How to Deal with Loss of a Parent

I just lost my Mom on Jan 6. I know the pain that you feel. You need to give yourself time to grieve. Let yourself cry and miss your dad. It takes time you have to go through the different stages of grief in order to heal.

I do not come from a very religious family - Although, we do believe in God. However, I have felt a strange spirtual connection since my Mom passed. My sister and I were holding my Mom's hand when she died. Maybe that is the reason.

Since my Mom has passed so many people have told me that they have had a strong sense of her presence. My husband who never says such things - told me that he felt that she was with him while he was driving - My husband is not the type to say things like that. These stories bring me peace and comfort.

So, I don't know how to ease the pain, but I do find comfort knowing how much she loved her family and that she is now with my Dad and her mother etc..

My Mom passed from Alzheimer's disease - I find that the song Amazing Grace helps me - The words "I once was lost but know I am found, I once was blind, Now I see" seems so fitting for her and I find comfort in the song and those verses.

I am sorry for you loss, I hope that you can find peace and comfort

didn't read the other responses.....sorry Mamas!

(sigh) Tears in my eyes, rolling down my face. Losing a parent sucks. My Dad died 3 years ago. He'd been battling an irregular heart condition, & had been diagnosed/on treatment for just a few weeks.

On the day he died, he called me....to check on me, because it was the anniversary of my daughter's death. (okay, tears really rolling now) He called me at 3:30, & we talked for about 20 minutes. At 4:20pm, he had a massive heart attack....& my stepmom & a neighbor worked on him until the EMTs arrived 45 minutes later (rural area, small emerg crew).

I am soooo thankful I took his call. It was our last conversation, & within the hour of his death. Sadly, he tried calling my Sis on her commute home, & she didn't take his call....she was already talking to her best friend. To this day, she mourns not flipping calls. So Sad.

Sooo, here's my coping methods: I cry. I allow myself the release of tears. I feel better afterwards, & have learned not to feel guilt for this need. :)
I embrace my memories. I revisit the past, & allow myself to remember the good & the bad. But I also make sure I don't wallow in misery. :)
I make sure that I visit the cemetery when I need to....not just on Hallmark days. I clean the gravestone, I sip a shot of Jack with Dad (his fav), & I say a lot of prayers. :)
With each family holiday, I say a prayer of remembrance for him. I do this also for my daughter. :)
& I have rituals which really help me cope....for this Christmas, I made ornaments for everyone in the family commemorating our wonderful days on the river/lake. Simple glass vials filled with sand, rock, gravel from our fav spot on the river. & with my daughter, I have a SnowBaby ornament for each year without her....& they're the first on the tree. :)
I keep a photo of my daughter on the table in our great room. For her BD, I always buy roses....but thru the year, I off/on have flowers by her pic. I also keep a photo of Dad right next to me....by my computer. Little visual reminders of the love we shared. :)

All of these little things help me cope. I would also like to recommend contacting The Compassionate Friends. I used this organization when my daughter died.....which was 19 years ago....so I'm not sure if it's still available. If you contact your local hospital &/or church, they will have resources for you.

& on a closing note, please feel free to contact me. Talking helps....even if it's just messaging. I wish you Peace & Serenity.....here's one of my fav verses:
Miss me - but let me go. Miss me a little - but not too long, & not with your head bowed low. Remember the love we shared. Miss me - but let me go.
Not sure where this came from...don't have an author, nor a title. Just a little verse to help you through......

