to learn to trust someone again after they have lied to you. Once that trust is broken it takes a LONG time to rebuild it.

Does your husband know you dated? If not, well, I can understand - as it's not relevant to YOU now, but clearly it's still relevant to drunk-ex boyfriend.

It sounds like he made you REALLY uncomfortable with his antics. If it were me (I am starting with the assumption that your husband doesn't know you dated this guy, so just take any part of this that works for you), here is what I would do:

"Hon, I never told you this because it just didn't matter to me anymore, but I used to date 'Steve." And I am only bringing it up now because he said some really inappropriate things to me at sis's party. If he's at their house when we are, from now on - do you think you could stick close?"

This way - you tell your husband in a way that will allow him to feel protective and not betrayed. After all, you sound pretty upset and I think THAT it's honest to bring it up in this manner.

And hey - he doesn't sound like anyone you would have wanted to be with! So you should also give yourself a high-five for (as the guys say) dodging THAT bullet!

Good luck!

Just saw your update. I hope there is still something useful here.

I wouldn't and couldn't keep that from my husband. We are similar and are a very honest couple. Even ridiculously small stuff we tell eachother. Its better to know about it than to hide anything.

You could also express your sisters wishes to your husband and ask that your husband not make an issue out of it. He was obviously drunk and in 10 years it was his first pass at you.

In the end though, I would still be honest with hubby about it.

I would say that things are now "officially weird," and that was the doing of your ex BF. Unless your husband is prone to flying into jealous rages, I'd put it out there. Your husband may end up wondering someday why you didn't.

You could introduce the subject by telling your husband that you trust him to be cool about this information.

Eeek! hard one but I would tell my husband. We also are very open and honest and it would eat me up until I told him. Let him know you know it was only b/c he was drunk and has never said anything like this before. You don't want him to find out from anyone else and break the trust you two have. What is your ex confesses to your husband and apologizes for saying something like that when he was drunk and your husband's like, Huh? What are you talking about? Tell him!

I'd tell you husband but keep it very light and funny. Play it off as a drunken act of stupidity. After all, the guy is probably just lonely and a few drinks make loneliness a lot harder to deal with.

Say - OMG, I totally forgot to tell you what Drunken XXX said to my on Saturday night caus eI didn't want to say anything in front of anyone and make him feel stupid....

It’s better that he hears it from you today rather from someone else next month. You don't want him to feel like you're hiding something.

You have to tell him. Sorry about how this will impact your group but you need to tell your husband. How is hegoing tofeel if he finds out about this some other way? Like someone over heard or the drunk guy tells someone else?

However, I would leave in the parts about being drunk and nothing like this ever happening in. Maybe your husband wont mind seeing this guy in groups again, given these events --- I wouldn't bet on it however.

Best of Luck!

I'd tell him, but probably not give him the "play by play" because that could make things even more awkward. I'd probably just tell him that during the party, so and so was really drunk and made some inappropriate comments to me, and that one of the reasons I was mentioning it is because he might notice that I will be keeping my distance from him at functions where he is drinking.

I would tell him, only because your husband hangs out with him. If the ex wasn't so close to everyone, then it wouldn't be worth bringing up. But, since he is, what he said to you was completely inappropriate, he totally crossed the line! A true friend, whether he is yours, your husbands or BIL's, would never do that. I would also keep my distance from him, which I'm sure will be a bummer if your sister always has gatherings with all of you included. It definitely makes things uncomfortable, and it's totally his fault. What a shame. Sorry you have been put in this situation. Good Luck.

I would tell your husband if I were you. Even though I don't think what happened was a big deal since you didn't act on it, i think your husband will feel very grateful that you told him nontheless. My advice, go with your gut and tell him. hopefully he won't make a big deal out of it, but it'd be a burden off you and he'll trust you even more.
:)

Since you told your sister in law and a friend, you should best tell your husband. Drunks say things but they usually say the truth when they are drunk. I wouldn't want it to come out later that you don't want to be around this guy because he say X and you act strange at functions now. He is the one that screwed up on several levels and for several times. Let hubby know that you were not pleased with what he said and he will become your protector since there seems to be no way of removing him from the circle.

Perhaps you can skip a few of the gatherings until you feel confortable with him being there.

Good luck.

The other S.

PS Keep your distance.

Tell your hubby. If it ever comes out again while he is intoxicated your husband will not trust you for not telling him. I would distance myself from this man and if it gets weird then OH WELL!! he crossed the line not you. It is better to be honest, if it were the other way around wouldn't you want to know?

This guy was probably drunk and lonely, and projected that on an old flame....you. If it were me I would tell my husband, and I would stress that he was stupid drunk and acting silly. I would also tell him your sister is worried that your social group will now have problems and she will talk to him.
I know my boyfriend wouldnt think it was a big deal, he would chaulk it up to the guy being drunk, but I have been in this situation before, and my ex husband (married at the time) flipped out. Only you know your husband, and what his reaction might be. I guess you have to ask yourself are you willing to give up your social circle if your husband thinks it is a big deal?
Good Luck!

Since you are in social situations together, you need to tell your husband before he finds out from someone else. Never underestimate the ability of people to talk.

Emphasize the drunk part, and let him know that you were NOT impressed. Let him know you're very glad you married the man you married. (Think how it would be if you'd married the old boyfriend and had to watch him getting drunk and making passes at old girlfriends!)

I wouldn't tell your husband. For what reason? Now, had your husband noticed the interaction and brought it to your attention then that would've been the time to say something. BUt, as long as you stayed in control of the situation, I'd say let it go and don't even broach the subject with your ex when he's sober.

i would explain it to him because he will hear about it from others. if you have nothing to hide then you can be truthful to him. i am great friends with one of my exs and my husband knows this. we have a strong trust and he knows i wont be messing around on him.

