Mindy McCready-her Death-question About Suicide

I think there is a misunderstanding that this is a well thought out decision. If you don't understand mental illness, if you've never experienced or been witness to someone with severe distorted thinking, then suicide seems unfathomable. Leaving one's children seems unfathomable. But to tell someone its a sin - do you think that matters at the point someone has suicidal ideation? When someone are so far gone that they believe their children will be better off, everyone will be better off, hospitalization is required. She had two previous attempts. So sad.

I can't judge her. I can feel sick for her children and the ripple effect this will cause, but working with those who are mentally ill, I can't judge. I can only do my part to try to help the walking wounded.

Clearly, people who commit suicide are mentally ill. Their reality and reasoning is not the same as someone who does not suffer from mental illness.

I read that she had already lost her children to her mother in a custody battle. Maybe she didn't see it as leaving them behind. Maybe she thought she had failed them already. I'm not excusing it, just trying to put you in her head for a moment...

Of coourse you don't get it. You've never been ill enough to actually try to commit suicide. I don't get it either, because I've never been there. Sadly, therer is a history of mental illness and suicide/attempts in my family. For those who have managed to get better, they will all tell you the same thing. It doesn't make sense to them NOW, either. At the time, it did in a twisted way. Everything else felt wrong to them. Everything in life. The weren't worth life. They had nothing to live for. Looking back now...of course...they realize life is worth living, that they are worth life. But at the TIME, death made more sense. The idea of death felt better then the idea of life. Even THEY don't understand why. They can't even make sense of it. Understand, drugs make this even worse. Drugs don't allow people to be sane sometimes. Drugs and depression are often a lethal combination.

That's the terrifying thing about mental illness. There is no rational line of thinking. People do things they don't really WANT to do, because it somehow makes sense at the time. It's a darkness, emptiness, hollowness...that unless you've been there, and even if you have...simply doesn't make sense. It's very sad. No one WANTS to commit suicide. It hurts everyone. Ultimately, suicide is one of the most incredibly selfish act a person can commit. It's also one of the hardest acts to keep a person from committing. It's definitely one of the most difficulty for the healthy and ill to make sense of. It's senseless, but only after the fact do the ill understand that.

We would all love for people to get the help they need. If our system weren't so broken, it might be easier. If mental health was easy to treat, no one would commit suicide.

My BIL (my husband's youngest brother) hung himself from the door jam 2 weeks before his 30th birthday, one month after my youngest child was born.

At his right and proper Catholic services, complete with full mass, the priest said something like:

We can never know another person's struggles. I think we can take comfort in the fact that our brother Paul is in the arms of our Lord, who has a level of patience and understanding that no human could ever grasp.

This was is 1997, and something of a brave sermon, but very beautiful and comforting for us.

I should mention, there is serious mental illness throughout their family. How can illness be unforgivable?

:(

My mother committed suicide when I was 13.

The sucking wound that her act left behind took years to heal - in some ways, it never heals. But, age and learning and objectivity, have taught me that, for her, at that moment, it was her only way to escape the pain. She was severely manic depressive. Never properly treated, in fact refused treatment for most of her adult life. She had, at one point, undergone electro shock therapy - back in the late 50s when it was oh so brutal.

I worried about her going to hell. Then, after I was saved, I realized that God would not send someone who suffered an internal hell on earth to ethereal hell for eternity.

I escaped the manic-depressive gene that runs in our family so my life has been easier than my mothers' ever was. At the lowest points of my life it was never an option for me, sometimes only because I experienced first hand the devastation is inflicts upon those left behind. But, for those who commit suicide, it is, at that moment, a release and and escape from the internal pain that is greater than any of us could ever imagine.

However, suicide is, and will always remain, a tragedy.

Five years ago I was out of an abusive relationship and depressed. I finally got away from my abuser. And yet I missed him. My "new" life felt hopeless. I wanted to take a knife and end it all. I ended up with a friend for a few days who made sure I didn't harm myself.

Hubby lost his great grandma around the time he became an adult. They were really close. He started drinking day and night, lost his job, and tried to commit suicide. He ended up in the hospital on a manditory watch.

Depression has no boundaries. It has no rules. And most people on the outside will never understand it.

