How to Prepare a Two Year Old?

First of all, take a deep breath and relax. Having more than one child can be difficult and trying at times. BUT you have to remember, having only one can be difficult and trying at times. Relax! You will do great.

Let's look at your issues... First of all telling your little guy. Be as honest as possible without getting into unnecessary details. There are a lot of books out there for kids that address having a new baby in the family. Ask your local librarian for some suggestions. They usually have a list of ones available. We have the Berenstain Bears "Baby Makes Five". It is cute but don't stop with one. Another thing that helped for us was looking at old baby pictures of the kids with them. Remembering with them how small they were and what they could and couldn't do. For example, we might say, "Look at you in this picture! You were only a month old. You couldn't sit up by yourself, or talk, or eat anything but bottle/breastmilk. Our new baby won't be able to do much when he/she comes home either. We will have to be very careful with the new baby." Also, check at the local hospital. Ours had a class for older brothers and sisters that taught them about babies and what they could and couldn't do. It was a great class for our daughter when we were expecting our second. They went over the safety issues to make sure she knew not to pick up the baby or put a pillow or blanket over the baby's head and many other safety issues.

As for the breastfeeding... You can include this in your talks when you look at the picture. Something like, "Back then you could only drink Mommy's Milk. Do you know where Mommy's milk comes from?" And then just tell him that "when a Mommy has a baby, her breasts start to do something called lactating. All that funny word means is that they start to make milk to feed the baby. A baby doesn't have any teeth and can't sit up by themselves so they can't eat regular food like you and me. They can only have Mommy's milk and sometimes when Mommy can't be there, special milk from the store called formula that is made just for babies." Don't think that just cause you are breastfeeding you can't still cuddle your older son. When my third was born, my older son (who had just turned 3 and is a cuddler) would climb up on the chair with us or into bed with us and cuddle on the side the baby wasn't eating from. He would cuddle with me and watch his baby brother with the most loving look on his face. He still adores his baby brother a year later.

Just take a deep breath and take it all one step at a time. If I were you, I would wait until I was at least 15 weeks along before I told my little guy. This way, you will have had your sonogram and a few of the other tests and will know that everything is all right. It will also give you some time to check into books for your son. One other thing that really helped with my kids was the book "Your Pregnancy, Week by Week". We would look at the book almost daily. They loved to look at the pictures of what a growing fetus looks like and loved the idea that this was how their new baby looked each week. It also tells what the baby is doing/what is new with the baby each week. My older son would snuggle in my bed with me and we would look at the picture of what the baby would look like and how big it was and I would read what was happening with the baby that week. One thing you want to be sure to tell your son when you are talking about the new baby... When the new baby comes, he/she will sleep a lot but only a little at a time. That means that Mommy won't get much sleep and Mommy will be very tired for several weeks after the baby is born. Tell him that Mommy will really need his help then. My son helps by throwing away dirty diapers, getting clean diapers, and running any little errands or holding things for me as needed and as per his ability. It made him feel more included and less likely to act out.

Anyhow, I hope this helps. Feel free to email me if you start to panic again and need someone to ask how it worked out for them or just need someone to tell you to calm down and take a deep breath because it will all be okay. ;)

Stop worrying...if your son is curious, then just explain that the baby is having baby milk. He may regress a little and try to pretend to have some of your milk, but I doubt he'll be as bothered by it as you might think. Something I've noticed (I have two 19 months apart...my first is a boy and my second a little girl) is that little boys don't tend to be as obsessed with the baby and what the baby is doing as much as little girls are. I've been able to distract my son when he is being slightly too curious with a new toy or a favorite tv show. You may have trouble with your little boy wanting your attention more when you are feeding the new baby, but there are things you can do...like put on a favorite tv program...let him sit next to you and read a book to him...get a bag of goodies (toys) that are new and that he can only use while you are breastfeeding. And let him touch the baby, but tell him to be gentle every time and show him what gentle is so that you are sure he understands. You could start showing him gentle now, if he doesn't already know it.

