Loss of a Grandparent

Dear C.,
You are the first person I have replied to on this forum because I can completely relate to you. My children are ages 15,11, and 9. They spent alot of time with my mom when we lived in TN - EVERY weekend. So when we moved to LA it was very difficult on them all including my mom. Then we found out that my mom had metastatic lung cancer which had already spread to her bone. I took my kids to TN as many weekends as I could before she past away Sept 19, 2007. I was EXTREMELY hard on all of us but my little girl it really affected because she was the closest to her Neenee. So after she past away, a very kind person suggested to her that on special occasions to get a helium balloon, write a little note on it and then let it go that way it will go to heaven and she will get it. We have done this and it is a very special moment when she can no longer see the balloon and then she says Neenee got it...Brings tears to my eyes everytime. I hope this may help. God Bless and have a Merry Christmas.

Gina Lawson

take them to counceling. and tell them she is an angle and God is taking care of her.

C., maybe try making it a special time to remember all the good times with Granny. You want to keep those memories alive and since she's not long here it will accomplish that as well as a special tradition at christmas. Maybe when they are grown and have kids of their own, it will be a time that they can tell their kids about Granny so that her memory continues on. Tear are ok at christmas when remembering special people in your life....R.

I don't know if this will help but my sister passed away a little over a year ago and left behind a 5 and 6 year old boy and girl and we let them write her notes on balloons(helium) and sent them to heaven for her. They loved the idea and it seemed to lift their spirits too.
Good luck at your first holiday missing a loved one. Its hard but the kids actually help you make it through it.

so sorry for your lose! a friends husband passed at first of nov. she had children also. she emailed everyone and wanted us to think of funny stories about her husband that we remembered ane email them to her and she was going to read them at christmas so they would be a happy and funny time to remember him.

My grandmother passed away in September of 2007 and my daughter was very very very close to her as I was. When it came to Christmas we tried to help everyone reeling from her death and the unexpected death of my uncle the last day of 2006. My mother found frames that were Christmas ornaments. They both said in Loving Memory of and we put pictures of them in the frames and hung them on all our trees. We made all of their favorite things for Chrismas and my daughter helped in all the same ways she had helped my grandmother bake for Christmas. On Christmas Day we played my grandmother's favorite Christmas songs and at our family get together we talked about all the things we loved about her and my uncle. I guess the case in point would be to appreciate what you had with them and find ways to remember them every year. I still make my grandmother's recipes and remember the times I helped her make them. Now I get to pass that on to my daughter. The biggest help has been having pictures we continuously look at of both of my loved ones, so that my daughter doesn't forget them and my son can get to know them.

My mother-in-law passed away two years ago from cancer when my daughters were 6, 5, and 1. We saw her at least twice a week.They knew she was sick and prayed every night she would get better, so they were devastated when she passed away. She and my sister-in-law had started making jewelry boxes for my daughters and my neice for Christmas. They bought wooden boxes at a craft store and painted them. My mother-in-law passed away in October, so my siter-in-law finished them. She got pictures of each girl with Granny and put in the top of each box. Then she gave each girl a piece of Granny's jewelry. My oldest daughter (the oldest grandchild) got a pair of earrings that belonged to my MIL's grandmother. My middle daughter got a cameo necklace that my father-in-law gave her and my youngest daughter got a cross pendant. She also enclosed a letter from Granny. THe boys each got a framed photo of themselves with her and something from the house to remember her by. We also bought balloons to which the kids attached letters they had written and sent them up to heaven. Any time they miss her, we can watch a video of her or talk about some of the things they did together. They like to imagine Granny is in heaven dancing with Elvis-she was a huge fan. Whatever makes them feel better. Sorry it is lengthy, and so sorry for your loss. Blessings to you and your family.

Hi C.,
This may be a bit different, but my Dad died (almost 21 yrs ago and I still miss him a Lot at the holidays-Chiristmas was his favorite :-).
My Mom got a bird from the flowers at his funeral (it's white-looks like a dove) and we put it on the tree every year as a way of having him be a part of our holiday. That seems a bit strange when I read it back, but knowing a little reminder of him is ever-present during the holidays helps.
I also talk to my Mom about funny things he would say/do and that helps also.
I think (you maybe doing this already)it's important to tell your kids it's ok to miss their Granny and that you miss her too. That she is always present in their hearts and they can always remember her and she will be with them in that way as well.
I heard this on tv and as weird as it sounds I really believe it's true- "Death is the state of being in which one only exists in the minds of others." As long as you all remember her, she will still be present in your family.
I don't know if you are a Christian, but if you are you also have that avenue to help out-Granny is in heaven, we can see her again etc...
I hope this helps and I'm sorry for your loss.
Hugs this Holiday,
C.

C.,
I'm sorry for your loss. My mother in law died a little over a year ago and she was my best friend. My children at the time were 4 and 3. What I did for them was to go to Wal-Mart and pick up a "special" candle that we could light when we wanted to talk to her, and I'd have the kids say whatever they were thinking to the candle. Since your kids are older, they might like to each write letters whenever they're missing her. You could store the letter in a special shoe box, or bury them in the backyard. Looking at pictures was also helpful with my two and we drew and painted some rocks in the yard and added new flowers, making a sort of small memorial garden for her. With the cooler weather, Walmart has some pretty black eyed Susans that you could plant outside or put in a container.

Hope this helps.
A.

very sorry for your loss = make sure to tell them that when she left this earth that her soul did not died but she passed on to eternal life. let them know that we all are on this earth and that life is a short time. tell them they will pass away also and that granny will be there to welcome them with open arms. let them talk to granny and tell that that she is listening. when they are down, make a picnic basket and take them to the cemetary and have a picnic. let them tell her that they know she is in their presence spiritually and that they eating two bites for her and one for them.

God Bless You and may he watch over you and assist you in your loss

I lost my mom in September of 2005. My oldest was the only one lucky enough to have spent time with her but she constantly talks about her even today. We put up a special angel on the tree every year and we always say a special prayer for our guardian angel "Granny" to watch over us and keep us safe. That is what seems to help for her. We also talk about the funny stories and things that happened at my Christmases as a child.

My grandfather, who I adored, died on Christmas Eve when I was nine. I'm 44 and I still miss him, especially this time of year.
I'm glad that you're not dismissing their grief - too often people think that young children don't understand enough to grieve - their grief is real, even if they don't completely understand the concept of death. It takes time for them to heal, just like it does or adults.
If it were me,I'd put some the of the angel pctures your daughter draws on the wall near the tree. Maybe even get an angel ornament and write GRANNY on it and put it on the tree. Or if you use an angel as a tree topper, let it stand for Granny.
The kids might like to have a small object that was Granny's to keep. If she had an article of clothing like a favorite sweater, your son might be comforted by wearing it when he misses her.