Sex After Kids???

I have been educating/ empowering women in regard to their sexuality and sexual health for nearly 3 years now and I can tell you that there is no such thing as normal. What is normal for one couple or person is not normal for another couple or person and so on. I'm betting for many married couples with children, once a week is perfectly normal.
As far as how to increase libido, I think foreplay is very important for a woman. Is he willing to work on it? If so, maybe suggest he give you a massage... both relaxing and sensual. Take some time for yourselves, just to talk and hold hands and kiss.
I would also recommend using an arousal balm. I won't go into specifics because I know many moms are sensitive to the topic of sex (ironic, isn't it?!) but I'm happy to explain how it works if you message me.
I wish you all the best :0)

L. I think your way to young to not have a sex drive. Could this be due to a trauma in your life you may have experienced earlier in life? Have you looked into a sex therapist. They could be very helpful in trying to get to the core of what is going on. To men sex is so important and a big part of a marriage so do all you can to try and get into it for Him and for you. Good Luck

There is a lot of interesting advice here already. It's interesting that something everyone does is such a tabboo subject.

Is your husband REALLY wanting a divorce over having sex once a week? If he does divorce you for this his love for you is not as strong as it should be. You would be better off in the long run if that is the case.

Like someone already said, some couples do not have it that much.

What does he really want from you? Can you adjust and provide that for him? Marriage is about give and take. You need to TRY to make him happy but not to make yourself miserable to do it.

He needs to know the grass is not greener on the other side. He may not get sex for months as a single man.

This has been on here for a while so you might have worked this out already, but I just wanted to encourage you that you are not abnormal. Once a week is a LOT to some women. After a long day at work and then trying to tuck in BOYS, you are probably exhausted! Don't feel bad for not being in the mood for sex. My pastor for my pre-marital counseling explained it like this: men are like microwaves, women are like crock pots. Men can be ready for sex in an instant, women need more time.

I also want to say that I kind of know what your hubby is going through also. Men truly use sex as a bonding agent. A chemical is released from their brain during sex that helps them to feel closer to you. He may truly feel like you don't love him as much because for them sex=feeling loved. So he is probably not as good at complimenting you and making YOU feel loved because he's not feeling loved....which just extends the cycle so you don't feel like having sex, he feels rejected, and so on and so on.

Also, I know that after my kids were born, I didn't feel sexy anymore. My body was different, hormones were still running wild, and working hard/taking care of the kids take their toll. One thing that helped me was I went online to Fredericks of Hollywood (by myself without my husband because he doesn't need to look at other women) and picked out really sexy lingerie. This helped me get in the mood because I know that it got my husband excited to see me in it and that made me feel sexy--and the cycle reversed. Let him know that you ordered lingerie so that he can get excited waiting for it with you--then don't show it to him until you are ready to wear it. It makes it a little more exciting.

Also, when you are both in a good mood, let him know that it would help you feel in the mood if he dropped little hints throughout the day that he loved you, that he thinks you are a beautiful amazing woman. Make sure you say this in a loving, non-blaming/non-argumentative way...just matter of fact that's what you need--help him to understand. Also, make sure you touch each other throughout the day. Touch is a powerful thing. Kiss and hug as soon as you walk through the door. Hold his hand in the car. Massage each other's shoulders. Sit next to each other on the couch. Simple things help you to feel closer to each other.

Hope this helps!

Sex? What's that. Only teasing, but seriously my libido has been low since I had my children and they are now three and five and I am still waiting for it to come back.

I know stress has a lot to do with my libido, as is finding time to actually do it. There are not many days that both my husband and I aren't completely and utterly exhausted.

One thing that has truly helped our sexual relationship is..,texting. Yep, you got it. Completely saved us! I am not even referring to dirty talk, I am talking about writing a simple text like, "Love, love, love!" "Miss you." "Thinking of you!" Simple things to let the other know that they are on your mind. I can't tell you how happy I am knowing that my husband thinks of me! You can bet I am more willing to have intercourse if I feel appreciated and loved! We do talk dirty and sometimes send pics, but it is mostly the little things that count.