What is *my* "take" on suicide?
It's a tragic act of desperation by people who cannot see that the valleys if life are followed by peaks.
That's generally called depression.
Depression is a mental illness.
Add to that the element of addiction and you have people that are not making rational decisions.
Perhaps you haven't considered suicide because you've never been clinically depressed. Having a bad marriage, a cheating husband, deaths if loved ones, other bad things are things *most* people deal with in a typical way. But if there is mental illness or addiction, the case for logically "toughing it out" doesn't apply as it would to me.
•Who would sell their newborn to a stranger for a $10 rock of crack?
No O. not addicted or mentally ill. or mentally ill.
•Who would willingly leave behind two children under the age of 10?
No O. not addicted or mentally ill.
•Who would walk into an elementary school and start killing innocent kids?
No O. not addicted or mentally ill.
What you're describing by your ex is manipulation. Addicts are really good at that. Maybe he was serious, maybe not. People that have a rwlationship with addicted individuals would benefit from Alanon, if you care about them. It teaches a lot of great things. So you don't have to guess at how to respond.
I'm not comparing mental illness to addiction, but in both cases, the mind is sick. The mind needs help.
Probably the last thing the families of suicide victims need is judgement from people that don't really grasp the depth and breadth of the swath depression can cut through a life.
BTW, Mindy's death has been ruled suspicious.
I doubt the media has all if the facts yet.
She was recently released from rehab. O. of MANY attempts she made to slay her demons.
If Mindy McCready, with all of her resources, couldn't get enough help to prevent this (if it was suicide), God help the average Joe, unless there are BIG changes in treating mental illness in this country.
That's my "take" on suicide.

So are you trying to stir the pot?

This is one of those things you never really "get" until you have the misfortune of experiencing it up close and personal.
My BIL killed himself back in 2008 (my first question on this site actually pertained to his memorial service.) NONE of us saw it coming. Yes, we all knew his second marriage was in trouble, and he was pretty stressed with bills and some drama with his oldest son, but he was just just a solid, hard working GOOD guy, you know? It really devastated all of us, especially his brothers and parents, who are devout Catholics.
I think that sometimes people can just get to a very, very dark place, one that the rest of us NEVER do, even when we get down and think our lives are worthless. I don't know if it's inherent or not. My BIL certainly had no outward signs of depression, as a matter of fact he was a sweet and funny guy. Yet it was clear that he was DETERMINED to die (he not only OD'd on pills, he cut his wrists too.) And as angry as some of the family was afterwards we have all come to terms with the fact that he was not trying to hurt any of us, especially his kids, but his pain, whatever it was, was so unbearable he simply couldn't go on, and that is nothing but extremely sad.

You don't get it because you don't suffer from depression.

If you've never experienced it, you'll never understand. I hope you never do.
If someone who was suicidal could rationalize their problems and think clearly, they would. They are in pain. Their lives are out of balance. They want the pain to end. You understand Dr. Kevorkian's mission, to end physical pain. How is that different from someone who is living in horrible emotional and mental pain?

The people here saying it's selfish, how can a person in unbearable mental pain be there for his children? Obviously, if they could, they would. You're applying the thoughts of a well person to someone who isn't well.

A good friend's husband ended his life. He struggled for years with mental problems. He was adored by his family. But his demons overtook him. Years of therapy and medication did not work. His wife lost her best friend, his kids their father. It was NOT the "easy way out." It wasn't easy for him. It was horrible. It was a horrible way for him to live and a horrible way for him to die.
His family would prefer to have him in their lives, obviously. Now that he is gone, they have become closer, they have received therapy, they have learned to value life. We all wish he hadn't taken his life. But I cannot call him "selfish" when he did the only thing he could think to do to end his pain and protect his children. I can see other options -- he could not.

There's nothing "easy" about suicide. I hope you'll never understand it.

Their is a disease and its called depression. Are you seriousely posting this??? Have you ever experienced clinical depression? I would assume not. There for you do not even have the right to say how you feel about what she did or compare yourself to her. The problem is people like you who think depression is a choice. I suffer from anxiety and depression brought on by things in my life like my mom having cancer. I do not have clinical depression where every single day it is there even when nothing is actually wrong. I cannot imagine living like that. This is usually what drives ppl to drugs they just want relief from the awful pain. Maybe if ppl stopped telling these ppl to snap out of it grow up or you have kids blah blah. Do you really think she wanted to die???? She prob wanted to live but could not take the pain anymore and the judgment from ppl. It is not selfish for ppl to commit suicide its tragic that no one stepped in to help her.

