Am I Ever Going to Be Interested in Sex Again?

I don't have any good advice for you - and I'm sorry about that - but I can tell you that you are not alone. I feel the exact same way. It's really frustrating, isn't it? Sometimes my husband will just come up behind me and rub my back or something and I cringe and think "ugh - don't TOUCH ME!!!" And when my husband suggests sex it almost makes me angry...I want to scream at him "do you see everything I have to do?! I'M NOT IN THE MOOD - EVER!!" I feel really bad about it...but, at the same time, I don't know how to force myself to be interested. It's really hard to feel romantic when you're exhausted, knee-deep in baby paraphernalia and have a million things to do. Men are so different!

I'm sorry. Hang in there. Again, you're not alone and you are definitely not crazy!!

I have been through this too. You are not alone. It's hard to feel sexual when overwhelmed and exhausted.

I have been thinking about posting this exact same thing... except I'm not pregnant, I feel the same way as you. I've never been that much into it, and now that I'm so busy with my daughters, work, and housework, when I have a chance to rest... that is what I want to do. Sex is like another chore on my to-do list.

I think my husband feels the same way as yours... and mine is the extreme opposite as me. Sex solves everything for him (which I think is a problem as well)... if he's stressed, he claims that sex will calm him down. I always feel like everything he says is straight out of an afterschool special, warning girls about boys! haha!

I initiate sex only to get him to stop whining for a few days... and I only offer a quickie. I just want to get it over with!

I think part of my problem is the fact that I have a low sex drive, and then I feel like a single mom alot... I do almost everything around the house... including taking out the trash and recycling!!! As Dr Phil would say, the sexiest thing a guy can do is the dishes. Plus my husband has put on quite a bit of weight lately, and he has BO... I don't even want to touch him. ugh!!!

Anyway, I know I am not helping, but I wanted to let you know you are not alone!!!!!

I have 2 kids and work part time from home. I understand being tired (my son is up every single morning at 5:30) so when I say this, know I understand tired. My opinion of having sex with my husband is that I enjoy him doing things for me around the house and meeting my needs. Guys are very simple. Meet their needs(usually just sex) and they are usually very compliant and helpful. If every time you asked your husband to take out the trash and he said no, how unhappy would you be. Also if he complained about it, even if he did it, I would be grumpy. I've been married for 11 years and we still like each other and enjoy each other and have found sex to be amazing and a time to really connect with each other. I would highly recommend reading "The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands" by Dr. Laura Schlessinger. Your marriage is important. Be thankful he wants to have sex and be with you.

I could have written this! You sound so much like me. Being in your 5th year of marriage can be a stressful time- with re-allocation of roles, children, and you are now past the honeymoon stage. First- know that you are not alone. Yup- your tired. You have a right to be! Having a toddler, all the housework, and being pregnant will do that to you. Men don't understand that just being pregnant takes more energy out of you than normal. Talk to your husband about it- honestly. Let him know that you do love him very much, know he is frustrated and confused, and you wish you could change it. Have an open conversation about how tired you are. Ask that maybe on one of his days off- he could take over the house, and your 2 yr old while you take a nap, go out with the girls, go to a movie, sit at a park.... You will feel better, and he will probably feel tired, and understand a little. Then- try to go for it! Let him know that even though he loves our breasts, right now they are off limits as it causes pain, and you want to enjoy it. When you have a positive experience once again, you may want it more again.
Have patience- it takes time, but it will come back. I can't tell you when, but it will. I hear this a lot from clients as well, so know you are not alone.
T. (CD)DONA,CCCE

I have just had my second child (6 mths old) and have a rambunctious 3 year old boy. My husband and I both work full time and are fortunate to have a lovely nanny who cares for our kids 4 days a week ( I work in the wee hours to make up the fifth day) I too am not particularily interested in sex...and of course my husband is! I sympathize completey with you and definately found in pregnancy that this felt like unwelcome attention. It was and still is almost like I have more important things to do and the peace/beauty and naivity of infancy is so precious I dont want to miss a moment or waste an ounce of energy on "sex" Lets face it we are only pregnant and caring for our beautiful children in infancy for a few short years...we will be married for life! I often joke that I'll see my husband in five years!! We do however both joke about it and manage to get together every couple of weeks at least...even if briefly! I think if you can talk with your partner can be compassionate about the complex emotions you are experiencing and that priorities have just shifted for the time being that you can both "roll" haw haw (or not) with where your at for now.So long as you show him daily that you still care for him in other ways I would hope that he could see the big picture of your life together as a family. I really feel theres too much pressure put on us all to be superheroes and life is like a tide in everything we do...ebb and flow!! The time will come again!! Good luck

