One Year Old That Pinches and Scratches!

he could be in pain because almost all kids will inflict pain when they are in pain to communicate to you since they cannot use words/ hope you can fine out what it is teeth or food is usually the issue
J.

WOW! I'm so sad to read so many responses that endorse hitting, let alone hitting such a small child. It's sad really. To think that a 1 year old child does not understand is pretty ignorant. I try to take the approach that teaches do unto others as you would have them do unto you. I don't use too many words - I keep it as simple and as straightforward as possible. There are many times children hit out of frustration (usually because they cannot communicate all the thoughts in their brain) so to get their point across/attention they act out in physical manners. A better way to teach it is wrong is to teach them acceptable ways to express their emotions. Every time he hits you, etc. use a key word(s) "not mommy!" and redirect him to hit something else/ wring hands / or anything else that can help his frustrations out without hurting another living being. Every time he repeats the behavior, remain consistent and redirect in the same manner. He may also respond compassionately if you suddenly stop what you're doing and show him that you're hurt (cry/sad face/turn away & say "that hurt mommy"). Stay in that role until he sees that you're serious about your feelings. You can suggest that he give you a kiss or a hug to make it better. That will empower him as well as teaching him to be sensitive to others. If you need to take it a step further, warn him that if he does it again you will have to put him down/stop playing whatever game you were playing/or whatever activity you were engaged with him then follow through if he continues. If he does see it as a game, knowing that he won't be able to get a response from you anymore will be no fun and he will stop. Soon, the key words will be warning enough and eventually he will redirect himself. There will obviously be times that he will forget / his emotions will get the best of him, but the idea is to teach him to recognize his triggers and deal with them appropriately.

Also, go with your gut. Every child is different. You may come up with a creative solution that works perfectly for your family even if no other mama agrees with it!
K.

I have a great book to suggest. It's long and extensive, but there is a section that talks about toddlers who do something like this. The book: The Emotional Life of the Toddler. It's very non-judgemental and talks a lot about the reasons for the toddler's behavior. There was a child who bit a lot. The end result in the book, with a discussion about why it happens in between, was that the mom got the child to realize that it was OK to feel like he could bite, but not to act on it. He woudl become frustrated and not know how to handle the emotions and he would bite. Toddlers don't understand the strong emotions they are experiencing and take them out in inappropriate ways. But, there is a way to teach them that there is another, more productive way. It also suggests offer an alternative. Instead of mommy or daddy, when you feel like pinching, take this stuffed animal and pinch. There is definitely a way to train him to not hurt you or your husband. It may take some time, but if you can learn to redirect him, it will help. Also, you may try to figure out if there is a reason for his behavior. e.g. a new sibling can bring out a toddler's frustration and anger that they don't k now how to express.

I hope this helps.

You're right to be concerned because even though this behavior is totally normal for a 1 year old, if it goes unchecked it'll continue through ages when it's NOT normal or ok. First of all, don't worry; it is a phase and he's not mean-- as you say, he thinks is a game-- and lots of babies go through this. I'm a teacher and I see and hear about it a lot.

This may sound harsh but what my parents did with me which stopped it right away was they did it back to me with almost the same force with which I'd done it to them. When you tap him or say no, he might well think it's a game. I've found with that age group sometimes you have to actually act really mad for them to "get it." They can't understand all audio cues, but they can understand anger because they have it themselves. Of course you're not really angry cuz you understand he's only 1, but if you act angry he might get that it's not a fun game to you. You can also try doing it back to him so that he learns that it's unpleasant to feel and will stop doing it. Note: I wouldn't try that tactic with a child much older than 1 or maybe 2, but at this age I think it works as they're not quite at reasoning age yet so talking doesn't get very far.

Don't worry; he'll come out of it if you deal with it now. Happens with everyone. Good luck!

I think all babies go thru this... the key to correcting any negative behavior is to be consistent in your consequences. I will hold my sons hand and tell him no scratching that hurts mommy! with a sad face on - i change my tone of voice too - so even if he doesn't understand my words, he understands my tone. He will pinch the back of my arm when i am carrying him sometimes, i tell him no pinching, that hurts mommy and set him down. the only time I resort to slapping his hand is when he is doing something that could potentially harm him - it's these times I really need to get my point across...

I only put my son in his crib for negative behavior when i know he is clearly tired... i dont want him to associate his bed with punishment. I do put him in a time out though - only expect about a minute for each year of age.

it takes time though... the tone of your voice can really say a lot... make it clear it's not a game... he'll get the hang of it. my little guy is a quick study, but my girls were defiant as all heck... good luck!

I'm no expert by any means since my son is only 13 months but I just finished reading Harvey Karp's "Happiest Toddler on the Block" and while he doesn't talk specifically about pinching and scratching he does talk about biting (something my one year old did (and still occasionally does).