Good luck...it is scarier thinking about having your second and all the possible problems than it actually is to do it.

Congratulations! Personally I would wait to tell him until it's obvious that you are expecting.
I'm sure you have read the book "The Kissing Hand" but have you sen "A Pocketful of Kisses" by the same author? Very nicely deals with the subject of a mom raccoon who never runs out of enough love for ALL of her kids!
My son is 5 and although he is an only child, I've always told him that when a mommy and a daddy love each other a lot, they ask God for a baby and God puts O. to grow in the mommy's tummy. When it grows enough, it comes out of the mommy's stomach. Seems to be enough information for him (for now!). I would discuss this (before you tell him) and go through his baby photos, etc. and talk about the day he was born and how happy everyone was and how much everyone loved him immediately! Then, when the time cmes, he's already got some idea about new babies and families, etc.
Is it the actual breast feeding that is freaking you out? Like--your son watching? Just tell him that's how you fed him and that's how you feed the new baby! After all it's society that makes people uncomfortable with the topic and he's little still!
Good luck!

I'm going through this too, so it was nice to read your questions and all the responses! My son will be 2 when we bring baby #2 home. For now we've just told him that there's a baby in Mommy's tummy. He loves to point at the baby and give the baby kisses and hugs. It's so sweet. I'm sure he doesn't actually understand that the baby in Mommy's tummy will some day come live with us, but we just take it day by day for now. You can only prepare a 1 year old so much, right?! For the breastfeeding question, I had a nephew that was 4 when my son was born. He was very curious about the whole breast feeding thing and we simply told him that when babies are little, their Mommies make special milk for them from their chest. We opted not to reference the whole breast part of it since who wants a 4 year old running around saying the baby is eating your breast (or any other word for that part of the body). We told my nephew that when he was a baby, his Mommy fed him the same way and that all seemed to make perfect sense to him. I think once my nephew heard that this was how all babies eat, he just kinda moved on. He asked the questions again every once in a while and we just reminded him about the special milk thing and he'd say oh yeah and go back to whatever he was doing. Good luck!

i can completely understand how you're feeling! i'm expecting my second this month and my daughter will be 2 1/2. first of all, there are many good books out there to help prepare you and your other child/children for a sibling. go to barnes and nobles, or to amazon.com and browse for books on siblings["your second child" and "welcoming your second baby" are two i have]. i learned that telling them too soon is unnecessary. at your child's age [and mine] they don't totally get it until the belly is big and it's closer to labor time. when they start seeing baby clothes and toys, etc. everything will be ok, it'll be an interesting adjustment, but if you read up and talk to others who have been through it, you'll do a great job!

PS: i nursed #1 till she was 2 - and i was a few months into my pregnancy! she weaned just fine and i think she'll be fine when she sees me nurse #2. we can talk about it then, but i'm not delving into that too in depth with her now. we have books for her about being a big sister and how little babies cry and drink milk and sleep alot, so i think that's getting the idea across enough.

It's not as hard as you think. If you try to start preparing him now, you may end up irritated because he may be constantly asking about when the baby's coming or checking your belly! I had my 2nd when my son was just 2, and it was so much easier than I thought. I was constantly asking him to get me a diaper (they were right next to me), or tickle his sister's feet. I think it helped because he didn't feel left out. As far as the nursing, I had already read up on this and took the book's advice. When he saw me nursing her, at first he wanted to nurse, too. I didn't freak out, I just told him it was ok. He actually didn't nurse, just put him mouth close to my breast and pretended. He did it about half a dozen times and then it got old. He would sit next to me while we watched cartoons or listened to music and he and I would talk while I nursed. Again, I think it was just the fact that he didn't feel left out that made the transition so easy.

I also worried about when I was nursing what my son would think. One time he said he wanted to drink from my belly button :) so I told him that our daughter has to drink Mommy's milk and he gets to drink special milk out of the refrigerator.
Also, I often use nursing times as a good time to invite him to sit with us and read stories.

