Re: Grandson Having Behavior Problems

What happens when he acts out or has a fit? Do people give in out of frustration? I would have him evaluated, but it may be as simple as setting some very clear expectations and consequences and sticking to them... good luck I know you are very concerned about the little guy.

Have they tried a good spanking when he acts up?

It sounds to me like some of these behaviors have been learned and are not necessarily genetic.
Taking the child to see someone is a great idea. And, don't be so sure that medication will be given. Sometimes some behavioral modification is all it takes.
They will likely begin evaluating him through play therapy, etc.
Good child phychologists can really make a difference.

I hope it goes well.

Hi C. -

You know the answer - he is acting just like his dad! The answer is to have consistent modeling of the behavior they want from him.

But mom and dad have to be on the same page or it is just total confusion for the kid - and kids will generally take the easier path (which is usually to misbehave).

I'm not sure it's as much 'genes being passed on' as it is that your grandson sees the behavior - unless his father is no longer in the picture? If his dad is not around, then I would think that with modeling, good consistent consequences and discipline that teaches what they want from him he should learn how to behave.

This is a tough road if the parents aren't on the same page.... can they BOTH go with him to the psychologist - who would likely give them advise to be consistent and model the behavior they WANT to see - which may make dad wake up and pay attention to his own behavior?

Good Luck.

It's difficult to see a loved one especially a six year old grandson going through such trouble. Your daughter is on the right track about having a psychologist giving your grandson a developmental and behavioral evaluation. That is usually the first step to determine what is going on. However, meds are not always prescribed once a diagnosis is determined if at all. It depends on the diagnosis first. If your grandson will get therapy for behavioral issues most likely meds are not prescribed. Don't rush on the decision to give meds when other alternatives may help (like therapy, change in how things are structured at home etc.) Good luck to you and your family.

It doesn't matter if it's genetics; he needs help. Getting assistance from a child psychologist isn't a bad idea. Psychologists don't prescribe medication anyway -- they just help you address the child's issues. If it's clear the child has more serious issues going on, he may be referred to a child psychiatrist or other specialist.

If medication is the best treatment option, it will be recommended but never forced. It's never a rushed decision when it comes to medication anyway (the people who say that have never been through the process) and it's certainly nothing to fear or dismiss based on misconceptions. Let the medical specialists offer their recommendations and ask plenty of questions. If you have your own, ask if you can send them along when the time comes. No one WANTS a child on medication but I can speak from experience that medication can greatly improve a child's quality of life.

Let the medical experts provide guidance here. If it's something they can help his parents better manage, your grandson's behavior problems may greatly improve.

Good luck!

Well, you said that his father behaves this way. THAT would be why he does. At this age, boyz are drifting further from their Moms and closer to their Dads. What they see the father or male figures in his life doing, is exactly what he will emulate. The number one thing that needs to be done--the father needs to change HIS behavior! The child probably feels this is a way to have his father approve and be proud of him. If the father punishes him for the same things that he is doing himself, this will only confuse the child, and may make things worse. The key is that the parents need to behave in the way they want the child to behave.

No I would never suggest hitting a child..but having consequences for his behavior..YES!!

I would just say to stay consistent, and if it helps, put the consequence for a behavior or chore not done in a column next to the expectations. This way it is in writing for both them and the child to see, and there are no questions. It seems really strict, but soon it becomes habit and things get done. (And there is no arguing about what consequence was for what behavior) And you do not give a harsher punishment because you are upset--because it has already been established and written down what the punishment is for the action. I would say the parents get consequences if their behavior is the same way.

As for meds--this is the school systems answer to any child that will not conform or fit the mainstream line. It seems that this is the first thing many jump to.

If the father did not behave this way, and the child is--then I would wonder what else is going on to make him act out...or think there may be something else that needs to be looked at...But just looking at human behavior, it is common for a 5 and up child to want to emulate his father. This could be a good teaching tool for the Dad to see what he is doing and what influence he has over the child. I say, change the fathers behavior, and the child's will fall in line.

He needs to be evaluated by an occupational therapist who is experienced in sensory integration and primitive reflex integration. He needs to be able to process sensory information that is hitting him and not making sense. When things don't make sense and the child is disorganized, they have the problems you have described. I may be able to get the name of someone good in Sarasota by calling my friend who lives there. Let me know.

