Thirteen Month Old Is Hitting Me

I went to an event at my church about disciplining young kids. The lady actually spoke specifically about that. Here's the audio for it... Go to http://www.watermarkradio.com/.

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When my kids were about that age and hit me I would say something like "Ouch, that hurt!" Then I'd say "No, no! We don't hit." in a firm voice. I put them down immediately and walked away. It was kind of like a little time out. Then they associated hitting with losing mommy's attention and they didn't like it at all!
Hope this helps!

I also agree with Stephanie. That is what I did if my kids hit me. They soon learned not to.

T.,

My daughter is 21 months old and I still struggle with this. I have tried the "no hit," "don't hit mommy," "hands are not for hitting" and then putting her down, walking away, etc. These tactics are not working for me. A mom suggested that I give her other things to hit. For example: "You cannot hit mommy's face, but do you want to clap with mommy?" and then have her hit my hands. Or, "You cannot hit mommy's face, but you can hit this drum". I'm getting there. I think you should try the "no hit"/time without mommy first, but if that does not work (as it has not worked for me), I wanted to give you this additional feedback that I received.

There is a lot of advise that you can take and try with your son. However, there is one thing that I believe needs to be done, also. DAD needs to take his son and say "Mom needs to be loved and respected, you will not hit her." There is something about Dad that makes children respond and you need to make full use of that benefit!

T.,
I think this is a stage most children go thru and there may be a number of reasons they do it. My first thought when I read your question was that he probably was frustrated and this was the only way he knew to handle the frustration at this young age. But then I reread your question and see that he also hits you in the face for fun. He could be doing this as a way to get your attention. Whatever the reason, it is not appropriate behavior and it needs to stop. My first suggestion would be: at the moment he starts hitting, grab his hand quickly and say in a very firm, but quiet voice, "Do not hit your mother!" Children understand a lot more than they can verbalize so tone of voice is very important at this age. Avoid using any "baby words" or playful names that you have for yourself, he needs to know you mean business. Also avoid yelling. Then tell him why. (I am a Follower of Christ so I would use simple words to tell him why this would not be the way Jesus would want him to behave.) You can also tell him that hitting hurts. Like I said, children are little sponges and they understand much more than we think they do even at 13 months. After a few minutes of no hitting, reward him with words. Tell him "Thank you for not hitting mommy" (This would be the time to be playful and use the baby talk.)
If that does not work: Time Outs may need to begin. Tell him he is going to time out because he is hitting. Then do not say another word. At this young of an age you would need to place him somewhere safe, like a crib, playpen, or place him in his carseat. You will need to stay close by but Do Not Talk to him. (Your words are rewards for a child of this age.) Keep him in Time out for one minute for each year of his age. (One minute in this case) After the end of the minute tell him you love him but he must not hit. He can leave time out only if he does not hit. If he begins hitting again stick him right back into time out. Your persistence will be very important. Do Not Give Up, or he will know quickly that he won.
If the behavior continues you might want to ask your doctor if there is a medical reason he is doing it. Allergies can sometimes trigger this time of behavior.
Hope all goes well.

My son did this and I,also, said, "No hitting. Hitting hurts," and put him down. He got the message pretty quick and no longer hits.

My son started hitting me around that age too. He still does from time to time, but to correct him I look at him directly in the face and say in a loud, stern voice "NO! That's a NO NO! Do NOT hit mommy! That hurts!" He's learned not to do it so much and now when he does he makes the "I'm sorry" sign language and gives me a kiss where he hurt me. Keep at it, he'll get the hang of it!

T.,

WE just got done with that phase and our son would also hit daddy and we would tell him "Don't hit mommy/daddy it's not nice. If he hit me my husband would say in addition "you need to be nice to mommy sicne she carried you for 9 mos and shares everything with you." If he would hit my husband I would add "you need to be nice to daddy since he takes care of you all day and loves you lots." My husband is currently unemployeed so he is being a stay at home daddy till he can find a job.

K.

Full time working mommy married for 9 yrs with a handsome littlemann that is 14` mos old.

