Sister Attempted suicide...need Advice/encouragement

Updated on September 13, 2011
A.M. asks from Lake Wales, FL
6 answers

Hi Everyone,
Please bare with me on this, it may get long. But I am in need of advice on my family situation here. Last month, my oldest sister finally admitted that she had a drinking problem and was so desperate to get help for it made the statement that she wanted to die. She admitted herself into a hospital and left starting out patient rehab and AA. She also started medication for depression. Since then her husband (have been seperated for a year) got custody of the kids and that was very hard for her as well. Well I guess last week, she started drinking again and hiding it from everyone. On Saturday she sent emails to our family about being sad. We immediately tried to contact her but could not. She then posted on FB that she had made a mistake and that she was "done" and had "nothing left". She posted "I love you" to my other sister and I and I knew that was her goodbye. My father and her boyfriend finally tracked her down and she was very drunk. They found a suicide note but felt that she was being her "dramatic self" and decided to left her sleep it off per her request. They left her alone at her house. When my other sister (who just had a baby 9 days ago by csection) found out that there was a note, we took off to her house. We found her incoherent, eyes rolling back, sleeping in bed. We also found another note. We called 911 and they found that she had taken 30 tylenol pm, 5 muscle relaxers and a pint of vodka. As she was leaving on the stretcher she was yelling at me "Why did you do this to me b*tch? Why you couldn't you let me die? I hate you." She is currently in the hospital.
I have a chance tomorrow to go visit her. But I am not sure of what to say besides "I love her". My father visited her this morning and he said that she is still angry at me. So should I not go? I want to let her know that I am here for her and would do anything to help her. My family is telling me to go and show support.
Also my father is feeling great guilt about not believing the first suicide note. He has been extremely emotional about it to my other sister and I. What can I say to him to make him feel better? He knows he made a mistake but I want him to not have this guilt forever.
Any advice would be helpful. Thank you in advance.

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J.H.

answers from Birmingham on

I agree with Jess. Go see her and tell her how much she means to you. If she gets upset and agitated with you, then leave. She is undoubtedly going through detox and is already wanting to come out of her skin. Once she gets into therapy and comes to terms with her addiction, she will be thanking you. You did the right thing. Let her be mad for now.
Tell your dad you would have done the same thing and that you love him. I would also urge all of you to get into some kind of family recovery or Al-Anon program, especially if you think any of you have codependent issues. I come from a long line of addicts and alcoholics. My recovering alcoholic dad is having severe depression and suicidal thoughts right now. He is about to start therapy and takes antidepressants. I truly feel for you. Trying to save your family from themselves...is scary and exhausting.
I wish you luck and good days ahead.

2 moms found this helpful
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D.P.

answers from Pittsburgh on

I'm sorry.
Your sister is mad as hell, but she's alive. That's a victory.
All of you would benefit from some Alanon meetings.
It will help you understand the behavior, enabling and manipulation of an addict/alcoholic.
Addiction and metal illness often go hand in hand. That's very common.
Patients often stop taking their medication because they feel better and don't like the side effects, then they self-medicate with their drug of choice.
Your sister (hopefully) will be stabilized and get her meds straightened out and will continue with a good recovery program like AA or Celebrate Recovery.
Ultimately, the choices your sister makes are just that--her choices. Good and bad. Your father is not responsible. I'm sure he knows that any threat of harm to self should be reported to the authorities.
Addiction can be a long journey of peak and valleys.
Educate yourselves! And get support from Alanon.
I'd visit her. She needs to know you love her but will not love her to death or support unhealthy decisions and choices.

1 mom found this helpful
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J.C.

answers from Dallas on

i would go visit with her and let her know that you love her and that you and the family is there for her, and that you would rather her be mad at you then her be dead...for your father i would just give him a hug and tell him its not his fault that she did that on her own she is a grown woman and he just figured she was drunk i would have did the same thing let a drunk sleep it off...but good thing you went to check on her:) just be there for ur family show ur support:) good luck you will be in my prayers

1 mom found this helpful

L.A.

answers from Austin on

Has your sister been diagnosed as to what type of depression/mental illness she has?

Is her drinking a way for her to control her mental illness?

Until you all know exactly what she is dealing with, she will stay in this pattern. She will need all types of help. She has hit rock bottom, but no matter what, SHE has to be the one to do the work.

As a family you can work with her doctors and therapist, but if she is determined, do be prepared for her to find ways to fill whatever is causing this pain,. Could be physiological and it could be physiological.. This "missing link" to this puzzle has to be diagnosed so she can find a plan and know there is hope. Then you all will also know how to help her.

I am so sorry. This is like a Cancer. It is very frightening, but once diagnosed, you make a plan and each person is there to support the patient and encourages her to stay strong and get through the treatment.

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G.S.

answers from New York on

My sister-in-law was found by her landlord and myself after a failed suicide and when she woke up from her coma a number of days later she was upset that she hadn't died. As far as being mad at me or her landlord, if she is or was, that's her problem. My husband is a 911 dispatcher in our town & there was no way I could've just left and not called. As far as your dad goes, I think that there are so many times that we hear to "old tapes" of how someone is going to do something and we choose to blame ourselves rather then realize that it is something that the person causing this needs to address. My heart goes out to you because I just posted something the other day about this same subject regarding my father. Best of wishes to you and if you don't feel that you are ready to see her yet, then that is your choice. Don't allow her regrets or guilt hold you back from being there for her.

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M.R.

answers from Phoenix on

This is a classic response to failed suicide attempts and too much alcohol and drugs and is called "Displaced Anger." It is directed at the kind and compassionate person who just tried to do the right thing. So, that would be you.

Go and show your support and tell her in no uncertain terms, that you love her and want to see her get help, and heal, and make better choices, and death is not the answer. If she was successful in her suicide attempt, her children have a much higher chance of also committing suicide.

I would also strongly suggest you read up on co-dependent behaviors and read up on your sisters alcoholism and AA group terminology. That way you can really speak her language and show support, not just by calling 911.

Sorry she is making it difficult. But believe me, she might not have hit rock bottom yet. So a little therapeutic support and understanding into mental illness will help you tons here.

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