Almost 10 Months and Hitting

First, know this will pass!!! My oldest son did this to me & I think the best advice came from his pediatrician. He said to just put him down when he hit or bit me. Say no biting mommy, and gently put him down. He might cry so pick him up for another chance & tell him if he hits you you'll put him down again. The next time leave him down longer & eventually he will understand. Remember he might test you a bit, so just follow through with the same consequence over & over & I think it will work. Good luck!

I have the same problem with my 16 month old. I got so fed up I finally asked his pediatrician. He said it's a boy thing. They don't know how to express themselves so they hit & scratch. The only thing that has worked is to pretend cry when he hits and/or scratches. He immediately stops and gives me a hug. We're on week 2 and the hitting has subsided a little bit. Good luck!

Sounds like you are doing great. He will move through this stage. He does not know he is hurting you.

It is quite possible it is a food allergy. Are you giving him milk? Foods can affect our moods.

I am quite suprised by all the mom's who say this is a normal behavior. I have been in child care for over 12 years and have never witnessed a child growl at me. These moms are giving good advise by trying to reinforce the positive behavior, and showing your son how he should touch you. If it were just the scratching, I would say no problem it is just a stage. But the growling part has me baffled. That sounds like he has seen an animal attack or something.

I would like to know where he learned this growling/clawing behavior. It sounds as if he is mimicking something he has witnessed and continuing because it does get a response. I would continue to place him in a safe place such as his crib for a few minutes at a time, if he wants to continue after you pick him up place him back in the crib. Continue to talk to him, telling him that it is not an acceptable behavior. If it does continue though, I would seek the advise of your pediatrian, maybe he/she can give you a referral. It could be something as simple as an allergy to milk.

My little one does the same thing. I say, "No hitting. Hitting hurts. Gentle." Then I show her gentle.

Also, depending on how bad it is, she is 18 mo now and understands time out so I will sit her down after I say No hitting, hitting hurts and say time out. Then, when she is done, I ask her to show me gentle, give kisses, etc. I was shocked the first time she actually followed my directions and kissed and hugged the big sister she attacked!

Both my boys did this! Biting while nursing was so frustrating! Whenever either of them did that, I promptly ended the nursing session. If you don't respect the boob, then no boob for you! ;-)

What you are doing is exactly what works. It just takes consistency and continually repeating 'the ramifications' (playpen timeout, nursing sessions cut short, distractions, firm 'we don't bite'). Don't falter and stay consistent. This part is key, because the minute you don't follow through, it sends a message that it's sometimes okay. The baby will keep doing it because he/she might get away with it this time. I learned that with my first.

Good luck!

My son went thru the same faze. To combat this issue, I first said no, the second time he was put down and not picked back up for until he was calm (at least 1 to 2 minutes). If this does not work then he would be put in his playpen or in his crib in his bedroom alone for at least 2 - 5 minutes. Consistancy is key. Always say no, that hurts mommy and put him down. Show and tell him how he should touch you and others. Giving the same responce/punishment was key for me as he knew after a while (it did take nearly a month) that he would get in trouble for his bad behavior. He still does it every once in a while but knows that what he has done is wrong and usually stops himself. My son is still very aggressive however I have found that helping him be more independent has helped and encouraging him to play by himself and stay very active. I hope that you can cure this problem as I know what a headache AND heartache it is! Good lucky mommy!

My daughter is a hitter and bitter. I was a hitter and a bitter. It breaks my heart and ruins my patience.
Your son's personality will open up more as the days and years pass and it is up to you to set your boundries, practice consistancy, and stay a strong leader.
I try to remember with my daughter that the characteristics that make her physically aggressive today, will shine through in other forms tomorrow.
Each stage of development, I have to keep up with an appropriate discipline. And i find i use them all. There is never one easy solution to why she is hitting. She is talking now and still hits, though less frequently.
Almost once a month i am researching and looking for support as to handle my daughters aggression. What works best for me, is using techniques i am comfortable with, that way i stay consistent and i can apply them correctly. There is plenty of information out there. The good news is: she's growing, learning, developing, loving and caring. She's dynamic and beautiful. Just a handful and i suspect will be for all the years we are together.
I wish you well.

We went through the same exact thing. First of all, know that it is totally normal. He hits and growls and bites because he doesn't have words to communicate and he is trying to tell you something. I know it seems like a crazy way to say "hey mom" but he knows it gets your attention. He is just frustrated because he doesn't know how to communicate what he really wants to tell you.

Good advice we were given that worked for us:

Gentle touches - when he hit, you calmly say say, "no, baby, we don't hit mommy. We use gentle touches." Show him while you speak. Gently touch him. Take his hand and stroke your face with it." If you respond with anger, pain or frustration, it simply compounds the problem. He needs to see that the gentle touch is much more effective. Remember, since he was born, he has learned that screaming gets your attention. This is just an extension and until he gets his words, he will do whatever it takes.

No bites, kisses - when he bites, you calmly say, "no baby, we don't bite mommy. We give kisses." Give him a kiss. Ask him to give you a kiss. Stay calm, smile a lot and show him lots of love.

