A Personal Question.... - Denver,CO

Enough said. You are normal. It's a common issue. Men and women are different. They have more of a physical requirement for it than us. Plus, I think that's their romance/intimacy/affirmation. Whereas we get satisfied with date nights, words, wooing, etc, (and good sex). I suggest 'manual release' for the times you're too sleepy. I see it as a biological need.

I would have to agree with most of the responses below. My husband feels my libido is bad if we do not do "something" every day.....even when I was pregnant...all the way up to the day I was in labor. I try to think how thankful I should be that he still wants me this way and that he is not trying to go somewhere else to satisfy his needs...which so many of them do if they do not get enough at home. With this in mind I try to focus on how I can relax and enjoy it. some nights this is difficult and we have quickies. I just went through three years watching my sister suffer because her situation is different, her husband never wants sex with her. They have sex 1 time every 1-2 weeks. She would constantly feel he was not attracted to her or was having relations with another person ( I think he is too). But anyways, like the other women said, try to focus on the fact that he thinks you are hot and sexy when you are pregnant and he still wants you and noone else ;-) That is great stuff.

You are right about it being weird to talk to strangers about this. What works well for us is to schedule it. This allows for much more flirting on my part with out worrying about saying "no, I don't feel like it" because he knows its not the night. My husband also puts the kids to bed on those nights while I take a bath and really decompress so I am "in the mood". This just allows us both to enjoy the experience and then his needs are met more often as well as mine.

Wow. I personally hope he was apologizing profusely to you even as he was asking for more sex. I also got up at 5:00am for my 50 hour a week job when I was pregnant w/ my 2nd, and I was more than exhausted. Honestly! You have to be in bed by 9:00pm to get 8 hours of sleep (and you probably need more, being pregnant). Is dinner made, cleaned up and your daughter in bed by 8:30? That's what it would have to take, I would think.

I recently saw the headline that "men who do more housework get more sex.' Who doesn't believe that? Sometimes, my invitation to my husband is 'what do we have to do tonight before we get in bed?' If I'm putting the kids down and then washing the dishes and straightening up, and he's 'unwinding' in some other fashion, then its suddenly 11:00 and its much less likely to happen then if we split the duties and get everything done by 9:00. Yeah, he works all day and I work part time and then enjoy the kids (and get all the other household stuff done, supposedly). So, one could argue that he shouldn't have to chip in at the end of the day. Fine, make that argument. But suddenly its late and I probably don't have much left for sex, even though its something we love and enjoy together. Help him get this down: "Doing housework is a form of foreplay for me."

How about after dinner (and make sure its takeout at least once /week!) he takes your daughter and plays with her and puts her to bed while you do the dishes and take a couple of minutes for an extended bedtime routine - once the essentials are off your mind you can relax and think about being a couple. And once the baby comes, tell him you need a biweekly housecleaning service at least until the baby sleeps through the night. I'm not kidding. He'll find it will be worth it, I bet!

I have another book you might want to look at: The Sex-Starved Marriage, by Michele Weiner Davis. Don't be put off by the title--it's not necessarily aimed at couples who aren't having sex at all, it's more helping the lower-desire and the higher-desire spouse understand each other and meet each other's needs.

One point I remember from reading it is: if one partner thinks there's a problem with your sex life, then there's a problem! It's easy (for me, at least!) to roll my eyes and say, "Yeah, he's just a typical horny guy. He should be happy that I give him any action at all!" or to compare notes with girlfriends and whine about how our husbands are always bugging us for sex. But that doesn't fix the problem, or make my marriage any better.

What I like about Davis's approach is that she doesn't let either partner off the hook. She speaks to both spouses, the one with higher desire and the one with lower desire. She tries to help each person understand what the other one is thinking and suggests concrete things you can do to make your spouse feel more loved. There were a couple of things she said that I know I had told my husband at least a billion times. (I'm just estimating, of course. :)) But when he saw it in black and white, he said, "Oh wait, you mean THIS is how you feel?" It helped me understand him better, too.

Another thing you can look into: I talked to my OB/GYN at my last checkup about my sinking libido, and he suggested that I get a testosterone shot. It's really helped. It hasn't made me like a typical man, where I think about sex all the time and just HAVE to have it. Getting in the mood still has to be a conscious choice, but I find it's a LOT easier to make that choice, and a lot easier to stay in the mood despite distractions that might crop up. I just go back to my doctor's office every couple of months for a new shot. You might want to ask your doctor about doing this once you've had the baby.

