5 Yr. Old Won't Behave After He's Been at Dad's House......

Talk to him find out what happens at his dad's house maybe somethings happing over there and thats the way he's copping with it.

J.
I would have a quiet talk with your grandson. Explain to him that what he hears at his fathers house is not what is acceptable at yours. He is probably upset about the way he is treated there and feels he needs to share that with his siblings.

I had a similar problem with my son at that age. I divorced my son's father when he was 2. He doesn't remember us ever living together. When I wouldn't agree on something that his father wanted, his father would call me a b**** in front of our son. One day my son called me that when he didn't get what he wanted. I asked where he had heard it, he told me. We talked about behavior and that his father may find it appropriate to call women that, I did not and that he would not call me or other people names when he was at home. It took a couple of times before it was set in his brain. Since then I've not had that problem and my son is now 11.

It sounds as if he's acting out from his parents' separation. He is really feeling it in an awful way. The first thing I suggest is that you take time and pray. Ask God to direct your steps about how to handle this correctly since every case is different. Then be sure to comfort your grandson and assure him that your love and the love of all his family is constant and isn't going to end because mom and dad split. Be sure to clue them in as well and encourage them to make your grandson's world more reassuring. He really needs to know right now that he is in a secure environment despite the cirmcumstances.

Dear J.,
I almost feel your pain. My sugesstion to you is that this behavior considering a five year old is normal. If it were me I would talk to the father, or suggest to your daughter to do so, and see if the child also acts out the same behavior there at his house. Transitions from house to house, when parents are seperated are hard on children of this age, and also hard on us because we don't know what they are thinking. I feel you just have to stick to your normal consequences, punishments, whatever it is you and your daughter do, to let the child know that this behavior is not acceptable. It could just be a phase and will dissapear soon hopefully. If not, you just have to work on teaching this behavior is not acceptable, and deal with teaching that. If the parents can work together, it is much more beneficial for the child. I hope this advice was helpful to you, if not, I hope it makes you feel better knowing you have support, and someone out there has gone through a similar situation. Best of Luck, K. P.

I'm not trying to be funny but you might need to stop the child from going over to his father's for a while. Children mimmick what they see & or hear. Make some reason's (excuses) why he can't go this week or next week. IF it doesn't stop you might need to send child services over there to take a look into what's going on when he's with his father. You can do it annoyomously. Good luck to you & God Bless1

All you can really do is make sure he knows how he acts at daddy's house is behaviour for daddy's house and it is not allowed at yours and if he continues then he will be punished. I have always been a firm believer of what the Bible says about "spare the rod; spoil the child". He needs to know that just because daddy allows it that you will not..most times kids want to please people, make sure he knows that is is not allowed under no circumstances.

I feel your pain. Although my son is a teenager now and does not exert that behavior anymore, her was very unruly and disrespectful when he would come home from his fathers we divorce when he was two years old. I explained to him that is behavior was not exceptable, would not be tolerated and there would be consequences. It usually took a day or two after he came home, but I had my usually son back. I did time out. Instead of sitting him in a chair so he could see all that was going on around him, he had to sit in the corner with his nose touching the wall. If he turned around the time started over. I hated it but, it worked. Finally I got to where the unrespectable behavior was checked at the door when he came home. I so agree with the other mom that posted about seeing if there is something else going on first and take it from there.

Not to be rude...but one of the responses said to let him know that he can't act that way at your house even if he acts like that at dad's house. I think it would be a mistake to assume that just because he acts like this after dad's house, that it's dad's fault because he allows it. That may not be true at all. He may not accept it or like it, and it may not even be happening there. This situation is very very difficult on children, and we make it worse for them if we say derogatory things about the missing parent. You wouldn't appreciate those things being said about your daughter. i know only too well how hard it is to bite your tongue when the other parent does/says things that i don't agree with, but you never lose in the long run if you do.
I have a rule in my house of no name calling. I have an only child, but my son and all his friends know i will call them out for it in a heartbeat. All I say is "hey, you know the rules...no name calling!" Then I just drop it. They are usually, "sorry, I won't do it again!" A couple of times it's had to go further, where I've had to say someone was going to have to go home, but it's rare. In the case of your grandson, you could send him to a separate room for a while, if he won't repent or stop the behavior. There's no doubt that he's just hurting and needs extra love and attention, but adults who truly love, set limits., so good for you that you are doing that! I think children feel very insecure when parents separate and the best way to make them feel safe is to set limits and enforce rules. They may not like it, but it's true!! My son is 12, and his dad and I have shared custody for all 12...and I'm still learning what to do and not to do. I just read a book recently that I wish I would've had years and years ago, it's called "The Switching Hour". I lent it out so I can't tell you the author, but I got it at the christian book store. It is amazing, and also heartbreaking. I recommend it to anyone who is around a child who switches between parents.

It may not have anything to do with how he acts at dads. Separation is hard on kids. He's little and confused and needs his dad. He gets to see dad and then has to come home. No matter how good things are when he's home, his dad still isn't there. I'm not saying it's OK to treat his sisters this way, but it sounds to me like he's displacing his anger and doesn't know how to appropriatly handle it. I'd look for a councelor/psychologist who helps kids handle divorce. It's a big transition for little ones.

A good old fashioned bar of soap helps alot. I have had my children sit for 1 minute biting down on a bar of ivory soap when they started picking up their fathers and his girlfriends language it stopped it quickly.

J.,

My favorite book on child discipline is called Love and Logic. The method is- loving your child well by making him/her responsible for his or her actions while they are small so that by the time they are teens they can handle the responsibility that comes their way. Lots of love and common sense discipline. I would recommend the book for ideas and then you can figure out a consequence to fit the crime so to speak. Good luck.

I don't know what goes on at his dad's house but I can say that my husband has a 6 year old son that is with us every other weekend and during the summer. His mother has voiced concern about his behavior when he gets back to her from our house. Even though we may differ about rules sometimes he is usually very well behaved at our house and when he does misbehave there are appropriate consequences. We are very careful not to let him get out of control b/c he is a very energetic child. My best guess is that the transition from house to house is hard. My step-son is now old enough to even say that it is hard so that may be the problem for your grandson. I would just suggest that you reinterate the rules when he get's back and openly show compassion to him for how hard it must be sometimes to have to see mom and dad seperatly.