Mom Has Passed Away - How Long Does It Take to Heal?

We lost my aunt last Father's Day to a complication from her bone marrow transplant. We knew that she wasn't going to make it. The doctors had told us so many times.

My grandfather, who will be 90 in August... A tough and strong farmer who still gets onto the tractor every day... Still cries while thinking about his daughter.

They (My grandmother and grandfather) still have a message that she left on their answering machine from almost a year before she passed. They still listen to it every now and again when they want to hear her voice.

EVERYone is different first off. HOw you process and handle grief. I'll give you my example. When my Dad died, I cried multiple times a day every day for probably 2 weeks, then it was once a day for a week, and then a few times a week. it probably took 6 months until i wasn't upset daily, and probably a year before I didn't think of him daily. Now, I just tear up a little bit when I think of him. He's been gone 6 years, and within this past year, my sister and I have finally started going to some of the places we used to go with him that we've been mostly avoiding for the past 6 years. Now what used to make us sad makes us wistful with happy memories.

dont think you ever get over it, but everyone is different. May take a few years with how closely you were bonded with her.

I lost my mother 5 years ago. I cried for months. Then it stopped for a while. I now find myself crying a lot more for her and wishing she was here again now. It comes and goes in waves.

I was 30 and my mom 55.

... so sorry.
My Dad, passed away years ago. He was still young.
He was the only person, (even now), that knew me for who I am, and understood me intrinsically.
I adored him, and miss him... everyday.
But I didn't grieve for long. Don't know why.
My Mom though, attended a community "grief" support group. It was for anyone who was experiencing a loss. And it helped her immensely. And she made many good friends there.
She attended it for over 1 year. And now, has been guest speaker at the group, too.

Grief, is an individual thing.
It can take time.
It does NOT matter, how old or young a person is per grieving.
Maybe, get a journal, and write your thoughts in it.

I'm so very sorry. There are grief centers to help people deal with the loss of loved ones around the country. So I would ask around in your area for any resources.

http://www.griefrecoverymethod.com/
That looks like a good resource.

This center is in LA and they have youtube videos. I have heard their support groups have been amazing.
http://www.ourhouse-grief.org/

I'm so happy you were with her and were able to pray over her and read scripture to her. She was blessed to have you and you were blessed to have her so long. Just bring it to God.

A friend just lost her mom a year ago. She said it took a year of mourning. My only advice is to find support.

It is going to take a while to get over. You will most likely have the 5 or 7 stages of grief to pass through. These do not go in chronological order.
Just when you 'think" you are okay, something you hear or smell will remind you of mom and you will cry. You may also "feel" her presence by a certain smell or breeze that will just be around you.

The lost of a mother is hard at any age. I envy you in the length that you had yours. I lost mine when I was 9. She knew that she would never see me grow up and tried her very best to instill in me all the things that I would need to survive and succeed in life. It was much later that I had several older cousins tell me about what my mom had done.

You are okay. Yes, you will feel lost and have a hole in your heart. But know that you will go on. As the years begin to pass, the lost and the pain will lesson. Know in your heart that you are not alone and that your mom is watching you in a different arena and cheering you on. You will have dreams of mom and being together and they will feel real. These dreams will fade over time.

Cry when you need to. Take that long hot shower and let it all out. Then come up with your head held high and move forward. Now is the time to make lemons or lemonade out of your grief. I suspect that you will make lots of lemonade.

Sending you a big hug.

the other S.

PS Know that mom is in peace and is content and smiling down on you.

My condolences for your loss....

You never get over the loss of a parent.. the tears will creep up on you when you least expect it (like right now)...My dad passed at 81 in October after a battle with Alzheimers/dementia...and even tho he'd been "gone" for a long time before his physical death, there are times, that yes, I still half expect him to answer the phone when I call mom or dissolve into tears when I look at pics....Hugs

I'm so sorry for your loss. It's only been a week - of course you feel raw. You will for a while. There's no magical timeline for healing; everyone reacts differently to loss and there is no right or wrong way to grieve and heal.