Time in, not time out - remember that he is doing this as a means of communicating something. Fast forward 10 years and imagine you had a child with a terrible stutter. If he couldn't get the words out, would you send him to his room and give him a time out? No, you would be patient and try to help him say what he wants to say. That's what you need to do here too. Try to figure out what he is trying to tell you. You may not figure it out right away. It may be weeks before you figure out that he bites you to say he likes it or he is full. But eventually you will figure it out and this too shall pass.

Good luck.

Every time he hurts you that say firmly "no, we don't scratch, scratching hurts." then put him on the floor in front of you. He will cry. after a few seconds pick him up, take his hand softly guide it over your face and say with a soft smile: "gentle!" then hug him and praise: "thats what i like!!!"
if he sratches again - do it all over again. eventually he will get it. mine did!
:)
good luck!!
-c

Try placing your hand gently over his mouth and talking to him in a soft tone. Don't worry, you won't suffocate your little one, but it is a very effective method to 'help' them get the message - works for todlers too!

I had a similar situation with my 2 yr old daughter. I think it is a form of frustration when they don't get what they want and/or are not able to communicate what they want. it is also said that it is an attention ploy, but the idea of the playpen is good. I have used the technique (easier with a 2 yr old though) of getting on her eye level, after 1st grabbing the offending arm(s) and explaining simply, "We don't hit." firmly. Than go about my business. 2nd time, still firmly do step one and tell her one more time and it's "naughty/think about it corner time"-yours would be the playpen. That is exactly what happens and fortunately, she hates the 3rd and it usually works before I get to the corner.
For your 10 month old, I think some form of the first step, and not feeding into it and doing the playpen thing is the best solution. They understand a lot more than we think at that age. No emotion, just explantion and the playpen for a minute or two maximum regardless of crying and re-iterate the reason at the end and keep doing these steps until he stops the behaviour for that incident until he puts it together. The trick is consistancy. This technique may seem a bit harsh, but it has worked for us with many, many issues, including sleep, throwing food, etc. Even as early as 8 monthes old or so. It was a suggestion to me as well and at first I thought there was no way a baby that young would "get it" and I felt horrible, but with those results on a very feisty, strong-willed baby convinced me.
You will probably get a ton of answers to this and I am sure it will be confusing, but if all else fails, ask your pediatrician or midwife for help.
Best of Luck,
U.

This is a physical response to an emotional situation, and he does not have words to express himself. You are doing a good job by removing your attention from him when he shows this unacceptable behavior. I can offer 2 ideas.

1. tell him how he is feeling - "You are mad that mommy won't give you the cookie" and follow up with an appropriate way to show that he is mad. Like he can squeeze his fists together or something like that.

2. Teach him sign language - it is actually pretty easy and you don't need anything except a book to get you started - go to www.babysigns.com and see what you can find. You can start with the things that he needs (milk, eat) as well as emotions (mad, sad, scared) and if you are enjoying it, he will ask you for the signs for the things that he is interested in!!

this might not be the only time he goes through this phase..it seems like my son goes through these "fun" phases again and again..the way i handle it is by showing him how i like to be touched..i take his hand and i pet my arm or my face and i "coo" and say "this is how we touch...no hitting, be gentle. It can be hard sometimes but i also hug it out...when he loses it i will say.."huggy" and we hug..my son is now 2.5..he's taken to coming up behind me and biting my butt..he thinks it's funny..sometimes they do things that bother us but they think of it as affection. i don't do time outs..i try to talk and handle the problem..i still feel it's a bit early for time outs..i don't think my son would understand them..try showing your little one how he should touch you and start talking to him about it..i know he's young but i think showing him how he should touch you works...not right away..but you'll see eventually they get it.

I think it's a stage... just be calm... i know it's hard.. he may be teething... whenever my daughter would be teething she just turned into a totally different child and scream yell hit etc...

This too shall pass. I had the same problem with my son. I grabbed his hand firmly but not strong enough to hurt him. Just strong enough to show I was serious and said right in his eye, No, very firmly. I did this every single time it happened. His wasn't scratching but he was a biter and a hitter. He doesn't do either one of those things anymore and if he does start to imitate another kid hitting and I give him a firm look (at his level, so lower down eye to eye) and say no, he'll stop before he even starts.

Your son doesn't know what he's doing but he is showing his frustration. I just worry about always using the playpen as punishment because then you won't be able to really use it for play. He's going to start associating it with punishment.

Something I've done with my son is hold his hand/arm firmly for as long as it take for him to get really mad. Calmly say "no hit" but continue to hold his arm/hand until he is fully upset. Be consistent. It's worked well for numerous things for us.
good luck.
A.

Hi E., if you are against discipline as Im have learned many news moms today are, then when he does that, put him in the playpen, each time you have to do that, leave him in a little bit longer each time, lossing skin on yopur face from scratches, scares. I know he is young to learn how to respect you, but if you don't nip this in the bud it will get worse, don't let him be in charge, that is a habit that is so hard to break. J. L.

I think we are usually very good at telling children what NOT to do. I also feel it is important to help them replace the unwanted behavior with what IS wanted. Take his hands and tell him, "soft hands," and gently rub your face with his hands. When he decides to show you this behavior on his own (hopefully sooner than later), praise him for that. A moderate praise ( you know, not too over the top) is all that's needed. I think if he keeps being rough, placing him in his playpen is a good idea for BOTH you sanity and his safety. You can also tell him that it hurts you when he does that. Set those limits NOW and you will be happier in the future. Best of luck!