me and my boyfriend have a 7 month old baby together & weve been living with his mom while we get established. at first things were rocky but now they are getting alot better. As of lately though my mother in law has said small remarks that make me feel as if though their isnt any room here for my daughter and myself. At first she used to tell me i couldnt bring my clothes here because theres no room for it. so i just brought 3 changes of clothes. Now she keeps complaining about my boyfriends clothes , (we have a very small room which is for my boyfriiend, daughter and myself. and the closet space is also very small. my clothes is in the corner of the closet and my daughters clothes fits in 2 drawers and i have 10 hangers of her dresses which dont take up alot of space in the closet. ) she keeps saying how the babys clothes doesnt need to be hung up and my boyfriends clothes should be hung up, we have the closet space, a drawer chest and a clothes rackl which is my boyfriends clothes. she wants me to get rid of my daughters closet space to hang up my boyfriends clothes that is on the rack. i feel like shes telling me theres no room for me and my daughter... would anyone else feel some type of resentment ?
( please no negative comments )
edit : just to answer a few of the questions asked :
we are planning on moing out soon. and we do help around the house alot, cleaning up after ourselves we also cook for all of us & we also help with groceries as well. and my boyfriend does stand up for me but she waits till hes not around to say anything she has to say to me. i do understand this is her home and not ours, we also do thank her , i especially thank her every and any time she does anything for us.
I forget which pictorial language it is but the word for happiness is one woman in a house and the word for strife is 2 women in a house. Sounds like she feels she is being replaced in her sons life and isn't handling it well.
I would feel the same way. If she is letting you stay in the room, why is it her business how many clothes you have in there or how you store them? It's not like you have them all over the floor! Just bear with it and try to be nice, but let it go in one ear and out the other. Hopefully, you won't have to live there forever!
I'm guessing his mom is feeling resentment over having you all under her roof, and is giving you some heavy hints about finding other arrangements.
It's pretty amazing that she's allowed you in "until you get established." If that's been 7 months, or more, she may be wondering what's taking you so long. It can be hard to have a baby and young woman living in your home (I've tried this with an out-of-work friend for several months) – there are probably other areas of the house that you must use, as well, and multiple ways you are pressuring her space and her life. That's a lot to ask.
Do you have a plan? Can you fill her in on what you are doing to make other arrangements possible? Can you give her a date that you propose to leave? Are you paying for rent, utilities, or groceries? And most of all, can you let her know how much you appreciate what she's doing for you? Can you listen to her suggestions and advice with an open heart? If she feels stressed and isn't getting any thanks from you, she will become more and more impatient about this living situation.
She is very passive aggressively (not to mention rudely) trying to tell you, that you're not welcome. It seems as though she is fine with her son being there, but not you and the baby. Can you live somewhere else? If you and your boyfriend have a healthy relationship, you can find a place together.
She's telling you that she wants you out, but that her son can stay. Is there a reason why you have to live together? Can you stay wherever your other clothing is? You don't have to live together right now if it isn't working.
Put as much $$ away as you can and set a goal to be in your own place in a year and do everything you can to reach that goal.
She's trying to manipulate you into leaving, in an immature and passive aggressive way, I'm sure she's right to a degree and probably stressed over the situation, though not handling it well. And I would leave too. It's about time to figure it for your family out anyways.
Contact your county's human resources, they can give you plenty of information on how to get on your feet.
http://www.nyc.gov/portal/site/nycgov/menuitem.97c1bd68f8...
No, I would not feel any resentment. It's her house and she is being gracious to have you stay there. When you have your own place, then you get to decide where things go.
Good luck!
Now is the time to consider yourself "established." My grandpa had a saying that relatives are like fish...great when you first bring them home, but afterwhile, they always begin to stink.
Save your sanity, and your relationship, and get your own place.
Uh, resentment, not sure. But does it sound like she is giving lame excuses why you can't have your own clothes/baby clothes over there, yes. If she agreed to have you there, she should allow you to have some space. What is it to her where your clothing is, in your boyfriends room. It does sound like she maybe is regretting the decision of allowing you and the baby to move in. And instead of speaking up about it, is picking on silly small things.
Is there any other place where you could live? It sounds like she is upset with all of you living there. Not healthy for you and your family especially if things are better between you and your boyfriend. If you can try to make alternative arrangements on where to live if you can afford it. Can you live with your own family or friend for a time? Are you working? Very stressful I am sure but you guys need to make a decision..
Sounds like it is time for the 3 of you to move out. Your BF is a father, he does not need his mother babying him.
Do you have family in town? Stay with them.
Next, you have a child with a Boyfriend. Not married. I would STRONGLY suggest, you get an Attorney, and get full custody etc.
The Laws, for custody per UNmarried couples, is different, than married couples.
Next, I would not get married, just because. I would really be wise... about custody, get information, and be smart.
Do you have a good relationship with him? Is he a good man and a good Dad?
Next, well his Mom wants you and the baby out.
She only seems to want her Son there.
She is yes, being passive aggressive about it.
So... you need to think about alternate plans, for yourself and your baby.
Do you have good friend and family in town. I say that again. Because you need to have your OWN network of supportive people, in your life.
Next, what does your Boyfriend do about it?
Is he supportive of you and the needs of his Girlfriend and baby and does he stand up to his Mom?
You/the baby, is his responsibility. As a 'Man"... he should be on your side.
It is not a pleasant situation.
I am just making suggestions.
Kind of wondering where it is her business. You aoll share a small room. It's not like you are taking over her closet space. However this "fight" should be between son and mother you need to stay out of it. I don't think she is saying there is no room for you an ddaughter I think she ids saying all of you need to go. Get things rigt financially as soon as you can and move out. You need your own space for your own family.
My feeling is that she may need to realize that if you & your BF are old enough and responsible enough to have and care for a child, then you are old enough and mature enough to handle the dividing up of the available space for everyone's things, right? Do your best to keep your small quarters neat and tidy! Good luck!
I do understand it is her house, but if she allowed you and her grandchild to move in then I don't see where she should be saying where clothes go in his room... he's not 3 years old anymore???
She is being passive-aggressive like others have commented. See if there is any help/assistance you could get to move out on your own. It sometimes is the best thing you can do, even if you struggle a bit, you become stronger.
To answer your question, yes, I would be hurt to say the least.
How old are you and your boyfriend, are you adults? It sounds like MIL resents you being there and is hesitant to give up "ownership" of her son to another woman, she is telling you how to take care of him and that he is more important than you or the baby, that he should be your #1 priority. Honestly, if you are an adult couple living in her house, she should not be in your room or your closet. It sounds like she has boundary issues and I don't believe these will get better with you living in her house, so I hope the three of you will be able to get your own place.
It sounds like it is very stressful for everyone - having a new baby is hard all round, esp. the first time. And you are living in cramped quarters. So, just keep being kind and helpful. Make sure you are contributing to making meals, cleaning up, etc.
I would politley tell her that he is a big boy and if he wants his clothes hung up, he will figure it all out and apparently it isn't that big of a deal for him.
Do you have a time frame-written down-that will show her when you plan on moving ? For instance-are you able to save enough money for a security deposit and first months rent on a house/apartment/condo by April 15th? Throw her a crumb-maybe she'd ease up on you. Meanwhile-who wouldn't just love to have their Grandchild living with them??????
I would just try and save and get out. Life is hard enough without having someone on you like that. I hope you do, you will see it will be better. A studio has to be better then this if you cant afford a apt yet. Just to get your own space for now.
