Dad

Cry, cry, cry and then cry some more. The shower is my favorite place to cry. After my mom past away I would talk to her when I was alone in the car, write letters, and draw for her. I still talk to her when I am in the car. It is hard but it does get easier with time. My mom past away 5 years ago and there still those I wish she was here but I just remind myself that she's not suffering any more.

First of all...please know how sorry I am for your loss. I lost my dear Mother to Ovarian Cancer 10 years ago...and sometimes I still find myself aching for the chance to just pick up the phone and talk to her...hear her voice again.
Please know that it WILL get better...I promise that you will move foreward, you will grieve, you will hurt and cry but you will come out on the other end of this journey of grief and someday you will be able to think of your Dad and smile instead of cry.
There are distinct stages of grief that we all have to go through and each one of us moves through those stages at our own pace and with emphasis on different stages of it. Do a search online...google "stages of grief" and find some information about what grieving should encompass.
I know that my daughters and I enjoy being able to sit down and share our memories of my Mom and their Grandmother with each other. My children are all adults, and it is surprising to me sometimes the "little things" that they remember about their time with my Mom: making root beer sodas with her when they would spend the weekend with her....learning to play solitaire at the kitchen table...holding her hand as they fell asleep.
Let your memories of your Dad warm your heart and fill your life with joy. Know that he would want you to move on...he wouldn't want you to be crippled by your grief. That being said...3 weeks is NOT a long time...you just lost your Daddy...don't expect to pick up and move on...expect waves of sorrow to just sneak up and surround you at the least expected of times. That's ok...it's perfectly normal. A sight, a sound, a smell, may just trigger the tears. And don't try to be strong for you Mom...both of you need to know that it is alright to grieve...and maybe the best place to do that would be together...where you can support each other.
Grief is part of the healing process...embrace it...allow it to work for you...and don't be ashamed to grieve.
If you are a member of a church and are religious that is the greatest tool that you have right now. I could not have been as strong through the final weeks of my Mothers battle with Cancer, or recovered so well from her loss without the sure knowledge that this world is not the end of my time with my Mother. She and my Dad are in heaven...waiting for me to join them...and we will be able to once again embrace each other.
God bless you dear...I know just how difficult this time is...my prayers are with you.

Try and just remember all the memories you have made with him and it is
OK to cry. My Dad has been gone for 28 years and I still miss him and
think about him every day. He was the best Dad anyone could ever ask
for. I know it is hard to believe, but it will get easier but you will always
carry his love in your heart. I am so sorry for your loss.

I just wanted to take a minute and say I'm so sorry for your loss. I went thru a similar situation last yr w/my Grandfather who I was extremely close too. You and your family are in my prayers and hugs to you. Just keep replaying the time you had w/him and the memories in your head and eventually you will catch yourself smiling or laughing over the fun times and that helps a little bit.

Your husband sounds awesome and he is right when he says to open up the flood gates and let it all out. You've been through a lot and what you're feeling is absolutely normal.

I am so sorry that you have lost a loved one. I lost my mother to cancer 7 years ago and I remember it being so so difficult. My thoughts are with you during this emotionally trying time. I always found that it was easier when I was with other people. Of course, I now know that was just a distraction to keep me from having to face my own grief because once I was alone and by myself, the sadness became overwhelming.

You may wish to seek the assistance of a therapist or a grief counselor. Not because there is something wrong with you (there DEFINITELY isn't anything wrong with you; it is normal for grief to feel painful), but because talking with a trained professional can help you start to process what has happened. It can be a very healthy thing to talk about your feelings, admit anger, sadness, frustration, grief, despair, and other emotions with someone who can talk you through what you're experiencing.

Finally, it is okay to break down in front of mom. Chances are she is feeling the same way you are and by being your true selves around each other, it can open up a dialog about the past, the present, and the future without dad. The two of you will always have these special memories of your loved one and they will forever live on in your hearts and your minds.

When with your husband, just let is all break down and let him hold you and listen to you while you cry, sob, shriek, whatever it is you want/need to do. The emotional release can be great for the mind and the body and you may find that the comfort he provides is the soothing you need.

Best wishes to you. I am so sorry that you lost such a great man and family member.

