How Often Do you....you Know!

Twice a week? My husband would be delighted with twice a month! Really, at the end of the day after dealing with a whiny kiddo, the house/meals/shopping/cleaning/planning "it" is the LAST thing I want. I crave some alone time on the couch (or at the computer) with NO ONE touching me.

HILARIOUS!!

Why is this my every day life.....I told my hubby he needed to just constantly be on me about it...Which I have since decided was one of those things I say sometimes just to make him happy...before really thinking about what I am saying....So, now I am met, every night with...''So, You wanna fool around?'' I only have myself to be upset with....I invited the question....Thats what I get!!

I am normally way too pooped! Having three kids and a spouse is not my idea of easy.....both can be very needy and not even mean to be....Thank you for making me feel normal about never being in the mood:)

I am just like Amanda G.

My husband works out of state, so when he is home, we try to do it almost everyday.

= )

My husband did the same thing. At one point I sighed and said, "I'm exhausted but instead of wooing me and revving my engine, you decided that the best way into my pants was to pout and whine like our four year old. So sexy. Oh baby. My pants are just falling off for you right now. You want a piece of me today too? Fine."

And I dropped trou and bent over for him. He said, "I don't want you this way. I want you to want it."

And I snapped back at him, "Then MAKE me want it for crying out loud. THIS is not the way to initiate sex. Have you forgotten how? Is that what the problem is?"

"It didn't used to take so much to get you in the mood, and now, even when I try you just brush me off." he'd say quietly. "And I miss it when you used to come looking for me. It seems that now I'm always the one who comes looking for love, every single time."

"Well, maybe that's the crux of the issue right there. I don't twine sex and love up into one thing. I can love you to bursting without getting sticky, but if sticky is what you need to feel loved, then maybe we just have to 'do it', whether the mood has struck me or not. Let's try it and see." and I waggled my bum at him.

He took his opportunity and I suffered it like any other chore that I do around the house. Vacuuming. Dishes. Whatever. At that point it was all the same. I faked my ardor because I just wasn't feeling the same passion he was, but he felt loved and cared for and I felt good afterwards, the same way I would feel after a job well done.

Just like I never regret my clean kitchen after doing the dishes, or the sparkling toilets after scrubbing them spotless, I did not regret this less than honest sex.

I understand that he desires physical contact far more often than I do so after that little fiasco, I do my best to tend the garden of his swollen feelings so it never devolves to a point that he feels he needs to beg for contact.

He has also made an effort to rouse me to the same passion he feels when the mood strikes him. Sometimes it works. Sometime's I'm too tired to match his fervor so it's a really good thing he's prepared to do most all of the work.

Also, two times a week? He's getting plenty! We do it about four times a month. If he wants more, hand him a bottle of lotion and a box of kleenex and tell him to have at it.

I had a friend that told her husband that nothing turned her on like watching a man do house work.

My husband and I have a rule that we never say no to each other when it comes to getting it on! ;) We even try to fit it in when it seems impossible because we have a 4 year old that's always up our butts! Be sneaky about it as far as the kids go if you have to! Get in the bathroom and lock the door!!!! If a kid asks a question tell them you are washing Daddies back! ;)

twice a week? He should NOT be complaining.

LOL...tell your husband that you don't have sex with children and if he's going to whine like one, he won't be getting ANY. (Twice a week seems pretty good to me for this stage of parenting!)

Once he recovers from his shock, firmly tell him what you told us here on mamapedia. If he's any kind of man, he'll step up. If he truly is a whiney little boy, just know that when your kids are older, they can help you around the house, you'll get more sleep and the ol' libido will come back. Of course, by then, his popper may not pop as well as it once did and you can tell HIM twice a week is not fulfilling YOUR needs.

<chuckle> This is what happened with me and my husband. He stepped up to help me when our sons were babies/toddlers and I helped him when the positions were reversed. It wasn't funny then, but it's good for a chuckle now. What goes around comes around...

Good luck.

lol........its been a few months here.

well im an odd case, My husband works out of town, so when hes in town, damn near everyday.

it has been literally months since we have done it. When we were newly married we did it a lot. we have been married now for 24 years. and go through spurts where we do it every night for a week and then not again for a month. although this has been the longest. and truthfully I am hot and tired and don't care if it happens again ever since the cancer has started me into early menopause lol

My husband and I have been together since 1995 and have been married since 1998. We have three kids and he works long hours. Twice a week is WAY more than he and I do it that is for sure. I would say twice a month for us!! Since having kids I don't have the desire as often as he may like but I guess I could say it is quality not quantity, right? :) However many times a week /month you do it make it count as a way to stay connected to each other.

