Can Toddlers Have Sensitive Days for No Reason?

Updated on November 12, 2010
S.S. asks from Los Angeles, CA
8 answers

My 17 month old son has been unusually sensitive these last couple of days. Our daycare provider told us that he was sitting at teh table by himself and then suddenly started crying and ran up to her for a hug. Then a couple of times, the kids bumped into him and he burst into tears. This is VERY unusual behavior for him as he's usually pretty rough & tumble and independent. Then last night, he woke up crying and wouldn't stop unless we held him for close to 2 hrs! Again unusual b/c he's been sleeping through the night for months now and is able to soothe himself back to sleep usually. He seems fine otherwise though -- no fever, smiling and such... I'm wondering if I should take him to the doctor today before the weekend comes. Is this just normal toddler phases or do you think I should get him checked out? Thanks!

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B.B.

answers from New York on

Maybe he is coming down with something, or just feels crummy. I get like that every now and then for no real reason...so do the kiddos. My son goes through stages like this as well...it does pass, and I just give him the extra cuddles that he needs :-)

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D.P.

answers from Raleigh on

Just a thought-My son would go through similar behaviors (clingy, crying, etc) when he was about to hit a major milestone. I think this type of regression behavior is normal. For example- I remember him being touchy and easily upset right before his vocabulary/talking took a major step forward. Sometimes I think growing up takes it's toll on our little ones- it's tiring and frustrating stuff!

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J.P.

answers from Boise on

Is he starting to get his 2 yo molars? My son did this around that time. I'm not sure if it was the teething, or just the phase. Even now though, he will randomly come running up for a hug, or just be a little clingy. I just figure he isn't feeling himself right then.

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H.W.

answers from Portland on

Ah, yes. I call these "tender" days, when the little ones just seem upset for reasons that aren't discernable to us, and our little ones are just too young to reveal or understand. On these days, it's really difficult for adults to suss out 'what's wrong', so I just try to be mindful of a few things. I offer more opportunities for cuddly times, stories, and hugs. I give children more space around transitions, which means more time, singing them through the changes of the day ("Su-sie I see it's time to put the toys away, I will help you") and giving them LOTS of support for those transitions which means being both mentally and physically present when we are asking them to do something and offering plenty of assistance, (these are not so much the days to insist a child do it themselves, so find a way to be cheerfully helpful if need be). I offer as much downtime as I can, so that the child isn't tired or upset and being swept up into my world. I also offer unstructured relaxing play when I can: playdough with popsicle sticks and spoons/forks to push into it (which is right for this age and skill level), a bin of warm water and bubbles on the floor on a blanket or a cozy bath. This isn't to spoil the child, but to comfort their upset feelings.

Yes, this is normal. Some children go through phases of this mood, some experience it for a day or so and work through it. What causes it? In my years of working with children (2 and a half were as a teacher in a toddler room), this sort of 'no reason-upset' is very common. If we are in tune with the child and have some connection, we'll be able to see if the child is needing adult empathetic support --some kids want snuggles-- or if the child is actually needing space to play/be alone, and a well-appointed classroom will have some centers or areas that are cozy spaces for just one child. Upset children often have a harder time negotiating peer interactions, so keeping an extra eye out and understanding that even parallel play may be more work for the child than usual helps us to best give the child what they are needing for this day.

Sometimes, this is just a part of growth. I'm always wary of saying "there's something going on at daycare" because parents usually know in their hearts if something isn't right at school. Some children have some of their own existential angst; some see other children more able to do some things than they are, which is frustrating (and motivating). And their developing brains have so much work to do, too. For more on that, check out Margo Sunderland's "The Science of Parenting", which is an easy, great book and gives practical advice for helping our children in working with their emotions.

You could also make a checklist in your head of any big changes your son might have experienced in the last 6 months. Daycare? New sibling or new person living in your house? Did someone leave the home? Pet? Teacher turnover at daycare, or a new child in their group? Nothing specifically "negative" has to happen for your child to feel some upset regarding change.

I do say, that if your gut suggests a quick once-over by the doctor, it never hurts. However, if you think it's just a 'mood', give him plenty of love and support, and he'll just have to work through it. It's okay. He'll be fine--- and then something else will come along. Isn't that the way it is with kiddos?!

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M.K.

answers from Kansas City on

Completely normal phase. Even I have those days/weeks sometimes. Just give him extra love and ride it out. He'll be back to his rumble tumble self in no time.

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A.C.

answers from Cincinnati on

Normal normal normal. He'll get past it. Just give him a little extra love. :)

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J.P.

answers from Austin on

Ha ha - that's like asking, can they get up on the wrong side of the bed? Heck yea! I think I read somewhere that from the ages 0 - 5 years old, children go through almost 90% of their emotionally and physically milestones. I'm always in awe as to how much my LO has learned and grown in the last (almost) 3 years and of course these changes have a direct effect on their temperament - whether it be good or bad =)

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S.H.

answers from Honolulu on

Yes, they can be like that... now, later, and at any age.
Or maybe he is just over-tired.
Or over-stimulated.

Kids are changing so much, cognitively and physically, all the time. It is growing pains. And at this age, even until much older, their emotions are not even fully developed yet.. .nor do they even know the names for feelings nor what they are feeling nor do they understand how to cope.
Normal.

18 months... is also a growth-spurt time and also many cognitive changes occurs. Too. So there is a TON of things, they are going through. Its not easy for them either.

At this age also, they have what is called "Night Terrors" (look it up online), it is a developmental occurrence.
And at this age also, they do have things like separation-anxiety still too...... and at older ages. It is manifested differently per age.

Be prepared for MANY other phases to occur.
The book "What To Expect The Toddler Years" is good.

all the best,
Susan

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