Is this normal? Interesting question and my answer is yes and no. Is it normal after a full day with a young child (and being pg) and having a million things to do, to be completely exhausted. Absolutely yes. If you work yourself ragged, you will be worn out. As far as your last paragraph, he holds you because he loves you, he looks at you because he loves you, he kisses you because he loves you and you want to scream. That just might mean "you are all touched out." Just explain to him that you DO love him, but the pg has you feeling very physically uncomfortable and to be patient with you. And then, in a few months, it's still your responsibility to bring some sort of balance to your own life, so he's not at the bottom of the pile.

I completely agree with April S.'s response.

I have a 9.5-year-old, 5.5-year-old and am a SAHM and have a million things to do and at the end of the day feel like you do. Ready to conk out at 9pm. It's rather sad.

So... this "lack of interest" and "putting your husband last on your list of priorities" (which is really what is it) isn't very healthy. Like another responder said, EXERCISE has helped. I also have low iron that I'm taking supplements for that has really helped maintain my energy levels up. I have also learned to pace my day and not try to get EVERYTHING done in one day. I have a sitter who comes in some days to help out so I can actually rest.

Right now your biggest thing is the PG. But in a few months you'll have to reevaluate your priorities and put yourself (your own self care, find a way to fill your own needs to help energize yourself instead of depleting yourself all day long) and your marriage high on the list. Hang in there.

"The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands" is a good book and would probably help you. Take a look and decide for yourself. I hardly use it to manipulate my husband. That's not the way I operate. I just found it eye-opening to see the male point of view.

It took me a couple of years after my son for me to actually want to have sex. You are emotionally, physically, mentally drained. You are constantly giving all of your energy into your toddler, the new baby that is growing (which takes a lot out of you anyway), the house work, the errands and then dinner and then laundry...need I say more. By the end of the day - you have nothing else to give. And your poor husband whom is wonderful and providing for his family - just wants some lovin' when he gets home. Especially when he gets home and settled - he needs your attention and you are at your last string holding you up. All I can say is hang in there - let him know it's just that you are tired, your body is just plum tuckered out. Plus, you are probably not feeling very sexy either - and that adds to it too. And that it's not him. He should understand - hopefully. Try not to be negative - it's hard. Because all you want to do is snap at him. It's so much easier to just leave and go to work and come home and not deal with all the day to day stuff of raising a family. It's hard. Good luck - hun - it will pass. And tell him to be patient....you will come around again.

i'm the same way as you and i could care less about sex, half of the time i just want to get it over with. And i love my husband. care about him deeply and we have very healthy relationship. the sex part is just WORK for me. but upon saying that, you might be surprised that my husband and i "do it" more than the average american couple. about 2x a week.

but here's why we choose this route (yes, a conscious decision..not sexual urges that is driving this..). We can't change how we feel about sex: i want him to want it less, he wants me to initiate more. BUT at the core of it all is this marriage and we want to preserve it and (unfortunately :)) SEX is a big part of keeping the marriage going...not only physical, but the intimacy of it. Well, can't say that i feel completely intimate when I'm doing it. But what I can say is that making an effort to be sexual with my husband helps make our marriage very loving, happy, caring..etc..All the wonderful things that makes raising our family together more bearable. We can rely on each other for all the "chores of life" because we take the time to put that kind of intimate effort into our marriage. My husband is completely 50/50 with me on every responsibility concerning the cleanliness of the home, the caring of our children, the cooking. He doesn't wait to be asked. Maybe that's also a factor that affects intimacy, your husband's contribution.

So how do we do it? hahaha..no pun intended. :) Well, at first we just agree on 1 day a week; the same day no matter. And just do it. Even if it's a 10 min. thing. yep. JUST DO IT. And if you think about it, isn't your marriage worth 10 minutes out of the week?? We then sat down and said that we'll try to strive for 2x a week because we want to make our marriage better than the average American couple. That's just a goal that we feel we want to strive for because...well, WHY NOT?? And it's an effort on our part (well REALLY mine!) to not always strive for the bear minimum. It doesn't always happen 2x a week, but maybe every other week. And no, it doesn't make me more sexual as I thought it would. But it makes me love my husband more and give him something that means a lot to him. But we also agree that when i say no. There's no complaint. But that means, that I need to give my best effort by not saying no all the time and strive for that 1-2x a week.

