Hi mama's!
A co-worker of my husbands walked into his cubicle area and asked if anyone wanted his small ATV. My husband said...Yes, I'll take it! After he said that, his brother (who works in same office) walked in and said he wanted it. My husband had already said he'd take it. The guy said I guess you two can share it (since they are brothers). Next thing we know, his brother drives his truck to work and takes it home, along with the two helmets and ramp - all free of charge. My husbands brother said we could use when we wanted, which sounds nice...but shouldn't WE be telling HIM that?
We have wanted an ATV for our kids for a long time, but haven't gotten one because there were other things we'd rather spend our money on. We even bought a truck with hitch for when we did get some ATVs. I am so offended by his brothers actions. His brother has always disrespected my husband. My husband is a people pleaser. He doesn't stand up for himself unless absolutely necessary. This has me upset. This co-worker offered the ATV, helmets and ramp for FREE and my husband accepted only to have his brother run into the office and steal it right out from under his nose. I have no problem with letting them use the ATV, but I do have a problem with it beign kept at THEIR house and now WE have to ASK to use it? The whole thing seems wrong. I feel my husband was taken advantage of by his brother ONCE again.
Am I over-reacting?
Thanks for all the opinions and responses. First of all, the man was giving this away legitamately, they are all Engineers and work for Lockheed Martin - so it's not like he needed the $400 he'd get from it if he were to sell it on craigslist. It was probably just an eye-sore in his garage as his kids are grown now.
I was a little taken back by the person who said I was emasculating my husband - I feel I'm sticking up for him! He agrees that he has things he needs to work on, as do I. Neither of us are perfect, but if we just ignore each other faults then we are enablers and neither of us grows.
I decided to let it go. My husband said that he was a little surprised when his brother ran in and started trying to steal it out from under him, and he didn't think the ATV was worth a fight. My husband is very rational. His brother is just so over-bearing and it is draining for all.
I'm sorry but even though it's annoying that your husband keeps allowing his brother to do these kinds of things, I agree with others that you are dodging a bullet here. ATV's are very dangerous and I can't really understand why you want one for your kids.
Your BIL is looking out for the safety of your kids. Honestly, ATVs are incredibly dangerous and you are WAY better off without it. Let your BIL have the head trauma.
http://nasdonline.org/document/1894/d001826/atv-safety.html
Go over there and "borrow" the ATV for a few weeks! Just go over there one day and say "We are gonna use the ATV", and then play with it and then park it at your house for convenience:) Make use of that hitch:)
I think this is a "problem solved" moment. ...and this is totally fair.
...and don't worry too much about people like your BIL. Just don't let it get to you so much and just show your husband that YOU care and respect him:)
It sounds like the root of your frustration is 1) your BIL is a bully, and 2) your husband allows his brother to bully him. I bet this type of exchange has been the nature of their relationship for a long time, and so, there's nothing you can do about it.
In my opinion, you can't miss what you never had to begin with. So, let the ATV go. And plan a fun family vacation, without your BIL :).
Yes, it was crappy of his brother to do That said, there are some important things your families need to work out. 1.) How is this vehicle going to be titled? To your husband, his brother or both? 2.) How will it be insured for liability purposes? 3.) How much liability coverage do each of you carry in the event that someone is injured as a passenger or by the vehicle being irresponsibly driven. 4.) Who is/is not allowed to drive it? Be a passenger?
If it is titled with your husband's name on it, you will have legal responsibility and will need insurance as well as say so in rules about it. For example, if your BIL takes a neighbor kid for a ride, goes too fast, has an accident and injures the child, you could also be liable for the child's injuries. You guys need to hash some things out. When you start asking the tough questions, your BIL may just decide it should be housed with your family after all :-)
Borrow it and don't give it back until he asks for it. Then give it back caked in mud and grass >:) Oh, and a flat tire, it should have a flat tire when you return it. And the spark plus are missing.
This sounds like an absolute liability/ownership nightmare!! Like Anita posted who will own it, pay insurance, maintenance and repairs??? It's unfortunate that your BIL is pushy and your hubby doesn't stand up for himself. This may be his learning lesson.
Having it at your place would drive you crazy, the kids would always be bugging to ride it. Like you said, it has to be insured and you have to buy proper gear to ride it.
Let brother do that stuff, and borrow it when you want to, I'm sure there will be chances to borrow it, it's not the end of the world.
I bet Hubby probably did a quick think on it and passed due to the fact that it would be a pain to have it AND to have to dig it out of the garage everytime his brother wanted to use it.
Get your own, you already have the truck and hitch already, if coworker didnt give this gift you wouldnt be in any different spot than you are right not.
