Books on Preparing Oldest Child for Arrival of Baby Sibling

We liked the "Baby on the way" book by Dr. Sears. Congrats!

If you go to the bookstore, ask the store clerk, and there are many. Or go on Amazon, do a search and there are many and you can read the reviews on it.

BUT, what I found most helpful in the transition for the oldest child is... talking with him/her. When I was pregnant with my 2nd child, I spent TONS of time on my oldest child... prepping her for her baby brother's arrival. For example: I included her into my life/pregnancy... let her touch my tummy, hug it, talk to it. We took photos together with my growing tummy each month with her in the picture, we bought gifts for her baby brother together... I took her to my pre-natal visits which the Doctor encouraged and he even taught her how to put the Doppler heart monitor thingy on my tummy to hear the heart-beat... I told her that SHE will always be my FIRST baby and that makes her special... I didn't focus on my pregnancy, but her. When I was in my last Trimester and was fatigued... we would nap together. She understood. I explained to her I will get tired with my big tummy. And, I explained in simple terms, what a baby does...ie: they cry, I must nurse him, they will wake at night. But it is not her "job" to worry, because I am the "Mommy" and I will take care of baby. But she can "help" me...and be with me and hug me and love baby. That is her "job." All of this, greatly helped my Daughter to transition to having a baby. Because, they are having a baby too. Their life changes too.
I also told her that she can ask me anything, and she can have feelings or frustrations and to always tell me. That its okay... because she is only a child. That I will NOT expect her to "share" everything with baby, because her things are special... and SHE can decide what to share or not. A Toddlers things are very special to them and they can get "territorial"... so its okay. I told her I understand HER.. and that we are always there for her. But Mommy is there for her.

ALso, KEEP the routines of your oldest child. That is THEIRS and will give them stability.

Don't suddenly "expect" and oldest child to act older, just because of a new baby either. A child feels these vibes and they can get stressed. I always told my daughter, to just be herself. If they feel that by default, they have to "be" older, when it is not possible, they will get stressed or regress. If they regress, fine. Its normal. Don't scold for it. They need to adapt. Keep "expectations" age appropriate... once baby comes. Many times, an older child is expected to suddenly behave/be perfect/not act out/be a certain way... or they are used as an "example" for the baby. This is not real good, for the oldest child.
(not saying you do all these things. Just an example).

Just include her... talk with her... do special things with her.... my Daughter LOVED taking photos with my growing tummy. She "loved" her brother already, in my tummy.

An older child, will need more attention, once baby comes. From both parents. Give her a special gift too, as a "big sister." Validate her and comfort her.... and teach her the words for "feelings"... so that she can express herself and tell you no matter what.

All the best,
Susan

We liked "A New Bear at Koko's House". I think this book might be recommended for preschool age kids (my oldest had just turned 3), but I thought it did a good job explaining things in kid terms. It even had some advice for parents.

When I was pregnant, we called the baby "our" baby and my daughter was very protective and excited about the new addition. We also went over what would happen when I went to the hospital (e.g. who would stay with her, when she would come see me etc). My daughter definitely likes to know things ahead of time, so that made things less scary and more exciting for her. I also had some small gifts for her in the hospital so the day would be special for her and she wouldn't feel disappointed that the baby got too much attention.

I made it a point to plan special things for my oldest whether it be a trip out with dad, lunch with grammy or a special book with me. Although it was an adjustment for the whole family, my daughter did so much better than I ever would have imagined. I think the transition ended up being harder on me!

Basically you want to include your daughter in your pregnancy and let her know that you will always love her.

Congratulations on your pregnancy!

I don't know of any books for you, as the Mom, to read. However, an excellent book to give to your daughter is "I'm a Big Sister" by Joanna Cole. It's wonderfully simple enough for a toddler to preschooler. So many books I looked at talked about feeling bad after the baby arrives, etc. and I didn't find any reason to introduce this ahead of time. It has a very positive focus. My daughter still enjoys reading it...even through her baby brother is about to turn 3.

You've gotten some great book ideas. I would just like to add that you should include your daughter as much as possible in preparing for the arrival of her sibling. I found that this made all the difference when I was expecting my second. Take her to your doctor's appointments (my OB let my first born use the heartbeat monitor to find her little sister's heartbeat), make sure she's at the baby shower, let her help you decorate the nursery, etc.

Once my second was born, my oldest would tell me that SHE was the baby's mama and that I was the baby's sister! Then she would sit next to me and nurse her baby dolls while I nursed the real baby. She has been loving and protective of her sister from day 1.

Congratulations and best of luck for a quick and painless delivery!

My son and daughter (now 5 months) are exactly 23 months apart as well. He loves "I'm a Big Brother" by Johanna Herwitz (I think- it's in his room where he's sleeping right now). It's simple concepts and short enough to keep attention for awhile. I didn't read any books about the new baby for myself- and everything worked out fine. I was way more worried than I needed to be! The best thing we got was a gift for him when we came home from the hospital. We got him a train track set, and he loves it so much, he started playing with it by himself (a new concept for him!) right when we got home. I don't know if your husband will be able to take time off right after the baby, but that helped too. My son still had one-on-one time, just with one of us at a time- usually dad since I was nursing all the time and recovering from a c-section so I couldn't get on the floor and things. It's not as hard as I thought..... Good luck!!

I have no book recommendations, but I am going through this now with my 3 week old and 2 year old. My #1 is a little older than yours, almost 3 years in a few months.

I didn't read any books to her, but I would agree what the mom said about "why go there" with the negative books about kids having a hard time adjusting or not liking the new baby. Don't put that expectation in their heads before the baby even gets there.

I didn't do much to prep my daughter and I think you may have nothing to worry about, my daughter was enthralled with her baby sister from day one and shows no signs of jealousy or ill will or annoyance toward her.

HOWEVER, I did not prepare her for how much time the baby would take, and how much patience it would require on her part... I wish I had prepped her more for that. particularly the feedings. #1 daughter has a really hard time understanding that when the baby needs to eat, it has to happen right then and I won't be able to get up and do anything for her until the baby is done. So while she's never shown any anger at the baby for needing me, she definitely had a hard time waiting patiently when she decides she needs something during a feeding... anything from more juice to wanting her toenails painted (major meltdown and being told that we would do it as soon as the baby was done... "No RIGHT NOW!!!!!" kinda thing.) I wish I had talked about the baby's need to eat and what that would be like.

I haven't figured out the sleeping schedules yet! Mines older so I consisder myself lucky the few times they have happened to be napping at the same time (mostly the older one doesn't nap anymore but I think this baby is wearing her out a little too!) Bedtime routine has still not fallen into place but we are trying to juggle the needs between my husband and I and figuring it out along the way... give it time, remember the baby isn't in a routine yet the first couple weeks anyway.

I'v heard of people giving the older one a present when the new baby comes home, so I did wrap up some things for big sis. I am not sure this was really necesarry, but I DO think it added to the celebratory nature of bringing home the baby, and emhasized her role as big sister- we basically told her these were presents congratulating her for becoming a big sister, and made it like it was some really special honor for her... yours might be too young for that.

So that's my advice! Good luck! It's hard but witnessing the sweet moments between the siblings make it all worth it.

We loved the book What Baby Needs by Dr. Sears better than Baby on the Way because it talked more about what happens once the baby comes home. managing mom's time, nursing, feeling lonely and things like that.

We had our oldest go pick out the "snuggly" blanket to give his new brother and we got a gift for new baby to give him in the hospital during his first visit together. Oldest loved being a part of picking out the cuddly blanket because he adores his.

Hope that helps.