The idea is to check your reaction because he's hoping to get a reaction out of you. Karp loves the "growl" but as long as your stern that's the key. Be stern with him and then turn your back on him and ignore him for 30 to 60 seconds. In fact, I've been doing this with some of my son's bad behavior and it really HAS been working because it seems like mostly he just wants my attention and loves to get a reaction out of me. Maybe it's the same for your son?

Also, Karp talks about making sure that we DO pay alot of attention to them when they are being good and making special time to play with them so they won't act out in a negative way . (Which I'm sure you probably already do, because that's mostly common sense.)

Good Luck with your little pincher! He'll eventually grow out of it I'm sure. (That's what I say about my little biter.) If not, is it too late to give them away!?!? (J/K!!!!!)

We had a huge problem with this when our son was 18 months thill 4 years. He was a late adoption and had attachment disorder. We quietly took toys away without saying much about it if he hit or was agressive towards us and others. It might be affective in your case. At one point I know that we had all of his toys in the attic. He was so sweet, but had this anger that he could not deal with. Now he's an extremely loving, sweet, gentle boy.

Good morning. I just read your request and i may have some nfo. for you. I know how little ones sre and what i have found to be very helpfull is to let them know how it feels to hit, scratch, and bite. sometimes you have to let them feel how it hurts to stop it. so when the little one hits, hit them back hard enough to let them know that hitting hurts. scratching and biting also. remember little ones do not understand that it hurts so help them understand by showing them

Many posters gave you some good advice already. However, I would not recommend pinching him or scratching him back - that says it's ok for you to do it but not him and that whoever pinches harder "wins". What worked for us was to say with a sad face "ouch, that hurt" and then in a very quiet voice say "gentle touch" and show him a gentle touch on the hand or head. There are times when they just feel the urge to hit or bite, then give him a stuffed animal or something else to hit or bite. If it was a matter of him thinking it was funny, then we would walk away (be sure to keep him in sight). It can become a game because his action gets your reaction. Definitely check out some books on toddlers from the library or book store, I read lots of books on child behavior and development when my daughter was little, it can really open up your mind. A good one to try is the Nurtured Heart Approach. It's funny how we think parenting is something that comes naturally or we should do how our parents did, but just because they are children, does not mean they are simple and there is a simple answer. Your son will try out lots of behaviors as he grows, determine what your family's values are and let those be your guide in parenting your children. Best of luck to you, I've been there too!

He doesn't understand that it hurts. He doesn't have the mental capability to understand when you try to reason with him. He won't stop until you show him it hurts. When my oldest bit me the first time...I very sternly told her no! that hurts and I bit her back. Not enough to damage her but enough to make her eyes grow wide. She cried and I kept her on my lap and told her that it hurts...you don't do that. When she finally calmed down I told her biting is bad, but she is a good girl and mommy loved her. I told her no more biting.

It worked with her the firs time. The second child I had to do it maybe two times and once when she was three she bit a little girl I watch so I spanked her. She never bit anyone again.

Both my girls are very gentle children. They are sweet and very empathetic to others. In Sunday school they will often go to a child that is crying and try to console them. Very rarely do they ever lash out at one another in a violent way...typically they might argue a little but they will work things out.

Disciplining your child and showing them that violence hurts does not make them violent...it makes them empathetic and it makes them cautious. They know there are consequences for bad behavior.

Your son just doesn't understand what he's doing. He won't unless you show him. He will continue to hit, bite, scratch and so on until he's much older. He will do it to other children. He's little and he doesn't have the mental capacity to understand reason.

Me personally I do not appreciate my girls having to endure the violence of another child because that child's parents are too worried about being a friend to their child to make them stop hurting others. My girls have suffered through a cousin that was very violent because his parents were worried they would make him violent if they disciplined him. He's the biggest bully on the block. He's rough. He's mean. He's a tyrant.

After nine years in the classroom I could tell you which children had old fashioned parents and which had Dr Spock parents. 99% of the time the bullies in the school had never suffered consequences at home (that they really cared about) for bad behavior and none of them had ever had a spanking in their life. Kids can't reason for many years....Studies show now that many don't have the ability to make good choices until they are well out of highschool.

Does that mean you don't try to talk to your kids...no. You always talk to your kids and you try to reason with them and you always express your love for them even when they misbehave. But without real consequences there is no learning. If he isn't sad when you dicsipline him, then he's not learning. If he doesn't cry at times, then he doesn't care. If he could care less about the punishment, then what you are doing is not doing what it should. You have to determine what works for him and makes him understand that there are consequences for bad behavior. He has to understand what is bad and what is good. If a swat on the hand and a NO doesn't work then you need to step it up. He's little but he's more than capable of learning right from wrong with persistence, consistency, fairness, and love. Don't be afraid to discipline him. Don't be afraid to make him cry. Crying is not a bad thing. If he's not sad or crying, it isn't working.