So, like everyone else has said, you're totally normal, and so is your husband. But that doesn't mean that there aren't things you can do to make your relationship better. Good luck!

I think you need to take your husband seriously. I know how tiring life can be (I have 5 children and am expecting our 6th) but I try really hard to be creative when it comes to sex and making sure that we have intimate time to ourselves. I would say that we are intimate in some way at least 3 times a week, barring any illness of course. What your husband is probably expressing is just his natural desire to be loved by you- his wife- the only person he is allowed to get that fufillment from. Not every experience has to be awe- inspiring. We have learned to have a sense of humor through all of the pregnancies, to be flexible with each others needs ect. If you are truly too tired for the whole deal : ) , do something to make just him happy! I know my guy appreciates that too. Lots of luck!

There is nothing wrong with your libido. The problem with guys is that they really do think about sex a lot. A LOT! There's nothing you can do to change that either. If he could have you every day it probably wouldn't be enough. Don't let his comment bother you, I really don't think he can help it. I would definitely say you should take this as his way of saying how attracted to you he is which is fantastic after 11 years.

K.,
Best advice I can give after 23 years of being married is be his girlfriend again. My favorite book is by Dr.Laura Schletzinger ( Don't quote me on the last name cause I'm horrible with names) But the book is called The care and feeding of a Husband. You can also call her on her radio show and get great advice. Anyway I've found snuggling and acting like his girlfriend again to work big time. Cause it's not just the sex he wants it's the playfulness and love.
Congradulations on the kids.
Good Luck and Best Wishes
E.

Been there done that. I am now on baby #3 and my husband is constantly hounding me about not enough sex. I love to be with him but sometimes I'm too exhausted to "want to". I tell him maybe if you hugged me more or held my hand or just wanted to "make out" I'd be more inclined to "want to" also. I just know when he turns over and touches me that its not to cuddle. I usually "comply" and enjoy it anyway, but feel your pain. You are not alone and there is nothing wrong with you. I'm sure you'll get 50 responses like this and hopefully just a few of the Dr. Laura type answers. Good luck.

You couldn't be more normal! When I get bored in the afternoon I turn on Oprah to see if Dr. Oz is on. One thing I've learned from him is that once a week is just not enough for men! It's crazy, and rather annoying, but I've experimented and my husband is MUCH happier when we go at it two to three times a week. He really is much easier to "deal with" for lack of a better term. They just need it more. Now, there is something to be said for his understanding of your situations, you must be exhauseted! Help him understand as best you can. Having said that, muster up all the strength you can and "git r done"!

Be happy that your husband wants you. And it's normal for you to have a low libido. Same problem here. You are understandably exhausted with kids, house, etc. Moms often forget to take care of husbands needs. Maybe you guys can find a compromise. One of my friends advised me to just do it. I won't regret it afterwards. Also, hand jobs can be an alternative. Tell your husband to help you out more with the kids and house. Give you some time off to rest. Then maybe you'll be more up to the challenge. Most of all, you've got to let him know that you love him. Lack of sex might damage his ego and he might feel like you don't love him. You're not alone and you are both normal. Communication, compromise, understanding, and teamwork is the key --- for both of you.

I think your husband is very very normal. And that you are very very normal. It's a fact of life that men want sex a LOT more than women do. My husband goes through times that he wants it every few days. I feel like twice a week is great and he's usually pretty happy with that. It does get down to once a week sometimes and I know he wants it more than that. What I'm saying is your husband is just like any man, he wants it as much as you'll give it to him. Men have a hard time understanding that their wives do love them and are attracted to them even if they don't want to have sex every night. Don't worry, there's definitely nothing wrong with you. This is just something you need to find a balance to where you're both happy. The fact that you are pregnant and you get up so early for work - that makes it extra tough for you! I don't get up early and I'm not pregnant but I'm usually too tired when I got to bed to give my husband what he wants. I do think that two weeks is too long. The only time I had to make my husband wait that long is right after I've given birth. That was torture for him. Your husband is a normal man, he's not needy. Just try to show him that you're making a little more effort and he will be happy. good luck.