Don't worry, everything will be ok. They have books that you can read him about a new baby coming. They make them for his age :-) I have had four kids and i worried each time...but in the end they get excited and cannot wait to hold the new baby!!

Somehow kids understand when mommy has a baby in her belly. It won't be as hard as you think. They also understand breastfeeding. If you don't know whether you'll have the right words, there are children's books explaining both in age appropriate terms. I would put off telling your little one until you're past the high risk stage. Be ready for lots of repition as your little one tries to understand this new information.

I'd tell him that you have a baby in your belly. Then I'd point out other pregnant women and show him how their bellies are getting bigger. Maybe you can get him a "baby" of his own and show him how to take care of it like you will do to his brother. Let him know what the weather will be like when the baby is to come, 2 year old don't understand linear time. My first 2 are 2 years, 2 months and odd days apart. My oldest was super when I was pregnant! I had him talk to my belly and told him that his baby brother could hear him and would know him when he came out. I was very sick and he would rub my back when I was in the restroom being ill. Its a very sweet memory :)

As for nursing... Just let your older son sit with you. Ask him to read to you and talk to you so you don't get bored. If you didn't get a boppy with your first I would advise trying one. They are great for one hand nursing and give the baby a personal space buffer plus then you can have your son hold the baby in a safer position.

2 kids are great! He might have some jealously at first, but he will adjust :) My 2 older boys are really great friends now (10 and 8), plus they have a baby brother who is 6 months old today. Have a happy and healthy 9 months!!!!

Don't worry about it. He'll be able to understand a lot more than you expect. I nursed my first 13 months and my son was born when she was 17 months. She pretended to nurse her babies and was fine with it. My son nursed 19 months and my 3rd (daughter again) was born when he was 27 months old. He was ok too. We just called it "baby milk" or "mama milk." My third is now nearly 17 months and still happily nursing. My son still loves to snuggle close to drink his now soymilk. My daughter likes to have plenty of snuggles as well, but she's not a milk drinker so she just takes the snuggles. They adjust to it gradually. You don't need to make a big deal out of it until you start showing and getting closer. 9 months is a long time for a 2 year old to wait and think about something. He'll be just fine.

Hi C.,

I have found that most older children are pretty fascinated by breastfeeding. So your older child will probably have lots of questions. You can tell him that when he was a baby he nursed too. Tell him that is how babies get their food because they're too small to eat big boy food. And then tell him that he is a big boy. He will do fine! There are also books you can get at the library that talk about mommy being pregnant and getting a new sibling. You may want to check out some of those. Don't worry - you will do great and your older child will be a great big brother!!

J.

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Hi C.! You just tell them. My oldest turned 2 just a couple days after I came home with #2. When I had our #3 my oldest was just turning 5 and my #2 was just turning 3. It's easy. You just tell them that they are going to have a baby brother or sister in May. You don't have to quit snuggling, you don't have to go into detail on how the baby got in your tummy (age approiate stuff is better than getting into medical explainations at that age) you don't even have to tell him until you are begining to show.

There is no reason to freak out or panic. Really you should relax and take the time to enjoy the alone time you have now with your son. Also try to relax and enjoy your pregnancy...although each and every pregnancy is different this time you'll know what to expect and a lot of the "fear of the unknown" will be gone so that the experience should be even better than your first. Congrats, good luck and best wishes!!

Your are worring too much and that is not good for the baby. You can tell kids a day before something and they would be like ok... When the baby comes you will figure out a routine that will be best for all. Good luck.

I think you are more worried than you have to be....RELAX.... your son will probably enjoy having a sibling to play with ...

1. when your belly starts showing, then tell him he's going to have a brother or a sister and that its growing in your belly...

2. there are tons of books about habing a new baby in the house...toddler books about that topic are great....