It's not your husband's fault that you don't want it, and it's not his fault that he does. But sometimes we do things we don't want to do (as long as it's not harming anyone), because it helps the big picture....keeping your marriage strong through the years.

Ok, first off, we can all agree that it's quite normal to feel this way. I don't understand the mantra that you HAVE to satisfy your husband tho. I think what is really important here is that you talk to him, about all that is going on inside you, how you feel and what you feel and don't feel like doing. You have a young child and are pregnant, you are totally normal. But I also think your husband needs to know he's not the reason you feel this way, if he's an understanding husband, he'll get it but it's VERY important that you communicate that to him. He shouldn't feel slitted of course but at this point, I don't think forcing yourself to do something is good either.

Maybe you can try with little steps and hug him when you feel you can, or squeeze his hand, just touch him somewhere, it might help. Little by little it might come back.

I have a 6 year old and a 2 year old and I still don't feel like having sex but I hug my husband every day, kiss him, we are intimate without having sex. I'm very lucky (in my unlucky way) because my husband is so stressed out that he doesn't feel like having sex either but we keep talking, saying things to each other so we don't feel like we're doing something wrong. He works from home on contracts and basically works all the time and so do I but we still feel close because we talk a lot, I think. At least this works for us.

I hope you find a way to be ok with your husband and that things get better once you've had the baby (I mean a few months after you've had the baby), things will slowly get back to normal.

Hang in there.

This could be me! We have 3 under age 4. I totally understand. And, being pregnant made me wayyyy too tired. Now the youngest is 7 months and I have 0 interest. Want to cringe. Could be hormones, but women have a lot on their plate! The purpose of intercourse is to make kids, to me, so if not trying, then, well, you get it.

I can totally relate-but i am not pregnant! I feel like my hormaones never balanced after my last one which is two. It becomes a bigger problem the more you focus on it-my husband and i have battled this for awhile now. It caused some division. I am happy to say that things are starting to change. There are different phases of different things. What your talking about is sooooo hard to deal with. Its not a light matter. But also know that it is normal. I know these women are telling you togive it up whether you like it or not-but that can mentally take a toll as well. I still have struggles, but it is not such an issue anymore. Things are becoming more regular now that there is not so much pressure to feel like you have to all the time. I wish i had the perfect answer for you. When there are times when you can't-be sure you are verbally praising who he is and that you love him. Give him that verbal praise.

I think lots of women fell this way pregnant or not. And most men want sex all the time. I also think when when husbands receive sex from their wives, they are changed men - happier, willing to do more for you, more understanding and listen to you better. They also need to feel loved and secure and appreciated and for men, sex is the way they feel that. This is true for my husband.

Get yourself geared up and in that frame of mind and go for it - see what happens...

You're definitely not alone. I feel the same way and I'm not pregnant either. I love my husband and feel like I have to give it up from time to time just to get him to stop sulking. And it's not like I don't enjoy it; just feel like it's another chore on my long, long list of things to do (as another poster said). I have my annual appointment coming up next month and plan to talk to my doctor about it. I wish you the best and again, just wanted you to know you're not alone. Besides, you've got even more on your plate than I do!

I have also had this problem. I stay home with a 23 month old and a 7 month old. I have very little energy. But we have done a lot of problemsolving on sex. Ive made it a priority. And I actually find that sex is like exercise in the sense that I dont often look forward to it -- but Im GLAD I did it after I do it.

Here are some ideas:
1. Tell your husband often that you love him and that he is handsome. So he understands that your disinterest in sex has nothing to do with his body/performance/etc. Look - even if he isnt that hot in your eyes right now -- just tell him. "Hon, you're a hotty". Stuff like that every once in a while.

2. Tell him that you would have more energy for sex, if he was able to take a few things off your plate. Ask him to takeover 2 or 3 weekly chores. In exchange for doing that, you should give him sex at least once a week (see number #4 of my suggestions for a way to actually enjoy the sex). In addition, tell him that you would like to schedule 2-3 short cuddle sessions (on the sofa or bed after kids are asleep) per week. The main rule is NO SEX - just laying together, talking sexy to one another. Foot rubbing, etc. That may be a way of giving him some affection, and also being good to yourself.

