Post-baby Body Questions

Hi there! This is going to sound a bit unorthodox, but have you tried watching sexy movies with your husband? I know at times if something comes on like that, it certainly puts me in the mood whether I want it to or not. Then again, thinking about my husband making love to me can do that too. Maybe you guys can try some foreplay too. Maybe just him "doing" things to you will put you in the mood. You haven't said if you have tried any of these things or not. But maybe if you aren't in the mood, playing around might do the trick. At least be willing to allow your husband to make an attempt at turning you on. Utilize your new sexy body and dance in front of your husband. Guarunteed turn-on for most men. Also, maybe knowing you are turning him on, may turn you on. And last but not least, there are always toys. :-)

B.

p.s. Sorry if anything I said offended someone. I know not all ladies believe in or do what I suggested.

NB,
I can imagine that you are incredibly busy with 2 little ones and a full time job. I've found that the more I take care of myself, the more interest I have in things like sex. Personally, when I'm tired or have no time to do the things I want (reading, going on walks etc) or need (a shower...can I just have a shower?)I am just not up for sex. I'm also so tired at the end of the day that it's the last thing I want to hassle with. When I take a little time to be by myself and pump up my reserves, it's much easier to feel excited about sharing myself and my body with my husband. I've found that sometimes a Saturday afternoon while the baby is sleeping is the best time for me. Nights, I'm just too tired. I don't know if this is the issue for you, but just wanted to share.

First of all, TOTALLY normal. As for how to fix it, I think "sex begets sex." In other words, once you start making the effort, it gets easier. After all, once you're there, it's usually not bad. :) It's GETTING there that's hard for most women. It's exhausting taking care of the family and at the end of the day, the last thing many of us want is to be needed, groped, and attended to by yet another person. But, once you start getting into the groove, habit, etc., you start to want it more. I think it's because of the endorphines. Schedule time, make an agreement with hubby, etc.--whatever works to get you some time together. Good luck!!!

I just heard about a new natural supplement this weekend called Prime Time - Female Libido. My notes say this product enhances female libido, promotes normal sexual arousal, natural lubrication, manage stress, promotes normal blood flow and helps maintain vaginal health. They said it takes about a month to see results - it's not like Viagra for men. 33% of women suffer from low sex drive.

And, from personal experience, even though we adopted, my focus is much more on being a mother than a wife these days. There is so much more to think about once kids are in the picture.

You can search for the product on my friend's website at www.unfranchise.com/cbalbright. Good luck!

i think for me it's a) i'm exhausted and b) i don't have time to even think about sex. are you open to "working" yourself up a bit? read a steamy novel or something?

I've been feeling the same way. I thought I was falling out of love, but I know I'm really not. I often tell myself it is because I am not getting my sleep or have so much on my plate trying to complete. And from my point of view, he always seems to try something at the wrong times. I have other things that I'd like to do instead. My husband has been very patient, but I know he has wondered if it is him. I have a 10 month old too, which I feel I may still be having post prego hormono feelings. Confused?

Don't be so hard on yourself. Your body on the outside may be back on track, but hormones are another story. It can be up to a year or more before those stabilize in some people.

Besides, if you consider the possibility of hormone imbalance combined with the fact that you're raising two little ones (who are both still very dependent on you), plus a FT job, AND a husband (who may be really dependent on you too)you're dealing with alot.

Give yourself time to recoop. Unless your husband is actually saying something to you, don't invite trouble. All you will be doing is putting unnecessary doubt and pressure on yourself. At all costs avoid acquiring supermom syndrome. You will burn yourself out.

To help you feel better, talk with your husband about your fears and concerns. Be honest. You might be surprised to find out, he's feeling stress too. They (men) go through similar stuff after having a baby too. They just don't usually talk about it. Hopefully, he is understanding and patient enough to work through it with you. I like the idea of a weekend get away for just the two of you. It sounds like you are due for a real vacation, and you definitely deserve one. Perhaps some R&R, away from the kids and work will be the answer.

As for the hormone question. If you think this is a possible cause of your current issue, perhaps talk to your OB/Gyn about it. There are tests they can do to see if your hormone levels are okay. If there is serious enough of an imbalance, they might be able to prescribe synthetic or natural hormones to get you back on track. They could also check to see if this is a result of post-partum depression Don't worry! not all PPD is the severe kind you hear about on the news. Some people just suffer mild PPD, and often a common symtom is loss of libido and/or exhaustion too. Likewise, there are some things doctors prescribe for that too.

Dear N B, Wow, you have two very young children and work full time! What a lot of demands. I wonder how much time you have to yourself. I mean uninterrupted time alone to do the things that restore and nourish your creativity. When a woman does not have that time to herself her body will find ways of telling her.

Additionally, sexually is not a constant thing. It's cyclic. It's natural to go through times of waxing and waning sexuality, on a monthly basis but also on a larger scale. Use of oral contraceptives destroys that monthly cycle, putting a woman in a forced state of diminished (waning)sexuality. (I'm not saying they are bad or don't use them. Not wanting to get pregnant is a mood killer, too. Just be aware of the effects.) With an 18 month old, you are likely also still in the pregnancy-birth-post partum cycle. Every woman is different.

In short, there are many things that can be effecting your loss of interest in sex. Unless there is more troubling you like fears and worries about your relationship, further pregnancies, past trauma, etc., your interest and desire will come back. You need to be patient and accepting of yourself.

I hope you can reassure your husband, and he can support you through this without pressure. I am really troubled with your comment that he's been pretty patient so far but that's not going to last forever. This is his opportunity for growth in the marriage by putting aside his needs temporarily and concentrating on the loving aspect of the relationship. This is your opportunity to learn to trust that he will do that. Contrary to what we may think, no one dies from lack of sex but we all wither from too little love, understanding and support.