Another good book to read is The Five Languages of Love by Gary Chapman. It sounds like maybe your husbands "love language" is physical touch. We often do things we don't have the energy for because we know they are good for us.

sex or lack there of has always been an issue. for my husband that is. i am perfectly happy if we don't do it at all. i have 4 kids and been married for 13 year and together for 16. he is lucky that you take the time to really get into it. and at least once a week. try to ask him if he cares if you are really energetic about it or not. i once asked this question and was surprized that he would be happy with more quickies. and that the quality didn't matter as much as the quantity. so here is what i did. i like it in the morning because he is all ready and then he can still get his rest and i could get up to take a shower knowing that i got-r-dun. for him anyway. this would only take place about every other day and now he really wants to slow it down and take our time and get me done too. the more you give it the more they want it and the less they get it the more they want it. so............ i don't think that there is a perfect amount but try a couple quickies thru the week.

Men seem to want it all the time don't they? What I do with my guy is take a shower with him and give him a h.j. For one, that has been proven to reduce the chance of prostate cancer and it gives him a release without you exhausting your self.

I know how you feel and it is typical. I have been pregnant off and on for six years with miscarriages and two births. And it frankly just isn't there. My youngest is 2.5 and I am finally a bit interested but our times are al off...he is up at 4 am and I stay up until midnight. So we too are working it out. Myhusband has gone through this too and now doesn't worry anymore. I tell him to go ahead and wake me once in a while for a "quicky" and not worry about it. then, i make an effort whenever we are on vacation or have the house to ourselves. just kep communicating with him. I think for mine, he was feeling guilty that I wasn't getting "O" anymore. I finally took the pressure off by convencing him I didn't mind, need, or whatever it anymore...for now. so the less pressure he gives, the more I want to give. He knows that now.

K.,
I know many have replied that you are normal and your libido is fine. I just wanted to add my advice and knowledge to the mix. One time a week is actually on the lower end of normal. Most couples have sex 2 to 3 times per week. However, given your current condition, don't feel pressured that this is an issue that can or needs to be fixed right now. Although, if once a week has been your "norm" during pregnancy and before, you may want to speak with your doctor about it.
The fact is, men actually feel a physical need for sex (think of it as very similar to the physical "need" to relieve themselves) However most women don't experience that physical need, we feel a need to emotionally connect. At the same time men feel this physical need, they also tend to feel validated and loved with sex.
Here is a home remedy to help increase your libido...
Put yourself on a "sex schedule." Two nights off, then "make" yourself have sex on the third night. In the beginning this will feel like a whole lot of sex. However, the longer you do this, your body will start changing. The endorphines released during sex will actually help to change your hormone levels and the longer you do this schedule the more you will begin to realize you are having a hard time waiting for the third night. It just won't come soon enough. Put a twist to this and enlist a friend or even a sister to participate with you. Make it a game. The key is to make sure your husband doesn't know he is on a schedule but to keep yourself accountable to doing it. Make the commitment to sticking with this schedule.
This technique was developed by a marriage and sex therapist and it worked wonders for me and my sister in law!!
One last tip... Don't let your sex life become too predictable. Make sure you have FUN! The fact is, this man is the only person on the earth that you have this type of relationaship with. He is the only one who get's to have you in this way. Change it up a bit, get your big belly in a nightie and do a little dance for him, get some fun little toy or lotion to introduce even for just one night. It's supposed to feel good and be fun. Embrace that and enjoy it!!

hi, I feel strange answering this, but, we also only find the time and energy about once a week. We have been married for 17 years. trust me this is not that big of deal. the best thing you can do is just make sure you are making time for each other, and that you both feel special to each other. being intamate is important but, the love is even more important. good luck.

