3 Month Old That Won't Sit or Sleep by Himself....

The Moms have given you such wonderful advice. I just want to throw my two cents in. When I had trouble transfering my daughter to her bassinet for naps my Mom suggested putting a warm heating pad in her bassinet and remove it just before putting her down. My Mom pointed out that she is going from my warm comfortable arms to a cold bed. It worked like a charm. Good luck!

It sounds like you may be holding the baby to much let him cry a little 5 minutes at a time untill he knows you will be back ,in the stroller he seems so young not to want to go in the stroller try music or toys something he likes.

YOU ARE DOING IT ALL RIGHT!!! Who wouldn't want to be with you? You smell nice, you have the best food in town and you always have a soft and loving touch!!!??? You are a mommy and you are where the party is at!! I have a clingy one as well and spent a lot of time holding, shaking and rocking...have confidence they DO grow out of it. Hold him while he still likes it and can't make a face at you and run away.

I have a little one who can be like that at times. She just loves us like your little man loves you. I don't have any advice, but I just want to tell you not to listen to anyone who says you are "spoiling" him. I get that a lot from family and it can be annoying and discouraging. I don't think you are doing anything wrong. I have let my little one fuss for a minute or two when I absolutely need to do something and she often settles. However, there is a difference between fussing and crying. When she is crying, she usually just cries more if I don't get to her. Hopefully his trust in you will continue to grow and the need to always be held will slowly fade. Good luck!

I totally understand what yu are saying- I have three kids all under the age of 5! That waking business right when you lay them down is so frustrating! i would suggest two things- as a first time Mom it is very hard to see your baby cry- but let him cry for a minute or two and see what happens- you may be surprised! He very well may find a way to entertain himself! ...another suggestion is two fold- first make sure he is comfy- diaper on right (right size), too hot/cold- etc... if all seems well you might want to pass this by your pediatrician- maybe he has reflux or something that is causing him to be uncomfortable- I noticed from your post he is happiest when you are holding him- babies that are physically uncomfy (ear infection, rash, constipated etc..)are usually only happy when they are upright- hope this helps- K.

Oh, the memories. My 7 month old was exactly the same. It was so bad my husband slept in her room and one of us was always holding her. Finally at about 3 1/2-4 months I put her in her crib in my room and let her cry! It was awful. To that point I would put her in for as long as I could tolerate her crying but one night I bit the bullet and let her go for a good hour. It took a couple times but then she started sleeping in the crib, going in the swing, carseat it was great! I know it sounds mean...but it worked for me. Good luck!

Try reading the book titled, "Baby Whisperer" by Tracy Hogg. I loved it and it helped me feel more confident as a mom assessing my baby's needs. Sounds like you are doing your best as a mom.

I think you just need to give him more time. He is still pretty young. I had a baby like that. She needed to be held alot. She needed more stimulation than my other children. My son had sensory imbalance he needed to be rocked and bounced more. We found out why when he was 3 and they told us he had sensory processes imbalance. To much sound coming in, not enough touch sensation etc. The therapist told us he needed to bounce on a trapaline or swing and deep massage was bennifical. When he was little he couldn't tell me he needed to bounce or sway. The therapist said alot of kids have it most people may never find out. Try and notice he may like to bounce on the furniture when he gets older if so remember he is trying to balance his own sensories. Good luck.MR

Please don't worry, I have two boys (3yr and 6mo) my first was just like what you are describing. Take the time to read about personalty trates and trust in the fact that you are doing the right thing by comforting him. You will see his subtle cues for independence as he grows and soon enough you will be asking him to take time for a hug as he runs by!Four months is still young, and a lot of times they get very fussy befor they reach a new developmental stage, like sitting or talking, or rolling over,etc. Enjoy it, it goes fast!

My best advice to you is to get a sleep book. I saw my two sisters and one had kids that slept and one had kids that didn't. I will post a link to the one I liked, but this doesn't work for everyone. It helps you to learn how to help them learn their own schedules. This book brought sanity to me with my first one. He did have to "cry it out" a little, but with my second one (now 4.5 months) he barely cries because we know his schedule and get him down right away. He takes lots of naps and sleeps well at night. Again, this book worked for me but there are a lot of good books out there. Find one that works for you and STICK TO IT. You'll have to sacrifice to make sure he gets his naps/goes to be on time, but it is worth it in the end. I have a 2.5 year old that naps and sleeps 11-12 hours at night and my 4.5 month year old that are great!

Good luck. - A.

Here is a link to the book Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child (Paperback)
by Marc Weissbluth

A good review to tell you about the book.
http://www.amazon.com/review/R3EBWEAY6EUQ4U/ref=cm_cr_pr_...

Dear J. Z,
Please don't feel like you are doing anything wrong. One thing works for one baby and then another mom will say the opposite thing worked. 3 months is so young and now that I have a six year old I remember when we would be so worried about whatever sleeping, napping, pooping, eating thing we were dealing with at the time and then wait a couple of months and that situation would calm and another older situation would arise. My son too would always want to be on the move, if we went anywhere we would take turns walking around bouncing with him, I think that's pretty common. One thing I read about the strength of the sense of smell that seemed to calm him at nap/bedtime was to find something that I had worn that day or sticking my pillowcase that I had slept on and putting it next to him in bed so he could still smell me.Nothing bulky for safety though. Swaddling worked for us when our son was really small. Good luck, with all the sleep deprivation and stuggles to find out what this itty bitty one needs or is trying to ask for, it is wonderful that he just wants mommy. My son just requested "no kisses, please." Not that we abide by his request always, but every stage is wonderful. Take Care J., M. R

My advice would be to get a book called "The no cry sleep solution"
It's all about routines, and getting your baby to fall asleep where you want them to stay asleep. Good luck!
And if he gets that upset when you are in the car, just take short trips. Even if that means stopping frequently. I knew someone who had a baby like that. And she wouldn't go far from home if she could help it.
And when you can't, just talk to your baby in a soothing voice to help calm him down. It may not work, but it surely helps...
You are doing a great job

The best book ever to get you through all the rough patches in a caring sensible manner is Tracey Hogg "The Baby Whisperer Solves All Your Problems." She answers these exact questions and more from sleeping to feeding to potty training. Following her advice has helped my now 2yr old sleep through the night from about 4 months. Take daily regular naps and had her potty trained at 20 months!

I have a 2 and a half month old and here is one thing I noticed. We, mostly my mom and I were holding her all the time. Well it made it sooo difficult to get anything done. She always wanted to be held. As much as I love holding her, I still need to get some time to do things around the house. We started putting her places like her swing or bouncy seat and just sitting and talking to her. Once she was calm we slip away. She now goes in those places and learned to soothe herself a bit. It really made things alot easier. Before I would not have even had time to write you this! LOL Good luck. From what I have heard, co-sleeping is not helping the situation either.

Hi I'm a mom of 4 sons and 6 grandchildren. Let him cry of a few minutes. It won't hurt him. Have you tryed swaddling him (wrap him in a blanket like they did in the hospital).
Good luck with your little One. T., Tonopah Nevada

It sounds like Colic to me. Good news is that it will be ending soon. Also since you are breastfeeding, it could be your diet that is giving him a tummy ache. Because their digestive system is so underdeveloped be sure to avoid soda and spicy food and caffeine and alcohol and hard to digest foods like broccoli. That may help. Try massage and soothing baths as baby is growing fast and growing pains sure can hurt..ouch! Good luck.

