im a little upset with my mil (no surprise there). anyways my daughter, husband and i went to a birthday party today and my mil (whom we live with) said she was going to clean up while we were gone. this is something she does about once a month on the weekend. well i have been going through my daughter toys and clothes in her room to get rid of a bunch of things and give them to a hope center that my friends mom runs. well when we got home tonight i walk into my daughters room and its cleaned. now my mil knows i was doing this because i started it friday (my daughter has tooooo much stuff). i asked her why her room was cleaned and she replied harshly well it was an F$*(%& mess! and i was like i was going through her things to get rid of. she got all mad and walked away and i left it at that. my mil is not forgetful and knew what i was doing. now i have to go and pull everything back out and restart. its really irritating that she does this. we have also asked her not to clean my daughters room due to the fact its not her responsibility and that she doesnt put things where they belong.
thanks for replying. we are working hard to get out of the horrid living situation. yes we do our share of helping around the house. i clean and cook (when asked to cook since they dont like the fact i actually season my food). my husband mows the lawn and does some cleaning (since he works grave yard). we all work in this house by my husband and i have to carry most of the cleaning burden. regardless its never enough for my husbands parents. they put us down all the time and praise their other son whom doesnt live at home and is unmarried with no kids (they have always been this way). there is no calm talking with my mil she takes personal offence to anything directed at her. when i asked her not to feed my daughter because she wouldnt eat her meal i caught her sneaking her food (this has always been a rule for me. so when i calmly told my daughter to through it away and asked my mil why she went against my wishes she jumped my back and said i was being condensending and i simply told her that i was excersing my right as a parent. i dont take her my house my rules since she keeps telling us we are equals living here and then pulls the my house my rules. as i see it and tell her thats my child my rules. plain and simple. i will not sacrifice my parenting and my rules just because we live with my in laws. we live on egg shells here and cant wait to move.
I wouldnt stress over it too much...I mean...it is her house. Just sayin? If I were you, I wouldve just thanked her and gone through the toys later..
I imagine there is a lot of stress and tension, that goes a long with living with your in-laws. I think this situation feels much worse, because of that stress and tension.
Not sure why you live with MIL, but I would speed up your timeline on getting out of her house. Best of Luck!
My husband and I lived with my in-laws for a short time when he got laid off. She would come in during the day and gather our laundry, sort out our drawers, cleans the bathroom, etc...I was furious and felt my privacy had been invaded. My hubby didn't want to talk to his mom and all hell broke loose one day. I hit the roof. I had just bought a new knit jumper and she washed it in water with bleach. It was no longer a pretty medium green but a washed out mint green. He did not talk to her again so I did and I yelled at her about my privacy...she returned that she was just helping out and that we should appreciate the help. Both of us, hubby and I, worked and she was just trying to make our life easier. Needless to say I was rude and told her to stay out of our room...she pulled the my house house thing and we just remained angry at each other for a long time.
We eventually got moved out and now she is passed away. I am deeply ashamed of how I treated her. I wish a dozen times a day that I could go back and just give her a hug and tell her thank you for caring enough to try and help us. She meant no harm in helping us and really was trying to make our days easier.
If your daughter's room is that bad you need to clean it every day. If you were in my house and I felt it was so bad I had to clean it I would do it too. It is your responsibility to make sure it is done every day. Not your MIL's. You should spend every day a few minutes making sure it is done, not just on the weekends. My grandkids have my hubby to help them every day and it is his responsibility to make sure they are being taught. The reason it is his job is that I will go in there with a trash can from outside to clean it. If it is unmanageable then it is too much for a child to handle.
Just a suggestion: Next time you are sorting out stuff mark/label the boxes "donation" "give away" "throw out" etc...so that she has no excuse to say I didn't know what you were doing or that she forgot.
Right now you dont have a lot of power while living in another woman's home. Better communication on your part might have helped (letting her know where the pile of outgoing toys were right before you left). Right now she feels she's doing you a favor by trying to keep the house organized. I'm sure part of it is a measure of control as well, reminding you that you should not be living there. These annoyances are to serve as a reminder that the sooner you get out on your own the better off you will be..... and hopefully not destroy your relationship with her in the meantime. She doesnt want you too comfortable, she wants you to launch.
My Mom AND MIL live too far away from me. I would throw out thousands of dollars worth of toys so that my husband and me could have dinner alone together...not to mention having a human being that raised me watching my child.
Perhaps the grass is greener pn the other side?
sorry her house her rules
This is a sticky situation....and I don't want to be too judgemental of either party.
First of all...are you and your husband carrying your share of the load, living with your MIL? I assume there must be a financial or orther reason for the current living arrangement. If you aren't able to shoulder half of the living expenses...do you make up for that by helping around the house, keeping the yard work up, helping with the cooking etc?
It sounds to me like there is some resentment on your MIL's part but of course it is impossible to tell WHAT is causing this resentment. The mess in your daughters room probably is NOT the real problem....there is something else going on and this was just the way that it all came boiling to the surface.
I agree with LuckyMom that what is needed here is a calm, clear headed discussion between you, your MIL and your husband, when everyone has calmed down and can talk without getting upset. Don't accuse each other, don't compile a list of "complaints" but concentrate on what the three of you can do to make your home a more peaceful and loving place to live.
Do you live with her, or does she live with you? Either way she is wrong since she knew what you were doing, but if you are living in her home, she obviously feels like she can disregard your projects and clean up her own home. Stop living with her ASAP!!!! I do not believe it could ever be a good situation living w/ inlaws. I wouldn't never do it - EVER. Get out!!
Let's start with, MIL advised you she would be cleaning. Did you or hubby advise her that you were in the process of going through your daughter's things and to please leave them alone and you would finish when you returned? It doesn't matter if she knows you were doing this, you've been doing it for over 24 hours, maybe she was tired of waiting for you to finish.
Why are your living with MIL in the first place? What is your living arrangement with MIL? Do you pay her rent? This makes a HUGE difference. If you're paying rent, then you are entitled to your space and unless you have an agreement, you can keep it messy if you choose. (you meaning, yourself, hubby and your child)
However, my guess is that you're probably giving her a small amount of money, maybe paying for a few groceries here and there, and are helping out around the house. Of course, the bottom line being that even with the work you do and the small financial contribution you make, you aren't even beginning to cover your expenses.
The bottom line here is she is not forcing you to live there. She probably does not want you living there. If this living situation is so horrid, you know where the door is.
I'm all for donating, but maybe you should sell all those unwanted and unneeded toys and clothing so you could have some money to help your situation.
Yes it would have if it happened under my own rough not my in-laws..Lucky me I don't have in-laws that would do such a thing
I would be irritated, but would leave it alone to keep the peace
I would rent a sleeping room and live there until I could afford more. They are $150-200 a month in the cheapest areas. Seriously. I would move today.
