I am 36 years old, SAHM with a 2 yo son, my husband is 39, we have been married for 4 years and I love him dearly, he is my best friend. Problem....I have no interest in having sex, period. Needless to say, this is not doing much for our marriage; he thinks I don't find him sexually attractive, I do, but have no sexual desires. I would really appreciate any suggestions, herbal remedies, home remedies, whatever you have got. I can't go to my ob until August (insurance)and I am p,an ing to discuss then, but wanting help sooner.
Thanls for all your suggestions!!
Fake it till you make it. You HAVE to have maintenance sex even if you DONT feel like it. Eventually you'll get your groove back but you can't let him know you aren't interested! Because trust me, he WILL go find it somewhere else, you can sacrifice 10 minutes of your life to make him happy, in the mean time talk to your doctor!
Get a hair cut, get a mani/pedi, buy something sexy. When I feel sexy, my sex drive goes way up!
If you are on birth control, that can lower your libido but judging by your post & no insurance, doesn't sound like you are.
Make sure you are getting enough rest. You have a two year old, they can wear you out! For me, tired=NO SEX!!
Is your husband propositioning YOU? When my husband is randy and wanting me, that turns ME on, especially when he is spontaneous about it. If your husband is slow to initiate things, that isn't going to help your situation.
Try aromatherapy in the bedroom as well. You can research online which smells work for what. I use lavender for relaxation and it works well. Keeping a clean, tidy bedroom with fresh sheets that feel good against your skin, candles, fluffy pillows, and a luxurious bed comforter can all lead to that sensual feeling in the bedroom, which means fun for you and hubby!
http://www.mamamia.com.au/weblog/2011/04/the-female-libid...
A friend of mine sent me this a few weeks ago - it's really funny, but also just really true and, strangely, made me feel a little more normal. I also loved how it asks for participation from your husband in restoring and maintaining your libido. Men can turn it on like a switch. Women need some help - even non-sexual help will help. (Do the dishes. Watch the kid so you can go for a run. A backrub that's not foreplay.) As funny as the image of the libido fairy is, it's also just true.
I agree that you need to set aside some time to take care of yourself, and that you can go see your OB before your annual - don't schedule it as an annual, tell the receptionist that you're experiencing distressingly low libido and you want to be evaluated.
And know that your experience is totally normal. Best of luck!
That said, there may be no magic pill.
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I am in the SAME boat as you! We actually have not had intercourse for 2 years. My son is 4 years old. I was reading the posts. I agree with some of the people but I still can't imagine myself going through all that work. Not sure if it would work for me. I actually feel like sex is gross. I never felt like this until my son was born. I think genital parts are gross. I don't like the smells or the sounds, etc! I am not sure what to do myself. I feel super bad for my husband! I sure hope you get your groove back!
WE are in the same boat, so don't feel alone, except I have 2 kids. My daughter is 4 and son is 2...so it has been a long while since I really felt like it...bad thing is before kids I was a very sensual person, so DH is expecting that level back I think!!!! He is LUCKY if we have sex 2-4 times a month. I basically try to force myself to give in and do it once a week, just to keep him happy. Unfortunately, I basically nvere feel the urge, and it takes a while to get me "warmed up" so to speak, and then once we get going, and then he is done, THEN I am ready for more, and he is snoring beside me.....UHG. Doesn't help the general feeling of why bother, when you basically get nothing out of it, but a few more days of him not pestering you.
But like others said, you have to have some maintenance sex to keep he relationship going - fake it till you make it is right, and taking time ot take care of yourself. I don't think the hubbies get it that we spend all day "Taking care of" others' needs, and their need for sex to us just seems like "one more thing to take care of". They need to take some time to either take care of us - doing thing for us so that we don't have one more thing on the list, and letting us have some time to ourselves, so we don't feel like it is all about caring for EVERYONE BUT US.
Talk to your hubby about this!!!
Jessie
You have gotten some good responses, but one bit of advice that has been repeated needs to be taken with caution. Yes, sex is a very important component of a healthy marriage, but if you fake it till you make it, and are getting nothing back from your gift/offering/sacrifice (however you think of it), you may end up resenting it (or him), which will make things even worse. We actually went to a therapist (among other things) because of my resistance to engage in sex with my husband, and she gave us that insight. But your husband needs to be able to touch you caringly without expecting sex, and that may help, too.
I don't feel sexy (therefore, I don't want to have sex), because I'm always in sweatpants and t shirts, no makeup, mostly unshowered, hairy legs.... you get the awful picture. Try making YOURSELF feel sexy... don't do it for your hubs (although he's going to drool)... take a long hot bath with your favorite bubbles and lotions and light candles, etc... take your time! Remind YOURSELF why you enjoy sex. Do your hair differently, add a little sass ;) Put some make up on and some clothes you feel confident and beautiful in. Play music that makes your heart happy. Where heels... even if you're not leaving the house. OR go run your normal errands all dressed up, I bet someone checks you out ;) For me, doing these things and making MYSELF feel like a beautiful, strong, powerful, confident woman, this makes me feel sexy, and then I want to have sex ;)