I lost my Dad to cancer almost 4 years ago. Like your Dad, he was getting better, was recovering from his initial surgery. He was ready to start chemo, and one day getting out of the shower, he just collapsed and died. My husband and I were there, and gave him CPR. My older daughter was 21 and also going through cancer treatments at the time. She was extremely close to him, and was in the hospital at the time. My husband and I made a late night trip to the hospital to tell her. So I was dealing with losing my much beloved Dad, and supporting my daughter during her grief and cancer treatments. It was HORRIBLE. I cried every single day for weeks, then I would skip a day of crying, then I would only cry every other day, and once a week, now - I still cry every once in awhile. Going to "our" favorite restaurants make my heart hurt. The worst is seeing an old man in WalMart with suspenders and a wild shirt like my Dad always wore. It takes all my strength to not run up and ask if I can hug him. I still miss my dad so horribly, but now I'm at the stage where I think of him with fondness, and often bring up "My Dad used to say...." and "Wouldn't Grandpa be proud of...." and when I cook his favorite meals, one of us always says "Remember how much he loved this, and he would drop what he was doing to come eat with us?"

Bless you - don't try to not cry when you feel like it. It is what your soul needs for cleansing. My hubby used to just sit with me with his arm around me. Then my little boy would sit beside me and say "Are you sad about Grandpa? I am too, Mom". There are times when you really need to make yourself not cry - like at work or the store - so allow it when you need it. And if you truly feel you can't get past it, there is no shame in anti-depressants short term.

What a wonderful husband you have! And I am so sorry to hear you lost your father. Please write whenever possible. My father, too died of cancer. It was so hard I remember. I sat and cried and cried and cried and cried some more and even now, ten years later sometimes the tears come back. It dulls with time but we never forget our dads.My great advice is just like your husband. To cry it out and let it out. And if you want to be with people call millions of people and talk and talk and talk. And write and write and write. And if you want go ahead and throw pillows around your house and kick the sofa and yell and scream. Get the anguish out of your own body! And one day, although you never forget, you might get up and not be as sad or angry or grief stricken like you feel right now and you might notice the flower outside or smell someone's barbecue and it isn't nearly as painful. Got my prayers.HUGS

Sometimes a good cry is what we need.
It is OK. It's also OK for your mom to see you cry.
Talk about Dad and what he meant to you.
When we lose someone like a parent, or a sibling or a child the grief is so profound.
Be kind to yourself, give yourself lots of time, years if need be. Your life has changed and so has your moms, but you will get through it.
As the weather gets nicer get outside and walk. Talk to your dad on your walks. Tell him your plans and how you and mom are going to do something, a garden, go to Niagara Falls, have dinner together and eat that chicken dish he absolutely refused to eat. :o)
I am so, so sorry for your loss. One day you will see sunshine again.

I am so sorry for your loss. You obviously sound like you have a wonderful family (wow what a fantastic hubby) I am also really close to my father and I am getting teary imagining it if I was in your shoes. Your hubby is right though, it is good to cry and let it out and also cry with your mom, be together at this terrible time. Think of all the good times you had and the funny times. This is a really raw wound for you just now and you are entitled to your time to grieve. talk, talk, talk with friends and family and remember you father isn't suffering anymore but he was your daddy and you will miss him forever.
Take Care G G and I am sending you huge hugs. xx

Crying when you can is your "best" release, so dont hold back the tears and eventually the urge to cry will dissipate in time.
I am very close to my dad too and he's gettin up there in years, I talk to him EVERY day and will miss he tremendously when the good Lord decides to take him from me.
I figure the way I will handle is it that he will always be in my heart, his blood is in my veins and I will always be proud that he's my dad. Miss him? Hell yes! But, I know he wouldnt want me moping and being sad for the rest of MY life so I would not disappoint him by doing that. Talk to him, I've convinced myself that those that have passed before us are rooting for us and helping us along the rest of our journey here on this ball of dirt. I talk to my dead sister all the time. Before you go to sleep at night pray to dream about him, the dreams always bring them back for a time.
You have to put death in perspective, the minute we are born we are all dying, it's part of life. People that have passed on KNOW something we dont, but it's guaranteed we will get there one day too. Live your life to make your dad proud just like you did while he was alive, that's the best and most healthiest way to get through it.
prayers to you for peace and understanding.
I lost my little sister to cancer, it was horrible to watch the slow death.... but she was prepared to go, cancer patients seem to reckon themselves into understanding it's their time. We have to do the same.

I am so very sorry for your loss! I have not personaly had to deal with a loss of this magnitude, but as a nurse I help people with greif and loss on a regular basis. I agree with all the suggestions KansasMom gave out. Church is a great place to reach out to! There are a lot of support groups that you can get involved in. I don't know if hospice was ever involved in his care, but they are also a great support group to help the family deal with their loss. Let yourself greive! It is very important in order to heal. My prayers are with you and your family.