Sue H. I would send you 100 flowers if I could

I'm so sorry. I lost my brother suddenly to a heart attack in August, but he also had stage 4 cancer. Like you, we had to pull him off life support, an absolutely horrible experience. My brother was 25 years older than me, and since I didn't have a relationship with my father, he was like a father to me.
Honestly, I have good days and bad days. Today is a bad day. I stumbled upon an message he sent me a year ago while cleaning out my email, and the tears started falling.
The bad days do come less frequently now. But I miss him terribly. I don't think that ever goes away, nor do I want it to. Just go with it and allow yourself to grieve. Cry when you have to. It will sometimes hit you at the worst times, but it's all normal.
The pain will get more bearable with time, but the loss will stay with you forever, as you know. The challenge is to learn to cope with life without him.
Hang in there. *hugs*

It takes a long time. The first everything without your father will be truly awful because you are so use to having him around. My dad died in 2008 and 2009 was the worst as every happy event was sad because he wasn't there. It's gotten easier but I still miss him every single day.

We're to the point now where things are ok but really special times are still tainted by my father not being here to share it with us. One of my daughters had her first child and all we could think of was how much he would have loved holding and rocking that little one. How she'd be missing out on a wonderful great grandfather would would have loved her to pieces. When my youngest 2 graduated from college he wasn't there to be the proud grandpa.

So I'll just leave it as you do get past the crying at odd moments all the time but there's no set time limit on that happening. You will always be sad because he's missing from your life but you'll get to a point where you'll be able to remember all the good times and speak about him without sadness. Give yourself as much time to grieve as you need. It's a terrible loss.

I lost my dad 7 years ago, and it was terribly hard. Him and my mom were always there for me and we visited several times a week, and they babysat all the time for us too, which was harder, because he was the best Grandpa ever. It took me a long time to not cry at the drop of a hat, especially at work. I hated that. Anyway, you can't really put an amount of time for anything, but I'd say it took me a good year to be able to just sit and talk about him without crying. And I prayed to have dreams about him too, just for comfort. My first dream about him was him driving up in front of my house in a Mustang GT. I had one as my first car, and he always said he wanted one. Anyway, he pulled up, and yelled "I just wanted to tell you that I'm OK, and that I love you" .Then he sped off. I will tell you I loved that dream and it is funny that I remember everything about it. His car, hair, look on his face, etc. I always forget my other dreams but not this one. I'm so sorry for your loss, and time will make you heal, but you will never forget him. Just cherish your good memories.

I am so sorry about the your loss of your dad.. I completely know how you feel. I lost my dad 28 years ago and it seems like yesterday that he passed away. You learn to deal with it but you never forget. I think about him every day.

When I lost my sister, I had the same reaction. I did not cry at the visitation or funeral. I lost it about 5 days later. I was in school at the time and I would be in class and have to leave. It kind of helped when I started a notebook, maybe call it a journal. I wrote all the things I could remember we did. I included things from when I was really little even just a note that I remembered one day I could not wait for her to get home from school and I kept walking to teh alley to see if she was coming yet. I did not try to do it in any order, I just wrote. Any conversation we had, all the things we did together, words shared. It helped a great deal. It did take a long time to totally heal and I guess accept it emotionally. I still miss her greatly and it has been 20 years already. Hard to believe. I wish she was here to see my kids and so many other things. Unfortunately, in several moves since, that book was lost or maybe my husband accidentally threw it out. I tell my kids all about my sister when things come up. A journal would also be a treat for your kids as they grow up. Don't be afraid to tell them all about him.

When my Dad died, my Mom found a "grief support" group. And it helped her immensely. Because, the group was full of wonderful people who KNEW what SHE was going through... and therefore it was very supportive. And she didn't have to put on a "brave face" when she was there. She could be herself. And that alone, was very therapeutic for her.

Grief, is a process of many stages.
When my Dad died (and I was there when he did).... I didn't even really cry. I don't know why. He had been ill for a long time. But even if he died several years ago... when I am feeling all alone, I cry. Because I miss him. He was about the ONLY person, in my family, who really understood me and accepted me for who I am. My Mom and other siblings... do not. They are opposite types, than my Dad was.

Anyway, you need to allow yourself, to grieve. Otherwise it will get all pent up.
Its okay, to cry.
It can take a long time or not.
Because, everyone is different.

My Dad and I were very close. He was the best Dad and the best person, I have ever known.
I miss him, everyday.