K.,
You have gotten a lot of differing advice on this question. Here is my two cents: I agree that being intimate when you are dead on your feet is difficult! It is hard to feel sexy and to have the energy, however, that being said, to say no to your man is more crushing than anything else you could do. Before I had my ah ha moment and was only "giving him sex" when I wanted to do it, my husband thought that I must have been having an affair because I didn't seem to want him. I, of course wasn't, but that is how men think - "if she isn't getting it from me, where is she getting it? Why doesn't she want or love me?" Men do equate sex with love - there is no doubt about that. Once a week does not equal a lucky man, sorry. A lucky man would be once or twice a day (my husband isn't that lucky either).
I think that it is great that you and your husband are so open and honest with each other, that means that you can be honest with him about how you feel. I have told my husband that if it is before a certain time at night, I won't turn him down. Now he knows that and I don't have to turn him down - he doesn't ask if it is after that time (funny thing is that I often ask for it after that time now :)).
I would suggest running - not walking - to your favorite book store and getting the book called, "The Proper Care and Feeding of a Husband" by Dr. Laura C Schlessinger. I know that a lot of women have a problem with her and with how she approaches things, but this book can save marriages if it is read with the right intentions. I think that women should be required to read it before they get married. :)
I think that it is vitally important to remember which relationship is the most important in the house - that between husband and wife. We mothers tend to get so caught up in what we are doing to care for our children (that is our primary responsibility) that we forget about our husbands because they are old enough to fend for themselves. When the kids are gone, will we know our spouse? Are we setting a good example of what a loving relationship is for our kids, so they know what to look for when they start dating and looking for a spouse?
Being pregnant make things a little different. It got to the point in both my pregnancies that it was too painful to have sex, so I told my husband (the last thing he wants to do is cause me pain - especially during sex), we found other ways to satisfy each other.
Anyway, I will stop blabbing. Good luck to you and your little family. Just remember to keep your priorities in line with what/who really is most important and you should do ok.

In my experience, with most guys, no matter how often you are having sex, it still isnt enough! On the upside, is comment seems to say that he finds you sexy, desirable, and he wants to be with you more often, all good things! Pat yourself on the back for making time for the 2 of you on an (almost) weekly basis. you could probaby try adding a little spontanaity, romance when he isnt expecting it, and i think that would help. he probably just wants to know that you still have the hots for him :)

K.,

Well if there is something wrong with yours, then mine is messed up as well! LOL. My husband and I are right where you guys are in your sex life. I have heard that men are more attacted to pregnant women, so manybe that is the case with your hubby. I am not sure what to tell you. All I can say is he is lucky and you should not worry. Do you all go on dates? Maybe he just needs a little more attention? There are times where we do not get a chance to do anything for 2 weeks so he should just take what he can get! Good luck and tell him this is normal...

K.;
Your husband doesn't know how lucky he is to get as much as he does. I have been married to my husband for 35 years and we have sex about once a month and when I was pregnant with my kids by the time I was as far along as you we didn't have sex because I was too big. I would worry only if I was the one that felt my libido was lacking. Some guys just want more sex than us. I would say that you fall in the normal range (what ever normal is.).
Good luck;
J.

Maybe he needs to help out a little more! With your scheldule he is lucky you have the energy to make love as often as you do! He needs to help out more because it sounds like he has a lot of expectations

Your up at 5am, pregnant and caring for a 16 month old. You have three full time jobs. Can't he cut you some slick!
C. B

He should be *very* grateful because you are 7 months prego. And he still getting some action, i had no sex threw out my pregnacy and everything was great for us, so have him think twice about that one!?!

i'm due in september too! you both sound pretty normal to me. at this point in pregnancy, it is not at all unusual for you to only want sex once a week or even less. so many things are uncomfortable for me right now. i don't think your husband is especially needy. my closest friends and i often comment on how we are grateful our husbands find us attractive, but sometimes we wish they'd keep their hands off us because we have a lot to do. my husband finds me even more attractive when i'm pregnant. so i try to arrange times for sex even when i don't feel the urge just because i know he feels the urge so much more often. i especially try sex if he starts to seem depressed. often times it's because he feels like he's not getting enough attention from me, starts to feel bad about himself and wants to be close to me. if your 3 days off are all in a row, i totally understand only having sex one of those days. my body is so tired from pregnancy and taking care of my two kids and house that i have to space sex a couple days apart. (sex is not very rejuvenating for me when i'm pregnant). some of the things we've done to make sure my husband gets what he needs and i get the rest i need: use the tv as a babysitter and tell the kids mom and dad need a nap. arrange to be home together in the afternoon when my libido is usually higher and it's naptime for the kids. shower together (i can't always climax this way, but if i wasn't very interested in sex in the first place, it doesn't matter to me. at least he gets what he needs. however if the kids are occupied with the tv, or sleeping, we can sneak off to the bedroom to finish.) if i wake up in the middle of the night to use the bathroom and find that i'm reasonably awake, i sometimes try waking him for sex. sometimes he's too tired at that time, but at least he knows i care. if i'm just not in the mood but not too tired, i try things like thinking stimulating thoughts or telling him exactly what to do to turn me on.
but sometimes i just have to tell him that this time i need the sleep more than anything and we will have to try again tomorrow night.