3. In a sexy/playful/confident way, tell him that it is ok with you if he needs to "take care of himself" in the bathroom occasionally (after one of these little cuddle sessions...he may need to). Men can sometimes feel shamed about "self gratification". And many wives dont like knowing that their husbands do it. But if you make it ok - he will be less needy of you. When I was pregnant, I told my husband it was ok - and I even said that I hoped he was thinking of me when he did it. Basically I said "look, my body is not equipped to have sex on a regular basis right now. So, you go in the bathroom, and you think of me, and Ill be out here thinking sexy things about you"

4. I hope this doesnt make anyone uncomfortable -- but -- my husband and I just discovered a little sexual aid that REALLY benefits me, and it has made me much more interested in sex. It is called the Trojan Vibrating Ring. You guys -- it is AWESOME. You find it in the condom section of the store. You dont have to use the condom part -- you can just use the vibrating ring. Hits in just the right place, and has made it possible for me to achieve the same "results" as my husband during sex. And we all know that if women had the ability to climax EVERYTIME like men do -- we would want it just as much. Try it!

I was the same way...I find that for me, when I "recovered" from the hormanal changes, of pregnancy, that my sexual interest went in "spurts", so to speak. I feel for you, Ive been there, Im still sorta there, my son is 10.5 mos old. Ive got no surefire answers, except that, its NOT just you, I went thru it too. If that helps at all. My one, piece of advice, is that you should definitely, communicate to ur husband, on whats going on, I didnt, more out of embarassment and he started to get a complex of sorts, thought it was because of him...so please share with him, on what ur going thru. Good luck, I hope this at least had some comfort for you.

I say fake it til you make it. Yes since having kids I am less interested also then I was ill for a long time and I just "acted as if" until hormones got balanced again. This is your priority. It will be awhile before your body is "back to normal" so give your husband what he needs and you will feel better for it each and every time.

Please, please don't read "Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands". It should be titled "How to Manipulate to Get What You Want". It is not a healthy way to work on a marriage. I have a fantastic sex life with my husband and this book almost ruined it for me.

I would go to the doctor and ask if there is something going on hormonally. I have a friend who started taking a natural progesterone cream and it made all the difference for her!

Talk to your HUSBAND.... Men are programmed differently than women. Men are made to want sex everyday, multiple times a day. Sex for women is more emotional. We want to FEEL sexy, which being pregnant and having a post baby body does't help us. I personally wouldn't get upset is we never had sex, but when we're not having it, I notice I'm more irritable, and things like that. So, even though I don't think I want sex, after having it, I feel better. And of course the 'sex drive' decreases... but that's not because we don't LOVE our spouses, it's because sex isn't the only aspect of a marriage. It is one tiny facet. Being married is about committing to be with someone in good times and in bad.... is sickness and health.... maybe this is just one of those bad/sickness times.... Talk with your husband, maybe he can arrange for you to get naps so you feel more refreshed at night... have sex first thing in the morning...have it on his lunch break before you're both tired from a long day.... Good luck!

I felt that way foryears. I have been married for 12 years, we were on the verge of divorce, partly becuse of that. I put my foot down and decided to put my part into the marriage sexual and all. After a few times making myself initiate sex. Not only did I start enjoying it. I also realized that part of my lack of desire was things that I did not deal with in the past. After working hard over the past 6 months. We are getting our realtionship back to they way it should be, both sexually ans otherwise. Kids cause stress and we let our life get in the way.

I have three under the age of six. I am constantly doing something all day long. (Staying home IS work.) So by the time evening comes around and all three are finally asleep, I'm WAY too tired. I could fall alseep in five minutes, if I lay down. It's not that I don't love my husband or want to be with him... Just SOOO tired by the end of the day. And especially being pregnant, with a toddler to take care of. I wouldn't worry about it so much right now. See how you feel after the baby, after the recovery. Having said that, your husband does need some time and attention.

I've got the same problem for the last few years - and I was very sexual once upon a time. I'm currently reading:

Intimacy & Desire: Awaken the Passion in Your Relationship by David Morris Schnarch

I haven't gotten to the stuff where he promises to actually help you create the desire, but I can highly recommend introducing yourself and your husband to some of the early concepts.

For starters, he says that *all* couples will have a higher desire partner and a lower desire partner, and that when either or both push the LDP to 'just do it,' the desire wanes even more. He also explains that it isn't pathological, or a sign that there's anything wrong with you, your husband, or your relationship. It's a normal phase in all marriages.

