Help! Hair Puller and Hitter

Updated on February 26, 2008
L.W. asks from Raymond, ME
4 answers

My 2 year old absolutely ignores me when I say no or stop. She hits not only from frustration but also to see what kind of reaction she gets. Quite often she will walk up to me and hit me...and then wait to see what I will do. She does the same to her sister, not only does she hit her but pulls her hair too. This has been going on for a few months but is getting worse. I have tried ignoring, paying attention to only her sister when she pulls her hair, time outs (which have no effect on her...I think she enjoys them), completely removing her from us....ect....NOTHING is working.
My husband is NEVER around and when he is he refuses to "work with" me. Thanks!

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M.F.

answers from Pittsfield on

No spankings please!!!
Keep telling her "no hitting/hair pulling in our house" have her apologize immediately.

also it sounds like your daughter is bored. keep her occupied with plenty of coloring books, foam crafts, books, ect and try to eliminate the opportunity for her to misbehave.

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K.P.

answers from Burlington on

Hi L.,
I can relate to the tried everything bit! I really think it takes a long time for these little ones to 'get it' with behavior stuff. I have found that pointing out the behavior with a couple simple words every time I hear it works for us in the long run. A simple 'no hitting' in a calm but serious voice gives the message that I do think they eventually understand!! I also ask my child to apologize for their behavior. Sometimes they will refuse and I'll let it go, but most of the time they will apologize. I also try to teach my other children to calmly say 'no hitting' or whatever, which occasionally works! My 5 year old has just taken on teasing and taunting his 2 year old brother, which drives me crazy. I have been saying the same thing to him a million times it seems, but I know he'll get it at some point and have learned more about what is socially acceptable and what's not. I wouldn't expect any real changes in the near future, but for us staying calm and using consistency in our message has been important and not giving up on the message that we want our kids to learn from all this.

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D.W.

answers from Boston on

My 3 1/2 year old daughter went through the same behavior from about 2 1/2 till about just a couple of months ago.Its just for attention.Any she can get.Negative or positive.Nothing worked for her either.No matter how much attention,timeouts or even spankings.It could be she is just doing it for daddy attention.I found that if my husband,who also works full time and has a tough time with the children, I asked him to have a special daddy and daughter night once a week.Just a few hours made the difference in her behavior and she loves it and so doesn't he.He looks forward to it!!!So I wish you the best of luck!

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K.V.

answers from Boston on

A couple swats on the bum would cure it by the second time. That is unruly behavior and it needs to stop before she does serious injury to someone, even another baby outside the family.

Another note about the husband. He probably works outside the home and is probably not up to dealing with issues at home. He had enough issues at work and has entrusted you with the children and depends on you to do it. You need to communicate these issues with him. Been there, done that and after 27yrs am finally realizing these things about men!!

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