Im sorry about your dad, My dad also passed away suddenly in 2005. I was his baby and his only girl, so we had a very close relationship. He was a truck driver, and i would go with him during the summer all over. He was on the road when he passed. my mom & i flew to Texas to escort his body to california where he was buried. That was the longest trip of our lives. The worst for me has been my kids never got to meet "papa" and that's heartbreaking cause he adored my neice and nephews. It gets easier over time but I always miss him. i took some of bis ashes and mixed them in the ink for the tattoo i have on my arm in his memory. My daughter was supposed to be due on the day he passed away, I had her Feb 9, which was the last time I heard him say "I love you Manda Panda" and I hAve a letter he wrote that day. Just take it one day at a time.

i just lost my mom this past july....and it still hurts. i was her care giver even though she had her own apartment. i went over twice a week to help her with a shower and her care and do to errands. i would talk to her sometimes 6 times days depending on what was happening!! so over christmas this last year was very hard on me....my son was home from school and we weren't in our routine. once school was back and we got into the routine of daily life things got better. talk as much about my mom as possible and even talk to her when no one else is around. but i know she is in heaven sitting at the feet of her Lord and Savior and i will see her again one day. and that's what keeps me going!!!

My condolences on the loss of your father.
Grief has no timetable.
The first year or two will be tough - all those birthdays, anniversaries and holidays where you will keenly feel his loss.
You'll see something in a store and think "Gee, Dad will really like that" before you catch yourself and might cry right then and there.
It's ok.
It will take awhile.
Don't feel rushed or feel you 'should' be at some other stage when you are not.
You might want to look into a grief support group if you feel you need help in coping.

Hang in there, take it moment by moment, and just know that however you feel or react is ok. I lost my mom 13 years ago and the pain is still there every single day, though not nearly as intense as when she first passed away. I don't believe that time heals all wounds, but I do believe that it teaches you how to live with those wounds. There will always be a hole in your heart, but eventually in your own time will accept it.

It is a given that the holidays will be difficult, but for me it was the moments that catch you off guard that were the worst. For example, I would see the word "Mom" on a card in the grocery store and just burst into tears or I would see a mother/daughter interacting and there went the water works in the middle of a restaurant. At first I was extremely embarrassed by the random crying, but then I just let go of it. It is all part of healing process.

I wish you the best during this difficult journey. Reach out to a support group (there are many free ones, especially through hospice) if you think it would help, or start a journal, write poetry,cry, do whatever feels right for you. As you can see by so many other posts, you are not alone.

[hugs] I am sorry for the loss of your dad.

It takes a long time to get over grief and everyone's grief is different. A lot of people try to remember good times and things about the person that they loved to feel comforted and better.

Oh sweetie, I am so sorry. This is still so new and a hard time of year with the holidays especially - I was there once. You just keep moving, one foot in front of the other, and you allow yourself to realize this is a hard time, one of the hardest in life. But that it will not be this intense all the time, as time passes. My Mom is gone 10 years and I still have those moments. How long exactly until it is bearable? Soon. You already found the key is distraction, like your girl. Try to go to a movie and lose yourself. Read a book. Allow yourself these moments.

I lost my dad in 2005 after a brief illness, and lost my mom in 2011 after a lengthy illness. I still think about them every single day. The grief does get more bearable as time goes by, but I think you just learn to live with it. The pain and sadness really never go away completely. I have to admit I feel sorry for myself at times because I have no parents, no grandparents either. They are all gone and I feel like an orphan! My husband and my precious children keep me from falling apart and I thank God for them every day. I am sorry for your loss too and hope with time you can heal from your pain and take comfort in knowing you will see your dad again in heaven!