I would say, enjoy your problem. I don't have that problem. My husband is interested maybe once a week. Usually video games are more important.

Nicole P...you are my hero! We have the same conversation in our house...right now he's waiting on me to come to the bedroom but didn't really "woo" me into anything more than a "damn it...now I gotta get up and take care of him"...all after spending the last two days cleaning house, three Girl Scout events that two of which I was the facilitor...it's 97 degrees outside and I'm already pissy...UGH! Last thing on my mind is sex.

Update: I just got a "you got a litle something showing with that dress on!"...really? that's all you got?

We have been married for 11yrs and we are about 2 to3 times a week. I look at it this way (now) after my husband and I going through some really hard times lately (I hurt him,we are repairing our marriage) we do it about 3 times every 2 weeks and now I feel so bad for complaining about having to do it at all. I used to feel the same way, how could they want to do it so much and now that we dont do it as much I miss the closeness you feel and the smile on my husbands face after his needs are met something only I can do for him. I will never complain again I tell myself.
Just a different way to look at it at....

:)

For 9 years we were some of the outliers in the bellcurve... at least once if not more times a day *most* days (barring illness, injury, absence, etc.).

This past year, I can count the number of times we've had sex on 1 hand.

Quite simply I'm too vexed with him to even consider it.

Twice a week would be a dream come true for me...my man is so not interested. It SUCKS.

We've known each other for almost 25 years and have been married for 19. We get together at least 3-4 times a week and that seems to work for both of us. Of course, I'm lucky to have a husband who knows that throwing in a load of laundry or running the dishwasher gets me in the mood faster than anything else! I explained a long time ago that when I'm exhausted from housework, grocery shopping, cooking and cleaning up I'm just too tired for anything else. He lets me sleep in more than a few days a week and really helps when I need it. We also spend 15-20 minutes after dinner every night talking with no interruptions. I'm always up for sex because I feel emotionally connected to him WAY before either of us is thinking about it.

I always get hung up on this question. i've asked before and others have said they do this too, but for me, the week after my period i am good to go every day, twice if i had nothing else to take up my time, but after that first week, i could care less. so if you average it I guess 2x a week, but I can't average that.

I do feel alot of pressure though to keep him happy since i think he thinks imitacy equals love. tough balance

Well, after reading all the responses, I feel like a bad wife! Once a week in our house, sometimes twice.

I'm soooooooo jealous of everyone. I'm the one that wants sex & my husband isn't interested. We haven't had sex since Sept. of last year.
So I just gave up. I'm not overweight. I'm still very attractive. So, I'm not sure what the problem is. We had been trying to have a 2nd child for the past 4 years - so I was the one that initiated sex during my ovulation. I had some complications and can no longer have kids so I stopped initiating sex and it just stopped all together. Besides, it was very mechanical and unfulfilling when we did do it. I don't know how or why this has happened, he wasn't like this when we were dating.

He's tried taking prescription testosterone - all that did was make him sterile and make me unable to conceive.

So I give up.

.

-Check out this site (I've heard a lot about it recently), maybe you have 2 different "love languages", once you know what each other needs/wants, it will be easier to make it happen. http://www.5lovelanguages.com/assessments/love/

We go in spurts -- several times for several days in a row, then nothing for 2 weeks. On average, I'd guess it's 3-5 times a month. I'd like it to be more often, but my hormones have certainly changed. I wish I had my sex drive back like I used to! :)

So my husband plays computer games with his brothers more often than we do "it". we average twice a month, and it's always me who initiates it. should i be worried? he never comes after me, and when i try to talk to him about it he complains that he never knows if it's my period etc... but seriously, why isn't he complaining to me and wanting more?

It varies considerably due to some health issues he has that sometimes make his anatomy unccooperative.
When we're both in the mood and his body is willing, we do it.
If we're both in the mood and his body isn't willing, we find workarounds.
If only one of us is in the mood, that one puts his/her opposable thumbs to use with a bottle of Astroglide.
Depending on all the variables, we have been known to go from several times a day for weeks to nothing for over a month. And it's all good. It happens when it happens.

Fifteen years of marriage and six children later....

We make love between 2-4 times a week. Is that a lot? lol I always feel bad for him that I'm too tired the other nights.

