Dealing with the Holidays This Year

Updated on November 22, 2010
S.B. asks from Mansfield, TX
9 answers

This was supposed to be a very exciting Christmas for us with our kids and our first grandchild, but I am at a loss about the holidays this year. Last year we had just found out she was a little girl and we were so excited to buy her presents (books, clothes, toys)! Last January our world fell apart when we found out that our granddaughter had a chromosome disorder and was not expected to survive to be born. Defying all odds, she was born alive and we got to spend 9 precious days with her in May before she passed away. Everyone (my son and DIL and us) have done remarkably well dealing with the loss of Katelyn, but I don't know how we are going to get through the holidays. My son and DIL will be coming from out of town to spend several days with us over the holiday. I don't want to add to their pain, but I am not sure how to honor's Katelyn's memory.

What can I do next?

  • Add yourAnswer own comment
  • Ask your own question Add Question
  • Join the Mamapedia community Mamapedia
  • as inappropriate
  • this with your friends

Featured Answers

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

M.C.

answers from Washington DC on

What about doing something simple yet understated. Something that you would know the meaning of, yet would not offend anyone else. Then if they happen to ask, you can explain. I would get a little glass ornament.

Angel:
http://www.gimbelscollectibles.com/product.aspx?pid=13665

http://www.lifewaystores.com/lwstore/product.asp?isbn=L06...

Snowflake
http://www.monstermarketplace.com/sympathy-gifts-and-symp...

Heart
http://www.thecomfortcompany.net/precious-angle-baby-memo...

1 mom found this helpful

More Answers

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

C.J.

answers from Dallas on

I have never lost a child, but I have lost pregnancies. I know both are very different, and this is going to sound harsh, but I don't mean for it to, but why do you have to 'honor' her memory at Christmas?
It feels like prolonging and dragging out the pain of her parents and you. She is in a better place. Grief does take time, but allow your family to heal.
Any honoring, I would reserve for her birthday, the day she actually passed, etc. Try not dwell and make every holiday about what could have been.
I think it is also important to allow the parents to steer any greiving or remembering and you all follow suit to be supportive - even if that is just allowing them a happy Christmas.
Praying for all of your peace and comfort through the holidays!

4 moms found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

K.B.

answers from Tulsa on

How heartbreaking for all of you. It is great you want to honor her memory.

Can you find out from your son if your DIL would prefer to talk about it or not? He knows his wife best. I know some people who remember children they lost in private and some who attend special events. One group makes an ornament with the child's name on it. Others don't want to talk about it at all. I would follow their lead.

3 moms found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

K.M.

answers from Oklahoma City on

I once knew a lady who lost her daughter in a car accident. Not the same thing, obviously, but a similar kind of pain. The way she remembered her daughter was to wear a pin with her daughter's picture on it to all family gatherings, etc. That way she said her daughter got to be there with everyone as well.

Would something like that work? Do you have any pictures of Katelyn you could use? You could wear the pin yourself or give it to the parents to wear. I would still do as Somer said and run it by your son first, privately, to get his take on how well they are coping.

Additionally, though, my step-grandparents lost a son in a car accident. When I first met them, I was told to not ever bring it up in front of them because they still were not able to talk about it, even though years had passed. And more years went by before I ever did hear them talk about him, or especially the car accident he died in, but eventually they were able to talk about it. So I'm mentioning this to reinforce the suggestion to run anything you want to do by your son first, to avoid any catastrophes.

1 mom found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

M.P.

answers from Pittsburgh on

I am so sorry for your loss. What about getting one of those little trees that you are supposed to plant in the ground right after Christmas? And decorate it with pink lights and little rosebuds (silk flowers from Michaels). Then after Christmas you can plant it and decorate it each Christmas.

I hope though that some other posters can weigh in on whether or not this kind of thing is even appropriate....I have never suffered such a loss so I don't know. Will it be helpful or will it just be a sad reminder for the whole holiday. Maybe you can even let them know that you want to do something and get their input.

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

J.B.

answers from Atlanta on

Have they mentioned it? If not, I wouldn't do anything or bring it up. If they say anything about it, let them know that you would like to do some type of memorial -IF THEY BRING IT UP -but this may be how they are coping. They may be moving on so that they don't go crazy. It happens. It's not that they've forgotten her or won't ever think of her, but the healthiest thing for them now may be to forge ahead and not dwell on it. I wouldn't go there unless they initiate it.

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

R..

answers from Chattanooga on

We have a special tree ornament for my little sister who was killed when she was 18 months old. It has a picture of her in it, and is usually placed in a prominent spot on the tree. No one really talks about it or mentions it, but it's there.

S.G.

answers from Oklahoma City on

you know your son and dil, will it hurt them more to have a "memorial" or be painful not to, i lost a baby 3 years ago and we don't speak, mention or ne thing unless ME MYSELF AND I talk about it (i was alone, daddy was not around), then family may say a few words concerning the issue but drop it after that.

I would say if you REALLY fell led to do something for blessed little katelyn, talk to your son about it first and ask how they would feel, if all is ok, but all choked up then maybe do something privately, pull HIM aside and tell him this is a gift in rememberance of her, and if he decides to wait to get home to open it, then fine, and let HIM present it to dear dil. this way they dont' feel like they are put on the spot. and don't be offended if he/they doesn't want it. but it IS VERY touchy and a this sheet of ice you're walking on...just be careful in how you present it

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

J.L.

answers from Minneapolis on

.

For Updates and Special Promotions
Follow Us

Related Questions