K. C,
Every one's libido is different.
So there is nothing wrong with your libido honey.
But if your husband feels he needs some sexual activity more than just your days off, then oblige him occassionally. What can it hurt? Nothing! And it will help.
Believe me I know that you must be tired with work, and aa one year old, and prego again.
But for me sex was a boost of energy and made my whole day perfect.
But like I said everyone is different, and there is nothing wrong with you or your husband.
Just try and make a happy medium.
Do not beat yourself up over it, just try and please each other.
And don't be embarrassed.
Good luck

hiya,
I had the same problem, only my thing was I didnt want my (now ex) husband touching me at all. I was not interested in sex. All women feel different during pregnancy, and with you being so tired, pregnant and chasing after a 16 month old, I'm surprised you're able to even have the energy for sex! There is nothing wrong with your libido, its just changing hormones for pregnancy and once you have your baby, things start getting into a routine, then your husband should start being satisfied. I'm pregnant now, 7 months, and I seriously am not wanting sex or even want my bf touching me in a sexual way, and he understands that, so we compromise, no sex for me, but I pleasure him :-) maybe thats something you can do with your hubby.

K..... for most guys, once a week is not enough!!! They'd prefer every 2-3 days!! I read that the average married couple has sex 2 or 3 times a week.(EEEK when you're exhausted and prego). I would let him know that you are tired from all your mommy responsibilities as well as working. Tell him that if he can do anything to help you not work so hard (like dishes, laundry, vacuuming, whatver) you may have more energy for him. Just don't bring this up during any kind of argument!!!
You may also want to give thought to a different time of day. Do you have more energy in the morning? Set the clock a bit earlier and give him a good wake-up call. Afternoon better? Take your 1-year-old to grandma's and then have a 'date' at home. Find something that works for you! May take some planning, but it doesn't always need to be spontaneous.
Lastly, maybe you just need to be the one to initiate more often. (Don't know, but I'm guessing usually its him.) He will feel like you want him when you bring it up, and he may be satisfied with a little less for a while.

You are so totally normal! Once a week is great, especially considering you are pregnant! I was worried about this too and I asked my OB at my last check up, she said that is so normal, we are just tired from taking care of the kids etc! I know I love sleep! My Dr. said once a month is average so you are doing great! I think this is such a classic man/woman thing!

Jennifer O is right. Men equate sex with love. I heard a guy on Dr. Laura the other day talk about something similar. His wife would give excuses of being too tired, busy, whatever, and he thought of it like this...It is the same thing to him as if he were to not talk to his wife for days on end because we women like to talk to our husbands. He asked his wife if she would like him to stop talking to her, she of course said, "no." I mean, would you like it if you had something you really wanted to tell your husband, and he said, "not today honey, we already talked once this week, besides, I'm too tired to listen to you." When you think of it in that perspective, it really isn't just about a guy who just wants to have sex. It is their way to show us that they love us. I would give it when he wants it, to say "no" is a rejection to him. Besides, once you get started, I bet you will enjoy it. It's not a chore, it's getting to be close with your man. Is there any way you could quit your job? A pregnant woman who also has a 16 month old should be home enjoying her child, not on her feet all day for some job where you can be replaced in a heartbeat. It takes creativity to let go of the second income, but it is well worth it to have happy children, and of course a happier man. Were you to quit, you would not be so tired and you would definitely have more time for sex. Just a thought.

