JFF: What Needs Does Your Hubby Fulfill That Help You Feel Emotionally Connected

i don't wholly subscribe to the love languages thing, but some of it fits. mine is words, my husband's is acts of service. so while he's less likely to say All the Things I Wanna Hear, he's super good at making sure there's firewood (last night i came home to a nice fire blazing- even though it's still summer it's wet and chilly here.) he just finished building me a writing studio. noticed that my tires were a little low and checked and put air in them. built a fence around my kitchen garden when the bastard deer invaded. put a bench out where i can talk to my trees.

it's not overtly oooh baby, but it works.

;) khairete
S.

He washes dishes every night. He throws in to help out around the house wherever I need a hand...tossing in a load of laundry or eating leftovers again one more night in a row because I have a late meeting. (He will batch cook huge amounts of grilled meats for me over the weekend.) He gladly goes to school events that I can't make.

I'm not sure if you are looking for hand holding or gift giving like flowers or something because mine will hold my hand in the car but gifts are not his strong suit. He still flirts with me and tells me I look nice when I dress up and am not in mommy uniform of jeans and a T-shirt. He always gives me a kiss goodbye.

But a lot of our working together is very routine now after 20+ years and two kids. Most times I feel the most connected emotionally after a bedroom romp. When we find the time and energy as we are not the young spring chickens we used to be...does this help?

He is 100% my partner in all things, and my biggest cheerleader when I need one.

ETA: If you want specifics, I can try to add a little to explain what I mean. In our house, there are no "my chores" and "his chores". If there are dirty dishes, whoever is less tired does them. Whoever gets home from work first starts dinner. Last weekend we needed to do some painting. I painted down low (he has bad knees) and he painted up high (I have terrible balance and hate standing on ladders). When I had a serious illness a while ago, I didn't have to say a single word - he stepped up and did EVERYTHING for about 2 months until I was back on my feet. When we have long car rides, even after 20+ years of marriage, we can spend the whole ride talking about our life and future plans. We are a team.

I agree with the moms below - it's the little things, taking care of me (he moves my shrubs, even up to 3 times, before I'm happy with where they go), being a great dad and being super patient with our kids, stepping up when I have no energy, being funny and making me laugh when I am having a rough day (he's super corny), all those things. I get the odd text that there's something sweet hidden in a cupboard so kids can't find it (chocolate). He is not romantic. This is as good as it gets.

For me, when I lost someone very dear to me, he was there during the ugly grief. I felt so emotionally connected - very like when we first had babies. He was just there watching me feel everything, and he was quiet - but my rock. He was just this presence and wasn't turned off, quite the opposite. I felt I could be me - tears, snot ... the whole nine yards, for however long it took. No rush.

That's my emotional connection, I felt safe and loved. I need that.

This is kind of odd, but when my husband goes above and beyond for our kids, I feel very strongly connected to him emotionally. I think because my kids have such a strong connection to me, somehow when he does something wonderful for them, he can get on that same "connection wave" of how I feel towards/about him. It is hard to desire (which to me is different than "lust") intimacy for me without a deep emotional connection.

I am a very sexual person so a big part of how I stay feeling emotionally connected to him is by spending time in the bedroom together. Other then that it really is, for me, about quality time together whether we are cuddling watching tv, looking at funny things on facebook, or sneaking off for a quiet lunch somewhere just the two of us.

A while back (several years) we were not connecting very well and part of it seemed to steam from us always thinking about or complaining about what we felt the other person should be doing for us. I changed my way of thinking after reading something that said that happy people will usually want the others in their life to also be happy so I started asking "what can I do for him to make him happy?" rather then thinking about what he "should" be doing for me and after a short amount of time I noticed that he did start doing more and more little things to make me happy and show he was thinking of me, he naturally wanted me to feel as happy and loved as he did.

That is a problem for us. He does not do much to make me feel that way.
We are counseling to work on things but it's a slow going process