I know you asked in your previous question about support groups - I hope by now you have been able to find one - I am not a big "group therapy" person by any means, but I did go to a bereavement group at my church after my mom died a year and a half ago. It was very helpful and theraputic, just to have someone outside the family to talk to. I also lost my dad 5 years ago, and WISH I'd joined a group at that time, but was kind of wrapped up in taking care of my mom at the time, and didn't seek out any help. The most important thing I learned is that it's OK to feel whatever you're feeling - everyone mourns in a different way, on their own timetable. Grief is a process. It really took me a full year after each of my parents died to feel "normal" again. Take your husband's advice - it IS ok to cry and let it out - in fact, I think it's pretty essential. I just want you to know that there WILL come a time when the pain subsides - NOT to say you will EVER forget your dad, you will always love him and he will always be in your heart, but the raw pain of his loss will eventually be replaced by memories of happier times. This is still very fresh for you - be patient with yourself, and give yourself TIME. You are very fortunate, as I was, to have had a close and loving relationship with your dad - that is a treasure you will always carry with you in your heart! I wish you PEACE.

I'm so very sorry for your loss-losing a parent especially when you are so close or even not can be very difficult. I am lucky enough to still have my dad with me here today as well as my mother but I know that one day I will have to face this-all children do at some point. I don't know how I will go on because my Dad is very special to me -I was always a daddy's girl ;()) I can tell you this though....hold onto those memories you had with him and overall look at this as a "temporary" seperation from your dad. When your time has come your Dad I'm sure will be the very first person to greet you at Heaven's Gate. Death is by far the most difficult thing and I think when you were close to the person there is always that missing link so to say even as time passes by. I'm quite sure your Dad would want you to move on with life and smile at those moments you both shared and to know that he is watching over you even still just not in the physical sense. My daddy is my hero and I dread the day it comes but its inevitable everyone is born to die. When my cousin lost my uncle (her father) she was pregnat after 13 years of trying to conceive this would have been his third grandaughter and he basically was a father figuire to her first daughter since her real father was never around. I think she feels comforted when she goes to his grave and works on it. He has the most immaculate gravesite I have ever seen. She loves to garden-it relaxes her and I think when she goes there to take care of her dad's gravesite it gives her a sense of peace and makes her feel connected to him still someway somehow.....it's been 8 years since he passed and it still hurts but not like it did. She has suffered through a horrible divorce. She was pregnant when her dad passed and then gave birth to her daughter and when she was 6 months old found out her hubby was cheating on her meanwhile suffering through the greif of losing her dad. I can't imagine having to weather that all on my own when its instinct to go to your daddy. She didn't have that and my dad looks, talks alot like her dad and I see the pain in her eyes when she is around him....but she says its bitter sweet to her. Her daddy was just as special to her as he was to everyone else-he died way too young and he is missed by a lot of people-he was very special but so is my daddy and everyone's daddy is special in their own way but that is why its so special because you shared your life with his-be thankful for that and remember those moments and realize that it is okay to cry and mourn his loss but also remember our God is faithful when everyone else seems to let us down and he can help you through the pain. God knows the pain you are going through because he himself had to give up his only son for each and every single one of us. Just as the song goes....this is only our temporary home its not where we belong. This is a temporary seperation. I can't wait to see ALOT of my family that has already passed but I also know that I have to remain here until my job is done-I hope that means I will be here long enough to raise my two daughters but I tell them ALL the time that when I die not to be sad. I tell them that when I die I will be in a much better place and that one day we will see one another again amoungst many many more people that can't wait to meet them in our family that never got the opportunity to meet them here on this earthly life. I had a grandfather that passed at the age of 3-we had a special bond and I know without a doubt that he would have loved to have been here when my twins were born and I know he was from a spirtual standpoint but I cannot wait to meet up with him again so we can watch over my children together and one day I can officially introduce them to him. My dad has lived several years without his dad-I remember the day he lost him too-first time I ever saw my daddy cry. I will never ever forget it. You can get through this .....its not going to be easy at all but God never promised us that in the first place and its for a reason. Your daddy will be proud of you when you accomplish what you are supposed to from this-actually you have two very proud daddy's ;())

I am so sorry for your pain. I went through the same situation 4 years ago. My Dad was diagnosed and went through chemo great...then it moved to his liver and we lost him a month after we realized it moved. It doesn't seem real for a long time...and there is no right answer for you. Just wake up, get out of bed and put one foot in front of the other. Cry if you need to, remember if you want to. Don't be surprised if you laugh at memories and then start to cry. There is no right way to deal with grief. But I do believe that the good relationship that you shared with him will be your blessing in the end. I have no regrets with my dad...Only that I had gotten his quiche recipe! And that brings me comfort that we made the best of the time we had together. Please hang in there and be gentle with yourself.

