How to Celebrate the Due Date of Our Angel

I went to the cemetary a lot! Cried my eyes out a lot! You never get over the loss of a child but eventually it becomes a little easier to go on.

I had two perfectly normal pregnancies that resulted in two beautiful girls. Then I had two miscarriages one in Sept of 2006 at six weeks and then one in Mar of 2007 at 12 weeks (twins). I then had a bunch of tests and it was determined that I have a clotting disorder and I injected myself with Lovenox with the next pregnancy. I now have a healthy baby boy who will be seven months old soon.

I try not to dwell much on the would-have, could-haves....I think it takes away from the joy and peace I have with the three children God has blessed me with. I do sometimes think about those twins. How crazy my house would be right now and the fact they were due on my father's birthday (he died about six years ago). But I quickly move on to the three I have and realize there is a reason for everything even if I don't understand why.

Maybe the Lord had me lose those two pregnancies because I needed to know about the clotting disorder. It is associated with heart disease, blood clots in the legs and sometimes breast cancer. Now I'm exercising more, taking baby aspirin and fish oils, and eating better than I have ever eaten. I realize that had I not known about this gene mutation I could have easily continued with my bad health habits and thus suffered a stroke or something along those lines at an early age....then the children I now have would have suffered.

So there is a reason. We just don't always understand it or like it. No one says you have to like it or even forget about it....but commemorating what would have been a lost child's birth is (in my opinion) unnecessary pain and torture for yourself.

Concentrate on the two lovely little girls you have. Every time you think about the little angel you lost, turn your thoughts to the live ones in your home now. You need not do anything further.

Hi S.-
First of all, i am so sorry for your loss. I too, have experienced the loss of a baby.... my daughter was stillborn 2/06. To this day I miss her and I think about what would have been. I struggle around both her due date, the day I lost her, and holidays.... last year and again right now, I am wondering if I should get her a stocking to hang on the mantle.... my son doesnt have one, because i would feel guilty if i got him one and not her.... anyway, that is my issue to figure out. .....

What I have did this past year to celebrate her angelversary, is I sent out an e-mail to family and friends, reminding them of the day and asking that they have a moment of silence--- wish her a happy birthday, and wear something pink.... clothes or ribbons. they later all sent me photos of them in the pink. My husband and in-laws (in 3 separate locations) did a balloon release where we sent balloons up to heaven, with messages attached or written on the balloons. last, we celebrated the little life she had, living inside me, by eating cupcakes--- what we would have done if she was here.

I am also writing a children's book, with little stories of how I imagine my daughter would have been and things I think we would have done together. I am including all her grandparents and siblings.

On Dec. 20th, take time to cry and let it out. Do something special with your family, in remembrance of your baby--- it can be as simple as lighting a candle.

Stephanie

So sorry for your loss. I was basically in your shoes about a year ago. The lo we miscarried would have turned 1 this Thanksgiving. We are still trying to decide what to do this year. Some people release balloons. You can write a message on the balloons. So long as you use hand-tied latex balloons without ribbons, it is supposed to be environmentally ok. I like this idea but I am wondering how that would work in cold temps though. Last year we bought a Baby's First Christmas ornament for our tree and wrote the name we had given the baby and the words "First Christmas in Heaven" on the bottom of it. We hung it on our tree and will again this year. Had he been with us we would have bought him an ornament so it seemed fitting. As far as the day goes, go easy on yourself. Dh and I made a point of just beibg together and not doing much that day. Order dinner in and take time to reflect and talk/cry as needed. I am finding that the build-up to these sort of anniversary dates can actually be tougher on you than the day itself. God bless you in this time especially.

I am so sorry for your loss. I, too, miscarried a baby that was a huge surprise after years of infertility. Shortly after my miscarriage, I began an online graduate school program. In the "introductory" course that was basically meant to familiarize us with the online format and school policies, we each had to write a 3-page research paper on any topic we chose, just to get back into the habit of doing research and writing. My dh suggested I do mine on miscarriage as an outlet for this grief that I wasn't sure what to do with. It was a fantastic idea. Anyway, I have a point here. One of the sources I researched for the paper emphasized that it is absolutely OK to remember your lost one in any way that feels right to you. Some of the suggestions were to give the baby a name, hold a memorial service, or plant a tree in rememberance. The ideas given by the other moms here are fantastic, too, but you will know when you've come across the right idea. It just has to feel right to you.

I have a special garden for the baby that I lost at 13 weeks. It includes a small tree/bush that blooms with white flowers right around the time she would have been born, as well as some pretty orange lilies and yellow tickseed flowers. I have a butterfly stone to mark the area and it's very special to me. When we moved two years ago, I dug it all up and transplanted it to my new home. It will go wherever I go.

God bless...

I am so sorry for your loss. The big thing is to honor it as you feel fit. Just don't make your living wonderful kids miss out on fun opportunities because your angel can't participate...your angel is in heaven, and is having a ball! You don't want the living children to resent the one who has passed on. We struggled with that, and every positive milesone became all about the one who was gone, and caused resentment of the ones who were there. After lots of talking it out, we light candles, go to church, and say a prayer. Hope it helps.

My son past away in utero at 18 weeks...I'm so sorry for your loss.

Every year on the day he went to heaven we light a candle for him and send up balloons. On my due date after him passing I went and got a tattoo in honor of him and placed it on my left shoulder blade where he is always near and watching over me. It is an baby curled up in angel wings. Everyone needs to do something different and that is what I needed to start healing, but 2 1/2 years later my heart stick aches for him as will it always, I'm sure.

So sorry for your loss S.. We lost our angel Alex 7/6/99
I was full term and lost him the day before I went into labor. Even though I have 3 other children there is always
something missing. When I take family photos of my children I always include a white angel bear with his name on it. I have angels all around my home and always "celebrate" his birthday. In December I think it is the 2nd Sunday there is a national candle lighting for all children who have died, the saying is that if everyone lights a candle at 7:00 pm all around the world a candle will burn. There is also a great online store for items called Abbey Press. I hope you find your way to remember the little one that you lost.

Take care
T.

I am so sorry for your loss. I have been there myself, miscarrying twins at 14 wks, 7 years ago. We do a few special things. Each Christmas we buy an ornament that we hang on the tree in honor of them. Usually a baby or an angel. I don't know where you live but there is also an awesome program that is in McHenry each year in December that remembers babies lost as infants, stillborn, or miscarriage. If you'd like the information for that feel free to contact me. Crying always helps!

I found out my baby had died in my womb at about 9 weeks, but didn't start to m/c until almost 12 weeks. It will be 3 years December 1st. My husband did 2 sweet things to remember our first child. He took the ultra sound pic that we had and put it in an ornament frame and we dedicated our a the Christmas Angel that sits on top of our tree now to our 1st baby. So we don't forget our lost little one. It is a great reminder of how blessed we are now, and not to dwell too much on the past.