5 Year Old Not Potty Trained, Should Be in Kindergarten

He won't be going to school if he is not trained. Why have you waited until two weeks before,school,starts to address this. You need to get tough with him now. He poops,in his pants, he cleans it up.

Contact his doctor today. Once any medical problems are ruled out, I would then start the discipline part of the training. If he has an accident, he cleans it up. I would not reward bad behavior. Good luck!

Doctor, possibly a specialist, right now. Be assertive with his pediatrician and demand a referral to a specialist who deals with children who have physical issues with bowel movements. Your son could have a medical condition but unless you pursue this you will not know. This sounds as if it is not behavioral because he clearly wants to go to the toilet normally (doesn't he?), so first find out if there is a physical reason he is pooping in his pants. He may be unable to control his bowels well, or may not "feel the urge" in time -- those are physical issues and there are treatments for them but you need to intervene immediately. He should have been medically checked out long ago already so please get started today and don't let the doctors put you off or say it's purely a power play or a behavioral issue.

If there is truly no physical reason for this, then yes, you will need to find a counselor or therapist to help him and you figure out what's going on. Is he nervous or upset about the idea of kindergarten and being away from you? That could cause a child to do this on purpose, if he has overheard you talking about how he "can't start kindergarten if he's pooping in his pants." But first...get the medical side looked at.

Why did you wait until it is time to start kindergarten to worry about this? This is a MAJOR problem. Have you registered him yet for school? Have you discussed the situation with anyone outside of your family like the Dr., Principle, Teacher? They usually ask on a form if the child can effectively use the bathroom on their own. Did you answer that question honestly? I would not send him to school until this problem is solved. Kids are brutal and he will always throughout his school career be known as the "poopy kid." I still remember the boy who was "the nose picker" and the boy who was the "pants peeing" kid (some 30 years later.)

It seems that the "positive reinforcements" aren't working, otherwise he'd be potty trained by now. So either you have a really stubborn little boy who doesn't want to use the potty or a good little boy who has a real medical issue. I would start with the pediatrician and then get a referral to specialist.

Good luck.

We had a neighbor boy with that problem. They got him a watch with an alarm on it and it was set to go off every 2 hours. He had to go to the bathroom whenever the alarm went off. I believe that did the trick - they made arrangements with the K teacher to allow him to go whenever his alarm went off. The alarms was a quiet little beep.

I don't think rewards are going to help. It's got to be developmental or psychological in some way. Maybe he's not getting the "signal" somehow, but the fact that it's both urine and feces involved is very unusual, unless as you say the urine only occurs when the feces come out. I'm not sure he's just "going ahead" - I think there's something else going on. If it were just at night, I'd say no big deal - my son was a late potty trainer and still had nocturnal enuresis which was managed simply with medication. I had a student with encopresis and we had to send her to the bathroom regularly, but still she pooped in her pants frequently, and she was much older than your son. She had some other medical issues that complicated things as well, in particular petit mal seizures which were difficult for us to detect.

There's also absolutely no shame in keeping a child out of kindergarten until age 6. It's extremely common, especially in boys even without the issues your son has. I held my son until 6, not because of the potty issue but because he was a 3-hour-napper and would have had afternoon kindergarten at age 5. There was no way he could have handled being exhausted. Several other boys on our street started at 6 as well, so it was no big deal. Holding them another year never has anything to do with how smart they are - it has to do with all the other abilities that make them able to handle school (toileting, maturity, small physical size, social skills, a zillion other things).

I think he should be evaluated by a pediatric gastroenterologist and I would insist that pediatrician give you an excellent referral perhaps one with privileges at a children's hospital. It's possible your son will need some behavioral work in connection with anything medical - there are tricks and strategies that can be taught to kids who just can't do this on their own. It's not punitive at all. The girl I had in my classes saw both a gastro doc and a behavioral psychologist, and did well, but it took time.

I'd defer kindergarten until you get this under control. There's no way he needs to be humiliated in the classroom for something that's not under his control.