Good luck and God Bless your family!!

PS I also use time-outs and yes it can work with a 1 year old at times...or even taking toys away or even going in the crib (that worked for my daughter and she has no issue with her bed...she lays down and sleeps like a champ.. At some point in our society people started getting these crazy notions that you can traumatize your kids over silly things like using their bed for punishment, or making them sit on the potty when training them, or spanking will make them violent, or you can only put a child in time-out for a minute per every year of age....How such nonsense got started I have no idea. You put a child in time-out until they absolutely don't want to be there and then some more just to make it sink in it is punishment. Use common sense and think about centuries of parenting that produced much more stable, emotionally mature, hardworking, happy citizens than we are seeing in the past few decades. New parenting styles that have developed for the past four or five decades are destroying our children and our society. Just think about that for a bit. Study some history and determine for yourself when parenting turned out a better product.

He's only one, so he might not understand he's hurting you. He does know he's getting attention. Try this: when he scratches or pinches, look mad, and in a calm but firm voice say "that isn't nice" and get up and basically ignore him for ten minutes. You can still watch him out the corner of your eye (certainly don't leave him alone) but don't respond to ANYTHING he does. Eventually he'll realize it's his pinching and scratching that's causing this action and he will stop (or at least not do it as much).

My daughter who will be 3 in August..has been pinching and scratching me since a newborn..she ONLY does it when she is tired..it's almost as if it's her security blanket..my armpits and breast are her favorite..and boy does it hurt...I have tried to stop her many times and she will stop for about 5 minutes and then goes right back until she falls asleep..I tried cutting her nails, putting gloves on her and many other things but nothing works...You are not the only one going thru this...but I understand your frustration...Shr literaly started in the hospital when she was first born..she is my last of 4 and none of the others ever did that..so it was new to me...

My son was a big hitter at age one. We started the naughty spot. We were afraid at the time that it was too early, but he caught on pretty quickly. And it made it easier to use that disicipline as he got older. We started out just using the spot for aggresive behavior, as he got older, we now use it for not doing as he's told or anything potentially dangerous. He gets it. He's 2 and a half now, and although he still hits occasionally, he knows it's wrong. Sometimes it's just hard for them to curb those emotions. We also like using it, because it's easy enough to carry out at playgroup or out in public. And it's non-violent. We learned real quick that when we would hit him he would hit us back. Funny how quickly they catch on. Good Luck!

I don't think it's a good idea to put him in the crib as a punishment- otherwise he may get confused when it's nap or bed time and think that he has to go to bed because he did something wrong.
As for the pinching and scratching- stop playing with him as soon as he scratches or pinches, so he can see that people don't like it and he should stop if he wants to keep playing.
If that doesn't work, try giving him a flick on the hand. When my daughter was that young and started to bite us, we flicked her on the cheek, and she stopped biting pretty quickly.
I don't think that teaching a child to stop hitting by spanking them is reasonable because it is so hypocritical to hit for hitting, but at such a young age, a flick can cause enough of a shock to stop him from scratching and pinching.
Hope that helps!

Your son could think that he is just playing or showing physical affection-especially if he laughs when you tap his hand. I would suggest grabbing his hand and saying "no" and then demonstrate nice touch. If he is doing it when he seems frustrated, it could just be that he is upset or frustrated or jealous, and he is not old enough to understand his feelings or effectivly verbalize them, so he lashes out. If this is the case try to help him realize what is wrong and maybe start doing some baby sign language with him so that he has the tools to start communicating. I hope these suggestions help, I have two baby daughters-21 months and 9 months, and before I was a stay-at-home mom I worked with infants and toddlers, so I have some basis in these suggestions and I have seen them work! Good Luck!

my sister in law had this problem, and here is how she solved it, successfully. anytime the child hit, scratched, anything.... they would dramatically act like it hurt and walk away from the child and ignore the child for about 5 min. when the child came over, they would say that the child hurt mommy or daddy and they are upset and need a break from the child. they would only do this for a few minutes, but it worked quickly. good luck.

I don't have any good advice for you, I'm just posting to assure you that you're not alone! My 12 month old son also pinches and scratches me on a daily basis. Usually, he grabs for my face! He only does this to me, not my husband. A firm "no", a tap on the hand, etc. don't seem to work, probably because they're too young to understand the cause/effect thing. I think they're just enjoying the reaction they get -- and are too young to realize it's a negative one!
Hopefully they'll outgrow this soon : )

I was very interested in reading your request and responses because I have a 9 month old who has been doing the same things for a couple of months now! It drives me nutty. She bites when I breastfeed, pinches my boob, arm, back, anywhere she can, and scratches alot, along with pulling hair every chance. She's very active and advanced and I wonder if it's just the need to keep busy and get attention. Thanks for posting, I'll save this for future help too! Good luck!