I read The Baby Whisperer and it really helped me. I don't follow everything it, but I appreciate her overall approach. I had a really hard time for the first 3 weeks of my daughters life, and then it really rounded out and got a lot smoother from following some advice in this book.

Good Luck!

Wow J., that sounds like your baby is crying a lot, especially if he can't even sit in your lap with out crying. Is the crying worse at any particular time of day? Does he spit up a lot? Would you describe it as colicky? You might want to make an appointment with your pediatrician and have him checked for GERD, which we are now learning can occur fairly often in infants. If so, anytime you put him into a reclining or partially reclining position he could be experiencing reflux of stomach acid. Imagine having heartburn day in and day out, most of the day, and you can imagine the discomfort a baby with GERD is experiencing.

If there's no medical issue, than you just have a child who may need more handling than others. There's nothing wrong with sleeping with your baby or wearing him all the time. This is actually a more evolutionarily natural way of raising an infant. Try getting a sling or a front pack (I prefered the sling, personally. It was much easier to get on and off and to get the baby into and out of it. Plus you can wear the baby in many different positions, nurse in it easily, and lay the baby down without waking him up by slipping it over your head and leaving him in it. I used mine up until each of my kids was between 3 and 4 (by then they were too big for it.)

Also, on the advice of our pediatrician, we got our son a wooly lambskin to sleep on when he was about 4 or 5 months old. This was very comforting to him and I was amazed at how quickly he became a sound sleeper once we introduced that. It was also very comforting to him in the carseat, playing on the floor, and pretty much everywhere else. It ended up being his "lovey" and went with him to daycare and preschool as he got older. He carried a small patch of it in his pocket in Kindergarten, than transferred it to his backpack until 3rd grade. All this time, he still slept with the much larger piece on his bed. He finally left it behind this fall when he left for college -- it was in shreds, anyway!

You can find these on line. Just do a search for Baby Lambskin and you'll find several companies that sell them. They range from about $60 to $80 and are worth every penny IMHO.

Good luck!

R.

Hi Jen: That is totally normal. At three months old, they are just infants and need to have the conditions of the womb recreated to feel secure. Have you heard of the Happiest Baby on the Block? It is a book by a ped who actually calls months 1-3 the fourth trimester. Do you swaddle him at night? If not, I would greatly recommend it. Look into the book/DVD. The techniques got my husband and I thru the first 4 months. Unfortunately, the stroller and carseat...you just have to wait it out. Don't give up on it though..if you ever want to go anywhere, he has to get used to it.

Hi, I have 2 kids (3 yrs & 10 months). I breastfeed too. My suggestion to you is two-fold; first, there is a good chance that your son will get better after 4 months. My first one did. Secondly, it is okay for u to run to him everytime he cries right now because he is still very little. But I think that some sleep training should start at about 4 months, or you risk raising a very needy kid. When I say sleep train, I mean putting him in his crib, confidently, and try comforting him in there without picking him up. Then leave and come back in about 10 minutes. It is okay to let the baby cry for up to 40 minutes-- have confidence and know that it is better for him to have a good sleeping habit in the long run. Again, start at 4 months!

Try swaddling him before you put him down. That worked for me. It keeps that feeling of closeness with him after he leaves your arms. The Miracle Blanket has done wonders for our family.

my daughter was the same way and it was hard at times but i made it through it. i was lucky to be home at the time and not up for work the next day but a lot it was because she was very gassy. around four months things seem to change for the best. it's hard my cousin's son screamed whenever he was put in the car seat, driving with her was horrible but he did stop around 4 months too. i also don't believe that you can spoil an infant, i was told if i ever wanted my daughter to walk i had to put her on the ground. but if they cry it's for a reason, its your job to respond and if all they want is to be held what is wrong with that. my daughter is very secure and knows that i am always here for her. she started kindergarden and as i watched other kids cry and cling and scream, my daughter kissed me goodbye and walked in. she knew i wouldn't leave her in an unsafe place and that i would be back for her in 3 1/2 hours, i am really proud of her.

Hi J.,

Sorry to hear about that. My 10 year old was like that. She is still a poor sleeper, but at least she does not wake me up anymore. I bought a book (way back when) called "how to solve my child's sleep problem" by Richard Ferber. I thought it was great. In it it states that you can't let your child cry themselves to sleep till they are at least 6 months old. You can't spoil your infant by letting him sleep with you. Good Luck!

J., I am a 58 yr old mom- no grandkids. Boy does your little guy have you number. It's amazing how they control our lives at such a young age and know what they are doing. Everything you do becomes a habit so be careful about what you start. The only way in my opinion to get him in his own bed and to entertain himself is just let him cry. It is not easy and 10 min will seem like an hour. If you put him in his bed you cannot let him see you, or it has to start all over. This will take about 3 days with the crying being less each day. I know for some people this sounds cruel, but it does work. AS for during the day time do this during nap time. It is so difficult to enjoy him when you feel like it is a chore. Good luck to you and enjoy your baby. Being a parent is not always the easiest job but, sometimes you have to get tough.

Hi J.:

My advice comes from my experience with my three children now ages 7, 5 and 3. My first child, Seth 7 was just like that. My husband and I took turns walking so he would go to sleep, rocking him, signing etc. Once he cried so much I got so scared that I called the doctor and they send an ambulance with a pediatrician. Guess what she told me... he had a good old case of "spoling". "He is a healthy kid that is learning every second and has you two in the palm of his hand already. If he cries you pick him up, so he knows what works." She even said (all this at 3am) that more than likely everytime he cried I breastfeed him and that's why he was such a round little kid. He was already living the high life :) Knew how to get fed and picked up.

She even wrote in the doctors prescription she gave us "Spoling" don´t pick him up so much and you´ll se he´ll learn...

We laugh now and tell him the story but it worked. I had to be strong and let him cry (only at home and then he got used to it) Talk to him while he is sitting down in the chair. Don't ignore him, if he is fed and clean then he should stay there... leave him longer every time and I´m sure he will be just fine.

We learned the lesson and our two daughters never even got to that stage. But J. my best advice to you is "enjoy every second" it goes by so fast.

Good Luck!!

K.

P.S. Seth didn't have any emotional scars from his crying days he has always been a happy kid, very secure (maybe the good side of all that)and independent. I thought you might want to know.

It sounds like your son may have colic, talk to your doctor. My son had colic and he cried for about the first 3-5 months. Look it up online and see if you think it matches his symptoms.

Wow, I feel for you! Sounds like my son, though he did learn to love the backpack later and we ended up wearing the wheels right off of 3 strollers. Your baby is still SO young, that if you can, go ahead and keep him on your back in a baby backpack. In traditional cultures around the world, babies ride on mom's back because if she doesn't work, no one eats! Have you ruled out physical problems with doctor visits? He may be colicky (fancy word that means something problematic in digestion that the doc's don't understand....) and the motion may help with it. Good luck, and this won't last forever! Try backpacking him and go about your business.

J.,
As you said, "he is still so young"--exactly! Don't expect him to sit up by himself till around six months. As for going to sleep by himself--don't expect that till he's around a year (or maybe more). Enjoy the fact that he's so dependant on you at this age because, as he gets older, he'll become more independent and won't need you to help him with nearly everything! And as for the carseat--a lot of babies cry in the carseat until they become used to it--I can't remember at what age, but certainly not by three months. It sounds like you're doing everything right, not wrong. If he likes to be mobile and not in a stroller, try carrying him around with you in a sling. All the best!

Swaddling saved us. The baby was much happier, more relaxed and he slept. They really like it. Hopefully you have not tried this yet and it will work.

