4 Year Old Reverting to Pre-potty Trained Days?

My daughter went through that phase too, so we just put her back in pull ups for when she was at home until she was ready to go back to the potty for pooping. Her issue was that she would constipate herself because she did not want to go at school and then had a hard time getting the poops out whils sitting on the potty. The pull ups were easier. After a month or so we started with rewards for going on the potty. AFter one or two months I think it worked and now she is great.

My daughter also relapsed when she was 3 1/2. In our case it was do to a new situation, that she needed to adjust to.Has there been any little trauma, or stressful situation that has happened? I have learned in a psychology courses, that pooping deliberately after being poppy trained is a mild showing of aggression for a situation that they have no control over.Have a look to see if such a situation exists in your household, or has recently occurred.Remember he is small and popping is one of the ways he can assert himself.Good Luck!

OMG! I was going to write on this very subject just the other day. Well I'll tell you my situation is a bit different, but this is what's working for us. I believe that my 4 1/2 year old is feeling some stress because she has a 21 month old sister! Nothing has really happened, they do play nicely together, we have a stable home etc, but there is some jealousy sometime. I think it's just a little hard on her not being the only one, but they are both greatly loved and get lots of time. However I agree with the nurse that it's kind of a way for the child to control something when there's something else they cannot. In my case it's a baby sister. My daughter very matter of factly told me she didnt want to go poop on the potty anymore and didnt like it and so she wasnt going to go in the potty anymore. She thought she could just "hold it" forever I guess. Well I didnt want to shame or blame and I tried being sympathetic and patient. I tried telling her it was something every living thing does and her body needed to eliminate waste and honestly it was to no avail. I tried to get her to relax and just go. I tried not to be too intrusive, but she also was lying about it and when I'd smell it, she'd deny it. She sort of grossed me out by saying things like she didnt care that she messed her pants and she liked the smell and she wanted to wear diapers again. I think she wanted to get a reaction. It was getting frustrating as this has been going on for over a month and sometimes up to 4 times per day! YUK. Anyway, I just said finally very matter of factly (after I spoke with another friend having this issue) that she was going to have to try much harder to "not" make these mistakes. I said I knew she was capable of doing it and she was not going to be able to watch any TV until she could go a whole day with no mistakes and then the following day she would be allowed some TV time again. It sounds like punishment and I guess it is, BUT it's working. She went from 4 mistakes Sunday to one on Mon, one on Tues and today NOThiNg and she is very excited AND PROUD of herself to be able to watch TV tomorrow! It is mental and you need to be sensitive and hopefully find out if there;s something really bothering the child, but if he is saying he is doing it on purpose you might just have to remind him that it just isnt ok and "he" needs to fix it or else something that he really loves (a priviledge ) will have to be withheld. I look at it as if "she makes the choice" to not go on the potty then "she is making the choice not to watch tv" and in her mind that's not what she wants and she is definitely trying hard not to make these mistakes. She also seems happier with her own progress and of course I'm happier with less icky mess! Good luck

Has anything recently changed in your son's life? I had the same problem with my son - who was 3 1/2 at the time - when he switched from one pre-school room to a new one. He would have accidents at school - but only at school. After a few months of this (he was only going 3 days a week, but having an accident usually one of those days), we switched him to a different class and that did the trick - no accidents since. Also, as a teacher, one of my 4 year olds started wetting herself during rest time. She would go to the bathroom before they laid down and within 30 minutes she would relieve herself on her cot. After a couple of weeks of this, her mom - who had recently gone back to work (and had a new baby about 6 months earlier)- decided to pull her out and have her grandmother watch her all day (instead of school and then off to grandmom's). This seemed to work for them, as the accidents stopped as well. My guess is there is some change in your son's life that has triggered this - and if you can figure out what it is, then you may be able to take steps to remedy it. Good luck :)!!

Dear M.,
It's my guess that your son may not be as well adjusted to the "split" and attending pre-school as you may think he is. Not to say there is anything "wrong" with him, but my daughter did exactly the same thing at 3 years old when she was going back and forth between me and her father....and attending pre-school. Reverting like that is usually a symptom of something, and it may be that he really just wishes he could just go back to being a baby, when things were easier for him. Or, it could be stress that he himself doesn't understand and can't vocalize. I certainly wouldn't do punishing just yet. If you and your ex have a fairly decent relationship, and it sounds like you do, then the two of you need to talk about how you can make transitions from being at one house to another easier for him. You may even want to find a counselor that deals with young children of divorce who can give you some tips and talk with your son about how he is feeling. My daughter went, and "play therapy" revealed a great many things that she couldn't outwardly express. For instance, she felt like she was in pieces. A piece of her at mom's, a piece of her at dad's, a piece of her at school. We had to make sure, in all of it, that she felt like a whole little person. That she wasn't just a thing that could be split into pieces. After we recognized that, things got better for her. And another thing I learned from counseling is, never ask a child that age "Why?" They ask US that 50 times an hour......but to ask them that same question and think they can answer is not productive. "Why are you crying? Why are you throwing a fit? Why are you pooping your pants?" 99% of the time, they don't KNOW why.
So, we have to figure it out for them.
Your son will be okay, I am sure. But do look into having him see someone. Your pediatrician, even the pre-school, may be able to give you some references. Do it now so you can deal with it and help him move forward.
I hope this helps.