I would tell my hubby, I'm inocent in this, but if it ever got brought up in the future your hubby, might think that you are wanting to get back with him ( your ex) Let him know your not wanting to get back with him. and if it was me, i wouldnt want to see him ( your ex) Bc if he was to ever get jelous, he might try to start something, so you and your hubby do break up.

I would mention it in a general way, that your ex was very drunk at the party and basically told you he still had feelings for you. I would not tell him the details.
But since you have told both your sister and your best friend, if your H found out that you told them and not him, it wouldn't look right.
I understand that they hold your confidence...but as you have seen, alcohol can make people say things they wouldn't normally say! It will probably come out one way or the other, so just tell him. But spare him the details. I don't think a husband wants to hear that another man told his wife he is waiting for her to get a divorce---that could lead to a fist fight or something.

I would tell your husband.
Tell him that ( xxx ) was really drunk and came over to you and said this to you. Tell him what you told us ( that he has never spoke to you like that before ). Tell your husband that you wanted to share this with him.
Tell your husband that you do not want there to be a problem with the group getting together.

Tell your husband how much you love him.

Here is something for you to think about ---
If one of your husbands EX girlfriends said the same thing to him, would you want him to share this with you or keep it to himself?

Always put your husband first, before ANYBODY.

This man was drunk. Everyone looks a little hotter when they're drunk. I would not place any weight on what this man said to you. Even if that is how he really felt, so what? You don't want him, right? So what - lots of people remininisce about the "one that got away."

I would not tell my husband. Especially since you see this person on a regular basis, with him being friends with your sis and all, it will just stir up a lot of bad blood between your husband and him. He may not care, or he may have a lot of trouble handling this information. Best that he does not know, IMO.

I personally dont think its a big deal. Drunk people say stupid things. I dont think you have to tell your hubs, but if you feel bad about it, go ahead, and remind your husband how drunk he was. Your husband doesnt seem like a jealous person, so hopefully he wont make a huge deal about it. Probably wont want you around him again when he gets that drunk, but hey, thats his fault. He should probably stop hitting on married women when hes drunk.

I had a similar situation a couple of months ago. I told my husband a couple of weeks later. I don't like to keep anything from my husband either. I explained that he was drunk. (my husband knew that, he was there that night) I also reassured him that nothing would ever happen. I have known the ex since we were babies. Alcohol really makes you say things that you would never say. As long as he didnt try anything, i think it is ok. It is human to have feelings. Maybe he should have just kept that a secret..lol!

Sorry i didnt get to read the other posts...

Where is your loyalty at? My husband always ask me this if I confine in my mother before him. You should have told your husband right away, don't beat yourself up about this too much. Let him know you should have told him right away but you just thought he was way too drunk talking non-sense. Don't tell him you talked to your sister and friends before him. He should always be the first. Keep your marriage at 100%, you would want the same.

You said that your relationship is 100 % honest...at least until now. I would tell him. You wouldn't want the news to get back to him another way and him to be hurt worse by you not being the one to tell him. I would tell him the truth, but don't make it more serious than it was. He was drunk and probably letting out some emotions he hadn't fully gotten rid of before. You and your hubby are happy. Don't let this harm that. A good marriage is to be protected and cherished. Good Luck! <3

Tell your husband, steer clear of the guy, ignore your sister's advice and concerns about the group. I mean who cares!! I have a great friend and she dated a guy in college and he just love her so much. She ended it but they remained friends. They had contact for a while, like years, and he got engaged. The DAY before his wedding he called her and told her if she wanted to rekindle anything he would call off his wedding. She was floored because in all those years of knowing him she didn't know he still carried a torch for her. For me anyone who said anything about me getting divorced would be excluded from my life drunk or sober, I don't care. She steered clear of this guy even after he got married to avoid any issues. Good luck whatever you decide, I vote to tell him!!

Does your hubby not know you dated him or just not about his actions this weekend? If he doesn't know you ever dated, you are long overdue to tell him since you see this person all the time which makes it very ackward to tell him now.

If I were you, I would talk to this guy when he is sober. Tell him that you appreciate his friendship w/ your sister and are glad to be on friendly terms with him but are now happily married and plan to stay that way. Let him know that while you do not want to have any tension at your sisters events, you will not be so polite with unwanted advances.

Talk to your husband and tell him that an ex that you run into often has made unsolicited verbal advances towards you and you have already addressed the situation but didn't want to keep anything from him. Tell his what happended but that you prefer not to "name names" as you don't want any unnecessary tension. If he wants to know who, tell him (your loyalties are with him) but ask that he please not make a big deal as you have handled it already and want to keep peace.

did it make you uncomfortable for him to say this? are you and yours in good standing marriage either way...i'm upfront with my husband and tell him every time someone of my past shows interest in me...just so he knows i'm not hiding anything from him.

if you feel he should know then tell him, he's YOUR husband, not your sister's and this man was wrong in hitting on you no, and if your husband finds out through another source, it may blow way out of proportion simply cause you didn't tell him.

i'd tell him, then reassure him that he's your's not your ex.

Whether or not you tell, I agree with YoMama...he was drunk. If you feel this is important and is a "secret" from your husband, tell him. To me, I'd think it was a silly drunken episode and forget about it.

Well Im with your friend, I say tell your husband, if you wait til it happens again and tell him he will say why didnt you tell me the first time. So there is a secret or a lie kept from your husband, and maybe it was because he was drunk, maybe your sis should talk to him since she thinks its ok, he did say if anything ever happened to you and your husband he would be there. So maybe it will never happen again. Who knows?/ I would tell him, he may already know how he feels. You know how guys talk at partys and bars with a bit of booze in them....tell him,,,,,,8 years is along time to through away on someone you got rid of once already.......good luck