I've never really cared about looking/feeling sexy...I've owned exactly one piece of lingerie in my life, and it was a wedding gift. I wore it once and decided I hated the way it made me feel...Like a stripper, actually. Hubby was understanding and said I'm at my sexiest when I just wake up in my flannel pajamas with my hair still in the braid from the night before. Gotta love my man. :)

I'm also lucky in that my husband understands that if sex is going to be on the to-do list, then making sure I'm not too tired for it is a must. IE: help around the house and with the kids gets him into my pants faster than anything else (well, when he kisses me on the back of the neck I just melt, so maybe not quite ;).

Tell your husband what you told us. Then tell him that if he helped out more, you'd feel more in the mood because you wouldn't be so tired and overworked!

Maybe they all cry that? I dunno what my husband tells other men when I am not around. My husband is a good guy. He never complains and we generally have sex when the mood hits. If I'm not feeling it, then he totally respects me and backs off. I appreciate that and try to compensate in other ways. Sometimes it's daily, other times it's a couple of times a month.
We have been together our entire lives almost and we have a solid relationship. We share a deep love for one another. I think "passion" just isn't as hot as in the beginning. Your relationship grows with maturity so you find other ways to be meaningful to each other besides sexual.

2-3 times per week on average. We do a lot in the mornings before work. Apparently he can stay "up" longer at 7:00. He doesn't ask for it, I have to kind of read his mind. also, I told him I am 36 and these next 4 years are the prime years of my sex life so we need to get it on more often. I do wear lingerie once in awhile for him.

Explain to him how sexy you find housework. If he wants to help you with the evening chores so you can both get to bed earlier and maybe you won't be too tired for what he wants. Maybe he can think of other ways to help you get in the mood too. (I hate feeling rushed and it is hard not to feel that when when life is busy.)

But honestly, if you have young kids twice a weeks is a lot already. I know it is less in my house and I think many others too.

Well, my husband is deployed right now..... so it ebbs and flows. When he returns, we'll be sure to flow for a while. We try to make sure to have Us Time at least once a week. Otherwise we both get grouchy.

I don't know, he sounds like me. :) I get cranky if we go more than one night without doing anything. Unfortunately, my husband works evenings and has the kids days when I'm at work, so by the time they're in bed asleep he's either trying to get me to go to bed and he's staying up to unwind, or we're both so exhausted we're crawling in to bed. I still remind him I'm NEVER too tired for that but try not to be too obnoxious about it. He has told me that he's tried to wake me up before and I just rolled over, which is really disappointing but I guess I can't control that. He also often takes sleep meds since he has insomnia on top of his work schedule, and that makes it almost impossible for things to "work" properly. So, on a bad week, maybe only twice a week. On a good week, every night (it's been a few weeks since we've had the time/energy to do that more than once, but that would be a really really good week).

Most of the time whatever I'm wearing is going to come off anyway, so it doesn't matter to me if it's sexy or not. It's too hot here to wear bottoms to bed anyway. That sounds totally normal to me (your situation), but again I can totally sympathize with your husband. Sometimes timing is everything and the one thing you can't control. :)

I think 2X/week is pretty good. That's about where we're at too, although I think both of us would want it more, but honestly, sometimes I'm tired or grumpy or it gets too late and I just want to curl up under the covers. It's kinda crappy that he nags you about it, but I would honestly tell him that when he gets pouty it only turns you off more and makes you less inclined to do it. It's a fine line really, but 2 times a week is pretty good so just keep it up and do it when you can! LOL! I have found that if we have sex right after the kids go to bed it's much better b/c it doesn't get too late and then he'll help me with whatever I want for the rest of the night, mind you it doesn't always work out this way, but when it does it's great! ;)

Between everything we have to do twice a week is about it. I would defnitely say as unsexy as it is he should think about how to make it happen more. I don't mean to power through being tired but see if something can give, perhaps get the kids to bed earlier one night, eat off paper plates so that there are not dishes one night, get creative

Sexual desire can wax and wane due to stress, hormones, etc. In my marriage we did "the deed" every day for hte first year, usually twice! But that is a distant memory now! Now it's about 2-3 times a week, and we are happy with that. When we were trying to get pregnant and having sex 4-5 times a week it started to feel like too much pressure! Now that we have 3 kids it's purely for fun again! I think that the important thing is now how often you have sex, but how happy you are together. You both need to make each other feel loved, sometimes having sex even if you are not totally in the mood makes your husband feel loved. And you need to tell him what you would like from him to make you feel loved in return!