This sounds a lot like my son, my first. He was a high-needs baby, very difficult for a parent. It was rough for awhile, but I persisted and held true to my beliefs that babies need nurture and gentle love (vs. "tough" love). I don't believe they can be manipulative at such a young age, nor do they have whims. They merely have needs that we need to fulfill for them, to help them adjust to this crazy world. Each child learns to deal with life and adjust to their situation differently.
It sounds like your son needs to have you with him at all times to feel safe and secure, for whatever reason...and that's fine. Even my 4 mo daughter, (who is much easier, as far as lying alone on the floor or baby seat, sleeping without me attached to her at all times, self-soothing and entertaining) has a few particular requirements. One is that she likes me to stand to hold her, not a lot of sitting still for me! The other is the car seat, but she's getting better as she grows older.
Bottom line, trust your mother instinct and do what you feel is best for your child, no matter how hard it may be, and no matter what others say. Seek support as you need. In my opinion, you're not doing anything wrong. Quite the opposite, you're listening to your child. This a very small part of their life, so do what you feel is right, not just convenient.
Good luck!
N.

HI J.,

Your little boy sounds just like my daughter at that age! My daughter HATED the stroller, fussed in her car seat and refused to sleep in her crib or anywhere else that wasn't on top or next to me. It was really exhausting. I bet you went for a lot of walks and were really active during pregnancy. My daughter loved being rocked and loved being in the front pack. I think it was because she was so used to being rocked during my pretty active pregnancy. She also loved being in the front pack.

If I were you I would invest in a good sling - try a bunch until you find one that's right for you. I would also invest in a baby bjorn and maybe a back-pack baby holder too. Your little boy will start to get a bit easier around 4 months, but he will probably always be dramatic and sensitive.

I wouldn't worry about the co-sleeping, though many people don't recommend it. I co-slept with both my children and they now sleep in their own beds and are quite happy there. Many people I know who insisted their children sleep in cribs as babies have children who now wake up in the middle of the night and get in their parent's beds almost every night.

Keep up the good work. It will get easier and easier as your baby gets older.

H.

I am the mother of 4 children- 2 1/2 to 12. I breastfed and coslept with all of the them. To some degree, they were all like this because they are so bonded they dont enjoy being separated. But my oldest was definitely the most like your son and at times it could be so overwhelming and draining. Especially when I heard the standard-Let him cry, put him down, you're spoiling him. Rest assured, they become confident, secure children because they are loved and nurtured when they need it most. God has just blessed some of us with needier babies. Dr. Sears' books were what got me thru especially The Fussy Baby. Good luck and keep up the good work!

Hi J.,
I'm a mom that has raised 7 kids. First I would make sure with your Dr. that your son doesn't have any stomach problems or anything else that would be causing his crying. Next (f everything is ok,)you will probably need to embrace some tough love even at this early age. Co-sleeping was not for me. For us this was the biggest good thing we did. We felt our children should sleep in their own beds. When they were little and I was still nursing (usually until 1 year)I would get up and take care of the child. It really was a great time for me and very bonding. My child would then go back into the crib. I also had a schdule for my children during the day. It may seem hard at first but it really does work. When you lay him down and he sleeps 10 minutes (unless there is something wrong) and wakes up, I would let him cry for a period of time, 15 minutes or so before you go in to rub his back or give him a pacifier. I wouldn't pick him up though. It is definitly harder with your 1st child. Remember you are the adult and he is the child. You don't want to set the standard where you are captive to his every whim. Please also ask your pediatric dr. He will have answers for you. Hopefully this has been helpful to you. My kids are all grown and wonderful young adults. This is just a small part of his and your whole life. Keep that perspective, this isn't forever.
P.

Oh, you poor thing. I know exactly what you are going through. My son is now 5 months old and EXACTLY the same way. He didn't like anything except being held. He is definitely getting better with time. I just kept trying to put him in the swing, vibrating seat, stroller, etc. Even if it's just for 3 minutes at a time, he'll start to get used to it and the time will get longer each time. Also, for the sleeping, I know all the doctors say you can't do this, but try putting him on his stomach to sleep, make sure there aren't any blankets or anything around him, and check on him frequently. This is the only way my son will sleep and he's just fine.

Please know that you are NOT doing anything wrong! You're a wonderful mother. Just hang in there. It WILL get better!!!!

hum, He might need more time on his own, even if you let him cry for a bit to get use to the idea. I now have a four month old who did the same thing with sleeping. He woke every hour and needed us to hold him before he would fall back asleep and then as soon as we put him down, he would start to cry. We waiting until four months and then started the CIO method otherwise I don't think we would have slept. Not too sure about the sitting thing, but as for the carseat, the trick is getting them use to it... they are going to cry, but you have to let them otherwise you will never get your baby into the carseat or stroller. I started to take my son on walks everyday in his carseat/stroller and after about a week he loved it, would sleep in it and everything. I think the hardest part is letting them cry a little.As much as you don't want them to, you just have to think that it is for the best and they really won't remember when they are older... I'm not talking letting them cry for hours, just 10 to 15 minutes so they can learn to entertain themselves. Good luck!

Wow, what a great mom you are and how patient! Good for you for co sleeping and breastfeeding! As for your babe...all things are temporary! Do you have a sling or wrap you can wear your baby in? I really reccommend wearing your baby, it makes for your hands to be free and a happy baby! My son was not a fan of all things that weren't warm and didn't have a heart beat, so I went with my son's cues. I never trained him to sleep anywhere or let him cry! He is 2 1/2 and doing great! Would you want to be left crying for 40 minutes without being comforted?In fact, leaving your baby to cry makes for a needy baby...meeting your baby's needs makes for a secure baby and one that can trust that his mom will be there for him. Trust your mama voice inside!Check out the mobywrap.com or an ergo carrier, they are the best on the market. The bjorn is really uncomfotable! All the best to you and keep up the great work! Be well!

Hey J.-I'm going through the same thing with my 13 month old daughter. I have been co-sleeping and holding her for naps and if I lay her down she sleeps 5 minutes. I can't get anything done during the day. I don't want to say let him cry it out because it doesn't work...at least not for me, but try a mobile in the crib...also a mom on this website advised me about a book called "Good Night, Sleep Tight" by Kim West and I just started reading it and it sounds great. She doesn't do the let them cry it out theory. get the book from the library and try it out. Also try "the happiest baby on the block." In regards to the carseat, my daughter was the same way, once he's one and you turn the carseat around it will be better, but until then I had to learn to somewhat tune my daughter out. If you find some advice that works for you let me know. It's good that you're trying to find something know because it gets harder the older the get. They just know how to work our heart strings. Good Luck

Hi J.. You are so sweet! Don't let anyone tell you that you are doing something wrong, every baby is different, I have four children, 9, 7, 4 & 2 on Thursday. Each of them had such different needs.

I would first seek out advice from your Pediatrician, there might be an ear infection/gas problem, etc. I am sure he is fine, but you never want to assume anything with a baby that can't tell you what is actually going on. There is a good book called "Baby Whisperer" get it and talior it to your needs and personality. I read it and it was great! I have a hard time letting our puppy cry, little alone one of my babies.

My now 9 year old slept in the same bed with us until her sister was born and she was 22 months old, she is very independant and healthy now, so it did not hurt her at all!! Just becareful of the co-sleeping dangers, they make special beds for babies to put between parents so that you don't roll over on the baby!

Good luck!! God bless you.

