Help and Encouragement Needed from Single Moms

I have been in a similar situation where I was not happy at all with my husband. I was going to school, full time and working full time. I supported us. We stopped communicating and it killed me. as soon as we both talked and shared how we felt with each other, things got better. I thought I was done with him too. If you have no communication, you have no relationship. I don't know if this helps but try writing him a letter. That is what I did and lots of tears later, we are still together and happier then we ahve ever been. It does take time and you both have to be willing to listen. If you are not it anymore it is not fair to him to keep trying at something that is not there. As far as the single mother thing goes, maybe you can find some finacial help or a well-far program to help you out if you do take that route. Good luck!

Hi K. ~
I think most of us have felt that way at one time. It is a huge job being a mom. You want to make sure everyone is taken care of and we sometimes forget that we need care also. Make sure you are taking time for yourself.

Communication is a BIG thing. I know we take it for granted that our men know what you are talking about or what we need. Sometimes they need a little encouragement. Some men are clueless, some are very pleasing. The main thing is you both need to talk. Take time for the 2 of you. Have a relative watch your daughter. Even if it is only for half a day. Just go somewhere just the 2 of you. Find a way to reconnect. Life has a way of throwing things in the mix to say "hey stop something isn't right here and the 2 of you need each other to figure it out.

Good Luck!

K.,

2 weeks prior to my second child being born, his father moved out. He was absolutely horrible to me and finally I said enough was enough. And all I can say is that I did it. It was hard and I had to work 3 jobs plus was going to school full time to try to support us since I didn't get child support from him for over 6 months (I was living off of 500 a month total). As for aide, I did get food stamps, but it is set up now that you have to work or be actively looking for work to get any assistance. So, you really have to look at what it is you want.

My now husband and I were really having some issues before where I just didn't care anymore, but that was because we stopped really focusing on us. We actually started going to a great therapist who was very honest with us and after some sessions and a lot of work, we are doing great. I just looked back and remembered all the reasons I fell in love with him and we all realize that marriage is a lot of work!!

I have a friend who is married and she and her husband are pretty much exactly like you and yours. They sleep in separate rooms and it's like they are just roommates. She has decided that their relationship is over and she is waiting to finish school and plans on getting a job and moving our this fall. They still really care for each other, but they don't have a relationship.

You have to find what path will work for you. Really examine where you are. Have you just forgotten? Is it just the adjustment to it not being just the two of you? Or do you truly feel you will never be happy there again? Either way it will be a lot of work.
Good luck!
J.

Hi K.
I know it is very hard to stay in a relationship that does not make you feel good. Have you tryed taking a weekend away with him to reconnect and I also would let him know you need to spend more alone time togther doing something you both enjoy and not be intimate unless you really want to every relationship goes through a rough time. I also wonder did you fall out of love with him or are you bored with him and need him to get exciting again. Good luck you need to follow your heart and do what is best for you. :) T.

Hi K. :)

I can't help you with the single mom part but I have been where you are as far as falling out of love with my husband... Or at least I thought I did for a while. I too had a hard time being intimate with him during that phase. I was completely honest with him about my feelings one night and he was devastated. It broke my heart to see him hurt that way. I had been considering leaving him (there were many reasons that contributed to my numbness toward him) since it didn't seem to matter how much I talked to him...things never changed. But one day we decided to take a little trip and just get away from it all. About half way through this trip we totally re-connected. I realized that I was still in love with him... I had just subconciously built up a wall to guard myself because I felt like he didn't care about "us" anymore. I of course was completely wrong . He did care about our relationship. That trip saved our marriage. Once we were able to have some time alone I was able to remember why I fell in love with him. We now make sure to do little things each day to keep our connection alive and strong. One thing we do is to touch whenever we are together (like hold hands, etc). This really helps us feel close even on days where things aren't so great. I don't know if you two would be able to get away but if you are able to take a little trip somewhere I highly recommend it. It doesn't need to be expensive or somewhere far. What's important is that you get some time alone to remember what you like about eachother. It's so easy to forget or get lost in the chaos of every day life. If you do decide to part ways with him then I wish you the very best and I hope you find all of the support and advice you need for yourself and your little one. Good luck and follow your heart!

I am like the other moms on here. The same thing happened to me and my husband shortly after our babies. But we stuck it out and things are better now, better than what we could hope. Love isn't like the movies. Kids change things, especially when you are young and going to school yet. Take the time to work it out if your willing, if you can't open your heart again or don't even want to try, then it is best to let your boyfriend go.
As far as support for non-working moms, I am sure there is stuff out there if you really need to get state assistance. The childs dad will also have support her if you two agree that you will have sole custody instead of shared custody, which will also impact your daughters life.

Please check out this website. http://www.christianitytoday.com/mp/2008/001/5.38.html

I have started writing several different things, trying to get my point across that LOVE is not easy and it's not like in the movies, but everything I have typed has seemed very negative and that is not my intent at all. I wish you the best and pray for your family that you will be able to work things out to stay together.

You are not alone! There are times where I don't feel like I love my husband and want nothing more than to leave. But then I remember the good times and know that if I want them back I have to work for them. When I normally feel like I don't like him, it's a sign that something is going on inside of me that I don't like. And I need to look at myself. Am I dissatisfied with something about myself, or frustrated about my dreams not going the way I want or what expectations did I have that are not being meet. If I take care of me and keep him informed about what I am doing and build our bond by sharing my frustrations and fears, it gets better. He normally is very supportive and loving while I sort stuff out as long as we are talking.
Intimacy will come... I have to be emotionally connected to enjoy it the most. So the more I talk and we connect the more I enjoy the other.
Relationships are work and when communication stops they fall apart quickly.
Good luck in your decision:)
A.