We barely have sex three times a month right now, but that is just 'normal' for us right now. He works six days a week, I work five days full time and also help run our business and take care of the kids, so there isn't much time left in the day. I hope this helps. Best wishes.

Dear L.,
Hello. Not to be rude but let your husband know he is lucky to get it that often. Twins and a teen just take your energy away. In the mean time try using ice cubes with you husband to get you going again. Ice cubes on your outer area. Also try more sensual foreplay games and that might help. I would question though if he is truly talking divorce because a lack of if it isn't something else bothering him. I've been with my husband for almost 20 years and life is up and down for both of us. You have to be understanding of whatever with each other and try to work things out and be patient during that time. Would he leave you if you had a medical reason for not wanting or being able to have sex? Ask him that. Also talk to your gyno. about this, never know maybe there is a medical reason for the libido being on the low. Good luck.
L.

Well, let me first say that most people will lie about this. Just like they lie about how much TV they let their kids watch. It's just human nature. So try to keep that in mind when attempting to get an idea of "normal."

As far as my own love life, I have to say it varies. There will be some months when once a week would be like a second honeymoon for my husband, and there are months that I'm a bit more...libidinous. Some of it has to do with my stress/energy levels, but a lot of it has to do with my husband. Men don't realize that they still have to WORK at this sex thing, even a few years into the marriage when they think it should be a free ride.

One major romance cramper is the complete lack of spontaneity that you have to live with when you have young children. Gone are the days when you could randomly start making out on your living room couch and then rush upstairs while stripping off your clothes. Now sex has to be scheduled during nap times (if you're both home and in the mood) or after the kids are in bed at night(if you have the energy and if the kids actually STAY asleep).

So with all of these things cramping your style, it's no wonder that our sexual peak (which is supposed to happen in our thirties) is really more of a molehill.

Suggestion #1: Try NEW THINGS! Why should sexual experimentation be left to the college students!? Break out of your hum-drum comfort zone and try something different. Now get your mind out of the gutter, I'm not talking about S&M clubs or spouse-swapping. More like trying new positions, new *ahem* toys of the adult persuasion (plenty to choose from on Amazon of all places). Things that might have made you blush as a new bride are the very things that will give you some much needed spice in your sex life. So let down your hair and have some fun! And have your hubby share some ideas with you in this dept, I'm sure he has plenty.

Now before you start feeling all dirty, let me tell you that I am a Christian woman with strong values. I'm not suggesting you do ANYTHING that is immoral or adulterous in any way (HECK no to porno!). All I'm saying is that, within the confines of marriage, there is still PLENTY of room to play without crossing any lines.

Suggestion #2: Sex is like exercise. You feel good once you're doing it, but getting yourself to actually START can be a real challenge. So if an "opportunity" presents itself and you're not really feeling up to it, try giving it a shot anyway. Most of the time, you'll start getting into it and have a good time. If not, then you can always quit and hubby won't really be worse off, will he? Well...maybe. But he'll recover.

As a side note, my libido was through the floor when I was on birth control pills. Anything that messes with your hormones can be messing with your sex-drive as well. Speak with your Gyno about it if you're concerned.

Suggestion #3: Talk to your hubby (using small, simple words that his sex-starved brain can understand). Patiently explain to him that, when it comes to your sex life, he will get out what he puts in. If he wants the results, he needs to make the effort. And no, that doesn't mean copping a feel when the kids aren't looking, or standing naked in front of you while you're laying in bed trying to read and telling you to "come and get it".

It's called romance, gentlemen. Look it up! Sex isn't a meal ticket to be punched and it certainly isn't your God-given right. Make a woman feel beautiful, spend quality time with her. Be PASSIONATE and actually put a little ENERGY into your seduction and you'll be surprised at the results.

Good luck to us all...we certainly need it.