Creative Ways to Say Things.

I think it's more "how" you say things than "what" you say. I have a friend who always comments that the boys (mine & hers) respond better to my directions....I think it's because I don't think every situation require total seriousness like it's a life-or-death matter! Also, kids always tend to mind (or at least pay attention to) requests from non parental units better.

In my experience, sometimes when I find myself taking myself too seriously, I interject some humor, and 95% of the time, the whole tone of the interaction changes. For example, if I'm asking my son to go pee and brush his teeth before school, and I'm now on my third or hundredth prompt, and I feel my blood pressure rising, I might start to say, "Get in that bathroom right now before I (which I know, sounds really bad, but I'll catch myself, and finish with,) come in there and tickle the living guts out of you!! And he'll laugh and scream, and take off to the bathroom. :)

And I do agree with Denise P, kids quite often respond better to caregivers other than their parents. Just one of those things...

One simple rule is to speak in the psoitive. Instead of "You CAN'T play until you put your dishes are in the sink" try "You CAN play when after you put your dishes in the sink.." Also preempt battles. don't scold them for not clearing the ir plates, but try to catch tha tperfect moment when you start seeing them wiggle and thinking about leaving the table. Also use questions to disract like " What are you guys going to do after you put yor dishes in the sink?"

So, 1 - speak in the positive (not negative)
2 - catch them while they are still being good
and 3- distract with questions rather than instructions

And say please and thank you too. Sometimew adults forget to have manners too :)

Well I agree with Denise that your kids are alwaysbetter behaved for an adult who is not a parent or familiar authority figure.

I have always used humor first before I get mad. Even sarcasm (gasp).

When they were very young I used Absolutes.

"There IS no why". That kind of thing.

I've evn used shame laced with humor (gasp again).
Ok, BE a slob, it's YOUR room then.

Now they are older (18,16,13), I use logic (can you imagine?)
My 16 year old was falling behind in Trig. Wants to go to school for psychology, hates all things math, but it's bringing down his GPA.

So I said
"Don't let the thing you HATE be the thing that keeps you from doing the thing you LOVE, doesn't make any sense."

Your friend has a knack for putting a positive and compassionate spin on her observations. I make a point of doing this, because when I succeed, the recipient responds positively, whether child or adult. I actually used this sort of approach for a few years tutoring at-risk high school kids, and it was only a matter of a week or two before each of those resistant, angry and alienated kids was happily working their little butts off for me. They were SO grateful for someone who treated them with consideration and humor. Most of them had more than enough commands and penalties in their lives already.

There's a marvelous little book that can help you learn to handle all sorts of family issues with aplomb – How to Talk So Kids Will Listen, and Listen So Kids Will Talk, by Faber and Mazlish. The book is loaded with real-life examples of how parents made a positive, empathetic connection with their children, while making their own needs and requirements clear. By the time you finish each chapter, you'll be equipped to put the lessons to work in your own family. I can't recommend this gem highly enough.

Our rule is pretty similar. After dinner you need to bring your plate to the sink/counter then go wash your hands. They are only 6 and 2 so not to the rinsing off stage.....yet!
I try to ask my kids to do something I want them to do vs. telling them.
"Are you forgetting something" when they get up and walk away from the table vs. "you know you're supposed to put your dishes in the dishwasher". When I ask them in a question they go "oh ya" and do it. I always try to say please and thank you.

I think you should save the playful creative phrasing for 99% of your time with your kids while being creative and playing, not for when they aren't listening to you. If you feel obligated to make a fun game out of everything, they will take advantage of it once the novelty wears off. They're just impressed with her because she's different to them.

Sometimes now means now and you shouldn't have to be creative about it. When you mean something, keep it simple and make it clear they need to respond. They must be getting away with not responding at home on some level if you're seeing this, and it's not because you need to be more fun.

Your child responded to her clever sentence in that moment, not necessarily because that would always work in your home too, but because they felt like it. Kids often respond better in other homes. I have several friends who tell me their kids are so much better for me than for them, and I just simply tell them what to do, and a few of them try to make everything more fun and "colorful" for their kids.

Don't get me wrong, I'm a super fun playful mom, and we're always coming up with goofy games and spins on stuff, but not in discipline situations. The firmer, the quicker, the less often it's needed. If you get creative about serious discipline things, and then they get used to it and decide to not respond, you're already a few steps into doing a dance for them. Best to keep it simple. If you're out and about and and important issue comes up, and you can't think of something fun and creative, you shouldn't feel helpless.
Sometimes if my kids don't respond right away, I act like a waitress and ask if I have a customer trying to order up a Smackeroni and cheese sandwich. They laugh, but they know it's true so they hop to.

okay.... kids always pretty much behave better.... at other people's homes or with other people.
It is not just you.

Also.... sometimes they just have to know the rules... and you can't possibly be Mary Poppins about everything.... and sometimes kids just have to know... and hear... things..... plainly.
Also per their age.... and development.
Also, 'explaining' everything to them or giving them the answers to things... sometimes.... does not allow them, "problem solving" skills or thinking on their own....
If that were me and my kids did not rinse/put away their plates... I would have just said "rinse your plate...." in a nice tone. By NOW... her kids, should know how to do that... AND she should ALSO know... that they CAN do it... and it is NOT that they cannot reach the sink nor know where their plate goes.

all the best,
Susan

I agree with Peg; it is an attitude more than it is creativity. The difference is in how you see the whole situation. One mom posted that it is "discipline" and therefore "serious"; however, if you noticed, many more moms suggested humor and kindness. I know that when you 'expect' children to think and act like adults you will lose every time; and that authoritarian discipline results in rebellion. I also know that when you allow yourself to see the situation through their eyes, not the eyes of the authoritarian, discipline queen, you will always talk to them in a way they will respond to. It isn't in what you say as in the meaning behind it. If you are feeling that your children are just out to piss you off, you will treat them in a demeaning manner. If you understand that they are a child, prefer to be playing or struggle with understanding the importance of doing a chore, then you will talk to them in a manner that is supportive and respectful of them. You will be amazed at the change in their behavior when they feel understood and respected.

I completely agree with the suggestion of the book-How to Talk So Kids Will Listen, and Listen So Kids Will Talk, by Faber and Mazlish.

Whenever I regress into my alter-ego "yelling mom whose kids do not listen!" I re-read that book. You will see a quick change. One tip I can give you is to "describe what you see" first. Like your friend described the plate still on the table. Then she offerd help. There was no judgement or complaining in her statement.

I also use general terms whem my 3 year old is acting up (for example, he yells or doesn't use manners) I say, " I listen to children who use quiet voices and ask with manners." Again no blaming him, just using general terms with how I like to be treated.

Its amazing and good luck!