I totally know how you feel. I definitely have been in your shoes for a long time. I think in my case there was a lot of pent-up resentment toward my husband that I had to get through, and I feel that I have, just trying to give up wishing he were this way or that way, and just loving him, and praying for him, as I would for my own children. That was #1 for me, just opening myself up, literally to him and allowing the love to flow.

The sexual bond is very important - without it, the relationship can become cold, dry, uncreative and boring. Sexuality is the great creative (literally) bond between man and wife. Without it, your relationship can wither.

Now let me tell you what I wish I knew years ago: it can be a hormone imbalance that makes you so tired and stamps out your sex drive. I've found that there are over-the-counter progesterone creams that can help put your hormones and your life back in balance. I have been using one for about a month now, and it's like a miracle - I'm not feeling like I have to avoid sex all the time. It's a relief to realize it's not just something about me like "I hate sex" but rather more of a physical issue that just needs balancing out.

You might need to wait to use the cream until after you give birth and are done breastfeeding. But in the meantime, know that there is hope and I'm happy to give you the info on the creams if you are interested - you can call or text me at ###-###-####.

Best of luck!

I was interested again after I weaned, lost the weight, baby slept thru nite, hubby was helping with chores & I take 2 hrs a week for myself! Sounds like a lot to get through but it will happen. I agree that it needs to be satisfying for you to want it!

I agree with Jane, it may be a problem of being actually "satisfied" by your husband when you have sex. I suspect (since you say you have never been really that sexual) that sex was not a factor when you chose to marry this man. And I relate because when I married my ex, sex was not mindblowing and I chose him for different reasons. BUT, later in the marriage, it actually got harder for me to want to have that pathethic, emotionless, physical exchange with him. It got to the point where you are now. Total refusal. Later in life, (after I divorced him and had some time by myself) I met another man and decided that it was ok to have sex again. Boy, oh boy. It opened up a new world to me (and I am not talking weird stuff, just body chemistry)! I realized that I had NEVER experienced the joys of sex before, that I did not know what they were about and THAT's why I thought I was not that sexual after all. It's easy to want sex if you feel the real extasy every time you have it! Now, this is not to tell you that you have to cheat or find another man, NO. This is just my experience that I want to post here so women like us can teach to daugthers that sex is KEY to a lasting relationship (provided there is love and compatibility) and that marriage requires an extra "spark" in that department, since there must be monogamy to protect the family from all the harmful day-to-day stresses that come with it. If I were aware of this before I got married, I would NOT have married the same man. Never underestimate the power of attraction...we are chemical beings and it does work over other issues, at least it makes you more available to hear what your partner has to say AFTER you had it together. It brings a couple closer when they had enough of talking and they just need "feeling" how much they still love and want each other.I hope your hubby will let you in peace for a while and you'll be able to see him under a different light one of these days. Good luck!

I know EXACTLY what you mean! Only for me, it has not gone away. My youngest is almost 5 and I could not care less if I ever have sex again. Naturally, my husband is upset about this and even left a document on my work laptop that he copied from some website stating that women who don't want to have sex are killing their marriages. (A lovely thing that I saw once I got to work, and let me tell you, it sure made me want to have sex!... NOT.)

I guess I'll talk this over with my OB/GYN next time. Maybe there's something wrong with me hormonally. But for me I think the big problem is that I am way overworked. I work crazy long hours every day, then come home to deal with the kids' homework, baths, sports activities, making dinner... I'm exhausted by the time 11pm rolls around. Meanwhile my husband doesn't so much as look at me until it's bedtime. Not exactly romantic.

So although I don't have any answers for you, just know that you're not alone. =)

Hi there S., Congrats on your second pregnancy. I am not sure any of us are best prepared for the changes we go through in having a baby, physical or emotional. I hope your husband understands what you are experiencing but the only way he will is if you share exactly what you just shared here. Again, as men, we cannot experience the same changes a woman's body will go through. Help him see it is not him and ensure that he knows what you are experiencing energy-wise.