Unless you have been mentally ill, or have had someone close to you suffer from it, I don't think someone "normal" such as yourself, will EVER understand it.

I'm sure you'll never understand drug addiction, or alcoholism, or anorexia, or many other conditions that have to be experienced in order to be understood.

Consider yourself lucky that you have never been in that place. It's an awful place to be, and I'd like to reiterate what GrammaRocks said: It's not selfish to the one attempting it, most of the time the suicidal one believes everyone would be better off without them. It's hard to even explain the place you have to be in your mind to consider it, let alone try it. There are those of us who do not believe in sin, so that's kind of a moot point.

My take on it is you cannot understand a mental disorder unless you have had it yourself. If you are that depressed you have a chemical imbalance. So, they cannot think rationally anymore. They cannot see outside themselves. They have drowned inside. I don't understand it myself, but this is what I think.

Depression is a dark dark pit with no light...maybe there is a pinprick of light...then some days that little speck goes out...then maybe you can see it again. Pray that if you are ever there and you see that small tiny light that you try and rise towards it and you scream for some one to help you get closer to it. Pray that someone like your spouse drags you to the doctor and gets you some help...and that the help works because in your case it was situational depression, not an actual physical illness that is clinical depression.

I have been in that pit of darkness and you are not rational when you are down in there...pray if you ever visit there you have someone who will reach in a help pull you out!!!

You've never been depressed and felt the world would be better off without you, and that ending your life would be the best thing to do for your loved ones, they're not thinking of themself, they're thinking of them. To them they're being UNselfish, they think anyone but themself should be raising their children.

Depressed people don't think rationally, what they think and believe makes total sense to them. Sometimes a depressed person doesn't realize they're depressed, that they need help. They may have cried out for help, been ignored, and given up.

Yes, it's a sin to take one's life, but I believe God takes their illness into consideration when judging them. That's His job, not ours.

Her boyfriend hanged himself a month ago and it was around that time that she went into Rehab. I haven't seen/heard anything about her being suspected of being involved with that.

Anyway - you seem to be someone who is mentally healthy and strong but she and many others are NOT and you judging them and saying it is the "easy way out" or a "cop out" is so WRONG. My daughter (16) just learned that a dear friend of her's hanged himself yesterday and is no longer here. He suffered from mental illness but no one (family/friends/doctors) knew just how much he was suffering, he was getting treatment and things seemed to be going well, but he hid just how much he was hurting.

You need to step back and be thankful for your own mental health and not be so negative towards those who are suffering - tell them that it is a SIN just pushes them further to think that they are BAD and that the world is better off without them.

BTW it wouldn't matter if your were Mortally wounded or not if you took your own life it would still be a SIN - think about that.

She also suffered from Addiction and has had issues for many years. I feel for all those who are left behind

Our country is terrible when it comes to mental health issues. We will talk about and fund just about everything except high quality mental health treatment. I am a psychologist who used to work in private practice. It was heartbreaking to hear from insurance companies that "talk therapy" services were denied, but anti-depressants were fine. Bottom line was that a bottle of pills were cheaper and "faster" than teaching a person how to cope with their challenges. Unfortunately, when the pills run out or the person feels better... the meds stop, but the challenges and lack of strategies remain.

What is my take on suicide? Well, from a clinical perspective suicide occurs when a person cannot see things getting better and they are experiencing a level of psychological pain that is essentially immeasurable. They don't think about who they are leaving behind, nor do they particularly care about who is hurt by their actions. It is an entirely self-centered decision that is focused on one thing alone: ending the pain permanently. This is NOT to say that a suicidal person is self-centered, but the decision at that moment in time is entirely focused on themselves. Please don't confuse that. Many suicidal adults believe that their children/spouse/family would be better off if they were dead.

On a personal level, I cannot imagine what level of despair a person must be experiencing to take their own life. I have worked with suicidal people in a therapeutic environment and if they are able and willing to access help, the person can work towards balance and learning coping strategies to fend-off those feelings of extreme hopelessness before they take over.

Suicide is permanent. Most situations in life are not. There is ALWAYS another option. It's a matter of helping an individual believe that and learn ways to find other options.