My mom was diagnosed with Leukemia in November and was doing wonderfully with chemo... up until a couple of weeks ago. She has since developed pneumonia and my fear is i'll be in your shoes soon. Please pass along anything that works for you. At this point all I can do is pray and cry.

Hugs, are you the same lady who asked yesterday about support groups in Dutchess? Hope you saw my post.
First, I am so sorry for your loss! Please allow yourself the time to grieve. It has been a few short weeks. Grief may intensify now - the shock wears off, reality sets in and all of those cards, visitors and fruit baskets have stopped. Other people have gone back to their lives. Sometimes people expect you to be "over it" in a few weeks. Don't feel that you need to be. You have the rest of your life to grieve this loss. Be kind to yourself. Seek out grief counselling or talk to your clergyperson, if you belong to a church or synagogue.
My condolences to you and your family.

Dear GG - I am terribly sorry for your loss and can empathize. I lost my dad to cancer (lung), it will be 17 years ago this Nov. My dad and I were very close. I was his little girl, partner in crime, best buddy (and worst enemy when we were fighting). I have 2 brothers, but my dad and I were always a team. I am glad you have family and friends for support. You may not want to bother with them now, but they will be great to have when you do need them, and you can always reach out to me. At this point you may be too angry to cry and that is ok. It took me a long time to get to that point. And I can imagine who tough it is on your mom (my mom was 47 when my dad passed). Please remember that you grieve differently and that is ok too. She may get mad at you for not expressing the same feeling she does (or not expressing any feeling). Just explain to her that you are working thru you loss in your own way. You will go thru so many different emptional stages and to be honest coping does not get easier, you just get better at it. I still miss my dad dearly and wish he could have been involved in so many more things in my life, but these are the cards we are dealt and we live on. Hugs and deepest sympathy, M.

It's not a case of "holding in feelings being unhealth." People always say that. You have to greave how you feell comfortable, not the way someone else does. The Amish hold it in and schedule a greaving time that they can do it alone and away from other people. Both my parents have died. Mom from colon cancer and Dad from conjestive heart failure. I am very close to my mom, and I don't care what people think. What helps me is knowing that there's a heaven and I will see them again. I do occationally still see them in my dreams. Mostly Mom....We go window shopping a lot in my dreams. Just don't let anyone push you into greaving the way they think you should, because that does do more harm than good.

I am so sorry for your loss.

A friend of mine just published the book, "They Live On", about the passing of her parents. She gives talks and discussions related to this topic in the Capital Region of NYS.

If you would like to know more about her book, go to www.journalartspress.com.

I wish you the best, as you go through the grieving process.

It is healthy to cry. It gets rid of toxins that stress causes our body to make, and makes us feel better. Do not hold it in. I lost my Dad in 1998, and I still miss him terribly. But I have a sense that he is still with me in spirit. We used to work together as he had his own furnace business, and if I ever needed a home repair done, he would come and I would hand him tools, etc. After he died, I needed to do some work on a chimney - making and putting a cap on it. Somehow, as I worked, I felt him guiding me as to how to do it and I felt a strong sense of peace. I still think he looks over all of us. Every time you remember your Dad, know that it is a way of maintaining that close relationship you share. And remind yourself that the greater the love, the greater the pain when loss occurs.

i am so sorry about your loss. i lost my dad 5 years ago to multiple myeloma. he died on a saturday and the following monday was the day he was supposed to go for stem cell therapy. i will always wonder to this day if it would have worked. he was only 61.

i struggled a lot in the beginning. i literally would pull over and cry in my car for the first few months. as life goes on, something everyday reminds me of him: a plate of food, a beatles song, driving by home depot. now, i talk to my kids about him when i get the opportunity ("Papa loved to shop at this grocery..."). it connects him to my kids through myself. it's all i have.

now i have started a journal writing just to him. i don't fill it out daily, just when i need to. dr. oz had john edwards on one day and while i think he's hokey, this suggestion to do this journal to a departed loved one hit me like an arrow and it really makes me even more connected to my dad. i was a daddy's girl and i feel like i always will be. my mom reminds me all the time of this. we help each other get through our loss, she can't believe she has been widowed so early and all her dreams have gone out the window as well.

please don't be afraid to cry. it's good for the soul. mourn as long as you need to. i always said, losing a parent is your biggest childhood fear come true. so cry it out. blessings to you and your family. our dads will always be with us in our hearts.