My daughter started to do the same thing to me when she was about 15months. She would get frustrated and hit and scream at me. My mother told me to try what she did to me when I was that age. She said that her pediatrician suggested it. You get a water spray bottle and whenever they start hitting or screaming you can squirt them in the face with the water. It will take a few times before they realize what happens when they scream or it. Some people are probably saying "that is so mean." I asked my pediatrician and he said it wont hurt her. My daughter is two yrs old and we havent had any issues with her hitting or screaming. When she gets mad she will snatch the item she wants or she squills for me to hear her. We are working on those issues.

Good Luck!

Hi T.-
I am a mother of 5 (ages 17 yrs-13 months) and my 13 month old sounds like he has the same tempermant as yours and he does the same thing. I tell my other children that when he hits them in the face, that's the only way he can communicate that they are bothering him and invading his space. At this age, it is difficult to find the right method to correct them but what I have found that works (with all of my children at this age) is a very firm-strong voice and "mad" face telling him NO-NO! It seems to be working because he hesitates now and looks at me or his Dad and before he reacts. Sounds like you're doing a great job! Hope this helps! :)
K. M.

Hi T.,
I had a similar issue with my daughter biting me. I told her, 'this may be fun for you, but it is NOT fun for momma; it is not OK to bite!' As with anything we train our children to do, this will take some repetition. It didn't go away overnight. Good luck!

T.,

Your son doesn't understand that hitting hurts you, so try hitting him back (tenderly now - to mostly just scare him) immediately after he hits you. He will then understand that hitting is not good and that it hurts. I promise you he will stop. I have actually not tryied that myself because my child never really did that, but my friend did that to her son (after trying all kinds of other things that didn't work) and her son never hit her again.

Good luck,
A.

Watch Supernanny...she's wonderful. Grab his hands firmly, look him in the eye, and say, "That hurts. We don't hit."

Mine did the exact same thing. He is figuring out things more now and sees it gets a reaction from you. I was told by his doctor and several folks and people at the daycare, to put him down or turn your attention away from him when he does it. It takes a little bit, but they soon start figuring out that it isn't getting that reaction from you and that you are taking your attention away from him, and it will get better. Just hang in there.

Do the opposite of what he wants you to do... i.e. if he wants you to put him down, adjust so that his arms are inside of your (tight) arms and get eyeball to eyeball with him. "Do NOT hit your mommy". Give him a minute of no arm use, then go back to normal.

On the other hand, if he thinks that in your arms is the only place to be, after you "Do NOT hit your mommy", put him down in a playpen (with no toys) for a minute.

The most important thing - always no matter what - is consistency. Whatever you do, you have to ALWAYS do - and it's best if that is ALWAYS the consequence for the same behavior.

Good luck
S.

When he hits, preferably while he's swinging, grab his hand and hold it firmly. Tell him, "No, do not hit. That hurts Mommy." Use a firm voice, but there is no need to raise your volume or be mean. Repeat this every time he hits. If he smiles at you and tries again, do it again. He'll keep trying until he finds out you are serious, so avoid all giggles and smiles when you say this. He'll try for a while, but if you are consistent he will learn. 13 months old is plenty old enough to understand no and a firm command.

A friend of mine had the same issue. She just told him no and put him down. Or if she was on the floor playing with him, she got up and walked away. Eventually he got the message.Good Luck!

I'm not sure I have too much advice as I have a 13 month old that hits me as well!! Its not that it hurts, but I want to stop this behavior before it gets worse. The odd thing is that he does not do this to my husband! I can't figure it out!
What I have always done when he does it to me, and I would say he does it less and less as I practice this is just hold his little arms to his side (not aggressively - we don't want to model that behavior) and talk to him calmly about how our hands are not for hitting, but for loving, and feeling, and patting, etc.
I think its just a stage, but I hope this talking will sink in. He does not like me holding his arms to his side, but when I let go, he just starts playing and doesn't try to hit me more.
Hope it gets better!