In my opinion, you are doing nothing, nothing, nothing wrong -but ALL right. In 2-3 months, your darling will want to be on the floor all the time and you will miss carrying him around! Warmly, Alicia

Hi J.,

You sound exactly like me when my two (now 6&4) were born. I read a book called Attachment Parenting and I agree with co-sleeping and a lot of physical touch. However, years down the road every night our two creep into our beds around 4-5 a.m. and my husband and I wake up with back pain and a grouchy mood. The turning point was a huge blow up we had that we figured out stemmed from our lack of good sleep and intimacy. My daughter and son still need us to lie with them as they fall asleep. After the blow up we have been diligent about putting them back in their own beds. Also, we are thinking of getting two small mattresses for each next to our bed. However, I think that is a little over the top. To end, I would like to say I have absolutely no regrets that I practiced Attachment Parenting but I should have weened them a lot earlier. Good Luck and don't ever stop giving them your loving touch and don't listen in then end what others say...listen to what your heart says.

I wanted to suggest putting his crib or snuggle nest at an angle. It sounds like my little guy who had gerd. He finally grew out of it but it took about a year. He didn't like any swings - he did like some bounce seats that were at a good angle but for short times. He would SCREAM in the car seat. I wold have to pull over and get him out for a bit. Sometimes he would burp and sometimes not but always felt better after being out for a bit. I would have to hold him upright for 30 minutes after each feeding as well as angle all his sleep beds. He also took zantac twice a day for the acid burn which helped. Does he spit up a lot? Also 3 months old is so young still. Did you hear of the Dunston technique? Google her name - she was on oprah and has a dvd.

Hi, I'm a 55 year old mom and grandmother of six! Have you got one of those slings, or front packs? He needs his closeness to you right now... and he will grow out of it eventually. But right now, hold him. Also, just to make sure there isn't anything physically going on, take him to his pediatrician and have him/her give him a good looking over to make sure he doesn't have a hernia or something that is actually causing him physical pain. Once that is clarified and he still needs you to hold him... then do so, trading off with dad whenever he can give you a break. I had one daughter that needed that much more than her sisters and at least one of my grandsons was needy in that way. Both myself and my daughter, gave that child the extra holding, etc., that those children needed, in spite of the inconvenience to "getting things done" and "sleep". Those children (one an adult now) are actually very independent and eager to live life and try new challenges!

Hope this helps!
B. Y

In Bali, children are held constantly for the first 3 months of life. No advice, just a reminder that our culture is unusual in the drive to make infants independent of their parents.

I know it goes against everything the books and doctors say nowadays but some kids don't like being on their backs. My sister has had two girls that wouldn't sleep on their backs or sides and she finally resorted to their tummies and it was smooth sailing from then on. She had the same problems with the car seats and just stayed away from long trips until they were a little older.

maybe your baby has colic. im not sure if thats the correct way to spell it. my kids never had it but i had friends with babies that had it. they cry a lot.

My daughter was exactly the same way! And my son (who's now 3 months) is completely opposite. You'll hear a lot from other people who say it's because you're a first time mom, etc. etc. (don't know if anyone's said that yet, but be prepared!), but to be honest, I think it's just each baby's personality. My daughter wanted to be held all the time - she wouldn't sleep if I put her down, she cried in the car if she didn't want to be there... it was crazy! She actually slept on my chest for the first 3 months, because that was all I could get her to to do at night if I wanted to sleep!

To be honest, I would accept it as a part of his personality, although you could look at a couple other potential things - for example, is he gassy? My son is very gassy - he'll still sleep on his own, etc., but when he's awake, he's frequently squirmy and just doesn't want to be still. I do the "riding the bicycle" trick where you move his legs around, and that'll usually get some of it out so he's not so uncomfortable. Your son may not be gassy - nor uncomfortable - he may just be wanting his mommy all the time - but I thought I'd mention it :o)

By the way, my daughter will be three in 2 months, and she's quite independent, tries things out, and is just a joy, so holding her all the time and walking her around didn't hurt her one bit! She grew out of it in her own time (I don't like the whole crying it out thing - I finally did it when she was a little over 2 and she stopped going to sleep on her own in her crib at night, but I felt like she understood what was going on then). Once they're crawling, they're a lot happier, so give it a couple months! Of course, if you're getting frustrated, the "experts" say that babies can start to self-soothe around 3 months, so you could always try letting him cry...

Anyways, my main point is that no matter what anyone else says, it's probably just his little baby personality. I dont' think any parent that hasn't had a baby with that personality can really understand completely (although they'll all give well-meaning advice!)

Good luck!

You bet your little guy needs you!! He's only 3 months old. We have 4 children and they were all different in sleeping patterns and such. However, what they all had in common was getting used to being held. They would fuss when I would put them down. It's very normal. After feeding, I always would burp gently then would lay them down ,snuggly in their crib. Once asleep I would go about doing the every day chores, vacuuming and such. Let him get used to the noise. If he continues to cry peek in and check he's ok. Let him cry a little, he'll calm down, if not what I used to do was after a feeding would give them a nice warm bath, that seemed to tire them out and then slept a good 2 sometimes 3 hours till the next feeding. Good luck, you're being a good mom, it's natural to doubt ourselves. Keep up the good work!!

Dear J.,

You need to let him cry in his crib until he goes to sleep. Just go in and reassure yourself and him that all is well, and go get some house work done.

You need to establish your place in this world to him. Babies are really tiny learning machines, and they learn pretty fast. They can learn to feel insecure pretty fast too. And they can learn how to control the whole household pretty fast too. All of your walking around and catering to him makes him think that something is scary if you aren't right there, and pronto. Please let him sleep in his own bed that is a way of learning too: he will learn that it is o.k. to be alone, drift off to sleep just like all human beings have to learn to do, I notice my gr grand daughter has a lot of fun just humming to herself and playing with something interesting. They need to have these experiences just as much as they need to be with you and Dad and grandma and grandpa and cousins and just go to the Barber Shop with Dad. We took my gr grand daughter to the Beauty Shop and she really loved seeing all that new 'stuff', even the cars whizzing down the street were fun to her.

C. N.

I don't know all things to tell you, and some people will not like the no co sleeping and letting the baby cry. So do what
you think is right.

Our doctor told us that you can never spoil a baby. He is still very young. Time goes by so fast before you know it he will be crawling. He needs to know that his needs will be met by his mom. Do you have friends or family to help out if you get tired? I got a mirror that he looks at when he's in the car seat it plays music too. He loves it.

My baby was the exact same way! At two weeks old she had open heart surgery and was in the hospital for five weeks! After we finally got to come home again she hated being alone, or by herself or in her car seat. I talked to her doctor about it and she said that my baby was suffering from post traumatic stress disorder and that a lot of babies go through this even because of less traumatic events. She told me to meet every need of my baby until she was about 4 months old and then start trying to get her to be more independent! I have been where you are and I know how exhausting it is having your baby in your arms 24/7! I began by getting my baby familiar with something that would help her to soothe herself(a bink and a soft blanket)I would make sure that she had these things when I was feeding her, when she was asleep, and when she was in the car. When she reached 4 months old, I would lay her down for 10 min. at a time with these object and some thing else fun to look at and then leave the room so that I wouldn't have to hear her screaming. Then I would come back and reassure her that Momma was here and still loved her. I would also put her in her crib for small intervals until she realized that when Momma was out of her sight, she usually came back within a small time period! After she got comfortable with me leaving for short periods of time I started letting her fall asleep on her own every other nap. At first she would cry, and I would cry, but I would keep coming in to her room and reassuring her that I was still there. I would try not to pick her up unless she was very upset, instead I would touch her and sing her a lullaby. After about a week she would take a nap by herself with only a few minutes of crying! It was so hard just to let her cry but I made sure she had her favorite blanket, something that she learned to self soothe with and by the time she was around 6 months I could lay her down and she would go right to sleep! I hope that some of this helps, make sure that you get a regular break, because it is so hard having an infant that only wants its Mommy! Just start of slow as slow as your baby needs and pretty soon your little one will be a little more independent, and you will have a little more freedom!