The answer is when you're ready - could be weeks, could be years. And honestly, there will be times in 10 or 20 years when you STILL will dissolve into tears when thinking about her - at weddings, birthdays, and other events that leave you feeling her absence more deeply. And you know what? You *are* a child - you are HER child and you will always feel the loss of you mom....and that's ok. It will get easier to deal with in time.

I'm so sorry, mom. It's so hard to lose a parent. It took months before I stopped crying about my dad. He's in a better place, truly. I know that in my head and in my heart. That's what I focused on, and that's what helped me through it.

It's been over three years since I lost my Mom and I still think about telling her something before I remember she's gone.

I don't dissolve in tears easily anymore but I do miss her terribly every day. There is something so intimate about losing a parent. They are the only human beings who are there with us from our first breath and you just don't ever totally get over that type of loss. At some point your sadness will turn to reflection and then sometimes happiness when you think of her. When I'm sad I try to think of who she was to my family and how I carry her with me and see her in my girls.

So sorry for your loss, take good care of yourself and take time to grieve.

I am so very sorry for your loss. My heart breaks for you.

I don't think losing a parent would ever be easy. I lost a brother in March and it kills me. There are days I still break out in tears. Other days when I smile and laugh at memories. He was always playing music and I think that's why we have had so much rain and the start of storms here in MD these past few weeks. He is letting us know he is still here and playing a song from heaven.

Look for things that remind you of her in a good way. Cry as much and as often as you need to. Let the process happen. I'm praying for you.

My condolences on the loss of your Mom.

There is no time table for mourning.
Some people feel better in a few months (in cases of prolonged illness, sometimes the mourning begins before the person has passed away), while it takes other people 1 to 3 years - and still others will be in a deep depression for much longer.
Queen Victoria mourned her husband for most of the rest of her life.
The first year is pretty tough for most people.
As holidays and anniversaries and birthdays go by, you'll miss her keenly at certain times.
Gradually, eventually you'll move on.

There is no right answer, everyone grieves at their own speed and in their own way. The loss will be strongest right now, but it will also sucker punch you when you least expect it, and that's okay. It's a reflection of how much you love her.

Try to conjure a happy memory each time you dissolve into tears, and say a quick prayer of thanks for having her in your life. Make remembering her as much a celebration of her life as a mourning her death. Healing will come with time.

I am so sorry for you loss. I don't have an answer for you but am very interested in seeing the responses.

We lost my step-mom just over a week ago to vaginal cancer, although we suspect she had it longer the battle we knew was 3 years. She was just 54. I was very young (under 1 year) when she married my dad (she was just 14) so although she was my stepmom, we were close.

My sisters are naturally struggling with this loss even more than I am (and it is definately not easy for me). Then on Friday, I really felt the urge to call my stepmom. I got a call from my doctor that a routine pap test came back abnormal and considering the nature of my stepmom's cancer, it sent my head spinning and I can't tell you exactly what he said after that. I do know that rather than just having another pap smear test like the one other time I had an abnormal result, this time they are doing a different test and a biopsy (which makes me think it is different this time) because he indicated it was extremely abnormal. I am trying to stay calm and rational while awaiting my appointment but with this loss so fresh it is really hard. My stepmom is the one I would have normally talked to about this and feel I shouldn't burden my sisters with it right now (hopefully it is nothing). My point being, I feel your pain.

I just know it has to get better, but I know it will be hard and time varies for everyone.

I'm so sorry for your loss. Its been a week of course you are hurting. We all heal at our own rate.

Doesn't matter what age you are you lost your mom and you were her child. I know this might sound strange, if she had an answering machine or cell phone, you could call and hear her voice. That might be a comfort to you.

Again, I'm so sorry about your Mom. What an honor it was that you were there for her in the end. The full circle of life.

Mom:

I'm ssssooo sorry for your loss! May her memory be Eternal!!

There is no set time frame for grieving. You had a long life with your mom, you have many memories....there might be a song that will bring you to tears or makes you smile...it's OKAY...she was your mom.

