Disrespectful Brother-In-Law

I would suggest that you speak to your BIL in private and ask him why he would miss the appt to fly knowing it was already paid for (by you) for he and his brother to fly together since it was what his brother/your husband wanted for his birthday. Not that anything he says will be good enough but it will let him know you are unhappy and he was insensitive/inconsiderate. Mention that since you paid for his trip and the helicopter ride you definately feel that since he chose to miss it due to doing his own thing and thus hindering your ability to give your husband the gift you intended, you feel he should at least reimburse you for his portion of the ride.

Then let it go...he's your BIL and life will be easier on you and your hubby if you do.

ADDED...not attending or showing up to his brothers wedding is very immature and doesn't solve or change anything. It also makes things worse and means you're stooping to his brother's level.

Did you tell him that you had paid for the helicopter and ask him why he was late?

You can express yourself and not scream about it.

You're going to have to grin & bear it til he's gone. This is your husband's brother, right?

I can understand being upset about the money lost on the helicopter ride - is it possible for your husband to talk to him and ask him to reimburse you? As for the shoes on the carpet, you would be better off letting that one go. I can understand being mad, but in the grand scheme of things, it's not the end of the world. For your BIL to invite someone else to stay at your house without checking with you is just rude

Not to sound insensitive here, but I don't see how the time your husband spends with his brother is "precious time" lost with you. Your husband does not see him that often but unless he's home on military leave and about to be deployed again, I assume he sees you every day, even if it is not as much as you would like. It's only 2 more days. I would just chalk this up as an experience to learn from - now that you know better the type of person your BIL is, you might be better off letting your husband go visit him alone rather than footing the bill for him to be entertained at your home.

Oh...the fabulous BIL. Well, I guess you can figure it this way...it only cost you a few hundred dollars to find out he's a [bleep]. Could have cost you a lot more. Now you know! You can certainly be cordial toward him. Next time there's a visit planned, you'll now know (as someone else mentioned) how to plan things. You simply don't count on him showing up or contributing financially. Plan accordingly. If you invite him someplace (on a trip), get his money up front - if he's paying he's more likely to actually show up b/c he'll be more respectful of the money paid. And you can explicitly say, "no room for anyone else, so please don't invite anyone."

Well look on the bright side- your husband was there for the ride he wanted. It could've been worse if the BIL didn't get him there on time. Maybe he can stay with his cousin for a few days. I would have hubby tell him that you want her to leave.

When we have expectations we create disappointment. When we hold on to the idea of what a person "should" be like rather than being aware of who they actually are, we again create disappointment.

When we can take a step back and observe, we are better able to respond to situations rather than react. Response means you get to choose your boundaries and how exactly you will communicate those boundaries. Leslie M. gave great examples of how to see what is and then respond accordingly. Too often we give our power away by expecting other people to be responsible for our well-being. Life is so much easier and enjoyable when we just take 100% responsibility ourselves and create our own solutions.

You have the right to communicate calmly, openly, clearly, and directly with your BIL about your plans. You can request that he find someplace else for his cousin to stay if it truly is an inconvenience for you. You can state how you feel in a non-blaming and non-shaming manner.

You currently have decided how your BIL "should" behave and are reacting accordingly. Instead, you could choose to recognize that he is young, possibly not mature in some ways, and probably unaware of his effect on others. Once you accept what is then you have choices. Even if he is doing all of this intentionally to hurt you (although that is not the impression I have), you still have choice as long as you realize that ultimately you are the one responsible for your well-being.

Holding on to the anger only hurts you. (It is keeping you from spending time with your husband). I would recommend venting the anger, with a friend or on paper. Then you can choose to let go of the "shoulds". Then you can create boundaries and communicate clearly and openly. You may actually find yourself enjoying some time with your husband and BIL once you drop the blame and just be with what is and make some choices.

How awful!

I would at least ask why he didn't show up. You can't spend that much money and not know what happened. He owes you that much.

I wouldn't say anything until Tue when he leaves. In the meantime, the grown up thing to do would just stay away from him, let your husband visit w/him and don't go out of your way to accommodate him (make him bfast, drive him somewhere, put up w/his uninvited friends, etc). If your husband was hurt that his brother missed the chopper ride but is still being cordial, then yelling at your BIL won't make things better for anyone.

Let the boys have their time and you and your husband can sort things out after the jerk leaves.

Wow that wounds likea really annoying situation that I would not handle well at all. Tell him to take his stupid shoes off. The saying where I was raised is "what, were you raised in a barn?". Of course you don't have to be insulting, just tell him to take them off.

And be happy to say goodbye tomorrow.

Oh wow, I feel for you, and can relate- I have a s**t for a BIL too. I see it this way, there's what you should do and there's what I would probably do. You should be able to calmly ask BIL why he would miss such an important thing and express your anger that you lost money and that he hurt you hubby. You should then simply let hubby enjoy his brother and stay anywhere in your home you feel comfortable.

That's what you should logically do. Here's what I would probably do, because I'm not good at confrontation and maybe I'm just passive aggressive. I would be on the phone (even if I had to be pretending), and would let BIL overhear me telling someone else about the helicopter ride, and just casually say that it was great for hubby, of course he was super hurt about missing his brother and wasting money, etc., etc. This indirectly states the obvious to BIL.

As far as the cousin, maybe tell BIL you were planning a nice dinner (or whatever) "just the family" (meaning no cousin), so what time would she be leaving. If he says he was hoping to spend more time with her, then tell him that sounds great, I'll help you get your bags to her car- does she know the way to the airport?, see you next time.

Or simply throw out some sarcastic remarks from time to time. "oh, dinner is at 5- that's 5 PM, not AM, mountain time, today..." you get the idea. It releases a little steam.

I don't know, I know you got some level headed advice, and if you're good doing that, you absolutely should. I just know I am inundated with insensitive in laws and logic doesn't get through, and I get tired of saying things that don't really make me feel better. So at least now you have a variety of choices- from mature to immature!! If nothing else, take a walk to get the stress out of your body, it's not good for you to sit and boil. Take care of yourself.

This is a tough one. I'd say it's really your husband who should express his disappointment with his brother - there's no way that you can really do so and not have it be inflammatory.

And for sure I'd agree it is a lesson learned - you won't make a similar mistake with this jacka$$ again. What a loser. I'd tell your husband to ask the cousin to leave immediately (weekend is over, you need your space/routine et) and if your BIL complains he can pay to change his own flight earlier.

You did a great job of treating your husband - what a shame it got messed up for him by his brother.