Hi M.,
Since your son is doing it on purpose, I'd have him clean himself up on purpose. He's definitely doing this to show you he can, to get a reaction out of you, and to see what happens when he does. It'll be tough to let him clean himself up but he has to do it. I'd even give him a bucket and soapy water to wash out his underwear in. I'm sure he'll realize really quickly that this behavior isn't such a good idea.........Good Luck!

I think you should not punish him! I think you should be strongly his ALLY in moving through this phenomenon. It's not "normal" per se' - that is most 4 year olds do not regress like you're describing. BUT it's also not unheard of or abnormal either.

I think you should seek to understand if there are any changes or stresses in his life that might correspond to this change.
And personally I am a big fan of the phone call to a professional -- call a child psychologist (your preschool or pediatrician should be able to make a referral) and talk to someone who has a much wider professional experience with young children.

There is surely something, and together you and your son can get through it.

My three year old daughter started doing this -- she would have 3 or 4 "accidents" every day for awhile (she would say things like "I forgot where the potty was") and I finally called her pediatrician. He said to revert back to early potty training days when I would put her on the potty often and ask every 30 minutes about having to go. He also said to make a BIG deal about it every time she did pee or poop in the potty (Yay! You did it!) just like in early potty training days.

I asked about punishing and he said DO NOT punish her for it because then she could make your life miserable by peeing and pooping every time we go out - etc. He said it would become a control thing and most likely I would lose.

I did what he said and she went right back to her normal potty trained self in a day.

He did say to call if it kept up, as it could indicate a bladder infection or tummy trouble.

GOOD LUCK!

mine is also having issues.. she's just about to turn four and has many potty accidents. alot of times she will have just gone potty. getting her to go try to potty regularly has been a chore. i don't know what i'm doing wrong either. she still poops in the potty.. and she crys or tells me i'm glad you aren't mad at me. i'm never mad at her.. just frustrated with her not stopping to go potty. her room is across from the bathroom. why? if you have any solutions i'm all ears.

Check with pediatrician and possibly a psychologist about this. Punishment is really not a good response. I think there is a lot of information you can get from professionals on this, but avoid punishment at all costs. Better to not make anything of it than to punish. Talk about it calmly if you can. Talk to him after everything is cleaned up and you are calm to sort it out and let him know you would like to help him if you can. I would seek professional help for sure. It may take several visits with a psychologist to work it out. Be patient with yourself and your child.

Tricia

I would remove his pants when he's home. Put a LONG SHIRT on him so he's covered up. Place some plastic portable potties around close to where he plays or whatever rooms he may be in. Try to catch it when he's pooping and sit him on the toilet right away. It won't take long, I think. He'll stop. I wouldn't make it into a bad thing. Try to make it fun...it's a "kitchen toilet!" "it's a TV room toilet!" "it's a bedroom toilet!" I do not think that this approach will reinforce that he can go anywhere any time. It will show him that you are paying attention to his toileting habits and helping him to work with it. When he's on the toilet, you can talk to him about what big boys do. If the pooping in secret continues, of course, the pediatrician needs to know about this. That's a different problem.

There are VERY few things that children have control over. One of those things is eating, drinking, throwing fits, and potty training. Typically, if one of those things gets "out of wack", usually it's because of a control issue. I'm a pediatric nurse in a hospital and I see it all the time! The only way they bring control back into their lives is to control the things they CAN! I tell you this so you know it's normal. I assume that the addition of preschool, with a fairly stable, yet unfortunate difficult separation of family (he may look fine on the outside, but may be coping with the split home in this way as well), that's probably what is causing his "issues". I would suggest to perhaps give him more immediate and direct control of other things that you may not think about. Give him two choices for breakfast, give him two choices for clothes to wear (not 3 or 4 - that's too many), do you want to take your bath now, or after we read this book (whatever) - those kind of things may help him to re-regulate himself and give him a little "control" back into his life. Good luck!

No punishment. This happened with our 4 y/o boy. We determined that he was just too interested in all the other things going on and it happened almost always in the afternoon. By the time he realized his need to go #2, he already had in his pants. So, we started placing him on the toilet about once an hour to try to go and we did this every hour until he went. Once he did, we knew "accident time" was over for the day. He had to rinse out his clothes (with supervision). This lasted for 2 months. Good luck!