Please do discuss this with your doctor as well and I hope your husband can go with you to ask any questions and hear the doctor normalize what you are going through. I might also wonder if you might be discouraged with how you feel about you and your naturally changing body. Let's make sure that this lack of energy is not physical or mood-related and the doctor should know this as well. Good luck! S. A. K., MFT

I would definitely speak with your doctor about this. This could be your hormones getting the best of you, which you should take care of for your sake and your marriage's.
I was in both your husband's shoes and your shoes at one time. I was in a previous relationship before I got married to my DH where I was the initiater and my ex boyfriend never seemed interested in sex. It took a toll on our relationship big time.
Now, I'm the one who is less interested in sex and my husband seems to always want it. I can relate to you about how you dont want him to touch me sometimes because it seems to always be a prelude to him wanting to get in on, which I dont. Well he came clean the other day and told me how he felt about him always initiating sex and I dont initiate and even reject his advances. This completely took me back to how I felt when I was in the relationship with my ex. The feeling of rejection was horrible.
I have made it a point to show more interest in sex. Even if I didnt feel it inside, I am making much more effort. Things have improved with my hubby and I....and I actually am enjoying the sex more because I dont have as many negative feelings tied to it.

Sorry for the long background but I think its important for you to understand how your hubby must be feeling.

I can't tell you how similar our situations are... right down to the fact that I have a 17 month old and am pregnant with number two. In my case (and I've told me partner this) sex to me is like going to the gym in that it uses a lot of energy. And how many days do you feel like going to the gym at night, after chasing a two year old around all day? And I don't think there's anything abnormal about not wanting sex when your body has been taken over by an alien (i.e., a baby!) But not wanting it in general probably speaks to other issues. I know that in my relationship, I am the "doer" of EVERYTHING. I pay the bills, clean the house, take care of all problems, etc. I think that my partner, who is much more relaxed, wants sex more because he isn't so exhausted at the end of the day. I know that I need to learn to feel that life isn't such a challenge, but right now, I feel like it's all I can do to make it to the end of day. In other words, I would like to someday feel that life isn't such an "uphill battle" to get everything done, but until that day, sex is really far down on my priority list... Anyway, I offer all of this rambling because maybe you are like me in that you are expending more energy into small stuff (the stuff we are told not to "sweat") but that's the only way you know how to be. So I can't offer a solution. Only complete understanding. Hang in there. I've heard it all gets easier as the kids get older.

I feel the same way, sometimes. I have to remember that sex is an important part of our relationship, at least to my husband, and I make sure that we are intimate at least once a week. Usually either monday or wednesday. Those are his days off and he watches the two year old those days. I also had several long talks with him about helping around the house. I told him that I need that help, and if he doesn't do it himself, he needs to get someone in to help me. Just having someone mop the floors twice a month is a huge load off my mind and helps me be more intimate.
In college I went to see a speaker that explained the difference between showing love and celebrating love. He said that every time he did the dishes, watched the kids, or took out the trash, he was showing his wife how much he loved her. Every so often, they would celebrate their love and be intimate. I always thought that was really a good way to look at it...
Good luck!
R.

I've read just a few of the many post and seems like this is an issue for a lot of women.....including me.
For me I think mine is an issue with stress (dealing with the family and house) and an issue with me and the way I see myself. It's a mental thing.
I am dealing with a 8 year old who is having trouble in school (bully, grades etc..). I't just so stressful when added to the other problems family life offers and everyday stress. Sex is the last thing on my mind!
On the other hand, I don't always like the way I look (very hard on myself). I can't imagine what he sees in me and why on earth he would want to have sex with me. Which leaves me disgusted with myself and him for even bringing up the subject of sex. It is a type of mind game for me.
I figured out why men say that sex stops after marriage.....Add a family, a house, bills, kids and stress to a relationship and you got a recipe for no sex.

I think to some extent it is hormones, though many women have a surge during the last trimester of pregnancy and are interested again. Being a mom to a 2 year old, "mommy brain" is on most of the time and toddlers need to be held, comforted and taken care of. By the end of the day you are "touched out" and don't want any kind of touch. I've been through that. It sucks. Not to say that I don't love my kids, but at the end of the day, our energy has been sucked dry.

Some of this may change when your children are older--it has for me. I still don't like initiating, even though we've been married for 10 years. But I also know that my husband wants me to initiate because when I'm exhausted, and turn him down, it's a form of rejection to him. At least if I offer and he's exhausted I'm not upset (and sometimes relieved).

One thing that I did was talk myself into it all day. I wouldn't tell him that I was planning it (that way he couldn't be disappointed if it didn't happen). Take some time for yourself, a pregnancy massage, facial, or just a day browsing at the local bookstore can do wonders. Have a girl's night out with other moms who need a break.

Last of all, talk to him about it. Sex is one of the touchiest subjects, but should be talked about.

