Remembering "Grandma" During the Holidays

We donate to a cause we think would please my grandparents and place an envelope among the tree branches addressed to them with the name of the organization and the amount donated. We open it after all the gifts are done, and it's a nice time to remember them and to do something for someone in need.

First off, I am so sorry for your loss. How about getting a beautiful angel for a top the tree. And you could all say a little special something as you place it on top. It could be for your Mom :)Kind of like a Guardian Angel :)

If tears could build a stairway and memories were a lane,
We would walk all the way to Heaven, to bring you home again
No farewell words were spoken, no time to say good-bye
You were gone before we knew it, and only God knows why
Our hearts ache in sadness, and secret tears will flow
What is meant to lose you, no one will ever know. So now we put an angel atop our tree to help us to always remember thee.

I lost a newborn in January of 2005, so the circumstances are a little different, but we keep her present in our lives. Our family celebrates her birthday and other special events throughout the year. Each Christmas, our family has a stocking hung with the other childrens' stockings, and she receives little gifts that we then take to the cemetary. I also purchase an angel ornament each year to hang on our tree (making it a game to find the angel on the tree). The first year of holidays is the hardest, but time makes it easier to deal with; I promise!

Good Morning,
To answere you question on how to honor you Mother. My husband died when my daughter was just seven years old. It was extremely hard on both of us, so I do understand your need. What I have come up with is to Celebrate father's day and His Birthday by sending up to heaven, helium baloons with a special msg just for our loved one. we also make a cake for the celebration. At Christmas my daughter always gets one special big gift from "Daddy", because santa is magic and he can do this. At Thanks Giving we pass around of basket of Indian Corn kernels and we always include his memory, when it's our turn to tell what we are greatful for. The holidays are always difficult for us. With each passing year it gets easier. What I miss most is how we cooked for our family together and his wonderful support. I had the best and miss him so very much. I'm so sorry for you loss. I hope that this has been of some help to you. I wish for you Happy Holidays and wonderful memeories.

D.,

I think its the stories that are the most important. When your family is together with your father and ? other siblings and their children (don't know if you have that) share your favorite story about your mom and encourage the other to do the same. I recommend taping this so that these memories can be shared. It is amazing how being with certain people more memories flood forward in your brain. Share that joy each year and in between when memories come to you. I think that writing them down will help you to share them in the future as your children grow. I lost my mom at the age of 65, suddenly, and my father at 71, after a week. I try to talk about them whenever I can with my children. It helps not only them in knowing their grandparents but also me in continuing the grieving process.

Pass on the love,

Evelyn

Hi D.,

My parents both have passed already and it's really difficult during the holidays. But doing family traditions to remember loved ones is a great idea.

My brother and I are making DVDs for the family. The DVD has pictures and music in the background. Just being able to look @ pictures of loved ones I think is a good way to remember them and reminisce about the good times. Making food like your mom used to make is a nice way of remembering her or even putting together a scrapbook. You can also create those personalized calendars with pictures of grandma online.

I hope you're able to figure out what to do. I know what it's like to have lost loved ones and it's very tough, but remembering them is a way to keep them close to your heart.

Hi D.,

First of all I am very sorry to hear about your mother and I send all my best to you and your family. I have a few ideas of how you can remember your mom and make it a happy part of your holidays.

1) You can make a memory quilt, getting either patches of material and ironing transfer pictures of your mom on them or just different types of material patches with either words or anything that reminds you of your mom.

2) You can start to put together a memory scrap book and add a new page for every holiday, that way you make your mom a part of each and every holiday.

3) You can do something nice for a family in need in honor of your mom.

Whatever you choose to do I am sure your mom will be with you and your family in spirit all the way through it. Happy Holidays, take one day at a time and know that it gets alittle easier as time goes by.

Aloha Z.

Hello, sorry to hear about your mother! My husband's mom passed away very suddenly 6 weeks after our son was born. We are sure to keep pictures around. We talk to him about her and do lots of things with him that she would have loved and done. We talk to him about what she was like or what she would do with him. We just try to keep her a part of the family like she was just on vacation and unreachable. During the holidays you can incorporate special pictures and memories into special activities (use a picture to make an ornament), turn a favorite memory into a nursery rhyme or fairy tale.

God bless!

D. ~ I lost my dad 11 years ago when my girls were 6 and 10. Both of my girls grandparents on their dad's side passed even earlier than that. What I do to help my girls remember their grandparents is speak of them often. My youngest daughter did not know her paternal grandmother, but she feels as if she did. According to my daughters, I'm the only person who speaks of their grandpa, nanna and pappa. They love that I have kept their grandparents alive by speaking of them. I also incorporated traditions into our family that were traditions of my in-laws. Such as we have a sort of "open house" on Christmas eve. Everyone is invited to come. We have tons of food, we even make tamales (albeit nothing like my mother-in-laws) but it is so much fun. The girls tell all their friends to come, even my new husband loves it and has his friends and family over, it's just one night of tons of fun. People trickle in and out beginning at 6:00 p.m. and usually the last one leaves before midnight. I also cook things that my in-laws and my father liked and/or made themselves and name the food item after them. Like Nanna's macaroni salad, or grandpa's chili or pappa's vegetable salad. We adopt a family at Christmas in honor of our missing loved ones. We have pictures of everyone in the home.