You will have good days, bad days, great days, horrible days - the whole gamut, time will move on, life will go on...even though we don't think it should! Someone we loved died!! But unfortunately, it's a fact of life....just know that in time (and again there is no set time!) it won't be in the forefront of your mind every day...keep a journal...so you can talk to your mom...she'll never be far from you!

My sincere condolences. I will say a prayer for your family. May her memory be eternal.

My mom died of breast cancer in 2011. All I can tell you is it takes as long as it takes. When my mom first died, it was at least the first year for me to naturally stop wanting to call her and tell her stuff.

I haven't really cried so much about missing her because I really don't let my mind go there. That place in my way of thinking isn't a hopeful place and because I have suffered from depression for many years I'm just not even entertaining thoughts that could get me back to a depressed place.

It doesn't mean I miss her any less. It just means I'm handling it differently.

I was also in the room with my mom when she died. God knew that is what she needed and I know that God really helped me manange the images and memories of that event which could have been traumatic for me except for the grace of God.

Take comfort in knowing because of your faith and her faith that you will see her again, treasure the great memories, cry when you need to but do more laughing that crying, and don't be afraid to talk about her. We talk about my mom all the time.

I'm sorry for your loss.

You will heal at the speed you heal. There is no set time after which you can point to the calendar and say, "After this date, I will no longer miss my mother."
It doesn't matter how old you are - she was your mother, you loved her, and you miss her. Let your grief work itself out at whatever pace you need it to.

you won't. This is not about healing. It is a Blessing to continue to feel the need for your mother's love. What I've learned in the 3.5 years since my Dad's death....is that it is that need, that yearning which helps keep the memories alive.

& it is the memories which are the legacy you will carry until the day you die. Sometimes those memories are fleeting, sometimes they're like a sledgehammer & you can't breathe. But that's okay. It doesn't mean you need counseling nor drugs. It just takes a moment to gather yourself back together, embrace those memories, say a prayer, & move on.....

You know, it wasn't until we sold our Lake House that I fully-appreciated the power of memories. It took us 3 years of Hell to settle my Dad's estate due to our Evil Stepmom, but in the end, we realized that we still carried our lifetime of memories. It is something we can never, ever lose.

& the triggers for those Blessed Memories are in multitudes. Something as simple as seeing a muddy truck....or a life jacket. Packing a cooler....or hanging out beach towels to dry. Finding a rock pink wildflower (rare in MO)....catching a tadpole. A joke can trigger it...a song. A reference from friends....just last month, one of my childhood friends posted on FB that she was drinking "colored water". That's what my Dad called wine, especially the cheapies. What a memory kick, & she knew it! She was there when he called wine that stupid name & ended up passed out in the hammock. That memory is from 35 years ago!

Sooo, cry....let those tears fall. I have found that bottling up my emotions is the worst thing for me. I go crazy if I can't release. Tears don't cost us anything (well, maybe the headache afterwards). Tears can help carry us through....never, ever feel shame for crying!

& as for mourning those phone calls, I still miss Dad's calls. As soon as Evil Stepmom headed out to church, he'd call me. I miss those calls. :)
It doesn't matter how old you are....grieving is allowed.

I wish you Peace....& my condolences on your loss.

I am so sorry for your loss. I bet she was a source of strength and faith for you. You know she would tell you to look to your Father.
I lost my mom almost 9 yrs ago. It was very painful at first. Then, usually, I could talk to people about it without crying. Then one day, a few months after the death, I was sitting in the van waiting on my child to get out of school and an aquantence stopped by and casually ask how I was, THE FLOOD GATES opened! Oops! So we could tell you a vague number of months but who knows. No control over greif. Time is your friend.

I am so very sorry for you loss. I lost my Mom two years ago. Though I don't think that you ever get over it completely, it does get better. There are still times that I look at her picture and cry my eyes out. I think that it's good to cry and release some of the grief you have bottled up. My Dad has been gone for 28 years, and it's still hard for me at times. I pray that things get better for you soon. It's hard to lose someone that you love but it really does get easier to cope in time. I completely understand that you want to call and talk to her. I feel that way very often, but instead, I just talk to her and my Dad as if they are in the room with me. Hopefully they are.