Hugs,

O.

Hi
Im sorry you are feeling like this. Im sure your husband is too. But he is sorry for himself! You have to please your husband before someone else does.
Your job is to make him feel appreciated. Please dont make this all complicated. There are many things you can do sexually to please him. Just do it!
smiles K.

Thank you for posting this because I definitely relate. I also initiate sex at least once per week, as a rule (but not when I was pregnant!). I can empathize with all of your specifics, incl. wanting to scream "don't touch me!" Gosh, we have it hard... Anyway, hang in there & keep working at it, knowing you're not the only one. Unfortunately, it's just one of those tough things about being married to balance out all of the joy our hubbies bring us. Best of luck!

You know all of that stuff you do for your baby that is absolutely necessary and kind of annoying - getting up multiple times in the middle of the night, changing dirty diapers, rereading the same stories over and over? Having sex with your husband is just as important. The more you do it, the more you'll enjoy it. If nothing else, while you're pregnant, try to find a way to be sensual with each other. If everything he is initiating is bothering you, then YOU should initiate something that you will like, a foot massage, hand holding, something. If you shut down your intimacy with your husband, a great rift could form and, as you know, it's only going to be harder right after the baby is born. He is your greatest confidant and supporter, you need each other and your children need you to be a tightly knit duo. I have only the greatest respect and compassion for what you're going through, but it's in your hands. Best of luck.

Sounds like you're not into him anymore..you like being in a relationship but you're not turned on...seems to happen to 99% of women..my girlfriends and i sit around gabbing about this...my married friends are bored with sleeping with their husbands..i got bored with my ex and felt the same way..we finally parted ways...but try this..after you have your baby..get into exercising..it will build your testosterone ...i have a boyfriend now and normally i'd be getting bored but i'm more sexual than i was before..the only difference in my life is that i work out..i'm now 45...you'd think i'd be over it all..
also breastfeeding i think screws with wanting to have sex..right now you want to concentrate on life and taking care of things and u probably just aren't feeling "randy"
you may want to seek therapy but almost everyone except for one married couple i know says the sex drive has died in their relationships..

Yes. Been there. Maybe not quite as extreme... and during the pregnancy was worse because I was nauseous 24/7 throughout the ENTIRE pregnancy until they were delivered! After delivery, there was a brief "normal" time, but then quickly I was just too darn tired and sapped/drained of every ounce of "me".. I needed a break. That said, I wouldn't say that I fit into your description of "not all that sexual". So,

I would say: 1) TALK to your doctor. Maybe you have some hormonal stuff going on that is NOT specifically pregnancy related; and 2) Get some outside help. You need a break. My doctor was very good about asking me at each and every checkup along the way how I was doing at home. Feelings of being overwhelmed? did I have help at home or relatives/friends nearby?, etc. There is a reason he knew to ask. We all need some help/downtime.
You need a sitter for the 2 year old and a day to just wander around window shopping or napping or getting your toenails done. (NO, not including hubby... just YOU. Spoil YOU.) THEN, afterwards... at the end of the day... have a nice dinner with your husband.
Do you have a grandparent handy to keep your 2 year old overnight? or for a quick weekend? It could do you wonders right now.
May God bless you.

It sounds as if your hormones and your body image are preventing you from feeling "sexy". One thing that can play a factor is whether or not You ever get fully satisfied and not just your hubby. It took some inventiveness on our part, but my husband found a way to make sure I am able to feel "fireworks" and so even though I'm 35 weeks prego with our second child and I have a 2 1/2 year old I actually look forward to our private times. If you don't feel pretty and you're tired it's normal not to have too much libido. Once you have your second baby and your body is getting back to normal I would definitely address the issue with your Doctor because there are things that help. It does make a big difference in my marriage whether or not I'm willing to keep my hubby happy in bed at least a couple of times a week. Good luck and don't feel like you're a freak or something and that there's no help out there because there is. :)

Wow...I have been reading all of these responses and it's sure good to know that I am not alone. Although, it doesn't make me feel much better right now. I am a married mother of 3. A 23 yr old very recently back home and and 11 and 14 yr. old. We have been together 22 years, we are early/mid 40s. I love my husband more then anything and can't imagine being without hiim. Yet, it frustrates me to no end that we still argue of sex. Gawd, he thinks that's the answer to everything that ales you, and I need to feel good from all the ales me to perform. We have a pretty active sex life compared to many of our friends. But my labido is very low, I am tired, cranky, and beyond frustated. And now I have made my husband angry because I actually suggested getting back to "us" and talking about things rather then fooling around. I think it could be hormones mixed with life, mixed with winter, but how do we make the average man understand. I do suggest for all of us to have physicals, and have our hormone levels checked, but what else?? Thanks for letting me vent in response.

