ok first off.. lol.. my husband is a huge whinner with pain. yes i know he hurts but i dont want to hear him moaning, whimpering, and whinning with every movement. he has muscle spasms in his back yes again i know they hurt i have had a child i know what muscle spams feel like. he complains about his back hurting and that he cant do anything that our 3 year old daughter says my back hurts when shes asked to do something. mind you i am in pain everyday. i have bad arthritist in my knees and bad siatica and i never complain about it at all. i dont see a point to complain about it. but obviously my husband doesnt think i hurt nearly as much as him. i just cant stand the whinning!
2nd! my mil feels the need to do a family christmas party every year. now as its nice to see my husbands family that we dont get to see often its irritating listening to her complain about how much work it is and how much money she spends. she insists on buying all the food and such. sometimes i feel like shes trying to constantly impress everyone. she gets on this power trip and orders everyone that lives here around gets mad if we dont clean to her standards. i will turn around and tell her that if she doesnt like how i clean then she can do it herself. she hates that im a bleach cleaner. so anyways she gets on her power trip and gets my husbands dad yelling at us for things that arent even our mess or our things. then she turns around and yells at us for arguing. its just a huge irritation.
3rd!- my husband and i cant even argue! which we really dont. he was complaining about his back hurting and blah blah blah and i told him to take his pills and stop whinning. his mom who pokes her nose where it never belongs yells from the kitchen stop arguing! mind you neither my husband or myself were yelling. arguing is a healthy thing for couples to do. his mom says she doesnt want her hear arguing in HER house yet they argue a lot themselves. i cant wait to move in june to get away from her and her drama.
lastly- im so tired that my mil feeds my daughter whatever she wants with out asking me first! 9 am this morning my daughter asks for a pudding right after she ate a bowl of cereal. without asking me or her dad if its ok to give her chocolate pudding my mil goes right in the fridge and gets her one. i got after my daughter for not asking me first and my mil had the nerve to get mad at me for disaplining my daughter. i pretty much told her to shut her mouth that she knows better then to not have my daughter ask before she eats sweets. sometimes she doesnt understand she isnt the parent!
ok now this is the last one- ugh the favortism my in laws show towards my husbands brother. its oh poor him. he works soo hard. my husband works very hard to provide for his family. my husbands brother got his truck broken into which really sucks and i feel for him and who rushes to get his truck all fixed and replace the 300 sub woofers that were in the truck his parents. but when my husbands car got broken into in our own drive way he got told well maybe you shouldnt have nice things in your car. yes his brother lives on his own but he is unmarried and has no kids. they will pour money out for him when he needs and never care if he is late on his bills but if my husband and i are late or need a loan they complain. its just retarded i dont understand how you could favor one child over another. i love my daughter with all my heart and when we have another child i will love them both the same no more and no less.
ok im going to clarify a few things. realize that i was upset when i was typing.
1. we are moving and the reason we (my daughter and i) are moving in june is so i can work with the school district i just got hired with until school is out. there for being able to save money for our one way flight. if i didnt get this job we would have been leaving in feb.
2. my use of the word retarded is directed at the parents who cant take the time to read simple instructions on medication bottles and overdose their babies and children. it is not directed in anyway to children and people who have physical and mental delays.
3. i did not scold my mil i scolded my daughter and my mil got mad over it. i see it as if i am home my daughter is to ask before she has something to eat.
4. i know what its like to live in pain. like i stated above. all i ask is that he doesnt whine all day over it. hearing that hes sore once is enough for me. i dont yell at him over it.
5. we are on one income until i start my job in jan. we dont have to money to just take off for the weekend. or i would believe me.
6. i am being as adult as i can about this. i and his mom are 2 dominant people. all i ask for is a little space to be able to parent my daughter with out having to walk on eggshells around her. i like any parent do not like to be underminded when you disapline your child.
i do keep my eyes on the prize about moving out. i hope and pray that my husband and i will have a better relationship on our own and we can be a family. i know my relationship with my inlaws will be better when theres distance.
wow i wouldn't ever scold my mom or mother in law for giving my kids food...or for anything. It sounds to me like everyone needs their own space
I find great offense at the word "retarded" and I'm sure others do as well.
If you & your hubby want to be the captains of your own ship, then you need to move out into your own place and then you can make the rules.
Wondering in what capacity you will be working "in a school district" considering your numerous misspellings and grammatical errors?
Please don't use the word 'retarded' in that way. Very offensive.