My condolences on your loss. I know from personal experience that it is very difficult to lose a mom no matter her age or health. My mom died in October and I am just a little younger than you, but she was only 70. The grief never ends; it just changes. That's what I am experiencing and that's what others have told me. I am still prone to tears--almost 7 months later. I am tearing up reading and typing this. The sudden chest discomfort and difficulty breathing that used to hit me at times, often unexpectedly or at the littlest things, is now rare, but happened again last week when my grandma was hospitalized in the same hospital where my mom spent most of her final weeks. I sometimes still feel like I'm living in an unreal time dimension or I'm going to wake up and it was just a dream because my 70-year-old mom has died, but her 91-year-old mother, my grandma, is still with us. The thought of losing both of them is almost unbearable, but I know it's inevitable.

At a minister's recommendation I started a journal and I write things down that I want to tell or ask my mom or would have told her previously. Sometimes it's too painful to actually write them down, but I think about my journal and what I would write very often. I recommend the book, "Grieving the Death of a Mother" by Harold Ivan Smith. One of my ministers also recommends "Tuesdays with Morrie."

I took a lot of my mom's scarves, jewelry and shoes. Her clothes don't fit me although I saved a few sentimental pieces like the dress she wore to my wedding. I find a strange comfort in wearing these items. (She was always very fashionable too!)

The rawness you feel now will ease, but no one can tell you when. But you will always feel the loss of your mom and at the same time her presence. As others have said, there will be good days and bad days. There will be days when you are thankful and relieved that she is no longer in pain and you don't have to worry about her. There will be things that set you off suddenly or unexpectedly. It takes time to adjust to new traditions and reality. My family is still working on that. Best wishes.

Oh, I had weird dreams and nightmares for weeks after my mom died. It took about a month for those to ease up. I put a dream catcher by my bed at the suggestion of someone on this website. I don't think that it helped, but it's pretty and I like to look at it and think that I am trying to be proactive in my healing.

There is no crystal ball, I'm sorry to say.

You don't ever "get over it", but there will come a day (with time and Grace) that you will wake up and you will take a breath without feeling like there is a weight on your chest. You will find yourself getting through the day without feeling like someone is missing. You will find yourself calling another person to ask questions and share news. I know it's hard to believe, but only time heals this wound.

My grandmother died two weeks ago quite suddenly. I don't know what to tell you, but I had to walk out of Hallmark the other day because it is the first time in my life that I did not buy a card for a grandmother on Mother's Day. She has called me every Saturday morning for the last 10 years just to chat... Saturday mornings are rough and I miss the song in her voice. Like you, I feel no regret, just a deep sense of loss.

Sadly, I have experienced a lot of death in the last five years and I will tell you that it will get better if you let yourself mourn. Don't put time limits on your grief. Don't hide your grief to spare others, but do continue to live your life. There are times when I will still cry over my beautiful baby nephew who died three years ago at the age of 2. It's not overwhelming and paralyzing anymore (the first year was really awful), but it's there all the time, just not at the front of my mind.

Let yourself grieve and don't worry about timelines. Each day will get a little easier and each year will become less overwhelming.

Please accept my condolences, as I know that you have been loving and supporting your mother through this. I truly believe that there is NO greater gift that an adult can give their parent than honoring their dignity and humanity in their last days. You gave that gift to your mother and because of that, I am confident that you will find peace in your loss.

I am so sorry for your lose!!!!!!!!!! Everyone is different. It was probably over a month before I stopped melting after loosing my dad and I am not a cryer. You will have good and bad days. Gradually it gets easier. It's been almost 7 years since I lost my dad and I still have those days once in a while.

As I sit here n tears reading ure post, I have not lost my parents yet but think abt how hard it will be once they r gone. I'm sorry for ure loss.