He's only 3 months... he needs to know he hasn't been abandoned. He was in your nice warm tummy for 9. Enjoy those precious moments. He has his whole life to live without his mothers loving, cuddling affection

You are just fine, but I would suggest getting a sling. You can call Corrine at La Leche League, she makes them. He'll be happy and you'll be happy AND can be hands-free if you need to be.

Dear J.,
I was and am a big supporter of co-sleeping. I just loved the way I could nurture my son much more quickly by having him close to me all the time. But he also didn't want to sleep anywhere else besides on me. It does make it hard to get things done! I recommend a sling so you can have your son with you, but still have free hands to get a few things done. I also tried getting his bed warm somehow before I put him down since I was warm and the bed was cold. My son also hated the carseat. He started enjoying car rides when he could face forward. I think the motion of the car overwhelmed his ability to process his sensations. It was pretty upsetting to me for awhile. I used to arrive at my destination so upset because he would be just undone by the drive! But it did get better!! I think 3 months old is a perfect time just to follow your baby's lead.

I am a mother of 3 and my last child who is now 15 months slept in my sling for the first 5 month of her life ( she was nursing and sleeping in the sling while I was doing my coaching sessions on the phone walking around my house :).
I never fully did the co-sleeping with my 1st two daughters but with her, she had to be close to me during the night. She have a king bed and we watch movies on bed on my laptop with my headset so I did have to go the sleep at 7pm !!!
She refused to ride in a stroller until she was 8 months. I went to visit my family in Europe last summer and no one was allowed to carry her. I was the only one and still no strollers allowed. The sling was my best friend !!
One day in August we tried the stroller again and she loved it !!!
She is now 15 month, sleeps in her own bed and last night she woke me up only a 6am for nursing. There is progress !
I can't tell you what to do with your son. I can just share my own experience.
Love and Respect
C. LEwicki

That perfectly describes my son at that age. Different babies have different needs, and mine just needed human contact at all times, even while sleeping. Investing in a sling made all the difference in the world to me, as I could then do the things that needed to be done around the house, as well as go grocery shopping, etc. I also quickly handed him off to my husband when he got home from work just so I could get a little "touch break". He's now 16 months old and the most independent little boy. Try to appreciate all the time he wants to cuddle and be close to you now--it will pass so quickly!

Hi My name is M., I too am a New mom my son is already 8mths old. when your Baby falls asleep in your arms,wait a few moments longer then place a blanket or small pillow in the bed,this way they will feel as though someone is next to them. And for the carseat thing try buying some small toys too hang from the handle,that might work.Hope this helps. take care M. (Anaheim)

this sounds like my daughter, who is now 7 years old. she was a high needs baby, kept me on my toes with her neediness. all i would say is to hang in there, she outgrew it as she went through developing her independence. she still has her tendencies to have things a certain way to be comfortable, but i guess what i'm saying is that it gets easier, to hang in there and love your baby as you have been. the first 3 years were like that for me before i finally could feel the space to ***breathe*** and not be needed so much. it could be different for you, all babies are different. my 2nd born is SO much more different. Mellow, easy going, not easily upset, falls asleep by himself. they all have their little personalities. Your son still is a little baby and has his needs and obviously knows what they are! good luck and enjoy your quiet moments however brief.

-J.

Have you tried different toys and also in his carseat don't have him all wrapped in alot of clothes or jackets or blankets.
Make sure the belts aren't tight, and his stomach is ok. Colic babies have a tendencie not to like being tide down or straped in,
Nana

I have two children who are now grown, well not adults yet but far from diapers. My advice to you is, especially at bed time, to work on letting him cry a bit. If you go in and pick him up right away each and every time he cries he will be conditioned to expect you to do this all the time. I know it's easier said than done, but he won't wither away if he cries for a short time. Go ahead and pick him up to quiet him down, but the next time he wakes and cries let him cry for a bit longer before you go to get him, and each successive time wait just a bit longer. Don't deprive yourself of sleep time, and certainly don't deprive him of your attentions. I hope this helps. Best of luck to you and your little one!

Before I was a mom I had the privilege of being a nanny for many years. Here is my experience from caring for a number of toddlers whose parents had practiced co-sleeping. Over time, these parents would begin asking me for advice on how to get their children, now three or four years old, out of their beds. Although they had enjoyed sharing their bed with an infant these parents had become increasingly uncomfortable with the situation they had created for their now older child. The children were fine with it, that was where they had been taught to sleep, that was where they felt secure. On the flip side, these children did not feel secure in their own beds. Their were lots of tears for the child (and some for the parents) during these transitions. These were loving parents, but I believe it seemed cruel to the child to tell them (long after the newborn/infant stage) this is the right place to sleep (our bed), this is where you are secure...now you have to leave since mommy and daddy want their bed (and their intimacy) back.

One of the bits of wisdom that was shared with me as a new mom (which is so different from being a nanny) was this: Start Out The Way You Want To Continue. That advice has helped me on a daily basis in so many areas where I've had decisions to make as a parent. My daughter was a preemie and I did want to be close to her. When she was a newborn I had an Arm's Reach Co-Sleeper attached to a bed in her own room where I slept for the first few months of her life. Sometimes (When traveling, visiting grandma', etc. we used a Baby Delight Snuggle Nest which also gave her her own little space (next to me). When shortly thereafter she transitioned to a bigger 'nest', her crib, she was was already comfortable with her room and her own space. I tried to always put her down awake and spoke to her saying something like "this is a nice, cozy place for you, I'm swaddling you now, sweet dreams." She didn't cry much unless she was hungry or needed to potty (we practiced elimination communication, which was great for us).

My daughter is now a very secure four year old who sleeps peacefully in her "comfy, cozy bed" as she says. We snuggle whenever she wants all day through then when naptime or bedtime comes she happily goes to bed. My mom once said, "It's so nice that you've given your daughter the gift of sleep". Now I don't take all of the credit but I do believe healthy sleep habits are a gift that can have huge benefits throughout a child's life and that we as parents help to lay that foundation by what we do or don't do for our children. One other thing that I think helped my daughter get off to a good start (even with sleep) was learning about the principles of RIE (rie.org). They have a book that I found very helpful titled, Your Self-Confident Baby. J., I wish you a lifetime of happiness with your son and hope this advice helps you both in some way!

Sounds like your baby associates you with going to sleep. I had the same problem with my first child. I would recommend reading a book called Solve Your Child's Sleep Problems (or soemthing like that) written by Richard Ferber M.D., who is a pediatrician specializing in sleep disorders. It helped me tremendously!! You don't want to let your son fall asleep in your arms. You have to put him to bed awake, which is very tough at first, because he will cry! Also, he needs to be on a schedule for napping, bedtime and waking in the morning. I couldn't take the lack of sleep, so when my daughter was 4 1/2 mos old, I knew I had to make a change. The Ferber book helped me get my life back and my baby daughter was a much happier baby. The change took 3 nights and then she started sleeping through the night. I also kept her on a very consistent daytime sleep/nap schedule, which was tough, but worth it. Good Luck! It is NOT easy!