I'm with Amy W -- "Mommy is not for hitting; pillows are for hitting." And then show him how to hit the pillow. Or whatever outlet you find acceptable for hitting. I definitely think kids need outlets for their emotions and places to try out boundaries -- I think we as parents can help them find safe and more appropriate ones than our bodies!

This is a problem you need to nip in the bud right away or else he will keep doing it and it will only get worse. When he hits you, for play or for fun, just hold his arm, and gently but firmly say, "No. We do not hit." Then put him on a short time out away from you, whether it's in his bed, or a stool/high chair that he can't get out of. Leave him there for one minute then return and remind him not to hit or else you won't hold him. Give him a hug and kiss and tell him you love him, but don't like it when he hurts you. Just something that really worked for me. Good luck!

I'm sure you've gotten this already, but here it goes anyway. We say "don't hit" and put them down (same goes for poking us in the eye). That makes them pretty upset. One of my twins reacts strongly to me pretending to cry and saying, "Ouch! You hurt Mommy" He pouts his lip out and his eyes well up.

Try telling him NO! and putting him down if he does that and EVERY time he does it. Hopefully it won't take long for him to figure out that if he hits you he doesn't get held, and he'll also figure out what NO means....they're like puppies, got to train them out of the bad behavior with consistency and being stern at times.....no matter if it makes your heart ache.....good luck!

Very, very normal. My daughter did the same thing at this age... I was so worried that she would grow up to be a hitter. Anyway, I just told her "no hitting"; however, she usually did it again. I would get so frustrated. I also tried ignoring the behavior so that i would not give her any of attention. I did time out as well for 1 minute. Honestly, she just eventually grew out of it and understands better now that she is 2. She doesn't even think about hitting me now. Anyway, i just would correct the behavior by saying "no hitting". You can try time out for 1 minute; however, I don't think my daughter really understood it at that age. Good luck~!!

Try taking his hand and making him hit himself. They can actually feel what it feels like to you, and they don't like it. It hurts them back.

I read the book, "Happiest Toddler on the Block" which I'd highly recommend and Dr. Harvey (the author who is also a pediatrician of many years) said to growl at your child when they misbehave. I've done it with my 13 month old and it works. I also give him my angry face and say no no, no hit. If you avert your attention elsewhere, they will realize they have to behave to get your attention back. Just make sure you catch him doing good things to, or he'll learn that hitting is the only way to get mom's attention. Hang in there, and good luck!

i completly disagree with those who have said it is a stage. I think this is a serious matter that should be taken seriously. Whatever method you choose (putting in time out telling no, no and then walking away ect.) you need to repond the same way EVERY time. Do not tolerate this behavior. The more you are letting it go on the longer you are telling him it is ok to hit and it is ok to treat his mother this way. like the lady who responded whose child only hits her and not her husband. we tell people how they can treat us. And even at this early of an age your son has picked up on the fact that he can hit you and get away with it. i think it would be especially beneficail to have your husband do the punishing when he is home and sees the behavior.

My daughter did the same thing around that age. Everytime she hit me in the face I put her down and turned my back to her. That way she knew that I wasn't going to give her attention when she was being mean. I don't know if that is what made her stop or not, but she is only 16 months old now and doesn't do it anymore. Good luck. Also, your pediatrician might have other ideas for this too.

In addition to what's here, I say high 5, down low, close hand & tap,tap. To redirect.

Also, I show him caresses on mommy's face and say this is how to touch Mama. I also Caress him.

It is not too early to start helping your son understand his feelings. If he is mad and hits you, reflect his feelings, "you are mad" or sad. Try to help him problem solve. Sometimes they hit because they are frustrated and do not know how to explain themselves. Correct him and tell Do not hit mommy. If he is doing this you might also watch how he plays. If he hits a lot try to redirect him to something else. Also, does he see other children hit. He might be imitating the behavior that he sees in older children. Hope this helps some.

Check out the "Love and Logic" books. Their methods start with children as young as yours. I would imagine that they would recommend for this behavior that you give your child a one minute time out in a safe place, such as a pack n' play (do they still call them that? my kids are older, LOL). I'm sure that you would find their books very helpful.

Totally agree with Stephanie on this one!