MOVE OUT OF THEIR HOUSE!!! It's none of your business if they play favoritism to the brother. Aren't you living with them?
A lot of your problems will end - arguments over cleaning and arguing, personality conflicts, Christmas party drama, etc, will all end when you move out.
Whining is spelled with one /n/. I think you are caught in very typical problems that happen when family are too close and too involved in each other's business. I am sure you, your husband, and your MIL are all nice people, but when you are all so close to each other, it is hard to not be annoyed and find lots of glaring flaws with each other. Make it a point to be grateful that she opened her house to you and find the good in her. Ignore or sympathize with your husband's back pain, rather than snapping at him. It sounds like you are under a lot of stress and proactively finding a way out of their house will solve a ton of it.
You live with you MIL but are complaining about her being in YOUR business? Keep quiet until you can move out. Simple. Pick your battles, getting pissy about your husband complaining that his back hurts is really pointless. And my SD is retarded, please find another word to use. Things should get better when you have your own home. Good luck.
Move out of their house! You will never have a normal family while you are depending on parents to wipe your butt.
You really have no right to complain when someone else is putting a roof over your head.
As for your husband and his back, if it was anything like what happened to me last summer he has every right to cry about it. My back spasms were 10 thousand times worse than labor ever was. His back probably hurts from the stress and tension of living with parents when you are parents yourselves. They are helping the other brother so he stays on track and does not do anything lame like get married, have kids, and live beyond his means maybe?
Best advice I have for you is get a grip and get out of the inlaws house. You are adults that are acting like children because you are being cared for by parents. Ridiculous. You have to respect what goes on in that house while you live there. I'm sure mom in law doesnt want it to be a place you want to live forever, chances are they'd like to have their home back to themselves.
Sounds like the only solution is to save up and get your own place to live.
In the mean time, things that aggravate you will have to slide.
I can't imagine needing help from my mother in law (or anyone for that matter) and then basically telling her to shut her mouth over giving my kid something to eat I might not have agreed with. We're talking about pudding in this instance. Pudding.
The other thing is that what they do for your husband's brother really isn't any of your business. And, whether or not your husband whines over pain isn't the end of the world either. You can't get into a world of comparisons or it will just drive you crazy.
You can't live in a contest over who has more pain or who has it worse or who spends more money on who or who allows your daughter to eat something.
Think forward. Do your best to save for your own place so you don't have to rely on anyone else. Realize that as long as you do rely on others, you can't bite the hand that feeds you. That's not to say you can't have any opinions or speak up for yourself, but as long as you do it by telling someone to shut their mouth in their own house, you're not going to get any more respect than you give.
Just saying.
Spend your energy working on yourself and making your own situation better. Don't compare anymore. Yes, sometimes men can be big babies when it comes to pain but that doesn't make it any less real. Like I said, it's not a pain contest. Don't fall into that trap. I know a married couple that is constantly trying to "out-pain" each other and it's ridiculous. Neither one of them are really supportive of the other, it's always "I hurt worse than you."
RIDICULOUS.
(By the way, it's a better word that begins with an R to describe a situation).
Your own behavior may be indicative of the fact that you feel you have little control over things right now. Spend your energy being stubborn in a positive way. Save to get your own place. In the meantime, pick your battles and concentrate on your own situation. In the end, what other people get or have or do in their lives really has nothing to do with you.
Best wishes.
Instead of complaining about your MIL, move in with your parents or find someone else to move in with. Obviously your MIL has a kind enough heart to let you live there, whether it's free or not. She has every right to complain about how you clean, if you clean, and what you do. It doesn't matter if you are grown or not. It's her house.
I'm sorry I'm not sympathetic. But I live on my own, take care of my daughter (by myself), and do everything on my own, without getting help from anyone. It's called life.
I am sorry you are going through this. You will have your own space soon, I know times are tough.
Try and be sympathetic to your husbands pain. To live in chronic pain, is the worst thing anyone can go through. It completely monopolizes your every thought. he is just venting~I am sure he feels out of control.
I am sure everyones emotions are on overload, having to live in the same house. This too shall pass....These times are tough and families are partnering up to help with finances...
Just breathe, try and find your own space and remember; Where you are now, does not define where you will be tommorow.
I know it is NOT easy. I have been there! Hang in there..this will pass.
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Oh J.... take a deep breath. It sounds like life is stressful right now in lots of ways. I don't know why you're living with your in-laws, but at least you have a roof over your heads.