I have two boys they are 22 months apart my first was soo excited to have a brother that he was a big help and they are the best of friends..I'm on my third and both can't wait to have another baby in the house

one huge advice to give you is don't ever make it about mommy and daddy having another baby in the house to take care of...only make it about your son having another baby to help take care of.....let him know that he's going to be the baby's BIG brother/sister and the baby is going to love him soo much etc.... as long as he knows he's important to the baby and you he'll be fine......
GOOD LUCK and the more your relaxed about it the more your son will be .... if your tense he will be too and that will start trouble!!

ok first of all stop stressing, just simply tell your son when you are further along that you have great news he will have a new brother or sister to love and play with. and when the baby comes that is why God gave us 2 arms one to nurse baby and the other to snuggle with big brother. trust me I have 3 kids and one on the way and my closest in age was 17 months.

Relax! Your son will feel your anxiety. If you are calm and happy about the new baby, most likely your son will be, too. My daughter, whom I breastfed for 16 months, was thrilled to become a big sister, and as I breastfed her new baby brother, that's all she knew. I had trouble with my milk coming in, so she loved having the "job" of turning the breastpump on and off. I took her with me to some appointments, she took a "sibling" class at the hospital, we put a copy of every ultrasound photo in her own photo album, she received a present from the new baby when she came to see him in the hospital, etc., etc. Most people that gave us gifts for the new baby also gave us gifts for his older sister. She was nothing but thrilled. My kids are much older now, but she still says that the most wonderful day in her life was the day her brother was born! Good luck!

Dear C.,
Try to relax & enjoy your son. In a few short months he'll no longer be an only child. You'll have a new baby to care for & plenty to worry about. Each child is different & you know your son best. Does he ask lots of questions ~ then you'll want to give him lots of information. Is he a cuddler ~ then you'll want to be sure that you let him know ahead of time (although not too soon) that he'll still have cuddle time with you. As for explaining breastfeeding, at 2 1/2 he's probably not going to need an abundance of explanation. My son was almost 4 when my daughter was born, and we just told him that "sissy is too little to drink out of a cup, so this is how she drinks her milk" That seemed to satisfy him. Although it was funny to watch him try to "nurse" one of his stuffed animals. ;)
I'll be praying for you & your growing family. God bless you!

As my late mother would tell me many years ago when she was having my brothers and sisters and I was an only child for 8 years. " Mommy loves you all the same I don't love anyone any more or any Less than the next" and teasingly as we grew she would say "E. I don't love you anymore" but I don't love you any less" . Affirming your continued unconditional love for the new Big Brother will work wonders and also let him help pick colors and things for the new baby it makes them feel important and a part of it. God Bless you and yours.

PS let him make the new arrival something special to give the new one when he sees the baby for the first time

First off congratulations! You have plenty of time to prepare him for his new sibling. Start buying books that introduce kids to having a sibling. There are TONS of them out there. You can also find movies as well that introduce them to siblings. Something that someone told me was to buy a baby doll that was somewhat realistic (crys, giggles etc.) and hold the doll like you had a baby. Let him hold it. That way he will understand what to expect from a newborn.

I wish you luck and you will be fine. My kids are 2yrs and 2 mos apart and the transistion was not as hard as I would have anticipated. My first was (and still is) a cuddler. I just made sure to give him plenty of cuddling time once his sister came along.

A.

If you are relaxed and excited about the new baby, share those feelings with your little one. Don't anticipate problems. Think possitively and your little boy will do the same. Act fretful about sharing problems, and you'll set that in his mind too. Do you read to your son? I found that pictures of the different stages of the baby in mommy's belly were interesting to my daughter when I was pregnant with my son. By the time he was born, she acted like a second mother. She was only three when he was born. She used to get up for all the night feedings and helped me with his baths too. If he barely made a sound, she was in his crib patting him and talking to him to comfort him. They are now 42 and 39 years old and are still very close. Good luck. You'll be okay.

Hi C.,
A couple thoughts are to make sure that you explain that there will be a BABY coming, not a bro or sis, because at 2 he will think there will be an immediate playmate.