No public school will take him if he can not use the potty, nor should they. At 3 I can see the "no punishment" method (or if the child is special needs, but I am assuming he is not since you did not say he was), but at 5 he now knows what to do and how to do it, there is really no excuse for it to continue. I can understand the occasional accident, but this sounds like a consistent thing. Do you have any idea why he poops in his pants? Is he afraid to poop on the potty? Does he not recognize the urge? Does he often have diarrhea he cant hold? Have you talked to his doctor?

Check with his doctor. My mother's neightbor's grandson had the same problem. Finally at age 8 (2nd grade) they took him to a different doctor & found a medical problem. I don't remember what it was, but his 1st dr didn't catch it. good luck

If you haven't talked to your doctor, do that now. Some kids have sensory issues and actually can't quite feel when they have to go. You need to find out what's going on with his body.

If medical problems have been ruled out, its past time for punishment... if they've not been ruled out, you need to work on that TODAY. Good luck!

Is he happy to get the rewards "potty party, gifts , rewards etc" ? I would stop with the rewards and go with the removal of privileges each time he does it. He is way past the age where this is ok. It might be time to punish him by taking away some privileges. oh you had an accident no tv, or video game etc

You've crossed the line into a medical intervention, IMHO. I hope you have discussed this with your pediatrician. It could go away with peer pressure of K, but it could get much worse. Maybe a few sessions with a family counselor. Or maybe he needs to see a gastroenterologist. I don't know.
But intervention is necessary. Good for you for reaching out, but take it a step further to get help.

I agree to stop with the rewards. Usher him into the bathroom, make him clean his pants in the toilet, scrubbing them good until the poop is totally in the toilet. Make him get in the shower and use plenty of soap on his hands. No having a conversation with him. I would not have him put his clothes in the washer (that might seem like fun.)

If this doesn't help, then I'd start taking away a favorite activity he does everyday. Let's say it's watching TV. If he goes in his pants, no TV that day. If he already watched TV, no TV for TWO days. You have to up the ante to prevent him from just giving in because iit only costs one day. If YOU want to watch TV, he has to stay in his room because he cannot see the TV.

That's not punishment. That's giving him powerful incentive to stop being lazy.

I WILL tell you that other children in kinder will make fun of him for pooping in his pants or wetting them, and it will go a long way towards straightening him out. But before he gets to school, change up your handling of this. NO more treats for toileting.

Like some others have said, I would definitely discuss this with your pediatrician and try to get a referral to a GI. Even kids who poop on a regular basis can be constipated. The book "It's No Accident" by Steve J. Hodges, MD is a great book for giving insight into children's toileting issues.

I have a daughter who is 4 and has issues with constipation and pooping. It has been almost a year since we first saw a GI and she has made great progress, but it is still something we have to work with her on every day. I hope that you are able to get the help that you need and I just want you to know that you are not the only parent out there dealing with an issue like this!

On one hand, I think when people freak out about punishment it depends what you mean by punishment. Being ONLY happy and positive can lead some kids to NEVER finish training because it's such a fun attention getting activity to engage parents in the whole potty drama all day every day (I had one like that). They don't want to just move on.

Sometimes when kids know HOW to use the potty but they're not quite willing to cooperate after a prolonged period of time, it's OK to get firm with them about it. Not mean, angry excessive force, but enforcing and firmness can help. My first wouldn't cooperate for ages and finally her dad yelled at her for intentionally peeing on the couch and she never went anywhere but the potty again. For my second two, I only put up with so many theatrics before being firmer too and they went much faster.

However, you're saying your child is 5. This sounds like either you "let him" do this for a few extra years-some kids DO keep on refusing until parents lay down the law-I know several who were finally strong-armed at around 3.5 so they could go to daycare- OR he has a medical condition. Does he?

If you know he doesn't, try discipline. Don't beat him, degrade him and stick him in a woodshed or anything, but by all means, scold him if it's intentional, offer reasonable consequences as well as rewards, and start to treat this more seriously IF you know for certain it's a choice not a medical problem.

As everyone has said any medical issues need to be rules out or addressed.

