Okay ladies (mommies)! How many of you have or are experiencing selfishness with sex? I am meaning that you are not taken care of, but the hubby has reached his GOAL! I am so upset, depressed, sad, etc. I am tired of feeling like this, and I don't want lack of satisfying me to lead to destroying my marriage. Sometimes, I am taken care of in one way, but is not consistent. I am not selfish at all. I am so not willing to talk to him about it, because it may cause a major fight and I can't deal with that now! I envy a lot of women who get the full or maximum joys of sex. I am only 30 and it shouldn't be like this. How would you deal with this sad situation or have dealt with it?
You need to be blunt. "Hey can you do X?"
Most guys don't refuse when outright asked. So I assume you've never asked.
You need to talk to your man about it. He probably has no idea that you are not completely satisfied. If you don't want to do that, then I would suggest next time you are involved, that you really emphasize when he is doing something right and tell him to "keep doing that" or "don't stop, that feels REALLY good" or something.....I think that if you approach it the right way, he would be receptive. You can also say something like "the things that we have always done used to work for me, but lately, I am needing something different, lets experiment around to see what gets me going" What man doesn't like to experiment??? LOL ~ But seriously, the only way it can destroy your marriage is if YOU LET IT!! You cannot blame him for something that you are unwilling to speak with him about. Men are clueless, especially when it comes to these types of situations. You cannot expect him to read your mind and know that you are not satisfied. In a way, I think that you are being unfair to him by keeping this to yourself. You are not even giving him the opportunity to improve. But that is just my opinion.
If you don't talk about it, it will not change.
It doesn't "have" to be a "fight".
Pick a non-sexual time and discuss it!
Good luck.
(I often suggest the positive, positive, negative approach. "Honey I love you (positive) and I love how close I feel to you during sex (positive), but xyz (negative)."
I know you said you don't want to talk to him about it but you have to. It doesn't have to be something god you are soooo selfish. It can be something like oh I really like that or keep doing this or that. As long as it is not critical he should be fine.
If he doesn't respond to that he may actually be selfish. If that is the case then you are going to have to bite the bullet and outright say I have needs to.
Personally I don't have problems because I talk about things as they come up. (no pun intended :p)
Oh goodness S., I'm so sorry that your husband is being that way. Sex with my husband is one of my favorite joys in life. He has always been so attentive. It *should* be that way!
What is even more concerning is that you can't talk to him about it. Have you tried? Oh sweety, you've got to bring this up! There are far too few joys in life, so we have to protect the ones we have!
Best of wishes to you!
You need to talk to him! It's very important. The more you don't talk to him, the more your resentment will grow until ultimately it will destroy your marriage. My husband and I have dealt with this. When we were first together, he took absolutely FOREVER, and that was nice because I'm slow to warm up too. However, as we've both gotten older, he's gotten much faster but I'm just as slow, if not slower now. I think I've got a hormone imbalance but the docs keep telling me I'm fine. >.< It's not fine if a 30 yo woman has a little beard growing! Grrr.... Anyway sit him down in a non-sex situation (not in the middle of it and especially not just after because it will just lead to a huge fight) and discuss it with him. Ask why he doesn't do more foreplay, etc. Talk about how you could change it to benefit both of you. Different positions change the amount and type of his stimulation and so will change how long it takes. We have noticed a difference from the regular missionary position vs. when I'm on my belly. In fact, he'll often go faster when I'm on my belly so we'll start missionary to drag it out further for me although, it doesn't always work. Sadly, I've never gotten the hang of masturbation so it doesn't work for me. :( Have you tried a climax enhancer for yourself? They're expensive but my husband has brought a few home for us. We use them sparingly but he was a darling for thinking of it. He's very sexual and he was getting frustrated that I didn't want to do much because I rarely got anything out of it. It has helped. KY has one, it's called Intense. There are others but I can't think of the names or brands. Just do a google. Big hugs, and good luck!
like the others said... you need to talk with him.
Why do you think it will end in a fight? If you communicate instead of judge or accuse, the conversation should not start a fight. But this IS a problem you need to discuss with him. Just talking to us is not going to solve anything.
There are books for women that teach about taking control over your own orgasim. Tastefull books on different positions and exercises you can use to reach it. Look online, perhaps you'll find something.
I agree, with the other mamas. You have to talk to him. If you don't want a serious conversation (which I think this warrants) - just tell him what to do while having sex. I think it's safe to say telling him what you want will be a turn on for him too.
Another option, masturbate. He'll probably want to get in on the action. Either way, the end result is good for you!
Oh S., you have to talk to him! Your husband should WANT to make you feel fabulous each and every time. The few times it doesn't happen for me (my husband is just that good), he is SO disappointed with himself. He is always asking me what he could do better, and in return, I ask him as well. The only way this is going to resolve itself is if you have an open and honest conversation. Even offer to have a "play night" where you show him what feels good, what doesn't, and what puts you over the edge! Good luck...it can be embarrassing to have the discussion, but it needs to be done for your sake!
You just need to talk to him.
Not like, "Dude...you REALLY aren't satisfying me..."
But on a far deeper level.
You're married. You love him. Are there some things you can try at least talking and fantasizing about that might get his motor running?
I hate to say it, but only women know what they want and what they need and if you have a good man, you have to clue him in on what those things are.
Men can often be very much into the mechanics of everything and they don't always understand there's an entire world on the other side of things.
If it's to the point you're depressed, upset and sad....you have no choice but to talk to him about it.
Best wishes.
