D.B.
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Charlotte
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Hi moms
I have a situation on my hands & It's effecting me negatively in every way! My mother in law rented us her house but has decided to return to her home. I though we would move but financially its impossible so my husband added a room to the home & we now live together. She has been here a couple of months & things are going terribly wrong! Im 6 months pregnant & have two boys. I've tried my hardest to accomodate her by given her the boys room which was bigger & she demanded cable in her room so I made arrangements for her room to have cable. However I was a bit hurt when I asked if she could help me with babysitting for 3 hours a week for my 4 yr old mean while I go to work & she refused! I bit my tongue & didnt make a big deal. I went ahead & found a sitter so now I struggle back & forth with him. Now she doesn't come out of her room which is odd because she loves to cook & was always in the livingroom, she doesnt talk to me or when she leaves doesnt say bye! Last night I came home & she was drinking & arguing with my husband (her son) & I felt so awkward! Today she rolled out of her room at 4pm in p.j & my husband simply asked if she had just gotten up & she snapped saying rudely yeah she doesnt have to get up for what!!! I was in aww I mean what is her problem???? I walk on egg shell for her & I don't know what to do or say! I wish we could move but it wont be for a couple of months & I hate being home!!!!! Any suggestions :( This feels like a nightmare
Edit: She wanted to travel, but she is on disability & has tons of therapy appoinments that don't allow her to leave. She does not want us to move out because she says she cant afford the rent here alone. That's why my husband added the third bedroom. He is in construction so they agreed that he would do the room out of his pocket & not pay rent that month. Its a mess & I do believe she has a drinking problem & depression but I was not for this living arrangement. I warned them all & she agreed & now I have to deal with all this mess.
Hi moms
Well I had to confront her and talk about all the issues & apparently she is hurt because she says we dont include her in our lives and we are so distant from the family!!! To begin with they have never been a close family & we do include her but she always declines to do anything! I give up...really I mean I am pregnant & cant stress over her issues. If that was the problem she should of communicated but she expects my husband & I to communicate better & everything is our fault. I will let her think whatever she wants butI told my husband we need to move ASAP!!!! She had depression issues and suffers form alcohol addiction & I dont know how to help her but I cannot argue with some one like that so I listened to her and agreed that she was right for the sake of not fighting & we are still living together but Im looking for a new rental.
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Do you think she might be depressed? Maybe the circumstances of her other living arrangement not working out have made her unhappy...
My husband often tells me that my MIL feels threatened by me---and I am about the least threatening person you can imagine! But he tells me he thinks that she fears losing her place as the matriarch---fears becoming that old person who is an afterthought, outside of the main family unit, instead of a part of it as she used to be.
Sounds like she might have some depression issues or something. The change in personality (from being social to reclusive) and not getting out of bed until 4pm doesn't sound good. Maybe she feels like an intruder in her own home? If it's her house and she is allowing you to rent it, then "giving her the boys room" and "arranging to have cable in her room" really shouldn't be too much for her to ask. She's a grown woman and she probably hates all of this as much as you do. I would make arrangements to try to move as soon as possible and let her have her space back. Then, if the strange behavior continues, I would have hubby try to see if she needs to get some help. Good luck! Sorry that all of you are having to go through this.
I think there is something going on with her too. I understand the hurt and the frustration ( i have an overbearing MIL im not too fond of) but it sounds as though something is going on that isn't good for her. Maybe she feels like she is intruding on the situation, or wants to be the amazing grandma but doesn't know how.
I could be wrong because I am not there, but maybe try talking to your husband (w/o putting her down if possible) about possible solutions. It is a frustrating situation but at the same time, maybe there may be a chance that you can figure out what is the underlying issue and work it out.
You and your husband definitely need to find your own place to live. You need your own space and so does your MIL. Does your MIL have a drinking problem or maybe a problem with depression or the like? Sounds like she's struggling in some way....
Whoa! Lots of additional questions--why did she leave/where was she living in the first place?
As to the well-meaning people who say to GET INTO debt to get out...ummm...NO!
I would prefer to live pregnant with two kids and a hubby in a 2 BR apartment than deal with this daily drama! Can you do that temporarily?
Are you still paying her rent? Can she survive without it?
The bigger concept/life lesson here is NEVER enter financial arrangements with family...EVER. It allows for "weird" to happen.
Does she have a problem with alcohol? Depression? You can't force her to address those issues. (And if she does, you might not want her babysitting anyway).
Could you pay extra to help with the babysitting situation?
Just some thoughts.
If you absolutely cannot get out now, I guess you'll just have to put up with her the best you can until you can get your exit plan ready.
How RUDE for your MIL to rent you her house and then decide to move right back in!!!!! Since you plan on leaving in 2 months, just leave NOW!! Even if you have to take out a loan from your bank (preferably a relative so you won't have to pay back interest), then DO IT! This is an emergency for the sake of your sanity. I would rather die than live with my inlaws or my parents, so you need to do this now. So you will be a little more in the hole financially, but you would just be moving 2 months earlier than planned, so I don't think it would be the end of the world. Good luck.