I don't think there is anything wrong with your situation except the fact that one of you is feeling pressured and the other is feeling neglected. You asked, he answered...that had to be hard to hear and hard for him to say. I hope you validate his feelings and let him know that you understand he wants more of you, and that it is flattering, open up the discussion. I'll tell you our sitch...so you know I am not just trying to "preach" at you...lol. I get PPD to the point I am suicidal. We have decided not to risk it and have more kids. So my dh was in Iraq until the end of may when he came home of course he wanted sex, and lots of it. We've had sex 3 times. one time I really let go and enjoyed it. the other two times I just kept thinking "Please God don't let me get pregnant, don't let me get pregnant" We've had birth control fail us before and I lost the baby and went through the PPD and the greiving...anyway I finally sat down with him and told him how scared I am of dying and of what the PPD would entail for me. and he called the next day and made the appointment to get his referral. We aren't having sex until after that surgery. I just can't emotionally be there with him. is it frustrating? yes for both of us, but we have an understanding of where we are both coming from and he is loving and supportive of me. and I am validating his feelings and trying to find other ways to make sure he is feeling loved right now. So that being said, it sounds like you guys have a great relationship and talk about things--maybe you can brainstorm some ways to help infuse more energy back into you so that you won't be too tired to be intimate with him. A friend of mine and her husband had a cuddle policy where she would say I really want to cuddle with you tonight but I want sex off the table so I can just enjoy that you want to be with me and aren't focusing on sex. they would do that one or two nights a week and found that sometimes she would ask if sex could be put back on the table. she just needed to know if he was there for her, or the sex. We all get to that intimate place in different ways. finding what gets you there can help to make those moments more precious and even more frequent. No one can say what the right number of intimate moments are in a marriage, it has to be decided between you and your husband. You'll figure it out. and talking about it and validating how each other is feeling will make it so that if it isn't 100% agreeable to both of you at least you can both be 100% supportive of where the other is coming from. that can go a long way. I think right now my dh and I are more emotionally close than we have ever been, but I tell you, I think we are both really looking forward to when sex won't be such a mind game to me and we can put that back into our relationship. I think one of the biggest things to make sure my husband understands is that it isn't that I don't enjoy sex with him right now, there are other circumstances that make it impossible to let go and really just be with him, and I need that. I think it is great you asked what you would change and what to do to help your relationship, keep it on the table and be open and talk and you will be fine whatever you come up with together.

I don't think it's your libido, I think it could be the attitude you are portraying to your husband though. Men love sex, it's their love language. Your husband loves you and it may seem to him that you are good without his love more than once every 7 days. He may also crave a more spontanious love life. I would suggest a really good conversation on the subject. I think my libido is much slower than my husbands as well but we have a compromise. He loves to be initiated and but I hate when I feel he's pushy so we have agreed that we will have sex no less than 3 times a week and I will initiate more if I'm in the mood. That way his minimum is met and we have some spontinaity. We have also agreed that it doesn't have to be spectacular star shooting sex every time. What I've found is that so so sex, turns into good sex, which turns into great sex even if I started out feeling grumpy, tired, or just not in the mood. So speak your husbands love language a bit more and I bet things will turn around for both of you.

There's been a lot of opinions here, and maybe you're tired of reading by now, but here's how my own situation has evolved... My husband and I currently make love three of four times a week, on average. Sometimes only once or twice, but, you know...
For a long time we'd go more than a week without, and my husband would complain. Daily, for him, would be a dream come true, but I just wasn't into it very often. What made a HUGE difference for us, was when I started letting him know what really turned me on and "got me there". He has been pretty enthusiastic about doing the little "tricks" that get me going, and it has made me want it that much more often. Are you just going through the motions with him, or are you enjoying the sex you have? I am sure your husband would LOVE to know what he can do to make you happy in bed. You may find that, when you're coming as often as he is, you want it more and more and it won't feel like a chore, or like you're just servicing him or something. Sex should make you both happy. I personally think that, if you're just doing it to make him happy, you're missing the beauty of what making love can really do for your relationship. He took a big leap when he told what he would change. You need to trust him, too, and tell him what he can do to make it better for you so it happens more often.
Good luck!

First of all, you are totally normal! I would say that my husband and I have sex about once a week, and I am perfectly content with that. I'd be content with less, truth be known. I almost never can stand having sex in the evenings because I am so tired and my husband's face is so scratchy by the end of the day! I am a daytime kind of person, which only leaves us with weekends. In fact, on weekends I occasionally try for twice in a day to make up for the previous week. I know my husband would love it more often, even NEEDS it more often. And quite honestly, I think I need it more often too. It's hard for me to really enjoy it, and that's something I need to work on. If I enjoyed it more, I'd be more willing to give it to him more often.

Being seven months pregnant, getting up at 5, working part time, taking care of a little one who is really still a baby too . . . I think your husband needs to understand that it's hard for you right now.

