My daughter (12) is basically responsible for HERSELF. Which means there is absolutely no consequence TO ME if HER laundry isn't done or is done wrong.... it's all on her.
*She does all her own laundry: clothing, sheets, towels. I think she left stuff in the washer once or twice. She found all her stuff laying wet o(r dry, depending on which she'd left them in) on the floor because I had to do mine. Now she washes, dries and folds without leaving clothes.
*She keeps her room clean - or not. If it's not clean she keeps the door closed. It's her space. But if she can't find something because it's not where it's supposed to be.... she goes without. She's getting better...... she once had to re-do an entire assignment because she couldn't find it.... she got way better after that.
*There is an upstairs bathroom that is not "hers" but she is the one who primarily uses it. She is responsible for keeping it clean. This she does not have a choice (like the choice she has with her room or her clothes) because it's not solely her space. If I go in there and it's not clean, she has to stop what she's doing RIGHT THEN and come clean it while I watch her. That means one time she had to go late to a sleepover because it wasn't what I considered clean.
*she has to pick up anything that is hers in common areas of the house before she goes to bed each night / or before she leaves to go somewhere fun or with a friend.
As far as consequences...... I won't make MYSELF late.... I will tell her that it needs to be clean / picked up before I get home or she will have to clean it / pick it up while I stand there and give her instructions. She HATES that.
The only *family* chores she has is that she empties the dishwasher and puts everything away.
I cook, my soon-to-be-hubby rinses the dishes and puts them in the dishwasher. We each take our plates from the table to the sink. So what was left was emptying the dishwasher and putting away.... that's now her responsibility.
She will also help me with anything that I ask her to do. I try to let her be a kid, but if we have company coming or something.... we will do things together - which actually INCREASES our time together.... plus work gets done.
Additionally, on any general week, she is able to earn *up to* $10 by completing a list of cleaning duties: microwave deep cleaning, sweep & mop kitchen floor, vacuum living room & hallway and clean my bathroom. She can choose to earn that money or not..... it's up to her. But that is how she gets any spending money (unless she gets money or a giftcard as a present). There is also a natural consequence to that..... I still pay for anything we do together as a family.... but if she wants to go to Claire's or whatever and buy earrings, or they want to go for a pretzel after school... that's her money. If she hasn't been cleaning and earning money she can't go or can't buy anything. Same with iTunes.... her phone was her Christmas gift and I pay the monthly cost (because that's how she communicates with me and her dad who lives in another state)... but any games, music, wallpaper etc that she wants.... she has to pay for all of them.
I also don't "punish" with something that isn't related to the offense. So, I wouldn't ever "take away TV or phone" unless she had been misusing the TV or phone. But there IS a rule that things have to be done BEFORE fun happens.... so if she dawdles when she's cleaning the bathroom or she hasn't practiced clarinet or isn't done with her homework..... well then that leaves LESS time for TV or games or whatever. I find it naturally works out and I never have to "ground her" or "take something away" or whatever. Instead of focusing on punishment, I focus on the importance of the task I want her to complete first and I get involved in it. I'll read her first revision and give her pointers.... that keeps her on track.
I also found that if we were doing things TOGETHER it reduced the ability for her to do something wrong. So typically, while I am fixing dinner she will unload the dishwasher. So we are both in the kitchen and we can talk about stuff without it being intense because we are both doing *separate* activities. Same thing as with her helping me clean.... we will do things together so it gets done right the first time or we don't move on to the next thing.
Everything else was set up to have a natural consequence FOR HER only. Therefore, it doesn't impact me..... I could care less if she wears dirty wrinkly smelly jeans to school..... but her FRIENDS will care. So, it gets done and I don't have to spend one iota of energy on that.