I got married in 2003 with the father of my five children we lived together for almost 19 years. the big girl is 12. The problem is that he likes to drink , mostly on fridays and He comes home making noises, He has 4 more kids wich are already old youngest is 25 years, when they need money he giveit to them but for my kids I have to pay everithing at the point I have to apply for child support and recently I file and order of protection, because he was turning agresive with me, my kids wants him back in the house and I dont know what to do because in order for him to be in the house I have to take the order of protection and I don't want to do that,because I know he is going to be worst, I don't have another place to live just this place that it was offering to him from his boss, also I don't have any family or relatives in New York. am from P.R. I wan't to get a job reliable with my mom sckedule you know take kids to school, pickthem up is alot of work other point when we have an argue he takes the car keys away from me so I have to walk with five kids to four diferent schools. this is life or what? He doesn't whant to admit he has a problem can any one help me here please. am catholic and I believe in married until dead tears us apart.
thanks to all of you girls. I decided to get a job as HHA that allows me to get the time I need to work. since I have to take care of my five kids and all the chores in the house. homework etc. The man keeps around I spoke to him and I told him that he has a problem and until he admits it and get help everything is going to be the same with me or worse . He needs to change almost 50 year old man has to change for his own sake. thankyou all.
Hi L.,
My advise, don't take him back, because he will not change, if you do it most likely will get worse.
It's great to believe in your faith, however, does the church support you and protect you??
Your kids will be fine and most likely thank you later for being there for them.
All the best to you.
C.
http://C..makemoreathome.com
I don't personally believe in divorce, but I don't believe God would want you in an abusive marriage. You need to protect yourself for the sake of your children. They need their mother healthy both physically and emotionally. Catholic Charities is a great organization that could provide assistance with housing and other needs you may have.
Agency: Catholic Charities of the Diocese of Rockville Centre
Address: 90 Cherry Lane
City: Hicksville
State: NY
ZIP Code: 11801
Phone: ###-###-####
Web Site: http://www.catholiccharities.cc/
Email: ____@____.com
Hi L.. I am sorry that you are going through this situation. A few words of advice. I'm glad you got the order of protection. Make sure you keep it. Your kids don't get to decide that he comes back in the house. You are their mother and your job is to protect them the best way you know how. God forbid something happens to them or you if you let him back in the house. You would never be able to forgive yourself. The fact is he needs help and there is nothing you can do to get him help. You have to help yourself and your kids. You're doing a great job so far. In terms of his drinking, you should attend an Alonon meeting. People who are affected by someone's drinking attend these meetings. You will hear lots of stories similar to yours, and you won't feel all alone. There are lots of meetings all the time, something that can definitely fit your schedule. Here is the website if you have a computer
http://www.al-anonfamilygroups.org/meetings/meeting.html or here is a phone number 1-888-4AL-ANON (1-888-425-2666)
In terms of getting a job, you need to find one. I don't know where you can put the little ones for daycare but there are plenty out there. There are buses that you can take to get places. I know it's difficult and inconvenient but you have to work with what you have. Unfortunately your husband is sick and needs help.
In terms of religion, I don't agree with you. If your husband is abusing you, which he is, emotionally, and refuses to get help for himself, religion can only help you heal yourself, not your marriage. My only advice for this is don't concern yourself with divorce yet. Take it one day at a time. Get a job, and go to Alonon meetings. Get help for yourself first and then you can make a decision about the future of your marriage. Good luck.
i empathize with you,however, this situation just did not spring up out of left field.(drinking,aggression,lack of active parenting/partnership). "its only one that lives in a house with a leaky roof,only he/she knows exactly specific points of leakage". in other words, you alone know the degree of abusiveness you are facing, if its to the point that you are afraid for your kids and your life,then, please leave(trust me the roman cathlic church will understand). i am a r/catholic.Reality is this, you cannot afford to get part time jobs with five kids in tow.raising a family is difficult.(except if he has a good job and child support is generous)otherwise, the 4 and 17mths old can go into daycare,while you go fulltime. try DSS to assist with daycare. We are women,and, when push comes to shove, we respond pushing with every fiber of our beings for the sake of our innocent children. Take care and best of luck.God bless.
Dear L.,
DO NOT take him back. Don't think that if he goes to "get help" it will all be fine. You did not get an order of protection for no reason. You must have a very big reason for it or it would not have been granted to you. So this sounds very serious. I wonder how many times you have taken him back already. Given the ages of your children, you probably have done that before and that is why you have the youngest children. Given your catholic upbringing, I don't doubt that if you take him back you will be pregnant again.
Once you have decided that you can't take him back, you need to think about what you need now to make it. You say that you don't have any family here. Do you have any family in Puerto Rico who would be willing and able to help you? Perhaps you have a good support system there. You need a support system more than you need a job. You need to be in a safe place for you and your children. Consider any alternatives you may have there. Are there any family members or trusted friends who can take your youngest children, at least temporarily, until you get on your feet? Think about it. Maybe you have some support that you may not realize.
However painful and against your religion it may be, you may need to consider divorce eventually in order to legally be eligible for child support, which you will need whether you stay here or in Puerto Rico. Child support is the right of your children and you need to fight for their rights. Be careful if you decide to go this route. Many abusive men tend to get more abusive or violent when they realize you are serious about leaving them. Please, STAY SAFE. If you have to go to a safehouse or move to Puerto Rico, do it. Think of your children.
If you decide to stay in the US and find a job, you sound like a skilled woman with lots of training. There are many jobs in the medical assistant field for people who are bilingual. Fix up you resume to emphazise those skills. If there is a big university hospital in your area, you may want to check their website for positions available. They are always in need of bilingual medical assistants so, you may have a good opportunity there. Hope this is helpful to you and your children.
Te deseo mucha suerte y bendiciones en este momento tan dificil. Si necesitas mas ayuda, por favor comunicate.
Dear L., I feel your pain because I too was married in the(Catholic Church) to an alcoholic. Alcoholism is a progressive disease and only gets worse unless the person hits bottom and has the will to rise up over it. You can try for an annulment or tell him he has to leave if he does not go to AA. It is a rough road you are on and most do not think they have a problem. I will pray for you. Grandma Mary
First, make yourself a different set of keys so your not so dependent on this man.
Second, the hole catholic thing doesn't fly...it's not a buffet, sweetheart..... you cant pick and choose .... you have 3-4 kids out of wedlock. So dump the abusive jerk, get the child support you're owe and get into an educational program.
sorry to be so tough... but my sister is going through something similar.... and i'm feed-up with how she let's this man treat her... you, like her, deserve better and more than that so do your kid. be strong and stick to your decision. good luck.
