18 Month Old Hitting

I have found that the best way to deal with "a hitter" (when the child is to young to really understand consequences such as time-out) is to not say a word to the "hitter" at first. Go directly to the "hittee" and comfort them, hold them and ask if they are okay. Allow the "hitter" to see this. Apologize to the child, "I'm sorry Timmy hit you. He was mad, but it is NOT okay for him to hit." Escort the hitter to another area, where he can see the other children but cannot interact with them...his "quiet spot". Calmly explain that you understand that he was feeling mad, but when that happens he is not to hit, but to come to his quiet spot and sit for a few minutes. The next time it happens (and unfortunately it will), do the same thing only do not say a word to the hitter when you escort him to the quiet spot. If you need to sit with him to get him to stay, do it, but do not interact with him. I had a biter... this eventually worked when he realized he would miss out on playing and would not get a reaction from Mommy, either. Whatever you decide to do, I wish you good luck! I know it can be frustrating, but I promise, this too shall pass :)

My 21 month old is hitting as well.....I watch him very close when he is around other children. I can usually catch him before he hits and I take his arm and redirect it. I say "lets high five our friends" It's the same drive (hitting drive) as a strike in the face; it's just on the other child’s hand. That is fun and socially acceptable. We also practice nice touch. When he goes for my face I grab his hand and say “nice touch" while gently stroking my face with his hand. Now he randomly goes "ta ta mama" and gently strokes my face, or does that to babies heads. "ta ta" is his made up word for "nice touch". The hitting has greatly decreased. At this age it is about teaching them appropriate interactions with others and redirecting their developmental drives..... Hope some of these ideas help. I am not a fan of time out or yelling No at this age. I have not gotten or seen good results from that type of "discipline" especially at this age.

Hi K.~

This is frustrating for both the parents and the child. Our daughter went through this stage, also. We ended up getting her what we called a "boppy". It is one of those blow up toys that kids can hit or kick that topple over then come back up. (they're not as good as they were when my husband and I were children; they don't always pop back up) It worked for us by telling her to go hit her boppy when she was frustrated and wanting to hit. As well, we made a big deal out of acting sad and hurt when she hit us. That helped, too.

I hope the phase passes quickly for your son.

~J.

We are currently going through this with our 13 mo old daughter. I tell her a firm NO in the face and point my finger at her and tell her NO Hitting! If she hits again, she goes to time out. Our version of time out because she is so young is that I put her in a corner with me at her back and her face pointing to the wall and I hold her hands so she cant get into stuff. I count out loud to 30 and when I am done. I explain why she had a time out and that we can not hit people. We have been doing this for about 2 weeks now and the hitting has slowed way down. I also know that she gets frustrated more often if she is tired or hungry.

it is completely developmentally appropriate!!

We tell our little guys No, and keep reminding them to use Gentle touches and show them how they can touch people. We also teach them to say "STOP" holding their hand out. That is our que to jump up and help them out.

They just don't know how to deal with frustrating situation and it is our job to teach them the right way.. just saying no doesn't give them any tools.. so saying no followed with a way you'd like him to deal with it is a good thing to do. Also it may take 6 months or more to sink in.. so it is all about doing it over and over and over and over again!! :)

good luck

This is always a difficult matter for parents. My solution that has helped with my wack and smacker and others is confinement. Wrap yourself around your child (on your lap, faced away from you) so they cannot move their arms or legs. My son called this the "Too Tight". You do not have to hold your child too tight, just firmly...they will squirm and try to get free, but as you hold them and as they howl, gently talk to them about no hitting, not biting, no kicking or whatever behavior they are doing that is inappropriate. Some childen bite, hit, kick, spit, throw and show all types of behavior associated with frustration. Once they understand which behaviors are unacceptable they will find other ways to express themselves. You can incourage your child to "tell Mommy/Daddy when you are upset..."Use your words". It is a project that takes a lot of patience and persistance, but, believe me you will win and your little buddy will be more selfcontained. Once he gets a handle on what your expectations are of him you will have a much easier time and he will understand what behaviors are positive and appropriate.
When someone says, "Oh that's just a phase" be on the alert as this is true but it is a very cruical point developmentally for you and your child. "Phases" are alerts or messages that this is an important time to address.
The best to you!

I sat my son down in my lap and made an exaggerated sad face and told him that hitting hurt mommy and made me sooo sad. It really worked after a few times. I think the key is to stay calm and look them in the eye and explain how it makes other people feel. I know from experience that hitting back will not do anything but re-enforce the behavior. At first I tried a soft slap to the hand with a strong NO. After that, every time he hit someone (or something) he would look at me and slap his hand and say know... he thought it was really funny.

Go to your local library(or on the internet) and get books on hitting and other materials.Then each time he hits put him in time out the designed place But not on your lap.Your lap is suposed to be a good place.Then put him there and tell him why.1 min. for each year.Let him sit there.Ignore him and ask him to be quiet and sit still.After a minute.Take him out.Ask him why he is there.If he can't tell you then till him.Tell him its not ok to hit.It hurts mommy.If comes out of time out keep putting him back till he stays the time.Then after the time out,explanation,then have him apologize,and give him a hug and tell him you love him.The books and materials will teach you other things then hitting.Like it a pillow.You can watch Nanny 911 for tips.She also has book at library you can check out.When you talk to him - bend over and talk eye to eye and calmly.If you are upset take a deep breathe.You must do this time out right away so they learn.You need to do this constitently and anyone else that lives with you or takes care of him.Also, when your son gets upset have him copy you-you taking deep breathes.Also redirection works.Never hit him back because that teaches hitting is ok.After consitency it will work ok.You can also go to the library site with your card-pick materials and put them on hold.Then they will email you when the holds are there.Then you have so many days to pick up.They will be on the shelf by the desk in alphabetical order by your last name.Cd,movies you ask and they will get them.Consitentcy will have to be the factor and everyone else involved with your son needs to do the same steps.Best wishes! :"}

Every time he hits, grab his hand to stop him, tell him hitting hurts and that he is not to hit people. Give him an alternative way to express his frustration. He can hit a pillow or the couch. He can run across the room. He can jump up and down. Tell him you recognize that he's frustrated but hitting hurts and is not acceptable. If he's talking tell him to use his words and role play doing that with him. He is probably too young to understand and consistently act on the concept of words and that is why we teach him other ways of dealing with frustration.

When my grandson, who is now 4, was hitting and he still does sometimes, I'd direct him to his room until he was able to calm down. He'd usually go in, play with something and come back out having forgotten why he was angry in the first place. It seemed to help that the focus of his frustration (me) wasn't visible to him. Unfortunately he has delayed speech and words are usually not available to him. However,once he was calm I would talk with him and try to work out the problem if it still existed.

I have a 19mo that hits and throws out of frustration. Ususally after I tell her no. I figure it's just a "phase" as is everything else. At this point I just re-direct her, and let her know we don't hit, ect.....

Teaching sign language worked for me and he's not too young for a time out. Sign language gave my daughter a way to talk to me and express herself. I did no teach her tons just enough to give her a voice.