That being said, I always heard that for a successful balance to be found in a sexual relationship that the man needs to do it less than he wants and the woman has to do it more than she wants. It sounds like your husband is doing his part, are you? Remember, you asked him what he would change about you. Did you really want to know? Are you willing to put forth a little more effort? You obviously love him intensely and want him to be happy. Yeah, it's a sacrifice sometimes, but isn't he worth it?

Sometimes if he needs a little boost (it's amazing how sex can have such a positive influence on a man's stress levels and emotional well-being) then you don't have to have full intercourse. You can be there for him, and help him feel good, without the pressure of coming yourself. Now, I know some people would have a huge problem with that, and if that was how it was regularly, I wouldn't recommend it. I think it's important for a woman to enjoy herself and for making love to be an equal experience, because that is so much more bonding for your relationship. But the occasional time that is just about him shouldn't be hard to do. I don't feel like I'm "servicing" my husband. I love him and want to please him.

It's hard for us women to understand, but the more sex a man has, the happier he is. And let's face it, the happier he is, the happier we are, the better our marriage is, the happier our family is, etc. etc. So commit to twice a week. I will too. We can do that. Our husbands are worth it, and so are we!

I don't think there is anything wrong, but men equate sex with love. My husband and I, we've been married for 18 years and have 7 kids, have had this decussion a few times and the longer it is between "lovin" the needier he gets. It used to be just once a week in our house, but I learned for him this is a need, not like food, air, and water, but very close. My friends and I have talked about this topic, it seems to be a big one in most marriages, one friends husband has to have it every night or he thinks she doesn't love him, can you imagine, not me! But I do try to make an effort to at least meet him half way, 2-3 times a week regardless of whether or not I want to, I know how you feel there are nights where I would much rather be sleeping! I look at it like this, I expect him to meet my emotional needs, so I can try to go out of my way and meet his physical needs. But know that in this area you are not alone, men seem to keep their libido while a womans just seems to float to the background, we tend to have so much on our plates that sometimes even the most basic needs get pushed to the background.

God bless you K.! I think he's just needy. My husband doesn't get it that much and I have 9 yr old and 2 yr old daughters. You're a champ! Congrats on your baby boy!

For me our sex life goes through stages. Lately we make love generally 3-5 times a week, but there have been times in my life where even once a week was hard because of my lack of energy or just how busy I am.
I think you need to talk with him and just let him know that this is just a time in your life when you are feeling tired and worn out a lot and that it won't last forever. Maybe if he can do things to help you relax, giving you foot rubs, or making dinner while you take a bath. He shouldn't expect anything, but it might help you if you had time to relax. Just an idea.
My husband knows that if I have time to relax I am more likely to be in the mood. For me, when he cleans the kitchen for me or helps around the house, or takes my kids somewhere for an hour so I can relax, that is the best thing he can do if he wants to make love.
just a thought.

I agree with Jennifer O and Katie P.

There is nothing wrong with you! We are just geared differently, and need to understand our differences. And we women for some reason, don't have the libido or drive the same way men do. See if you can meet him in the middle. Even if you don't want to some times. I swear, if his bucket is full first (and yes, you have to be the one-and I am going to ask my maker why when I die...ARG....ha) you get so much more in return. It sounds like you have a great hubby, and if this is the only area that can improve, go for it! Pray for the strength, and you will get so MUCH in return.
I have had to do the same.....:) And I love that he wants you when you are preggers!!
Good luck to you!

maybe you should go on a date once a week that always reminds you of why you are together and in a way that may help you want to have sex more often other than that I have to say that no matter how much a man gets it they always want more and i do have to agree with a 16 month old and being pregnant plus working i'm sure tires you out. just do what you can and that's good enough, if that's all the problems you have then you are doing good.

Wow, this almost sounds like I wrote this letter! My husband complains of the same thing. One of things that my husband and I do is schedule "us" time. We go out of town rent a room and spend at least 24 hours just on us. We try to arrange this every couple of months and it seems to help my husband.

As mom's we spend a great deal of time on the kids. Sometimes I think men feel left out. So when my husband starts to whine, I try to focus some energy on him. Cook him his favorite meal, give him a back rub, just give him some attention as well.

Have you ever had you Thyroid checked? Sometime a low thyroid can cause Libido problems. I'm not saying you have a problem, just a suggestion.