Even if it is a non-medical issue (mental, behavioral) you can ask your ped for help with this. I have seen some have suggested doling out punishment... DO NOT PUNISH HIM... EVER! He will start withholding bowel movements and things will get worse. Just do not do it.

Back to medical help: it may be time to get him on a mild laxative so he can become regular. Most kids that still do not poop on the toilet at that age already have some issues with withholding. Making his stool more loose and getting him to sit on the toilet on a schedule will help address this issue. You will need to up the supervision for a few weeks: have him sit on the potty one every hour, in between do not let him out of your sight, so he can't find that quiet corner to go poop in his pants - when he poops on the potty reward him. Once you get a feeling for his "schedule" you can put him on the potty less often und let up on the supervision.
You basically have to retrain him, but I agree with others, you need to get a handle on this issue.

I do not think it's a problem for starting K though. The peer pressure combined with your retraining him will probably be helpful...
Good luck.

It sounds like he needs a medical evaluation. Typically, kids are able to be in full control by this point but when there is a physical or cognitive issue it can take longer and require a different kind of care.

Does he clean up his own mess? Does he get a lot of attention (even negative?) for his behaviors? Does he know that this is something he needs to do for school and is he afraid of kindergarten?

If he can go potty and doesn't, then I would go back to basics, especially with pooping. Is there a common factor there? Does he feel unsafe with his feet off te floor? Some kids prefer to poop with their feet flat and he may need a stepstool. I would also look at things like does he stop in time to get to the potty or does he get wrapped up in whatever he is doing? Do you tell him to use the potty as a routine? We tell DD, "Go check for sneaky pee". Pee was her problem. She would wait too long. Not only did she check and learned there was no harm in it, she also saw our modeled behavior in using the restroom in the morning, before going out, etc.

If she has an accident, I remind her that her wet clothes go by the washer and her clean clothes are in her room. She needs to clean up. She doesn't get a lot of my attention. It takes time out of her play and she misses out on things she wants to do.

IMO, I would stop the bribes and tell him to go when you think he needs to go. First thing in the AM. Before or after meals. Before bath. Before going anywhere. When you pass a restroom in the mall. Before bed.

AND if you think it has anything to do with being afraid of kindergarten, work on that. Read the book The Kissing Hand. Visit the school. Meet his teacher if possible. See the rooms and the bathrooms and the gym and the playground. Talk to other kids (who like school). Even if he's not afraid, it might motivate him.

It seems like this is a typical "boy issue." My nephew had lots of problems with learning to poop in a potty, but I don't know what my sister did about it. Also, I see lots of moms of boys on this site with the same issue. I was lucky, since my DS was fully potty trained in 2 weeks. I think his remarkable communication skills at an early age is what really helped. He was talking before he could walk. I remember all the crazy stuff we did when potty training him. Anyhow, enough bragging. We too did the reward thing...We gave him gummy sharks as a special treat when he would make a deposit in the potty. Just sitting on it wasn't good enough. There had to be a deposit. It was 1 shark for pee and 2 sharks for poop. We also did the "setting an example and mimicing method," which is when you take the child in the bathroom with you or leave the door open so they can see going potty is a natural thing and everyone does it. (DH was included in this process, since he's a boy too.) I remember DS told me that he couldn't figure out when he had to poop and asked me how we know when we have to go, so I explained about the "poopoo belly" and feeling of pressure in the bum. The explaining worked, so you might want to try to explain to your boy what it feels like when you have to go poop.

I'd tell them nothing. If he has an accident they'll take care of it and put him clothes in the bag they have you send at the beginning of the year.

If he's poopy they'll call you to come change him. Rightfully so.

I'd just let him go and when he poops see if he learns he doesn't like it when his little friends see him poop his pants. He may only do it once.

Our boy went and we had worries too. He had one or two legitimate accidents where they were outside and he couldn't make it in time but other than that he went each and every time.

If your boy has stayed at home with you he hasn't experienced the embarrassment of standing in the classroom with poop and pee in his clothes and everyone looking at him. He won't like that. Plus he'll be seeing the rest of the class going all the time. He'll want to be like his friends.

If he continues to have accidents then he may have a biological issue going on.