Also, feeding the new baby by nursing will be fine. You just say this is how some mommies feed their babies, and it is how you fed him until he was big enough to feed himself. He will probably love the fact that he is the "big" boy, but don't stop the nestling time. Snuggling will still be a wonderful experience and you can give him plenty of it--maybe just not while the new baby is nursing. New babies sleep alot, so you can still have special one on one time with him as he adjusts. Just make sure you rest and recoup as you are able.

You'll be amazed at how adaptable kids are, and he will be thrilled to show his new sibling how to play with toys in just a few short weeks after the arrival. Include him in getting clean diapers, washing baby's tummy, stuff like that.

Congratulations and best wishes...

Stop, take a deep breath, it'll be OK. I am due in a short 9 weeks with my second boy and my son (31 months) is a little clueless about it. All along we talked about babies: baby deer, baby bunnies, baby puppies. At daycare I would use some of the toddlers who have younger siblings to talk about it, "Who's that, Allen? That's Sarah, Nathan's baby sister. Nathan is a big brother, you're goin to be a big brother too.". How much any of tha worked, I have no idea. As my belly grew (grows!) I've told him there's a baby in there, that it's a baby boy, and he's going to be a big brother. We also took him to our 3D ultrasound and he got to see the baby firsthand.

As for brestfeeding, I plan to keep it simple and truthful. Mommy's make special baby milk when they have a baby. When he was a baby he did the same thing - I even have pictures to show him.

Good Luck!
J.

Smile and chill a little. Remember that your son is 2. When the baby is born, he may be 3. When he sees your nursing a baby, he won't be thinking sexual thoughts. He will be fascinated, and he probably won't remember that he got fed that way, too. You should be as open as you can, and let him know that that's how how the baby eats, and he used to do it, too. The baby could have a bottle, but the best milk for the baby is Mommy's milk, so that's what you are giving him.

AS for when you tell your son about the baby, I would wait until you are ready to tell everyone else. If you go to a bookstore, you should be able to find a good children's book that talks about new babies coming into the home, and feelings of the older child. If you have friends with infants, you can visit them, and he can see what babies are like.

And as for cuddling ? Well, whenever I was nursing the baby, my 2 yr old was next to me on the couch with a book in hand. So we read books while I nursed, then she'd slide down and play. When the baby came home from the hospital, we also had a gift for the "big sister". It was a special toy -- not a huge one, but something that fascinated her and she played with it TONS.

It's okay to be thinking about this stuff early on. You'll be better prepared this way.

And now the funny nursing story. . . . When I first went back to work, my sister babysat my firstborn. her son was 3 and her daughter was 1, and she was almost done nursing. So whenever I couldn't get there on time, and my daughter didn't want a bottle, my sister would simply nurse her. (It was great ! One happy baby, with a "wetnurse" !!) One day she was on the phone, and my daughter started crying to eat. . . She let her cry for a while, as she finished up the conversation with her fellow lamaze instructor . . . .until the crying sounds changed. then she quickly got off the phone and went into the LR to see what was up. (You can tell this is eons ago -- before portable phones !) her 3 yr old son had responded to the "distress call". He climbed into the wooden playpen, picked up the baby, put her on the couch which was in easy reach. Then he climbed out, climbed up on the couch, pulled the baby onto his lap, pulled up his shirt and was trying to nurse her.

It would have been a priceless picture ! She had to explain to him that he was a boy and he didn't have any milk in there !!

the other thing I did when child #2 was on the way, was borrow books from my nursing and lamaze instructor sister -- my 2 yr old and I used to look at pictures that showed how the baby develops in the womb. It's fascinating. We didn't read any of the text, but we noted month by month how the baby was changing and growing. And when your baby is kicking inside you, your son will be able to feel it. He might also come to a pre-natal visit and hear the heartbeat. he can be as involved as you want. The more involved he is, the easier the transition into a larger family. :-)

Happy pregnancy !!!