I had a very similar situation with both my girls. Thank goodness i had read Dr. William Sears books about attachment parenting. He has 8 children of his own and all of them were raised that way. I followed his advise and wore my babies in the sling and they slept next to me until they were 3 years old (between me and the bed rail) I have no regrets, because of the attachment parenting my girls have never cried after me when i left them in pre-school and did not have a problem transferring to their "grown up" bed, in fact it was an exciting event for them.
Dr. Sears says that some children are high need and they need you more and if you push them into independence too soon they will become insecure and clingy. Go with your instinct, enjoy every minute, it goes by very quickly and you will not regret it.

First off, people will inevitably suggest you read The Baby Whisperer (review here http://www.kellymom.com/store/reviews/review_babywhispere... states is the antithesis to attachment parenting and not pro-breastfeeding)
Or more dangerously suggested Babywise or Preperation for Parenting-A Biblical Perspective. Before you go out and buy this book PLEASE check this site http://www.ezzo.info/
which chronicles the health and other problems from parents who used it and the many professionals and organizations that oppose it. You will see what the same people recommending this book now will likely be saying in 10 years.
An alternative is The Baby Sleep Book by Dr. Sears.

That being said, my daughter was the same way my son now 12 was more independent and now at 17 months with my daughter, I miss it. You are not doing anything wrong. Some babies just need and want more attention. A good sling is crucial for you. I tried a lot of them and I found the ring slings to be the most versatile. Try to get your son used to other adults too. My daughter loved to be carried around by dad but HATED sitting with him. I think she wanted to see more and up and moving, she had a great view of things. She's still curious but now walking, doesn't need us to get her to what interests her and wants nothing to do with being held. :)
So enjoy this time with him. It really is such a short time in your long life with your child. Before you know it, he won't need you as much anymore. Relish the moments while you can.

My kids wanted to be held all the time too, and I found that I couldn't get anything done. So I took my baby snuggly and tightened the straps as far as they would go, then with it propped up on the couch, I put the baby in it and then put it on like a backpack. This way I was able to get my housework done and the baby got to be carried. They usually fell asleep as I walked around. When I was done, I would carefully sit back down on the couch and take the backpack off. This worked for all of my kids. As they got older they didn't need to be held quite so much.
While they're young, it's ok to pick them up a lot. As they get older, with mine it was between 5 and 6 months, you should allow them to be on the floor as much as possible.

Hi,
If I was you, I'd take this issue to a pediatrician. It sounds like your child's feeling some discomfort. When my babies were uncomfortable, the first sign was that they needed me constantly. I always missed the clues, but doctors and nurses honed in on my kids' body language like is was the Rosetta Stone. (They have so much more experience with this.)

It could be a simple case of acid reflux (but there are other symptoms for that).

Ask your pediatrician for a thorough check to rule out pain in Baby's body. Help the dr out by taking a few notes at home -- what positions he's most comfortable in, what position he sleeps in with you, whether he prefers to be upright or cradled as you walk around -- get a real good picture of what parts of him he doesn't like to put pressure on. Note any relationships between feeding times and heightened discomfort or clinginess. Things like colic and ordinary gas and such also make a baby clingy, but my experience is that even co-sleeping doesn't soothe a colicky child. (I had one child who was diagnosed with colic only to find out months later she had chronic acid reflux and was in agony. She started acid reflux medcine and the 'colic' disappeared forever.)

If the dr draws a blank, do a process of elimination. For instance, check the materials he's wearing -- I have one child who was sensitive to her diaper lining -- never had a rash, but she loathed sitting or lying on her back and she cried when I changed her. Loved bath time (bare bottom!). Some fabrics still feel like sandpaper to her. Check the seams of things, too -- we can tell when a garment is sewn with synthetic thread because my daughter can't stop pulling the seams away from her skin. Drives her batty.

There's also the distinct possibility you've just been blessed with a sensitive little soul. My sons were always far more clingy than my daughters and they've turned out just fine. I've heard (who knows for sure) that boys are more clingy than girls -- it was true for me. Exhausting, but rewarding. I did the 3 under 5 for what seemed an eternity of sleeplessness and bucket-dashes from bed to bed during flu season... And now it's over. The last one just started first grade and I cried the whole first day (without her knowing). But I survived. And so will you. And when he finally decides he's too big to ride around on your hip all day, you'll actually miss the little saddle-bag! Hang in there. It's all so good and it's all so short.

Good luck! xx

Hi!
My son,, who is now 7, was acting similarly to your baby.
He would cry, almost everywhere, and expecially hated the car seat.
We finally figured out that he was sensitive to loud noices (lots of people talking, noices that started abrubtly etc) and I read somewhere that music could be soothing.
I played music for him, and he sat in his bouncer seat at home listening to music. In the car, I had a tape with the same music that I knew he liked. My son instantly stopped crying when I turned on the music, which for about a year was ONLY Barry White (Slow music and ballads)and after that we tried some other stuff. (perhaps something that you listened to while pregnant)
At bedtime though, I have to say that he really liked to fall asleep over my or my husbands shoulder.
The crying eventually faded away, and at 4-5 months old, I'd say that he was no longer crying in the car, and was much calmer in other surroundings. Sudden noice however, bothered him until he was about 4 years old (yes, YEARS OLD)
At your babys age, a bouncer seat with some kind of toy in front would also work, he is about the age when they can start grabbing stuff and most bouncer seats now a days have some kind of toy in front. If not, a rattle perhaps?
As far as sleeping together, I think that is what parents are made for, to make the child comfortable and make them feel secure. If that means sleeping together for a few months, or even years, so be it. Just be careful and get one of those cosleeping things while he is still little. As far as letting the baby cry and become "independent", OH PLEASE! It's more like they give up and realize that they don't have parents after a while and THAT is why they stop crying, not the other way. Remember, touch and togetherness is NEVER wrong.
Good Luck!

omg! you sound just like my mom, i am a thirteen year old girl and have a 9 and three yearold sister and brother. My brother has a problem sleeping in his bed still but my mom tried giving him one of her pillow cases that smelled like her and put it in his crib i don't know if it will work for you but try it and see okay?

Good luck with your mother hood!

Solution to not being happy in the carseat...children's electric toothbrush. Don't know why but it works! He used to scream in the car. The minute I gave him the toothbrush we have had no more crying. It even helps him falls asleep sometimes. Good luck!

Babies don't sit on their own at three months. Their little bodies are not strong enough that early on in life. Have you ever read any baby books that talk about child development, physically and emotionally? That might help. Also, when in doubt, go in for a well baby check up and have the doctor give you some advice.

My daughter started sitting by herself at the age of 8 months, with help and support around 5 - 6 month and she was always on target with her skills according to her pediatrician. Don't worry too much, enjoy thoroughly.

D.

You need to read the book Baby Wise!!!!! It saved my sanity and it will save yours too!!! You dont need to be exact with it but stick to it as much as possible. It is hard to do it in the beginning but the end result will not only make you happy it will make your son happy as well=0)Good Luck!!!