I hate to say it, but my advice would be to do it for him. I also felt that way during and for about a year after my pregnancy. My not compromising to even meet him halfway ende dup eventually leading to divorce. From what I've heard from the majority of my firneds/coworkers and anybody I've asked is that a lot of women feel this way but most of them put out an effort for their husband. While I was pregnant, I really felt he should understand ME and cater to me as I was going through this hard ordeal of carrying a child (my pregnancy wasnt easy) but honestly, looking back now I really was overtaken by hormones and could've prob bent a lil. Honestly, this is NOT out of regrets for my situation, things really did end up the way they should have. Things happen for a reason..but just what I've heard/learned from my own experience. Good luck! Hopefully others have a more workable suggestion?? If he is really a kind and patient man, things will work out. Take care.

When my little girl is around, I'm in mommy mode. I found that to feel like a woman, I have to be disconnected from her, and that means literally for her to be out of the house (try a sitter or a playdate) , or me to be out of the house (hotel???). Also, I try to keep our bedroom without kids toys, so it is an adult environment (since she is all over the rest ;). When I was pregnant, I enjoyed having sex because i simply couldn't get pregnant this way! What freedom! There's nothing wrong with you. You are a woman, a mother, and go through changes, moods and you are carrying another life, com'mon! Your heart, feelings and sensations will not always be connected with sex or satisfying your hubby! Husbands everywhere, give your wives a break, help lots around the house (so they can have time for themselves), hire a masseuse once in a while, hire a sitter and take her on dates and - be understanding when she is not in the mood... it does take 2 to tango!!!

yes, it is probably hormones that have done this. dont panic. these
not so nice feelings should go away on their own after delivery.but i would
seriously consider talking to your doctor because something doesnt sound
quite right.. from a guys perspective,you could be looking at the beginning of the end of your relationship with your husband, if these dont touch me feelings presists..is that what you really want ?if you dont want him touching you now, just wait till he starts dating someone else.there are plenty of alternatives to regular sex,you can either explore them with him or look forward to him exploring them with someone else
K. h.

I think all women have been there, especially moms. I work full time, go to school full time and have an 18 month old. I never want to have sex. My husband also gets frustrated because is always initiating it. I initially thought the hormones from my daughter were contributing to my lack of sex which was the case but now after going to my doctors I have discovered I have a hormonal imbalance. You have a lot on your plate; being a stay at home mom is sometimes a lot harder that working full time. Get through this pregnancy and talk to your doctor.

Hello S.,

Sounds like you've stepped beyond the bounds of normal into a situation that requires professional help. Being pregnant isn't helping, sure... I have a 16 year old, a two year old and I'm pregnant and sometimes *completely* uninterested in sex. I get that. Not wanting your husband to touch you or look at you, I don't get. If he's being supportive, that really says something about him. However, we all have our limits of taking rejection... especially from someone we love so much.

I wish you and your family the best in getting this resolved.

S.

sounds normal to me.

Once you give birth to this baby, it is going to be time to really sit down and talk to your doctor. You may have low sex drive, you may need ways to cope with the stress and exhaustion of having a family, or it could be hormonal problems that can be fixed. I had extremely low sex drive my entire adult life - until I went off birth control to attempt to conceive our first child. Three different doctors had assured me that the hormone dose in my pill was too low to be the reason my sex drive was low, but they were wrong! But when I'm pregnant, I never ever feel like doing it - I think the added estrogen both of the pill and the pregnancy interferes with my interest. Even if this is not the reason for you, there are sex therapists or sometimes hormone treatments to help your sex drive - but I doubt anything will work while you're pregnant. I wish you the best of luck figuring this out.

I would definately speak to your doctor about this. There could be a physical issue (such as horomones) that is causing the problem, or he might want to refer you to a therapist if the problem is an emotional one. Either way, it is in your best interest to get it resolved. It sounds as though the problem is escalating - at first you didn't want to have sex, now you don't want him seeing you undress, or touching you, or kissing you. If you can't stop this escalation, it is going to drive the two of you apart. And that would be horrible for everyone... you, him, and your two children.

Good luck.