C.,
This is easy!!! From the time i got pregnant with my 2nd and 3rd children, I told their older siblings that WE were going to have a baby. That they would be getting a new brother or sister but is was their baby too. You just tell them that the baby will be growing in your belly and when you get sonograms, show him the pictures of his baby. Let him talk to your tummy, and just reassure your son that he is just as important now as he will be when the baby arrives. Let your son know he will be able to help take care of his brother/sister and as they get older he can teach them all the new things that he has learned over the years. I found the more involved I made my little ones in the arrival of their new sibling the transition was very easy. They will have moments of some jealousies, may regress to some babyish things but its because they see the couple extra seconds of attention you give the new baby. I was lucky, my kids did not get very jealous of each other as babies and never got violent with the new baby. When the new baby was born I brought my kids in as soon as I could get settled and put the baby in their arms to let them know that his baby is theirs also. My daughter was 23mos when my 2nd was born. She was 4 and my son 2 when my third was born. They were very happy with their new baby and very "helpful". I breast fed all 3 and didnt have an issue with the older ones. Just make everything you do natural. But dont be surprised if you find your son "breast feeding" his stuffed animals, or people figures. They think its how things are done when your breast feeding.

relax and wait till your 2nd trimester just in case. After that have him come in with you to your appts and hear heartbeat. Also let them see the ultrasound. Buy a big brother shirt.

I am also prego with my second child and my 1st is 2. she is so excited about being a big sis and i took her to the ultrasounds and have shown her the pictures, so she understands that the baby is in my belly.

OH MY GOD, DO NOT WORRY! Just remember thisis the most natural thing in the world, and don't lead him to believe that it is a big deal by acting like it is. When your belly gets noticeably big and hes mentions it, cheerfully say, "There's a baby in there! It's going to come out, YAY, you'll have a brother or sister." Repeat all the time. He really won't understand, and there is no need for him to. Remember when the time gets near, to say the baby will be his too, and he (oldest) will be so special and you'll need his help. Just to avoid attention hang ups. Nursing is no problem, just tell him the baby is eating and give your oldest cuddles at other times. Give him huge praise and attention whenever he is nice to the baby, and don't allow any mean or jealous stuff. Most of the kids who had trouble with this had parents who bought into the theory that maybe this was traumatic for the child, and then allowed tantrums etc for attention. Keep everything light and positive, and involve him in cuddling the baby a lot. If you don't neglect your oldest all of a sudden, he won't have a reason to freak out. Just remember, people have been having numerous children and siblings since the beginning of time. Your oldest will be totally fine.

My oldest was 2 when I delivered my second. I prepared her by going to the library and finding age appropriate books (and there are a lot of them!) about the new baby. Tell her she will have a baby sister or brother and that she will need to help you. Let your son feel your tummy, and encourage him to talk and sing to the baby. The baby will hear him and will recognize his voice .. it's amazing and wonderous!
My oldest would fetch diapers, wipes and toys to help me take care of the baby. When I breastfed the baby she would 'breastfeed' her baby. Even tho you have a boy he could still do this as long as you and your husband are comfortable with it. Remember to include the older one, even in the not so nice stuff like changing the diaper. He can put the dirty diaper in the proper receptacle (trash or diaper genie). Keep him involved and when baby goes down for naps, make that your cuddle time with him .. because you need to rest too! I turned baby naps into reading time .. and it was so nice. Above all enjoy you time with them .. it goes by so fast. My 2 are 11 and 9 now!

Try and relax a little. You have a LONG way to go until baby #2 arrives. I have #3 on the way in Feb., my first were twins. We waited until I was showing and were ready to tell people in public. I probably should have waited a little longer to tell them because since they don't have a great concept of time, they ask almost daily when the new baby will be here. I will also nurse. They have seen others nurse and don't ask questions, I will anwer them as they come. Enjoy your pregnancy and enjoy having your #1 all to yourself for a while. You will still have lots of snuggling and one on one time with him once #2 makes his or her appearance.