Hi. My first baby was exactly the same way. We always had to be holding her and walking around with her. If she wasn't being rocked or nursing she was crying. She is now almost 6 yrs. old and sleeps wonderfully :) don't worry she started sleeping through the night around 2 and stopped being fussy around 7 months. He may be a little colicky, I think my daughter was. Hope that encourages you. Keep doing what you are doing, you sound like a great mom :)

You're not doing anything wrong and your baby is way too young to manipulate you, despite what some other responses have said. Most experts (and psychological studies) will agree that you CANNOT spoil a child under six months. Follow your instincts - they're working so far. Parenting an infant is time consuming, exhausting and rewarding. I highly recommend the Sears books - The baby book is a great general resource and they have one for "high needs" babies (The Fussy Baby Book maybe? - sorry, can't remember the title). One thing that has really worked for me is singing to my daughter. She HATED the car seat and didn't like to be on her own either. I learned a few nursery rhymes and lullabies and started singing them regularly. She's six months now and when she starts to cry in the car (or diaper change or whatever) 9 times out of 10 if I start singing, she'll quiet down. She LOVES it. I also recommend a Moby wrap or other carrier (baby bjorn is good too) so you can wear the baby and have your hands free. He will start to outgrow the crying in the car but I feel your pain - I really limited the driving I did for a while.
Anyway - just know you're doing a great job taking care of your little man's needs. good luck and keep enjoying him!

I have had arthritis in my back since I was little but I didn't know until after my 3rd baby was born. It was so much easier for me to have the baby sleep in my bed...getting up in the night and bending over a crib to pick up a baby was so difficult for me. All four of my babies slept in my bed until I was done nursing them...some times even longer and they seem like normal kids to me.

Like many others who wrote before me, I believe tht it's pretty natural that a 3 mos old baby doesn't want to be separated from his/her mom. I nursed mine till he turned 3. He would not fall asleep on his own and he would wake up as soon as I laid him in his crib. I used to carry him in a make-shift sling made of an Indonesian batik cloth. Only place he would fall asleep was on the car seat. After 6 mos or so, I hang a hammock inside our livingroom and found out that he would eventually fall asleep in it after quite a bit of swinging and singing. Now he is 9 and I am glad I had lots of cuddling out of him when I could.

Hi Jen,

Is your little one spitting up at all? I ask because my son(3 year old) had reflex very bad and I had to hold him all the time and he screamed all the time. Is he burping after he eats? I also have a 4 month old and he is going through this separation anxiety right now. If he can't see us when he is in his swing etc.,he cries until we pick him up and hold him. He is also better after we pick him up and then play withg him on the floor. If he is really fussy I put him in the baby Bjorn front carrier and he falls asleep and then I put him to bed. I hope this helps you! Good Luck L. B.

Dear J.,
Its been a long time since mine were little. However my oldest daughter was like that and Oh I remember it well. As it turned out she had caulic and was teething at the same time, yes teething! But until we took her to the doctor we didn't know and I thought I was just a horrible new mom. She was always crying and the only way she seemed to ever be happy was if her dad or I were holding her, or swinging her on her stomach either in our arms or over our arms. Or in our laps on her stomach(can you sort of picture what I mean?) I brought her to the doctor,he said she had caulic and was teething. There was nothing back then for caulic other than burping and swadling tightly. For the teething we would dip our fingers or her pacifier in a tiny bit of Baily's Irish Cream (they like the taste and unlike all of the medications for teething it does not burn their gums). Another "old fashioned" recipe stems from the thought that they are hungry, I know the thought back then was and I'm sure still is keep them on Mother's Milk for as long as you can. But remember, in alot of ways J. they are mini versions of us and you and I get hungry when we are only injesting liquids and we get cranky. So against the doctor's recommendations I gave in and listened to my mother and grandmother etc. and put some rice cereal in the bottle (I heard these days they make bottles to accomodate cereal) and guess what she was satisfied because she wasn't hungry and she slept like a baby no pun intended. She then graduated to the regular swing and I was able to shower!
Good luck to you.
D.

Hi J.. I just wanted to let you know that I am experiencing the same exact thing with my 2 1/2 month old. I could have written your request! I just want someone to tell me what to do, because like you, I feel like maybe I'm doing something wrong. I don't think we are though. I keep telling myself that babies are different. There are easier babies than ours, but I'm sure there are more difficult ones as well. I have read most of the books the other responders mentioned and not much has changed with my little man. He doesn't have colic, or GERD, or anything else people have suggested checking out. I also tried the sling, wrap route, and he CRIES when I put him in!
I just think we have sensitive babies and that's ok. It makes it a little more difficult, and at times frustrating for us, but people keep telling me that he will outgrow it, and I try to believe them!
The one suggestion I can give that worked for me is a cd someone gave me of a vacuum. We used it in the car when he cried and it worked. I finally put it on my ipod, got some speakers and it is working for naps now as well. He's napping in his swing as I write this. When he cries, put it loud, but then lower it when he falls asleep. You can find them on amazon, or I can send you a copy if you'd like. I'm also going to try the electric toothbrush idea that someone mentioned.
Sorry I wasn't more help. I just wanted you to know that you're not alone, and I really don't think we're doing anything wrong. (I hope!!) Hang in there...I'm trying to as well :o)

Some babies just need more attention than others. Keep in mind that he was with you constantly for the duration of your pregnancy and just by being born his time with you has been cut significantly. That takes some getting used to. Have you tried "wearing" your baby? It is the perfect solution for keeping him close and still keeping your hands free to do other things. Try a Moby wrap (my daughter loved being worn in one), it is comfortable and secure and the baby can even nurse in it while you move around. I prefer it over the Bjorn carrier we have. Check out Dr. Sears' website for more information on babywearing. Keep keeping your little man close, by meeting his needs now, you are actually helping him to be more independent and secure as he grows up. I have very strong feelings about not letting the baby cry it out. His cries are trying to communicate something to you. He needs to know he can trust you to take care of him and respond to his needs.

My daughter also went through a screaming in the carseat phase. She grew out of it after a couple of months, but WOW, what a couple of months it was. When my husband was with us, I would just sit in back with her. When it was just the two of us there was nothing I could do to console her.

She was never a good sleeper throughout her first year. For a while we were lucky if she slept 10 minutes once we put her in her crib. Know that you're not alone in this -- many moms experience the same thing. It is as exhilarating as it is exhausting and it will get easier. I hope all this helps.

I just have to ditto everything that has been said already. I have four kids ages 7,5,4, and 4 months. Hold that baby as much as you want...they are just babies, they can not manipulate you! Can you blame him for wanting to be in his mommys warm, soft, safe arms? I would invest in a sling or a wrap if I were you.......I use a moby wrap and a few different slings. You can wear you baby all day long and get your chores done around the house still. And remember, this is just a phase...it too will pass. Good luck!

I had the exact same thing with my first child. It was really challenging to be "on" so much of the time and the screaming was hard on my ears. I didn't use a stroller until after she was a year old! I actually had great results with homeopathy. In lieu of that, rest assured you have done nothing wrong...nothing. Your child came out needing you more than many babies and will naturally grow out of it. Some good books to read are: The No Cry Sleep Solution, The Spirited Child and Dear Parent Caring for Infants with Respect. I also like the Dr. Sears parenting books. You are doing a great job.

J., you could be describing my son (who is now 5 1/2). Have you considered a sling? They are a bit tricky to master, but once you do, they change your life. He will be close to you, moving around, and upright, which might be what he likes. My son would not stroll until he was 2 years old, would wake if I set/laid him down and didn't like swings or jumper seats at all.

Your son is so small....try giving him what he is asking for -- it is REALLY hard, and overwhelming, I know....but in the end, you will both be happier!

Good luck!

Buy an Ergo or Mei Tai carrier and wear him - this will enable you to meet his needs and get a few things done. Also, it sounds like you have a high-needs baby, like I do. Pick up a copy of "The Fussy Baby Book" by Dr Sears.