Bottom line, find a way a few times a week to show him you love him and appreciate him. Even if it's not sex, he will appreciate it and this may calm his "urges".

good luck!

Ummm, is there any particular reason why you can only have sex on your day off? That seems a little structured to me, and maybe that is what he really has a problem with, not the frequency. Be spontaneous, surprise him when he has no thought that it might be coming.

I definitely think that once a week is in the realm of what is normal - I doubt you have libido issues. The reality is that's where your libido is set & it sounds like your husband's is set where he would prefer more frequency. I think that at that point, it is something you negotiate. I would have a frank conversation about both of your wants and needs and then talk about a compromise that will work for your both. I think this is a situation of 2 normal people with libido's set at different levels & it just needs to be negotiated. I really don't think there are any abnormal medical issues going on with either of you. Good luck!

Women need emotional connections to feel love and men need physical connection. It's just how their wired. I would listen to his concerns just as you would if he told you he wished you would pay more attention to him.
I had similar issues in my marriage a few years ago and someone reccommended the book "The Proper Care And Feeding Of Husbands" It's by Dr. Laura. It is a humerous and to the point book, but it truly changed the way I looked at the whole subject!

Anyway, Good luck!

T.

There is nothing wrong with your libido!!! The fact that you have any energy AT ALL with working, taking care of a 1 yo and being in the 3rd trimester is absolutly amazing to me. My husband and I have a 4 yo and work and we are lucky if either one of us are willing more then once (possibly twice) a month.

If he wants more sex then have him take on more of the responsibilities around the house and with your child. Even then, unless he is also willing to carry around an additional 20(?) pounds on his torso at all times, he needs to give you a break. Don't "force" yourself or feel bad if you say no. He can always please himself for the next 4 months and then you can see how you feel once the baby is born.

I remember hearing once that men (in general) need sex on average between 3 and 5 times a week, no matter what their age is. I don't think it's unrealistic that your husband wishes your libido would change. I understand how you feel, however, and he probably does too, which is probably why he hasn't mentioned his needs until now. He doesn't want to seem pushy or ungrateful. I'm sure he loves you very much and wants you to be happy. Talk to him more about it. Communitcation is the key. Perhaps you could make the effort to have sex twice a week instead of once, or even better yet three times. Keep in mind that his needs are real-- he's not being shallow or insensitive-- and that you'll feel happier if you know your husband is happy. Make sure to talk to him about how you physically feel now that you are pregnant and have to work so often. Maybe he could set time aside to help you feel more comfortable and attend to your needs. Above all stay positive and keep in mind that the more you give to each other, the more love you will feel and the happier you'll be.

I hope that if he's wanting more out of you that he's willing to give more to you as well. Whether it be help with your child, doing the dishes, or taking care of dinner once in a while. Have you explained to him how exhausted you are? Maybe if he understands the reasoning behind not having sex so much he will offer to help out a little more to help you have more time for him. And I don't know about you, but seeing my man in the kitchen is a huge turn on for me!

Good luck.

I have been in your shoes, never up at 5 am, but the rest of it, baby, pregnant, tired and always behind on my house. My husband is a good man and great dad. We went through the normal slow spot in our sex life after having babies....Like once a week because I was too tired. He needed more than that, and what I didn't realize was that I did too.

One night, when I woke up in the middle of the night and my husband wasn't in bed. He had gone downstairs and was asleep watching some adult show off the satellite, in the chair. I realized he needed more than what I was giving him and if I wasn't giving it to him how long would it be until he was possibly getting it somewhere else? I know in my heart of hearts he would never cheat on me, but after that night I really thought what is another half an hour or 15 minutes out of my day, or my rest if it makes my relationship better, and this wonderful man I have married happy??

Since then, I have started to say yes way more. Not everyday like he would like, but we have sex 3-5 times a week. Mostly on weekends, when the kids are napping and then at night, because he is home and I can sleep in a little the next day.

Our marriage has always been good, we haven't had very many "rough spots", but since I figured this out, we are in a GREAT relationship and the more sex that we have the closer we are. Sex is not a chore, open yourself up and enjoy it as much as he does, cause really it is a privelage!

If you love and care about your man as much as I think you do, you will see that this is an important part of being married. I know so many divorced couples who's problems started with having sex once a week or less....things just got worse from there! Good luck, I hope this has helped a little.