K.I.
S.,
Of course it is supposed to be this difficult. Girls are not truly sweetness and light. Can't you remember being a teenage girl, or were you the one with the halo? When I was 15 and 16, those were the worst years with my Mother--and I was GOOD. Does her room have a door? If so, let her have free rein in there, and just close the door when you don't want to see it. Specify no moldy, decaying food or other smelliferous material and then leave her alone.
For chorse, keep the list to a minimum. If she doesn't complete the list, does she do the chores from the top down, or pick the easiest? If it is sequential order, put what you REALLY want done at the top, and throw in some non-vital ones at the bottom. Be sure to thank her for the things she does. Being in a new house, with no friends has likely caused a good deal of stress for her, and she may not know how to tell you this.
Does she complete her homework, and get good grades? Do you praise her for this, or just assume she knows she is doing a good job? Is she involved with alcohol, drugs, sex, or other unhealthy behavior? If not, count your blessings and PRAISE her for choosing the right path.
Explain to her WHY you want her to do chores. Not, "You are part of this household and you HAVE to do this," but "Honey, I work very hard and when you fold the laundry for me, it lets me concentrate on making you dinner, or I can relax for a few minutes, or I feel really loved because my daughter helps me." Would she like *you* to sit and chat with her as her father did while she cleans her room? Maybe some female bonding time? Maybe just the moral support?
Rest assured, your life will not be simple with teenage girls. Know, however, that by 17 most females have found their groove and become human again. Try to be patient and nice--it is hard. Try to work *with* your daughter. Ask her what chores she would be willing to take responsibility for, and which one she truly hates. Try to spend positive time with her, even if it is cleaning or baking cookies, or shopping, or just chatting. She loves you, but is going through a tough transition.
Best wishes,
K.