This is seriously a valid question. My dad died in October of 2011. I was so overcome from grief I could hardly function. I too wondered how long this would last. I think that portion of my grief lasted about two weeks. After that, I was able to function better. Oh, it wasn't totally over, I still had moments of crying for probably about six months. Now, I still miss him lots, and odd things will make me think about him, but I don't cry as easily or feel overwhelmed by the sadness. Just moments here and there. Sometimes daily.
However, everyone is different.
I am sorry for your loss. Blessings to you. HUGS

I am so sorry for your loss. My Dad passed away in 1985 and I miss him every day of my life. The grief initially is terrible, but it does get better. My Dad was like no other ( well that's because he was mine). When I speak of him and the things we did, people say my face lights up.

Eventually all the good memories will take over the sadness and you too will be able to smile. Wrapping my arms around you.

It's tough to lose someone you really love. How blessed you were to have had a wonderful father. I bet yoru husband is also a great guy.

Normal mourning and crying, overwhelming sadness at odd moments of the day are to be expected. It hasn't even been a month! So please, give yourself some time. The guidelines for our grief counseling group at church is that you shouldn't consider coming until it's been 6 months since the death of your loved one. So I think 6 months is the minimum.

My friend lost her only child, he much loved son at age 19 about a.5 years ago and she was in deep mourning for about a year. After the first anniversary she said the clouds began to lift.

The more you loved a person, the deeper the loss. Give yourself time mama and allow yourslef some good cry's.

I am so sorry for your loss. I lost my dad of a sudden heart attack 12 years ago this week (January 14). I still cry. But I also think of how much he impacted who I am - he was a hard worker despite his health problems - severe arthritis. He was open with his affections. Just a good man. You and your daughter live through him. I dream about my dad occassionally, and I take great value in that.
As you said, you know if will get easier. Let yourself grieve right now. It is OK if your daughter sees you grieve as well. She lost someone important as well. Maybe you can do something special either on his birthday or what will be the anniversary of his death - eat his favorite food, light a candle in his memory....the pain becomes bearable. The ache is there, and you might feel it more pronounced during special days.
I had a similar talk with someone I work with about this - he suggested I put my hands over my heart and talk to my dad. It was emotional but if you giive yourself some time to do this, and speak your feelings, it was actually a pretty emotional but cathartic experience.
Take care.

You have my sympathy.

Right now you are at the beginning of the loss and are still in the shock phase. Give it some more time and let yourself cry. Think of all the good things you did together. If you have to write him a letter and put it aside to help you get through. Know that he is now looking down on you and making sure all is well with you. You may feel a breeze or feel the presence at some point that maybe strange and know that it is your dad.

Your memories of dad are vivid right now but over time and years they will fade to the back of your mind. The pain will lessen and you will be able to function again. There will be times that are better than others and yiou will cry when you least expect it.

Know in your heart that your dad does not want you to feel sorry for him he wants you to feel happy and to go on with life.

It has been 50 years since my dad passed and every once in a while I think about him and what we did and where we went when I was a child.

Just honor him with a plant, tree or flower.

No one can tell you when the pain will go away. No one can tell you to stop grieving at six weeks, months or a year. You will know when you are able to go on. Lean on friends and family to get through the loss.

The other S.

PS I loss my mom before my dad when I was kid and I am glad in some ways that she prepared me to funciton on my own without her. I wish she could have stayed to see me grow up but that was not in the cards that she was dealt. If you need to write a book to get it out.

I just wanted to send my condolences and tell you how sorry I am to hear about your loss. You sound like a wonderful, dedicated daughter and I am certain that you and your family brought your dad much joy in his life. I only have one small suggestion for you and that is to try not to let anyone tell you how long to grieve. I've heard some insensitive things that people say when trying to help, but please remember that everyone grieves differently and be patient with yourself in the process.

I'm sorry I don't have any other advice for you but please know that I will be keeping you close to my thoughts and heart.

L.

I am so sorry about your dad. Losing someone so suddenly takes a long time to process.

I'd like to recommend the book The Year of Magical Thinking by Joan Didion. She talks about losing her husband suddenly, and it really helped me deal with my own grief.