Be kind to yourself. You deserve it.

I would ask your doctor for a complete physical, including blood tests to check your testosterone levels. I recently had my testosterone levels checked, and they were low. It was a relief to know there was a reason! My doctor gave me a gel that I apply to my upper arms three times a week. It's been about a month, and it seems to be working!

I TOTALLY AGREE WITH SIMONE S RESPONCE. The more sex you have the more you will want it. Just start doing it and you will see that it will become something you will want more and more. It is hard to get in the mood sometimes when life is so busy and you do not have the energy for it, but that's when you get the kids distracted right when he gets home from work and have a quickie before dinner! Or have a wake up call in the morning. Most of us moms are exhausted by 9 10 oclock at night and it just feels like one more thing to do. For me, I found that we did not argue about much of anything when we were having regular sex. My husband doesn't mind at all that I leave most evenings to go play volleyball or do a skin care class because he knows if I'm happy, he'll be happy:) Good luck!

Hello,

You don't need to feel that you are alone in the world with those feelings. I have two boys that are 5 and 7 and I am not just getting back in the grove. I think working full time and having two boys consumes my time and energy. I am not feeling overwhelmed as when they were little and I think I can now relax with my husband. I wish I had words of wisdom to pass on but I just wanted you to know that you are not alone in your feelings.

MB

I think every mom has dealt with this issue at some point! I find that a glass of wine does me wonders. I can't seem to turn off 'mommy mode' unless we unwind with a funny movie and a glass of wine. Now, I am not an alcoholic or anything, but it just turns my brain off and lightens things us for me, otherwise I am laying there thinking about the dishes, what I have to do tomorrow etc. Then once the ball starts rolling again my body just kind of got back in the swing of things. Good luck.

With two kids that close together and working full time I think you need a little Mom time. Remember, we are women before we are moms. Go to a spa for a massage, facial, nails, get your hair done. By something new to wear and plan a date with your husband. Spend some time as a couple and the mood will come back. We all go through phases in our lives where sex is not sounding that interesting. Do something to make you feel sexier and it might kick the libido back in. Good luck.

A little about me: Almost 35-year-old mom of two great girls (8 and 4), married to a great guy and work fulltime.

My pastor just did a message on " The Elephant in the Room" in the bedroom. You and your husband should watch it together. It is a lot just about differences in men and women. It will really help start your conversation about it. Go to www.eaglebrookchurch.com God Bless!

Hi
My advice to get back in the groove is to take a weekend away with your husband so you can remeber why you fell in love with him. you just need time to reconnect and destress. It works wonders for me hope it helps :) T.

I agree with the moms who say TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF, FIRST. I have learned that I'm a better Wife AND mother when I do my best to get enough exercise, sleep, and quiet time. I work out regularly and more than make up for it in productivity without a doubt.

Also, make sure you're getting enough nutrition. Getting enough food and getting enough nutrition are NOT the same things. You might be surprised to learn that most obese people are MALNOURISHED in spite of their high intake.

It's practically impossible to get from our food what we need anymore, so I always advocate for a high quality, well-balanced powdered nutritional supplement in addition to a good diet and exercise. Powdered because it's better absorbed and readily available for your body to use. It makes a HUGE difference! What ever you decide nutritionally, don't expect overnight results. It can take weeks or months to notice the results because unlike drugs, it doesn't force your body to do things, it ALLOWS your body to function normally, and your body has it's own timetable for healing/improvement.

In the mean time, find other ways to be intimate with your husband to meet his and your needs where you are both at right now. And like some of the other women said, sometimes just getting going helps you get going!

~A.~

For women, sex has to do a lot with "connections". It is as much mental as it is physical. Many women have a hard time "just having sex" if they don't feel connected. To start reconnecting with your husband, tell him that you want to spend some alone time with him giving each other massages or cuddling. Find a way to start slowly - get to know each other again. Many times the intimacy of touch without sex is a great way to begin finding the groove again. I also agree that date nights or alone time with each other can do a world of good. No matter what you do, know that it is normal and there is nothing wrong with you. If you had normal libido prior to kids it will likely return again if you give yourself and your mate time.

I am not sure if you are on birth control or not but that is what was doing it for me. I had an IUD and I never wanted anything to do with sex and it was hard for me and my husband, but when I got it taken out our life really changed and for the better. Take a look at that part

N B - I am in the EXACT same boat, I have a 10 month old and a 2 1/2 year old - 20 months apart - I too have just lost 20 lbs and it feels great, but I still don't have the pep back in the bedroom. My husband is wonderful as well and it is funny, I never want to do it, but when we do I am always happy I did - does that make sense. I think it is a mindset to start. I would say try a few toys that will help you out - I know that sounds weird, but if you have some fun too, it will help!! If you find the miracle, let me know :) Best of luck to you and your hubby!

Oh boy I went thru that with my youngest and it still happens once in a while. But like you my hubby is patient. Im guessing the suggestions where to do sexy things like wear an outfit or have a date night. For some those work. But also try flirting with each other having a dinner date at home after the kids have eaten and gone to bed if possible. Also try sensual massage, or just talking about special things you might want to bring in to the relationship. Feel free to email me if theres more questions. I totally understand belive me. Hugs and best wishes

There might be some chemical reason for this; not sure but worth checking out. I just know that after I had two then three small children, I was just tired all the time, my brain was always running with agendas and grocery lists and general things to do, and I was never in the mood. One of the only things that got me in the mood? - was when my husband would help with housework. His interest in my day and my responsibilities were exciting to me and watching him do dishes really turned me on! (As you can surmise, this is not something that happened before!) To me this was foreplay. Just find something that works for you. Again, if there is a chemical or hormonal reason, you may need to check with your Dr.