You are not doing anything wrong by responding to his needs :)

My daughter would only sleep physically touchin one of us until she was 12 weeks. Then she'd sleep some in a bouncy chair, or in the sling. She transitioned easily out of our bed at 9-10 months... she was too big and wiggly to sleep with. I too thought it was wrong, but now I watch all of my pals who did some kind of sleep training plan(babywise, baby whisper, Ferber) or another when their babes were tiny and they seem clingy and unsure. My LO is very independent and confident. I don't think I did anything wrong, especially that young. Only YOU know what's right for your family and when. Follow your instincts. Don't make changes that don't "feel" right because of someone elses horror story. My dd is 2. We have a big bed in her room now and sometimes DH or I will sleep in her room with her (usually if she's sick) but usually she sleeps by herself. Oh and she hated the carseat (we either rode in back or just made her deal) and the stroller until she was about a year old! I just used a sling or Bjorn. She was happy to be up in the action:)

Hey J..

First of all, HUGS to you mama. Being a new mom can prove to be pretty difficult all on its own but when you add a high needs child to the equation, it can take a different spin all together. I know that humor isn't the first place to look to now but there will be a moment (much) later on when we can both laugh about this. *wink*

Reading your post took me back to a VERY familiar place. Needless to say, we survived it and so will you. :) For us, there were many factors. Outside of having a willful child, I also had an overactive let-down that often forced my daughter to gulp LOTS of milk at a time. All of the gulping caused her to swallow large amounts of air, causing painful gas. A visit to the local lactation clinic helped me learn of ways to control my letdown prior to nursing so that it didn't overwhelm my daughter as much. I used Mylicon drops, kept her upright during feedings, bicycled her legs and burped often. Swaddling didn't help us bec. my baby did NOT being tied down. (ah...fun times)

Car rides eventually got better but not til much later. (sorry) I did learn to time my trips around her naps. Though it didn't totally keep her from FREAKING out (bec. she HATED her carseat), traveling with a tired kiddo is definitely much worse. She loathed being on her tummy or being left for any amount of time. She wouldn't tolerate swings, play pens or bouncers. *sigh*

I also echo the advice that you've received about "wearing" your baby. I never invested in the more expensive slings but plan to do so with my next kid. It allows your little one to stay close to momma (and who can blame them?) and will allow mommy the use of both arms again. In fact, I continued to use my sling WELL into her toddler years. The heavier she got, the more I depended on the use of it. For homemade slings, you can also log on to www.mamatoto.org.

I am an attached parent through and through. I believe that it certainly wasn't an easy route to take but I am definitely reaping the rewards now. My 4 year old is still very intense but she is also independent, secure and extremely loving. Her intensity has led to many early milestones and I cannot imagine life any other way.

If you need a friend for support or just to vent to, please feel free to contact me.

Hang in there!!! You are doing great!!!

J.

Hello-

You need to read Happiest Baby on The Block. I know it is the last thing you want to do right now, but it will make sense. This books is recognized by the Association of Pediatricians. the doctor who wrote the book believe the fourth trimester (months 1-4) the baby needs to mimick the womb. It is okay to hold your baby constantly the first four months, you can't spoil him, he doesn't get it yet. What he does miss is your womb and how he was craddled, fed constantly, and had white noise around him. Some babies have self calming skills that help them deal with the first 3 months, but some are more sesitive and need our assistance to calm them. Get the book and just read bits up to chapter 7 for reasons to do the 5 s's and really read chapter 7 on to get the techniques for the swaddeling and the rest of his wonderful advice. We watched this video at one of the classes at Hoag Hospital.

Good luck and this too shall pass!
A. :)

hi!
definitely look into a good carrier.
you can find a lot of options at thebabywearer.com and see what sounds like the best thing for you.

i used a sling in the early weeks but my son quickly got too heavy for one shoulder. i absolutely love my mei tai which i found on ebay. the prices greatly differ but if you find a mom who makes them you'll get a better deal and as long as she "tripple stitches" the straps then it is safe.

my son is now 27 months and i can still put him in there when i need to. on my front or back. and hubby can wear it too.

oh yes, and as most people are telling you, your son will grow out of it. the car seat thing was difficult for me too but it did end. maybe some silly music you could sing along with for him?

you're doing a great job!

You're a great mom and doing everything right! Trust your instincts, keep breastfeeding on demand and sleeping with your baby, and invest in a good sling or two. Try the back pages of Mothering Magazine for sling websites (I loved the Hip Hammock and Didymoos for my older son, and my baby prefers the Hotsling), and then when you do have hands-free time, trade shoulder massages with your husband for intimate time. Your baby isn't controlling you, he's uncomfortable (probably gas from an immature digestive system) and trusts you to give him comfort. And don't worry that you're creating patterns with him - there's no such thing as set patterns with developing babies - it's usually two steps forward and one step back with every new growth spurt, tooth, step, word, etc. This too shall pass.

Hello new mom, I to am a new mom with a 9 1/2 month old. If I have learned ANYTHING, it is not to sleep with your baby. Nip that in the bud while you still can!! I have made the mistake of bringing my baby into my bed when she will not stop crying in the middle of the night. Now it is a problem, and I have prevented her from learning the nessesary tools to get herself back to sleep, don't make the same mistake I did!
It also seems like he may be a little insecure. You might want to teach him that it is ok to be alone for a short period of time. Put him in his crib for 10 minutes with some toys (or put his mobile on)a few times a day. Yes, I'm sure he will cry his eyes out, but he will soon learn that you will come back. Trust me, teaching him these tools now, will make an easier transition into his crib full time.
As far as sitting and crying, he's still very young and I'm sure that will all pass.
Good luck and take care!

Don't worry, you are not doing anything wrong. You are providing your son with the nurturing he needs. I don't agree that he is insecure, or that you should not co-sleep. Yes, it will be more work later to have him sleep in his own crib or bed, but there is nothing wrong with it. As your baby gets older, he will tolerate more time sitting on his own. Baby steps. My baby was the same way! And he is a very independent 13 month old!

Hi J., It was because of this that I DIDNT enjoy every minute of my time with my first son. He was the same way. I wish I had some great advice but truly I just kept trying to put him down over and over and it never ever worked. He was big on movement so it wasn't enough to even be close, he had to be swinging, rocking, jiggling (car), etc. To get a break we'd go on drives, he'd nap in the swing. Nights were the hardest. I guess my response is that it will pass. He is so little yet and you are doing nothing wrong - you are figuring it out as you go.

Hey J., I now have a 5 month old and for about the first 2-3 months he did the same thing. If he wasn't sleeping he wanted me to be holding him which was great but....couldn't get ANYTHING done. He hated the swing and the bjorn as well. Eventually he just grew out of it. I think part of his fussiness was due to the fact that he should have been sleeping more and I didnt pick up on the cues so nothing would make him happy by the time I figured it out. I read the baby whisperer which saved me! She talks about the routine that babies need even at an early age, so we did the Eat, Activity, Sleep, You that she recommends and it all just fell in to place. Its an amazing book, quick read as I know you probably don't have much time. Also, swaddling him at bedtime saves us! We still do it. It makes him so comfy and he goes right to sleep. He slept in our bed for a while but I think its important to transition them into their own space so we started with naps in the crib and eventually put him there at night, in the swaddle and he's out like a light. Since that routine he has been a dream, plays with his hands by himself so I can get some things done and is just as happy to be held as play by himself. I would try that book, if you havent, its wonderful. Also, enjoy the cuddles while you can, I'm told it goes away too quickly!!! Good luck!