You all have been so helpful please tell me what you think on this... My daughter lives in another state in her father and step moms upstairs. she is in College and she has a good job just months away of good benefits. OK...recently she broke up with her boyfriend of several years because he was lazy and didn't have a job for over a year. A good step I think. Well then about a week later her grandmother from her fathers side passes away. (she saw her maybe once every 2 years and rarely talked) anyway she calls into work sick for a couple days, and then calls in bereavement days and then just doesn't show up cause she doesnt care, consequently, she gets fired. Now i get a text telling me she's planning suicide! I try calling her, no answer. I call her ex, no answer. I call her best friend and she getting a tatoo and says 'well she was supposed to be here but she was acting weird". OK I get real worried. I call her dad and he tell me 'yea she's been moping around a bit. but I'm at work" 'can you call 911" "no I am at work" Now what...one of my daughter's work buddies (my age) agrees I should be worried and tells me to call the fire dept. so... I do they get the police and send them to her..She runs away from them eluding them completely. then I get a call that she has befriended me, will no longer have anything to do with me, I will never ever see her again etc. And why? cause since i sent the police she could have got caught with illeagel pot and parafenalia. Was I wrong to call? She seems to me to have real problems going on here...now what? Am I daughterless now? I breaks my heart!
Ok we are going on March 3rd. My daughter still hates me, she has removed me from Facebook, emails, family etc. I have 0 contact with her unless she texts me. She likes to send hurtful texts periodically. To her I am still the cause of all her problems. she had the gall to ask me if she could take her little brother (13) on his spring break for a couple days. Ok not only does she hate me and she is the proud owner of Illeagal substances, but she is on FMLA leave from her job due to depression and I don't know whatever else, why would I let her take her half brother? I still have my broken heart.....
She's an adult, so the only thing you could do was call 9-1-1. You did the right thing and I hope she gets the help that she needs. I would suggest that you continue monitoring her from afar (friends, family, etc) and that you contact the Office of Mental Health in the county where she lives. They may have some specific suggestions.
If she threatens suicide again... call 9-1-1 again.
of course you did the right thing, and after she's able to get some help for what she's going through she'll see that too and this will be all over.
She's in a very dark place right now and it's much easier to lash out at you than to face her issues. Have patience and understand this is NOT about you at all.
Continue to be there for her when she's ready and needs you. She has to want help in order to accept the help.
She will one day see this event with different eyes.
You may never get an apology, but you'll have to forgive her anyway.
You did right. I would have done the same and I'd continue doing it every time I had any evidence of suicide talk. If she were serious, she'd just do it rather than talk about it. She's mad at the intervention but she asked for it. She's making some bad choices if she's turning to illegal drugs (possibly to self medicate her depression?). She blaming you, but she's only suffering the consequences for her own actions. She's still got some growing up to do. Hang in there!
You did the only thing you could have done. What was she thinking? That you'd ignore her suicide text? And what's up with her dad and his apparent indifference to your daughter's safety and well-being??? Some really strange dysfunction going on there.
If your daughter is abusing drugs, you have probably lost her already . . . not to suicide but to addiction. Your ex may already know this, hence his reason for not jumping when he found out about her suicide threat. If I were you, I would start off by finding out where your nearest Alanon chapter is and start attending their meetings. You need to learn about the nature of the best of addiction and how to set healthy boundaries with your daughter and how to be there for her when she is ready to deal with her addiction issues. There will be parents there that are dealing with the same issues you may have to end up dealing with, with a lot more experience about the kind of drug and alcohol recovery programs are available in your area. Just some really good information to know.
I wish this was a case of your daughter was just experimenting with drugs and you happened to call the cops on that day, but I don't think it is. Your ex's reaction to your call and her behavior indicate that she probably has become more than a casual drug user by this point.
I'm sorry this is going on for you. I hope that you can get the help you need and your daughter back very soon.
Updated
Your daughter was and is in crisis. You stepped in and tried to help. Hopefully she will come out of the fog of grief and see that. Keep in contact, call her every couple of days, hopefully she will talk to you. Send flowers with a card that says I love you now and forever, Mom. Anytime a person says the word suicide it's time to take action. You don't need to call 911 but keep the non-emergency number of the police department handy and ask them to do a wellness check on her if you becomed concerned. It might also be a good idea to go see your ex and his wife they live closer to her and see her more often. They may not be willing to get involved, any form of mental illness freaks out a lot of people. She is probably just adjusting to the grief of losing her grandma and the break-up with her boyfriend and losing her job. This could end in two ways she will either bounce back and be fine or she could begin a downward spiral that will last until she gets professional help. I am sure the school she is going to will have someone she can talk to for free, she needs to sort out all of the issues she has been hit with.
I would also be concerned with the pot she is using. Drug use or drinking can be a form of self-medicating mental illness. The patient knows there is something wrong but doesn't know what it is so they will use drinking or drugs to mask the feelings. This could be symtom of a bi-polar disorder, depression or anxiety. She may need to be treated and go to counseling. Contact Social Services for the county she lives in and see what steps you may need to take to have her involuntarilly commited. It is usually a 72 hour hold, they take blood tests and see if she needs medication. She will start counseling and hopefuilly will continue with the medication and counseling after getting out of the hospital. The really unfortunate thing about mental illness is when dealing with an adult they have the right to stop treatment. They have the right to have a checking account and credit cards if they screw it up and get into trouble they will need someone to bail them out.
I see some symtoms here just by her response to you calling the police. Start reading up on mental illness so you can prepare yourself, hopefully you can get a lot of support from your ex but he may not want to admit anything is wrong.
My heart goes out to you! You are a great mother and you didn't do anything wrong. Your daughter is at a hard place right now in her life and having problems dealing with it. She may be mad at you right now, she will get over it and say she's sorry. You did everything right. Keep showing her how much you LOVE her, and keep giving it to her. One day she'll be thankful. I'll pray for her too. You are not daughterless, she's just throwing a fit like she did when she didn't get her way when she was a toddler. (Kids never out grow them...) Your love for her keep you chasing her until you found her after she sent that text. You are in another state, you called everyone you could think of, you did everything in your power to find her... that's a mother's love that never ends. Of course she can't see it because she's in self denial/pity, she's depress, so much is going on in her own mind. You are a great mother and down deep you know you are! She knows it too, don't let her words hurt you right now. Keeping showing your love to her.
My prayers are with you and your daughter!
God Bless!!!
This needs to be taken seriously as a cry for help. People who have mental illness will do this as will people who are using illegal drugs. They disown the ones who care about them, because it makes things easier mentally for them to do whatever they are thinking about doing. I would not let her do that, maybe go for a visit if possible and see what all she is doing there may be more drugs than just pot being used, maybe call the school see if she is still attending, she needs help. Please don't let stop showing you care.
No, you were wise to be concerned and did the only thing you could do. Your ex-husband is unbelievable...."I'm at work"???? How would he feel if she killed herself?? She is obviously crying out for help. Write her a letter and tell her how you feel and why you did what you did. Do you or your daughter have a decent relationship with the step-mother? You and she & your ex have to work together to help her. She needs to be in counseling. I will keep her in my prayers...
YOu did the right thing...She probably would not have done anything but you never know and wouldn't you have felt terrible if you hadn't been proactive in following through to get her help? I would have done exactly what you did. Obviously she is troubled and needs some help. The situation and time with help will let her see that you were acting in her best interest. I am so sorry this happened.
You were right to call. Threats of self harm are NEVER to be taken lightly, right? How would you feel if you hadn't called & she hurt herself? She'll understand eventually.