I remember growing up one of my favorite things was to listen to my dad speak of his youth and tell stories about his parents and his sisters and his brother. It was so much fun. Just knowing that my dad at one time was somthing other than a dad. He was an actual person and a fun one at that. These are things that I now pass on to my children. About all of their grandparents. They love it. My daughter's relatives on their dad's side of the family came out for a wedding in the family and they were so surprised, as was my girl's own father and his immediate family, when my girls knew of the stories people were telling about their grandparents. It made the girls feel great and their dad and his family felt wonderful that my girls had memories of their grandparents.

I guess this is a long way of saying, keeping your loved ones alive through generations is, in my opinion, the best way of celebrating the life and memories that they passed on for you.

Good luck during a very difficult year ahead. As I said earlier, it has been 11 years for me sincee the passing of my dad and the holidays and even days in general are always difficult. I will include you and your family in my prayers.
L.

We have a very similar situation with my Grandma...so every year we light a 'grandma' scented candle (It's a large pillar candle of her favorite holiday scent that we use every year--it's Grandma's Candle)that sits in a wreath on our table as a decoration to just have a reminder of her at the holidays. My girls are 9 and 3 and have heard the story or Grandma's Candle and know her and remember her throughout the holidays every year. It's not a big deal but it has allowed my girls to have a pleasent reminder of her and has inspired them to ask questions about her (why does the candle smell like that, what did grandma like to do during the holidays...) and allowed us to share lots of memories about her in a positive, not mourning, sort of way.
Last year we were traveling for the holidays and I did an abbreviated Christmas decoration thing. My older girl 'reminded' me about Grandma's Candle...she looks forward to it and Grandma is a part of her holidays that she looks forward to. I love that. I miss my Grandma, but she is still here with me and my girls.

I am so sorry to hear about your mom.

Maybe some ideas might include getting your 2 year old to draw a picture of her. And you can place it in a frame and set it next to your Christmas tree. Or you can all sit down together and write a letter or story of how grandma made the holidays special and why she was so special!

Good luck with this. I would love to know what you end up doing.

God Bless.

I am sorry for your loss... I never met my grandparents, all of them passed before I was born so I don't have any memories of mine. however my grandparents-in-laws both passed in the same year and that was heart wrenching. Anyhow,

Did your mother like to bake or cook ? one thing you can try is maybe baking her favorite cake or pie and telling the story of Grandma to your kids while you're all doing this together. Where she was born, what she did as a kid, and so forth going through her life... this way your children will always have the traditon of baking something with you as well as hearing the story of their grandma. Also you can make it a tradition for your family to go caroling to either the hospital or a local nursing home. There a lot of people in both that spend the holidays alone. Maybe take some of grandmas favorite baked goodies to share. Hope these help you keep Grandmas memory alive as well as start new traditions in your family.

Hi Danella,

I'm sorry about your mom...

I wanted to let you know that you can make tree ornaments with

pictures of her!

Hope you get some great ideas!

~M.~

We still hang a "stocking" for my Dad on the fireplace during Christmas.... and my daughter actually chooses and wraps a present for him (one of her own toys that she picks herself) and she puts it under the tree. That was her own special idea for Grandpa. She's almost 5 now, but she's been doing that since she was about 2 years old. Or, you could get a special table topper tree, and decorate it with special things she liked, and the kids could help you. And making her special dish perhaps, for the holidays, or a favorite entree she liked? Or, making a donation of some kind to a special charity or belief she had, for the holidays. I'm sure you will get a lot of good ideas here. My sympathies to you and your family.
~Susan

Hi D., im sorry to hear about your mother, i know that is a great loss and such a young age. I lost my father 5 years ago from Lymphomo Cancer, so i know the feeling. He died a few months before my first child was born, that was the hardest. But ill tell you what i did to keep his memory alive. I took an old sweater of his that i once bought him. I told my mom i wanted it for my son. Now i have 3 kids, what i am doing with this sweater is this, every year i will take a picture of each of my 3 children wearing this sweater and write on the picture Grandpa's sweater and save those pictures for my kids. Eventually that sweater will fit my oldest soon, so i will pass it on to him. Thats just me, you may have something else of your mothers that you cherish. Be creative. Another thing, just keep her alive in thier mind, thats what i do. My children ask so many questions, cause i make it a point to tell them so many stories.

Take care, A.!
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Make an ornament with a photo of your mom with your children and hang it every year on the tree. You could also consider planting a tree in your yard that the kids help to care for and know that it was planted in honor of your mother so her spirit lives on. I agree with others that stories are the best way to keep a person's memory alive and you may consider writing a story about something special you remember about your mother in a bound book each holiday season.

Hi, I am sorry for your lost. What my family did to help our kids remember their great grandfather (my grandfather) is we took old pics from when he was young, and made a memory board. We started with just young ones, then when we found more pics of him, we started adding. I loved this idea cuz my kids asked questions and I got to tell them my memories of my grandfather. I think something like this would help you grieve and also spread her legacy. Good luck and God bless