How Much Are You Driven by Fear?

I have a 4yrold and I am not terribly driven by fear. Iam concerned about what school will bring (bullies, etc) but it does not stop me. I am concerned about being in a bad car wreck but again that does no stop me from driving. I am concerned because my child is a runner as many boys are so I use a child leash in places like the mall or airport and when appropriate avoid taking him to stores where I will be distracted by him (clothes shopping, food shopping etc). I understand that those who are driven by fear and give in to that fear are vicims of terrorism and I refuse to be a victim. So, I live with awareness but I am not living in fear.

I have two boy, 9 and 6. I make sure they do their homework, but I never taught them any school related things at home and I never made them practice math or writing at home. I think that parents are responsible to teach their kids other stuff, which is as important as school related things.

I teach my boys to be nice and have empathy with others. I teach them to care for the environment and to appreciate nature. I teach them about food, where it comes from, what the body needs (and doesn't need) and how to prepare it (both of them love to help me cook). I also teach them how to use a knife and a fork properly, and to say "please" and "thank you". But by teaching many those things, I also teach them math, science, etc. For example when we cook, we measure ingredients, we follow a recipe, we do science. It's all stuff they learn at school, but in a hands-on environment.
They both do very well at school and they enjoy going to school.

I am a little bit worried when I hear parents talk about college preparation. I think many parents overdo it, but sometimes I wonder if my laid-back attitude will bite me in the a#@ when it's time to get the college applications out.

I may be about to open what some may deem a semantic arguement, but I think there is a differance in parents trying to give their children an advantage in the face of an uncertain future (or those nutjobs who want to live vicariously for whom nothing is ever good enough.) Decisions based on fear are very different. No, my child cannot participate in this activity because they would have to walk home through dangerous areas. My son is autistic. We don't do a lot of things because I have fear for his safety. Yes, I also fear his future... but it is a more visceral thing than grades.

I think a fair amount of parents are nuts. It seems to get worse as the children get younger. Like the grape thing yesterday. I asked a woman I work with do they really warn against grapes. She said, look at the size! perfect for choking. How many kids actually choke every year, what is the percent.

There is always a chance that an airplane can hit your home, should we all live underground. I wish people would realize living in fear, trying to protect completely is a harm in and of itself.

I would hate to lose one of my children but even more I would hate that they never got a chance to live because of fear.

I agree with you. I feel that there isn't much different from 10 years ago, other than we have more communication with more places and more people. I mean, we know what is going on in Europe, even if it doesn't impact us here in the US, ever. Besides the fact that more is documented now and shown to millions of people. It doesn't mean the same things have never happened before, it just means it wasn't documented.
Edited:
I think parents these days do have a lot more to process than 10 years ago though because of what we can know these days. But it is important to remember that we do just know more and things are not much different. besides cultural changes that occur in all societies.

i agree with you. the other factor is that through this fear we may actually hurt our kids. teaching babies to read is taking time away from the other things they are supposed to be doing developmentally. same goes for kindergarten "prep" and all that. kids are actually SUPPOSED to have a lot of unstructured play to develop well. so sit back, relax, and let your kid scrape her knee, or deal with difference in public schools, or sit and stare at a snail for an hour. they'll be better off for it.

There is a difference between fear and common sense. Just because something has always been done, doesn't make it right. Woman have been raped since the beginning of time. So should we walk around in dark places by ourselves at 3 am to prove we don't live in fear?

Woman have been beat by their husbands, minorities kept as slaves, bosses mistreating their employees, and thousands of common miscarriages of justice could be listed. Should we allow these social ills to continue just because they have been happening for thousands of years?

So why not make choices based on avoiding certain pitfalls of life? Isn't the whole point of living in the USA that we have amazing freedoms and choices that we can make about how we want to live our lives?

What's the point of giving birth if we are just going to throw our kids to the wolves? Do we have them in order to put a notch on our belts, parade them in front of our old classmates and show them off to our peers? Or do we have children to further our human race and for some of us, to live out God's plan for our lives?

You are right about one thing. Fear can be a destructive emotion. We were given fear to warn us of something that can or will or is hurting us. We need to overcome fear by making right choices and by realizing that God is in control. Without him I'd be a fearful mess!

I don't think the things you mentioned are really "driven by fear".
I think the things you mentioned are caused by a large dose of two things: ignorance and competition.

As far as FEAR goes, I think fear comes largely from the unknown and knowledge is power in fearful situations.
Once you know about and understand something, it's never as scary.

I would love to say "no way, I don't care about that stuff", but that would be a lie considering the fact that I took two days off of work to take our son to preschool interviews/visits.

I'm not motivated by fear b/c I don't feel like that is the source of my decisions, but I am motivated by the need to "keep up" and "get ahead".

Hmmmm, interesting question. I would not necessarily have characterized most of what you listed as fearful behaviors. Personally I think they come from people feeling very competitive and wanting to make sure their kids are the BEST! AT! EVERYTHING! And that drives me nuts. My SIL/BIL hired a reading tutor for their child when she was in 1st grade. IMO, that was a bit early to be worried already about her reading performance, but hey, not my kid. But in general, what I've seen is a strong and probably very unhealthy sense of competition.

Perhaps the root of those competitive feelings is fear. Fear of their children not being able to get into a good college and support themselves in adulthood. Fear of looking bad in the community. Fear of ... who knows what. But I still think it's unhealthy.

Anyway, I'm about to start ranting too, so I better sign off. But I feel you.

I'm usually pretty relaxed about it. Sure there are dangers I need to look out for, but I don't let myself get all worked up about it. As you said, the world has always been a dangerous place. That's part of life, but because we live in the age of information, we are just more aware of the dangers.

As far as the college issue goes. Yes, it will be more difficult to get into and pay for college for our children, but that's how it was about 30 years ago. Three decades ago college was a privilage. Then we had this "college is a right" bubble for a while. That has obviously popped, but perhaps it will return one day for those who want it. I am still hopeful.

I agree with you 100%!!!

I agree with you that it can get a little overwhelming, but it is reality. As a former middle school teacher, I have seen that the slacking in as early as 5th grade can affect the classes kids test into Freshman year. Which then can mean that they are behind from the start. How can that kid compete for admission to a good college? It is SO out of hand, and yet So their reality.