My heart goes out to those children. Having one parent, let alone two, die in a stigmatizing way will alter their lives permanently.

I wonder if she suffered from Post Partum Depression... just a thought.

There but for the grace of God go I...

People who commit suicide do not think they have choices. They feel constricted. They are misguided in that belief, but their belief makes them feel so miserable they cannot see that the feeling will go away.

And I'm a Michiganian. It's Kevorkian.

I don't think there's anything "easy" about suicide, since you asked. I can't even imagine things being that bad that I would end my life. I'm so grateful that I don't know what that's like.

She had many problems and had recently been in a mental facility for a few days. When you commit suicide you transfer your pain to those that love you. That enough to make a person think twice.

What I find so frustrating is with all the psychiatric help, it didn't stop this trajedy. She had been through rehab on a reality show. She had access to mental health professionals, medicines and the time.

I think this is the last frontier of medicine. We have knocked back cancer and identified some causes and changed behavior for most (smoking).
But this has a stranglehold on our society. We seem to have an attitude like its the 1800s and these people arent worth the money to put into research. It bites us in the butt when they start shooting.

Thank you, Bug. AND Rtttttt.

As a fan of hers since her my teen years, I have been saddened to see the troubles she has gone through. Her song, "Ten Thousand Angels" echoed in the back of my mind often through my teen years when I was faced with making choices... "Lead me not into temptation; Heaven help me to be strong. I can fight all that I'm feeling, but I can't do it alone. Help me break this spell that I'm under, guide my feet and hold me tight. I need ten thousand angels watching over me tonight."

I don't think she was a bad person. I think she had struggles that I'll never be able to understand, and I do think she's probably suffered, at least intermittently, from mental illness. I hope her children won't hold it against her as they grow up.

Her boyfriend died on the same porch that she did, also (apparently) from a self-inflicted gunshot wound, but the police say that was suspicious. I pray she had nothing to do with it.

My heart breaks when I hear of someone commiting suicide. It really does. To be in such a dark hopeless place that you see no escape from the pain. :( It makes me want to cry.
My take on it? I don't see it as the "easy way out".......I think they just can no longer face life anymore. Depression is an incredibly lonely place to be in.
My prayers are with her family and her children.

I once heard someone say that suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. I don't pretend to know how depressed some people are or how hopeless they feel. I've felt a tiny bit of that in my life, but it always passed. I assume some people feel as if it will never pass. I believe some people are just mentally ill and see suicide as a solution to end the pain. I get that.

I also think that some people commit a slow suicide with drugs, lifestyle choices, etc. I believe some people just never know the joy of living or being loved. I understand that people who are in a very dark place think that suicide will relieve the pain they're in.

Suicide in my opinion is a permanent solution to a temporary issue/event/feeling. It's a selfish act, as well as a hopeless and tragic one.

Someone who is void of family, love, and hope who feels they have no purpose are the ones who decide to end their life. It's a very debilitating feeling, and one which I am blessed to not experience.

I say selfish with two meanings. One, for those who do it to justify, spite, or hurt, are causing unecessary suffering to those they leave behind. In that sense, they are selfish. Another way I look at it as they have no other means of coping, so they decide to end their own life. It's the only selfish thing they can do for themselves.

I have talked down two people in my lifetime from commiting suicide. I can tell you that it was the most painful and emotional experience of my life.

I can only hope that for others like this poor women, they will have someone by their side to bring them out of it.

Like you, I don't understand it . Suicide is something I personally would never do because I feel it is an ultimate selfish act. Look at the damage left behind?

True, I have not walked in her shoes or have been emotionally disabled.

I do know, from my hubby and his siblngs, that they were witness when his mother " attempted" suicide twice. As children, they watched the ER take her away. In her case, when she needed attention she created it.

In that sense is where I base the selfish act and for her emotionally abusive to out her children through that experience.

I am not familiar with this particular case, but I would assume that there is usually mental illness involved when a person commits suicide.

I never thought I'd consider it . That is until I had a child and IF I were to ever lose him, gosh... that could be the one thing that would drive me to the end. I can't imagine my life without him ..I just know I'd be in so much pain that surely I wouldn't be able to think straight or care about living.. but hey, that's me...

