Advice and Input for Unsettled Behaviors

Updated on May 05, 2007
S.H. asks from Longwood, FL
6 answers

Hi...My son is 13 months old and has been going one or two days a week only to a in-home family daycare. Up until about 2 months ago, his days went well while in care, but for the past few weeks, he has become unsettled and miserable on and off. According to the care person, as soon as he is not being held or her back is turned for any period (leaves the room etc..) he becomes upset and cries. This is making for a frustrating day for all concerned. We have discussed doing additional days, to help with a routine, but two days is all that we can commit to financially. We have discussed his days with the care person, who herself appears to be getting frustrated by our son's constant outcries and fussiness. We really hope that this is just a phase, as we strongly believe that he is getting good care. We have looked at the dynamics with the other children that go there and this can be varied and different, as parents swop their days and the day carer adds new children and other children leave. We wonder if this is causing anxiety for our son, also?
We are lost and stressed by the whole situation and are open to suggestions and change, in the hope of rectifying the situation. Obviously we want our son to feel safe, happy and settled and as of now, this seems not to be the case. We are looking for other childcare situations and options, but would really appreciate some input from other parents and advice, if anyone has experienced the same or similar.......please?
Many thanks.

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S.

answers from Fort Myers on

It's always hard to understand everything that goes on their little heads. My son is now 2 and my daughter 3, they still go through phases and I think that it's normal, though unsettling for us. When you think about it as adults, we also have those mood changes, fears etc :-)
Most of the time, I understand the reason of all that fussing only after the episode... Frustrating. At your son's age, there is a lot going on in his development, physically (such as walking) and emotionally plus the fact that he cannot speak yet. So my first guess would be that teeth are on their way out (or gum swelling). Second guess separation feeling (this occurs at different ages),I would keep his routine just as it is, and keep reassuring him and comfort him with the same words and hugs and kisses. I personnaly also use homeopathy and Bach flowers, it works well with kids. Hope this helps.

1 mom found this helpful

K.H.

answers from Fort Myers on

as a provider with children this age, i can tell you that it will pass, i agree it is probably a mix of teething and seperation anxiety. He needs to learn when its approprate to be held and when its not. There have to be boundaries but your provider needs to be a little more intune with this and not get stressed out( its part of the job!) Anyway good luck and always go with your gut feelings. If you wanna talk more about it you can email me back also.~~kim

1 mom found this helpful
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S.S.

answers from Lakeland on

This may sound a little unusual. But try visiting the home on days that you are not leaving him. Then periodically leave the room. See how he responds to the care giver after the inital leave crying is over. This is normal for younger children but most children have outgrown this stage after 1 year. There might be something else going on that you are unaware of. And try not to get upset when you leave. This will make you child more likely to respond the same. They are more in tune to the way you are feeling then you might realize.

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T.F.

answers from San Francisco on

Hi, I don't know if this will work for your schedule but you may want to try keeping him at equivalent hours but spreading them through the week so he has more of a set routine. So instead of two 8 hour days (or whatever the hours are) try 4 days at 4 hours a day. You can vary the hours to best suit you. Perhaps the existing days at a caregiver are too long for him. This might help strike a balance. This phase will pass rest assured. Then comes the next one ;-)

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J.C.

answers from Daytona Beach on

It's seperation anxiety, most babies go through it. I am a stay at home mom and mine did this when I would go to the gym and put her in the daycare there. I would break my heart to see her so upset. I am though surprized the daycare worker isn't aware of this. What is the set up? What is the ratio of children per adult, this may sound odd, but most daycares are set up for children who go through this. I used to work at a daycare as a teacher's aid, then as a nanny. It might be an attachment bond between the careworker and your child. It could be the changes, in the daycare system, but I would give it more time.
Soon your son will be getting used to the situation and he will be running off with the other kids. Good luck. Jen

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V.

answers from Melbourne on

It sounds like the care situation is not the reason he is being clingy. He is most likely just going through normal seperation anxiety that a lot of little ones go through. If that is the case then he will grow out of it, but it could take a while. I can understand why the care provider is frustrated whith this, but it is part of the job. She should understand that it's a phase that will pass as he gets older. There may be things that can ease his anxiety and help him get through this phase easier. You may want to check the library for books that talk about seperation anxiety in little ones. If it is seperation anxiety I don't think changing care providers will stop the crying and wanting to be held. It's just a normal part of him learning about the world and his needs for love and belonging, and learning about object permanance.

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