It really sounds like you all need your own space. I would think it would be very hard for two families to live together and not get on each other's nerves and step over boundaries. I would try to maintain some level of respect and relationship with your in-laws and keep your sanity by remembering that your are moving soon and many of the things you are frustrated with will probably melt away.
Try to find things to be grateful about in your life, and try to empathize with your husband's back pain. Since you yourself have pain, I'm sure you can understand what he's going through. Maybe his pain threshold is less than yours or maybe he does complain more than you do, but either way yelling at him to stop whining isn't making anyone feel any better. Couples therapy may be a very good idea for you, once you get on your feet.
And I agree with others who said to find an alternate word besides "retarded". It's such an overused (and offensive), and outdated word. It doesn't belong in everyday speech.
Best of luck to you and Happy Holidays!
Wow.... Sometimes in life.... And please read me...I do it too, you do, we all do....
We complain about others in areas that we ARE bad at ourselves. Right now you are complaining about complaining people. You are coming off sounding rather unsympathetic.
I understand the pain issue is a hard one. Hearing the groans and grunts and complaints really does turn people off. I am the complainer in this area. I've been trying and trying to shut up and suffer in silence. The pain is huge and unreal! It's horrible and I've been trying so hard to do the right exercises, read the right scripture, eat right, lose weight, wear braces, anything, everything, take pills, use creams, meditate....NOTHING helps.
Have you ever thought about just walking over to him, kissing him on the top of the head and telling him you understand?
I know what it's like to feel like no one cares even one little bit. Maybe sometimes I just wish one person would give me a hug and tell me they know that I'm making a huge effort to do everything I need to for everyone else when all I want to do is climb into bed and never again get out.
As for the money thing... Just do whatever it takes to not borrow. It really is better in this life to take care of yourself. I've seen my husbands brothers cost his dad all kinds of money through the years and we've never asked for one single thing. Because we don't ask for anything his brothers have taken turns asking us for money. We just squeak by and we don't have it to give usually. Money just drives wedges between families.
" they will pour money out for him when he needs and never care if he is late on his bills but if my husband and i are late or need a loan they complain"
Adults live within their means and don't go running to mommy & daddy for loans. It's THEIR MONEY!! If they want to roll it up and smoke it they can! If you had the money to move out in February then the job you are waiting for isn't necessary. Get a job, any job, instead of waiting for the 'perfect' one to start. Save your money, every penney. And MOVE OUT of THEIR house! We have a saying at my house, "my house, my rules". You don't get to make the rules when you live in their house on their dime. You want to make the rules, you need to leave.
Everyone has a different pain threshold. That's why some women find mammograms to be excruciating and others don't get what the big deal is about.
Some people just like complaining and the attention it gets them.
Have you considered just packing up the kids and hubby and going to Disney World for Christmas?
If you don't enjoy the annual whine-fest, find some way to be somewhere else. If not for yourself, do it for the kids so they learn there are better ways to do holidays.
It sounds like a root canal would be more enjoyable.
Try to get some couples therapy for you and hubby. Conflict resolution is a necessary communication skill every couple needs. Whether you list out pros/cons of actions, argue, bicker a little, there has to be a meeting of the minds at some point or the relationship crumbles.
You are living in your MIL's house and it sounds like it's time to move up the date for the move to Washington. MIL probably having a hard time knowing she won't see your daughter and gives in now. There are too many boundary issues in the home and for your sanity it's time to go. I'm sure the other little things will work themselves out when you have your own home.
BTDT & suffered through the exact same stuff except that it was my mother's house instead of my MILs house. I used to hum a song to myself (altered from Flagpole Sitta - Harvey Danger) whenever I wanted to choke the woman (whom I love and is one of my closest friends... doesn't mean I didn't want to choke her).
"Undermining Undermining Emoooooooooo-tional Blackmail!
Double Standards and Yelling
I don't even have my own space
Please DON'T
make me tell you one more time
This is MY son
I appreciate all that
you've done to help me
but don't tell me I'm crazy
I'll cut off all contact as SOON as I can GET my family outta heeeeeeeere
And... since you've been jumped on for it: Actually your use of the word retarded in relation to favoring or loving one child over another, saying that it's perfectly reasonable for one car to have expensive thing in it but not another merely because one belongs to a favored child is... is completely correct as defined:
From WebstersMerriam: "to slow (as in to retard a fire, or the fire was retarded by firebreaks), or *****limited in intellectual or emotional development*****"
That one child can do no wrong, I think most people can agree is limited in both intellectual and emotional development.
ALL pejoratives are offensive. There's no NICE way to call someone an idiot.