From your post I take away three things:

1) Suicidal people are mentally ill and need help.

2) Suicide is a 'mortal' sin (no pun, I'm referencing the catholic belief as I think you are), however you'd do it if you were mortally ill.

3) You admit you have no in depth knowledge of Ms. McCready's life, situation or thoughts.

As for my thoughts on suicide, I'm against it personally, but wouldn't want to impose my belief system on others.

Her kids and family have to live with their "failure" to help her for the rest of their lives. I was friends with a W. in college who's sister had killed herself. She felt horrible guilt even as an adult. She felt like she should have seen the signs or been there for her to talk to. She thought if she had been there more or something that her sister would have felt the strength to carry her through.

The facts are that a person who kills themselves leaves behind a large hole that will never be filled again by anyone or anything again. The person who kills themselves are totally thinking about themselves and are completely immersed in their own emotions and not thinking clearly.

The moral of my story is this, there is always a different day tomorrow. If you step outside the situation you'll find a way out to a whole new life.

I was once friends with a W. who was hiding from her husband at my house. We buried in and had all the windows covered with thick curtains. We would look out and just stay inside all the time. It became overwhelming to us. I finally had enough and went outside. I felt so light and so much better. I decided to go about my life and let her problems go. She did too because I did. She called her husband and we found out he had even been out of state for a couple of days....

So I learned that to be stronger and get through a situation that was stressful I had to step out and find a way to make it better.

Suicide is an option, for those who are in incredible pain from a terminal illness or some other illness that is not fixable or treatable whether terminal or not. BUT depression is something that is treatable with antidepressants and therapy.

Updated

Her kids and family have to live with their "failure" to help her for the rest of their lives. I was friends with a W. in college who's sister had killed herself. She felt horrible guilt even as an adult. She felt like she should have seen the signs or been there for her to talk to. She thought if she had been there more or something that her sister would have felt the strength to carry her through.

The facts are that a person who kills themselves leaves behind a large hole that will never be filled again by anyone or anything again. The person who kills themselves are totally thinking about themselves and are completely immersed in their own emotions and not thinking clearly.

The moral of my story is this, there is always a different day tomorrow. If you step outside the situation you'll find a way out to a whole new life.

I was once friends with a W. who was hiding from her husband at my house. We buried in and had all the windows covered with thick curtains. We would look out and just stay inside all the time. It became overwhelming to us. I finally had enough and went outside. I felt so light and so much better. I decided to go about my life and let her problems go. She did too because I did. She called her husband and we found out he had even been out of state for a couple of days....

So I learned that to be stronger and get through a situation that was stressful I had to step out and find a way to make it better.

Suicide is an option, for those who are in incredible pain from a terminal illness or some other illness that is not fixable or treatable whether terminal or not. BUT depression is something that is treatable with antidepressants and therapy.

I had not read that today, that's too bad. She was on Celebrity Rehab with Dr. Drew as well.

Suicide has had a huge impact on my life in the past two months though. My honey has lost two uncles to suicide since December. Talk about it destroying those they left behind. I wake up everyday wondering how I can ease some of the pain but I can't.

Later on down my life if I am awful health - Kevorkian style might be my preference. Maybe that comes from my experience euthanizing thousands of pets in a loving, peaceful way.

My "take" on it is that it is the supreme selfish act.

Will I go around judging others about it? Why? To what effect? They are gone. They are not around to see the after effects and suffering of those who cared about them.
I feel badly for anyone who would contemplate it. It is my understanding that they are simply trying to end whatever pain they are suffering. I don't know their pain. It is a permanent "solution" to a temporary "problem" and a person would have to be suffering serious mental disturbances not to realize that.
It is sad. No doubt about it. The real victims are those left behind. In particular, the children.

Weird, i just saw her interview after her boyfriend was found dead. I as well don't get it. My daughter has had 3 students commit suicide this year, 2 within 2 days and another a few weeks later. She's know 2 other kids from different cities that have also killed themselves. What can be so bad that suicide is your best option? My daughter is an Aspie, so calls them as she sees them. She doesn't know why everyone is so upset at school, they did it to themselves....not like the boy that died of cancer at her school. I do feel for the parents of these kids and i feel for the kids that something was so bad their only way out was death.

I've had some bad times in my life but nothing so bad as to think suicide.