Chances are there is probably something wrong with it, people dont usually just give stuff away like that.
Since they are supposed to be SHARING it and neither one paid anything for it, I'd probably just leave it alone. I'm sure brother is a jerk, but THIS isn't the evidence of that... it's the jerkiness that makes this bother you.
Anyway, why not go use it and then bring it to your house? Can't your brother tell him, "Hey we'll keep it at our house for the summer since you guys are out of town so much."
Either that or make a plan to have a swap every other month or something.
Either way, relax. It was free and you didn't actually LOSE anything because it was never YOURS. Enjoy it whatever way you can.
HTH
T.
Send out an email to the family saying you are making a schedule for the SHARED ATV. Ask if there are any dates over the summer they would like to reserve it, and show good will by giving them those dates. Then go ahead and make that schedule and send it out. It also sounds like you need a family meeting to decide on ownership/insurence ect... and split the cost.
Yes, you're over reacting. The way I see it, you're husband NEVER had the ATV to start with. He's going to have a helluva time convincing the two losers otherwise.
The co-worker who made the offer in the first place is a jerk and set your husband up. Instead of stand up and making it clear that he gave hubby the ATV, he left it to your husband and his brother to duke it out. And if for some reason he didn't want his brother to have it all, he shouldn't have put your husband in the position of doing his dirty work to avoid a squabble.
For your husband's sake and sanity on the job...just tell him to let it go. Nothing gained...nothing lost. Short of having it written down on paper and a transfer of title, it's not your husband's ATV...nor is it worth another moments anger or sweat.
If anyone there is anyone to be angry with, it should be the spineless co-worker for dangling the carrot. I wonder if he is one of those jerks who gets off on pitting people against each other....like throwing two toddlers in a playpen with one toy or one cookie and sitting back to see the show. Hmmm. All I know is, there is no such thing as something that valuable for "FREE." Believe me, sounds like you're husband would have been paying for it...in some way that probably outweighs the worth of the ATV.
You are not being riduculous, except that it might not be reasonable to expect your husband to stand up for himself given his past history.
Now you have a great example to use with your hubby about how standing up for himself has benefits i.e., he could have gotten a free ATV. But his kind of behavior isn't the kind that changes easily overnight. : ( .
Also, part of this problem is with the giver, so don't be too hard on your husband. I do agree your husband was taken advantage of again by BIL, what a pushy guy!
This borderlines on petty but IF your BIL did this... your husband needs to grow some and stand up for himself.
Yes, it would be wrong of BIL to do this but your hubby should have stood up for himself and not allowed BIL to walk all over him. If your hubby normally one who lets people walk alll over him or just his family does this?
I'd be po'd at BIL for doing this and more then po'd at hubby for allowing it.
Those things are SO freaking dangerous, I don't understand why somone would purposely ride them and put themselves and their children at risk for injury or death.
ETA: @ Anita... very good, valid points.
This is not your issue or battle, unfortunately. This has obviously been an issue since your DH was a kid, most likely. Nothing will change unless your DH changes. The ATV could be really be any situation or thing, now, couldn't it? It's not really about the ATV.
First world problems....
Yes you are over-reacting. The owner of the ATV did speak up and say the brothers could share. She may or may not know your family dynamics. As for the ATV sharing, if your husband won't speak up and get together with his brother to make a plan ON THE CALENDAR for 50-50 sharing, then let it go and save up for your own.
Re your SWH - Go to your BIL's place yourself on Thursday's and get the ATV's. Don't put up with this. He can't have everything he wants. If you let him, you are just enabling his bullying.
Original:
Do I have this right, that it is your husband's brother who did this? (Not the man giving the ATV's away?)
If it IS your BIL, I would venture to think that his brother and your husband have this kind of relationship in which his brother is usually overshadowing and taking advantage of your husband. It is your husband who needs to take the bull by the horns and stop this stuff with his brother.
I hope he goes over with the truck and says "My turn this weekend" and not take no for an answer.
Dawn
Ha! Love it! Your brother in law and his kids are the guinea pigs for this used ATV. However, do not smirk when they get hurt. If it is just a broken bone send a nice "Get Well' card, if there is a hospital stay send flowers too :)
Look at it this way - It was free in the first place, and though it was wrong for your husband's brother to run over your husband to get it (after all it is a hot commodity), don't make it bother you that much. At least you get to use it as well. It may not even work for much longer anyway, so consider it a blessing in disguise.
No, not overreacting. If you have the equipment to pick it up from your brother's house then do so this weekend and say nothing of it beyond that.