Just like his dad- please do not say that.
Probably because they eat the same- sounds like there is sugar in the house-
what can she do before turning her son into a druggie- well done on not wanting that for your grandson- my goodness his life will be over-
see Feingold- this brilliant doctor saw yrs ago what a mess we were making of our children with sugar, colors, etc- and that behaviour is directly attached to food.
Feed our children real food and they can behave, feed them what agribusiness peddles for food, and then cover up the symptoms of
malnutrition- that is what poor behaviour is- malnutrtion- our childrens attempt to communicate that they are starving- cover up those symptoms with drugs.
Handle the diet.
Then see YokaReeder, and she'll help with whatever trouble is left.
Please advocate for your grandson- you will save any quality of life he has a chance for.
Best, k

I am sorry your grandson is having troubles, and I am happy to hear your daughter is being proactive too get him assessed and on the path to some sort of treatment. There are many alternatives to "meds" that if the child's parents feel as you do about it, there is no reason to assume that is the natural conclusion.

I do want to urge you to re-read your question and evaluate how your feelings about your son-in-law come across. Then please try to look at two more things: 1. How these feelings about your son-in-law affect the way you treat your grandson and may color your perception of his actions. 2. How it must make your grandson feel to perceive your negative feelings toward his father. Kids are perceptive.

As this process begins, I am certain you want to contribute to the healthiest environment for your grandson's growth and development. Toward that end, please curb the hostility toward his father. I've seen it... it's painful.

I have a 6 yr old grandson... and if I didnt know better, I would say you are his other grandmother! Are you in the Tampa area? Dr Berger knows how to treat this without meds. Also, Occupational Therapy may be available... there are various tactile exercises (gently pulling and pushing joints, skin brushing, customized music therapy etc) which have proved VERY helpful. Dont be afraid to be open minded to alternative medicine. Best of luck, this little guy deserves the help he needs.

I have no scientific basis for this suggestion. feed him more protien. I get real grumpy when I lack protien in my diet. I have become obsessed with protien. also check into food allergies. when my allergies flair up I become difficult to deal with. when any boy mine or steps or my so start getting real moody I feed them for some reason this seems to help calm them. like I said no scientific reasoning for it. but I learned when I worked construction with all men if they were hungry katie bar the doors. after lunch it would get happy go lucky again. I had a mexican man teach me this. I went to work one day upset he handed me a burritoe and said eat it it will make you feel better and he was right. changed my mood but there were eggs,meat and cheese and potatoes in them. very high protien. when I noticed this pattern is when I became obsessed with buying lots of protien foods.

The child needs help processing and releasing emotions, and may need a change in diet, nutrient supplements, as well as therapies to help balance his brainwaves and subtle energy system (such as reiki and acupressure). Labeling him and offering drugs just perpetuates the underlying problems, a different approach is needed to break the cycle - genes provide a potential but the individual's own mind and environment can regulate genetic expression so we are not destined to be like our parents even if we are connected to their genetic patterns.

It's good that they are taking him to a psychologist, but don't worry about meds yet. A good psychologist will most likely want to talk with the parents, teachers and any other family that are largely involved in his caretaking to determine the extent of the problems and what exactly they are. (If his father displays a lot of this type of behavior, he is probably learning it from him - they may want to also deal with this) They will then work with those people to give them tools to deal with the behavior and also with your grandson to help resolve the issues and give him tools to deal with whatever is causing them (stress, anxiety, etc.). Tools may include therapy, behavior/reward charts, exercises (counting to 10 when angry, breathing), etc. Medication is usually a last resort, especially for a 6 year old.
They might also consider positive activities that reinforce discipline, respect, self control, anger management, etc. Karate or some other kind of martial arts is great for this. Check out places carefully and make sure they use positive reinforcement as the main form of discipline there.
Best of luck. We've been on this road since my daughter was 5 and there is no easy fix; we have good days and bad days, but have made a lot of progress with a lot of help from each other, her therapist and teachers.

This is a non-conventional answer, but see if your daughter and son-in-law would be willing to have an appointment with a classical homeopath. We have had great luck with our children, and the homeopath takes physical, emotional, and behavioral symptoms into account. It really has done wonders for my family.